post session intensity

I just got back from T. We were supposed to go over an email i sent to her where i confessed to her that i cry for her at night and how i wish she could take care of me and comfort me and hold me. Well, we talked about other things because 1, T totally forgot about the email and 2, i didnt forget, but i was too chicken to bring it up. so most of the session we talked about how my parents arent there for me the way i want them to be and all i was thinking about was how i just want her to be there for me. in the last 5 mins i was silent and looking down and she asked if there was anything on my mind. shrugged shoulders. finally i said that i wanted to bring my email up but i couldn't, and she said well it will have to be the start convo for next time. then she asked me if i would be ok heading out. i was THINKING well whats the difference you have a client waiting in the waiting room right now, what would you do if i said no???? Instead, i said, "i guess so." On my drive home i started crying and i started crying even harder once i got home. I don't even know what it is i think its because of the convo i had with her today about i dont get my needs and that reminded me how i want them from her and the fact that we didn't talk about that i want them from her, plus the fact that she asked if i was ok heading out and i didn't say no. Even though at the moment i wasn't on the verge of tears or anything, but the second i left i was. sdlafjsdlkfjsdkfj why can't i be talking to her NOW after it all. NOW is when i need her, not an hour ago when i was sitting there numb as a paralyzed nerve. I miss her now and thats why i'm crying too. And thats what i needed to talk about with her today, that i cry for her. It will be the topic next time i'm sure but for now i just want her to hold me and say it will be ok. ((closes eyes and holds T in my mind))

((((((((Krazibean)))))))

I hear you. That sounds very difficult and frustrating for you I know what it feels like to want someone like that, and when that need is not met, how much more it hurts.

I think that its very important for you to talk to your T about everything you just said. Tell her that you were frustrated with her for not talking about it ... she can't help you in that respect if she's not aware how she's hurting you.

Do you journal at all? Sometimes that helps me feel comforted... even if its just by allowing myself some time to think about that person - in your case, your T.

Be gentle with yourself,
Hugs
Jacq

((((((((Krazibean)))))))

I would be upset too if my T and I had decided to talk about an email or topic and then she didn't remember it. If I mentioned in a letter/email that I wanted to talk about something or asked a specific question, she has always raised the issue or attempted to answer my question right at the beginning of the session. I am very thankful that she doesn't make me ask the questions again. This makes me feel like she respects my questions and appreciates the fact that I raised them in writing because I was uncomfortable asking them directly.

If she ignored, forgot, made me ask repetitively for answers, I would personally view this as disrespectful. Maybe this is because of my age and the types of questions I need answered. I expect a professional to listen, remember, and respond directly to my questions/issues.

I can understand why you are upset. I would be too.

I can understand how the therapist forgot. She is human, she may have not had time to review your chart and look over your email again. I can also understand how that must have hurt you. I have a difficult time bringing up things that I'd like to talk about so you are not alone in that. I have an idea for you. In some meetings there is an agenda planned describing old business and new business. You could bring that to therapy and just give that to your therapist. The idea really just came off the top of my head so feel free to disregard it.

Krazi, It impresses me so much that you are able to tell your t. in an e-mail that you want her to hold you etc. Being able to make yourself so vulnerable is such a huge thing. I mean this sincerely. It makes me feel kinda jealous cause I want to be able to lay my vulnerability out there like that too.

I'm always surprised at how different t's are. Even if I told my t. the week before that there was something really important I wanted to talk to him about the next week, he would NOT bring it up the next week. He feels that the things I bring up are the things that we should be discussing. At least that's the way it seems. Hmm..maybe I should ask him about that. Anyway, I go thru loads of "post-session" intensity. Usually hits me as I put my key in the ignition. I hate it

(((((((((krazibean))))))))))

Yeah. Been there. It's so difficult and you feel even worse when you are alone in the car during the ride home. I don't know how I don't crash my car sometimes.

Take gentle care.

((Krazibean))

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tulips30 said:
I'm always surprised at how different t's are. Even if I told my t. the week before that there was something really important I wanted to talk to him about the next week, he would NOT bring it up the next week. He feels that the things I bring up are the things that we should be discussing.

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WOW! I'm surprised too. I wonder if my T responds this way to all of her patients or if her ESP simply picked up that I would be very pissed if I posed a question that she ignored or dismissed as unworthy of a response. I can also see your T's point about keeping therapy extemporaneous and unplanned.

Krazi, I also am impressed with your openness about what you want from her. I could never imagine having a conversation like this with my husband or family member, let alone my T. You ability to be honest and direct is amazing.

I always make a priority list of things I want to talk about. After we do our warm up conversation he will ask me what I would like to talk about today. This way I can talk about what I'm able to talk about that day. Sometimes I'll even start by saying I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time and it is really hard for me to tell you this, but then say whatever.

Try starting out with something that is not so uncomfortable and work your way until you can talk about it.

I've been with my T for 2 years and I was just able to tell him about how attached I am to him and how bad I needed him.

I never depend on him to remember anything from a previous session.

It will take time to open up, but it will happen. It's great you want to be so honest. That's healing!