Couch 235: Home State Advantage

Thanks, Kit. How are you doing? Did you hear back from the doctor about the low iron?

Apparently, the best time for me to have conversations with Dr. T about the therapeutic relationship is after a 2-hour IEP meeting. Spent a little time on the meeting, then shared the stuff I'd wanted to talk about yesterday but held off on because I didn't want a potential conflict right before the IEP meeting. Mostly about his unwillingness to share anything about why/where he's going out of town before the fact and how that contributes to anxiety in me.

It felt like we both really listened to the other's point of view. (He even said "I'm hearing you" at one point. And I said how I understood what he was saying, too.) And that a compromise seems possible. He said he'll try an experiment next time he goes out of town, to see what might help me with that. That we can both think more about it.

It mostly helps that he said he's in large part withholding information because he's concerned about the potential effect on me. And trying to keep our sessions about me, not about him (Me: "Well...then I guess this session is an issue." Him: "This is different," like in the sense that it's about the therapeutic relationship, not about him). I think I just wanted to know the reason. And it's not simply, as I said to him, "Haha, I'm not going to tell you." He smiled at that and said how that would be rather cruel if it were for that reason.

He also said how he knew that my learning about ex-MC's wife really upset the therapy, then quickly added, "To clarify, my wife's not dying." Me: "Good!" At the end of session, I said how it felt like it had been a good conversation and hoped he felt the same. He said how he was just about to say that he wanted me to know he didn't feel at all irritated or frustrated by what I'd brought up. That he'd also thought it was a good discussion.

I suppose this is evidence that I should stop avoiding bringing up potentially negative/difficult topics because we are capable of having a rational, calm discussion about them....

No. I guess I should call again.

Called the Dr's office again. They still don't have my BP medication figured out. So I questioned that for the third day in a row and I questioned again about the low blood iron saturation and what I should be doing for that. Same questions as yesterday. Same response. When doctor gets back to us, we will get back to you. I'm about to be like, just make me an appointment, because this is not working. Frustrated Kit.

That sounds really frustrating, Kit, I'm sorry. Hope you hear back soon. I imagine it wouldn't hurt to try eating some iron-rich foods in the meantime.

Yeah, if nothing else I will talk to my Pdoc about it next week as I have an appointment with him and I just faxed him the lab reports today. I think it could be causing my depression. I read somewhere to avoid black tea which is a huge problem because I probably drink a gallon of black tea a day, especially when I am at work! I will have to research what is good for iron for foods. I used to be anemic when I was a kid. But that was probably because we were poor and didn't always have enough. That is not my problem now. Well I'm still poor but that's because I give all my money away but I'm not like missing meals or stuff like that. The blood donor people told me to eat a high in iron meal before donating so that my iron would be high enough but I don't know. That sounds risky to donate if I am having an underlying anemic condition and like forcing the iron levels to go up for a little while. And I read somewhere that frequently giving blood can cause anemia too. So I don't know what is up. I wish the doctor would just tell me whether to eat certain foods or whether to take a supplement. But I know too much iron can be bad for you too so I hesitate to take the supplement without her approval. Thanks for listening, anyone who read this far. HUGS Kit

Kitty, i googled "black tea and iron deficiency". It came up with correlations causations and suggestions.

A gallon?! At that level, caf or decaf are both bad, per these articles.

Miss kitty, you got a monkey on your back

HUGS, Kit. From a quick Google, low iron saturation and anaemia (Brit. spelling) seem to be the same thing. Would be worth upping your intake of leafy dark green vegetables, etc.

This is really stupid and no one I know would be interested in this so I will say it here: my therapist has got a new dog. I am really surprised. She lives in a (albeit fancy) flat with two cats. She said the cats are unhappy about the new arrival. She told me that whilst she thinks the dog is sweet (and she was), she is not keen on having her and it was her partner's idea. It's a rescue dog they adopted from mainland Europe. It just seems really irresponsible, the flat, the cats, not adopting a local dog. I am surprised by how surprised I am. Nothing about the situation makes sense to me.

As I was leaving the session (she works from home, I was there in person), the dog came to greet me and was trying to get outside. My therapist had great trouble controlling her because she is a puppy and was very interested in everything. My therapist seemed so old and doddery (she is in her 70s) when she was interacting with the dog. I don't know what I am saying really, other than.. she has got a dog now and it is really weird for me.

Comrade, I could see how that would be really weird. It would leave me off kilter for at least the rest of the day. HUGS if wanted, Kit.

I had to advocate for myself at work today. Well I didn't have to. I chose to.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a coworker. She asked how I was. I said okay or something to that effect. She was like expecting me to be fabulous because I took off 4.5 days the week before. I told her I could have used another week. She was like, Oh c'mon.


