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#526
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I hope our appointment doesn't get ****ed over again by some more of my medical stuff. I have a call into my blood doctor to see if I can get my lab test done earlier then the 8th. And if the level is high like I think it is then I'll need another procedure and this week is so full with my mom and my brothers stuff, theres only a few times that I can get it done and I don't know what the centers schedule is like anyways. I'm going out of state on Saturday and I'd prefer to not feel like **** but I also don't want to have our session be screwed over for the 3rd time in a week. I was always told though medical issues came before mental health. Which my mom says is why I'm not finding you very helpful at the moment. So far at this moment we are ok for tommorow.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
#527
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Liar .
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![]() AliceKate, ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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#528
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Yeah it looks like I'll be making it tommorow. I don't know what you have planned. I plan on keeping my comments to myself though and since its an earlier session I won't be totally baked on valium. Also since its in person I don't have to worry about not being able to hear you like last time. I am a bit nervous about it because of how we ended last time and then the email. I did feel like I did good with food these last few days despite the new med. Today was pretty bad though mainly because I was in and out so much and craving full calorie sodas instead of actual food.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#529
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I wonder what you'd say if I brought up the idea of a 6 month follow up. Does anybody do that? There's some things... chief among them my feeling that I've somehow left something unfinished. Ha but by the time I make up my mind to ask, it will probably be 7 months or 8 months or more.
ps maybe what i'm perceiving as unfinished is just that i'm still not really sure you completely understood why i had to stop. i suppose i should think about why that's even important to me, you understanding, i mean. |
![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#530
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Dear E:
Your e-mails were really helpful today. The concept of complex PTSD and it regarding me is still really scary. I had to shut the book after about 15 minutes tonight bc I was getting extremely irrationally angry and wanting to SH. I am not sure why I am having such strong reactions to this book. |
![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#531
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You know what, R?
I think your theory of 'We can't override the [great and glorious] computer' might be right. I've just spoken to somebody at Amazon, and they didn't say anything about removing it from my recommendations, or ensuring that I don't see it again. I should be able to manage my recommendations from the website, but that book isn't actually showing up on the main Amazon page. It's a special form of torture, designed for the app on my tablet, which I use to read in bed...but can't use to read in bed at the moment. The Amazon rep I spoke to this time acknowledged that I'd contacted them about it several times. Surely that's enough to get them to act? Absolutely ****ing unbelievable. Also, I'd hate to be in crisis trying to navigate that mental health charity's site. I can't find a way to contact them about this either. Heads would roll, if I could only reach them.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#532
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Hey Lost, as an aspiring software geek I understand your frustration as a user, but unless it is a feature many users require it's propably not very high on the list of things to be implemented and might very well never be implemented at all. Sorry to bring bad news
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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![]() LostOnTheTrail
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#533
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I see you in a bit. I don't know how you'll respond. I haven't seen you in person in 2 weeks. There was that kinda issue on Friday. I've lost 2 pounds since we last met and I'm not sure how I'll look to you. I think the last time we met in person I had a giant hoodie on and now I have on a T shirt and jeans. My eating has been decent. My quality has improved my quantity is still bad. I guess maybe I'm mainly worried about the email I sent.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#534
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I don’t remember much of the second half of our session today, seems like I must have gone in to a bit of a dissociative state.
I did think you might give me my book back. I lent it to you a month a go now and it’s not like it’s that long. I thought you would be done with it by this point, but perhaps it’s not taken your interest. Although seeing as I told you it is the most helpful and relatable book about mental health and trauma that I have read, I would have thought you would have wanted to read it, especially as I had highlighted all the bits that so strongly resonated with me. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to ask you whether you’ve finished it on Friday, or take the easy way out and email and ask. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#535
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I know you think I'm eating right now but I'm not. I know I was crabby today and I think I was just hangry. I didn't really find anything we did today helpful except clearing the air about last session.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
#536
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Liar .
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![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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#537
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Thanks for everythig, T. Have a good vacation
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#538
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Please help me tonight, T. Give me some words of encouragement or some hope or something. I need tomorrow to be a good day! Thanks xo Kit
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Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
![]() AliceKate, ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight
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#539
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I do feel better after eating. But I just don't know about you. I looked at the post it note you gave me with the food list on it and its practically identical to one you made me 2 weeks ago and not much off from the one we did in Januaray. I can't tell if its me or you but our sessions are just repeptive I sometimes feel like I don't need therapy at all but more like a mentor who can help me with my fear of public places. I'm not sure though if my pdoc or my endocronolgist would agree that I don't need therapy.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
#540
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Dear T,
I'll probably write this in my journal, but for not as I am in bed here will do instead. Well, that was interesting wasn't it. A good session. It actually felt a little like it did when I first met you, when we were 'just' talking about K. It felt easier. It felt more comfortable. At least after I had found a way to reconnect my head to my body. You are right, I was a little hesitant to say those words. It took a fair while for me to be able to see what was going on for me, but then it just came to me, and when it did it sounded too absurd to say out loud, but I did and I am proud of myself for it. So much ground covered today. Granted, not what you may have initially thought/hoped we would cover, but ground none the less, which I am pleased about. Steps are still steps, after all. Thank you |
![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#541
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Oh, and would you really let us go there? I wonder? What does that mean to you? I'm interested to know. Showing TO that kindness, that compassion. It doesn't come naturally to me. I used to need Ex T to help me learn how to do thatz to model those things for me.
I'm not sure if I do anymore or not... And even if I do, I'm not sure that you would... And even if you would, I am not sure that I would want you to. It takes time, doesn't it. It all takes time |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#542
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I looked up that therapist you want me to meet with, on the clinics website. I'm wondering if she's the one who gave me the strange look when she walked by me when I was waiting for you. She's kinda hot. Not really the best idea to work with her if I think that. In your email you sent tonight you stressed it was a one time consultation. I want to believe you. But I don't totally trust you.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#543
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Dear T and E: I miss my guy so so so so much.
TW: For SH.
Possible trigger:
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![]() AliceKate, ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#544
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HUGS, if wanted, velcro003
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Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
![]() Quietmind 2
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#545
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Dear T, thanks for meeting with me last night. I didn't mind that you were a few minutes late! I thought we had a pretty good discussion despite me being kind of quiet yesterday. I think you understand a bit more about me now, and my struggles. I wasn't thrilled to hear you say that I was destabilizing but I guess I needed to hear it. I am in the process of making an appointment with my pdoc to discuss going back up on the Latuda. Thanks for everything! xoxox Kit
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Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
![]() LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
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#546
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wondering, wondering, wondering.... but don't wanna ask.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#547
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Hi R,
I've written an email to the mental health charity you suggested. I didn't say anything in session, but we both thought of the same organisation. I'm not sure whether you'll see it before I send it, or afterwards. My colleague suggested that I should give myself an hour to work on it, send it, and have that be the end of it... Unlikely is all I can say.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() AliceKate, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#548
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You never responded to either of my emails. Even the first one where I was responding to the one you sent first. I had legit questions too about it.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#549
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Dear T,
Thanks for all the validation today. I needed that. Also a "space" (virtual in this case) to cry. Also, I tried a sort of variation on the technique you suggested with D, and she agreed to go to dinner tonight. And thanks for being flexible with me regarding Friday. (And saying it's fine to send a confirmation in this case.) I'll try to let you know as soon as I decide, though like I said, it will have to be by tomorrow night! Love, LT |
![]() SlumberKitty
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#550
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Dear A (so many T's!): I hope writing that e-mail yesterday was okay. Of course I am freaking out a bit that you haven't responded, and group is tomorrow night. Ahhhh!!!
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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