The whole experience felt invalidating to me. I took time off because of my depression and schizoaffective disorder. I had planned on taking more time but I knew it would be hard on my work if I did that. If I had taken the time off for a physical illness would she have responded in kind? I don't think so. So I sent her a very polite email expressing how our conversation left me feeling and my desire to advocate for myself. I told her that I hope we can have a successful and supportive work relationship. She's a bit above me in the chain of command but she obviously has no clue about mental illness. The fact that I manage four of them and work full time is pretty good I think. Not to mention my physical illnesses that I manage. She didn't respond and she is gone for the rest of the day so I am left wondering if I did the right thing, if I should have just let it go, or not. I am at the point in my life and my career where I am more likely to advocate for myself. No one else is going to do it for me. I am all for breaking down the stigma. It might have been an overreaction on my part but it felt appropriate and I thanked her for her time and her consideration.

Symptoms of anemia do include tiredness, difficulty concentrating, feeling faint and just having periods as a healthy woman can increase your risk. You need more leafy green things like spinach and meat. Maybe you could try fruit teas at work?

That line above also stood out for me: you don't have to donate to charity as much as you do. You can put yourself first before helping others.

I also think it 100% wasn't an over reaction and you made the best choice for yourself!!

Great post, Cake.

Thanks Lemoncake.


I will ask my parents to help me with the iron rich foods. We both buy groceries so if they buy some and I buy some I can get more into my diet. At least the tea I drink is unsweetened, non GMO project verified, zero sugar, zero sweeteners, zero calories, zero preservatives. I'm not too big on Fruit Teas but tomorrow I will try just drinking plain water instead of tea.


You're right. I could give less to charity. It's sort of a compulsion with me. It's weird. I know it is tied into my religious beliefs. "Give all you have to the poor" type thinking and that is ingrained into me and unlikely to go away any time soon. I do have trouble managing my budget sometimes because I have given too much away. Probably something I should discuss in therapy.


HUGS Kit

I think she was just trying to have a light conversation - nothing in depth or serious. I would not see this as anything more.

I was okay with everything until the Oh, C'mon at the end. That is the part that felt invalidating. Like "get over it already" when I am fighting hard every day for my mental health. It's not something that can be gotten over in a day or 4.5 days.


But what to her was probably a "nothing" conversation was a "something" conversation to me because I am at a point in my life and my career where IDGAC and I am going to try to break down stigma when I encounter it.


She will probably see it as an over-reaction. I've struggled with her before on things of this nature and regretted not sticking up for myself so while it is probably from left field for her, it left me feeling more empowered.

I know coffee can keep iron from being absorbed, so I'm guessing black tea is the same? Another thing with both iron-rich foods and supplements is that it's good to have something high in vitamin C with it because it helps with iron absorption. (I had some anemia issues from a few heavy, long-lasting periods last year as a result of perimenopause, so I did a bunch of research).

Well do what you have to do. I don't see it as a stand up for yourself or not situation. But if you feel better then super duper

Do you feel like you're worth spending money on ?

How about working out the total amount you're currently giving and capping it at 10% for just one month and seeing how you go from there?

We could help you out too if you want to post figures, see where you could cut back. We also have Una the mathmagican!

Not weird. She hasn't appeared to make a good choice in this situation. Implication is can her judgement be trusted in other areas?

I've always wanted a dog, but I know I would not have the capacity to fully meet it's needs so I don't do it.

I made the therapist cry today. Feel kind of bad. Guilty maybe? But also angry for some reason I can't fathom.

I bought a bag of mini reeses at the store a little bit ago. I am now having them for dinner. Yum!


H is leaving town in the morning for a few days, heading to california to attend a memorial service for one of his life-long friends that recently passed. I couldn't get the right days off work, so I'm not going. I was able to get only Sunday off but he's leaving tomorrow, him and a couple other of their group are playing golf on Friday on a course they always used to play when they were young, then the memorial is Saturday. I'm keeping Sunday off just because even though he won't be back home yet I think he's staying til Monday just to visit everyone back there.


I'm going to take myself out to breakfast on Sunday and then go hiking. And just generally enjoy not working. I know it will mess with my overtime for the rest of the week but I don't care. A day off is worth it!!

Just cooked yummy southwest cheesy chicken in the air fryer! I'm actually liking this thing. It's nice because we can't use our oven...it sets off our fire alarms! My next attempt will be zucchini fries!

I had cats for years before I added a dog. The cats will adjust. I think any adopted dog is good -doesn't matter where it comes from -it needs a home.

It did ice storm here and my own goofy beasts convinced me to walk them. I have these things that go on my shoes to keep me from slipping. I am putty in their paws.