Couch 241: Twin primes!

I completed lesson 1 of the meditative paining course... the object is to paint no-thing, just to get the feel of the brush on the canvas, watch how the colors blend and layer and stuff and just to kinda lose yourself in the do-ing. Each lesson, you paint on top of what you did in the previous one. Anyway here is my initial effort for this course, h said it looks like a forest:

Then I played around with this just for fun:

Sometimes I wonder why I’ve never seriously tried drawing or painting.

Then I remember—it’s because I grew up with a mother who could whip off stuff like this without even thinking about it. No way would I ever be that good.

My sibling liked to draw but I don't know if he still does it. I was never much for it - preferred reading to the arts and crafts side of things. My mother and grandmother and some of their friends collected cat food and tuna fish cans to make xmas trees one year -but luckily it was a one off thing.

Oh, I like that! It seems a shame to paint over it. Maybe just start a new one for the next one? I get that the idea is about the process, not the result, but still. If you like something, I say keep it!

I need to get back into painting...And I bought some Paint Nite classes when they were on sale months ago, so I should actually use those at some point. They have some "on-demand" options now, so maybe I'll do a couple of those. It can be difficult to find one that I want to do that fits into my schedule (it's easier for me to paint during the day, for example, and they have one offered most days, but they often aren't ones I want to do).

I am saying this here because I don't want to speak to my loved ones about this just yet...



I am going away tomorrow so will take the chance to do some somatic work and nourishing activities, to feel something expansive and warm. When I get back, I will contact my doctor independently of any fictional letter from her doctor for advice. Life is hard work.

I'm sorry, comrade, that's a lot to deal with. Your potential solution to the medical bit was exactly what I was going to suggest. I hope your retreat away will help you bring down the intensity of the trauma response and restore some inner peace. Life really is hard work.

HUGS Comrade if wanted. that sounds tough. and I agree wholeheartedly. Life is hard work.

Great paintings Artie. I especially love the first one.

I'm considering doing that - keeping this one and starting a new one. It's still a process in a way, right? I hope you find one of the paint nite classes that's both one you want to do and one that fits your schedule! Yesterday I did find the meditative feeling for a little bit while painting the bigger one... that's why it ended up with so much paint on it haha.

I wish I had my Dad's talent for painting 'real' stuff, like landscapes and such. He mostly did abstract stuff, but the 'real' things he painted were always so good. I watched a you tube a couple years ago about painting mountains and accidentally ended up with this, which I am still totally tickled with (the mountains I mean, the rest not so much haha) I have tried to do the same thing since and it did not work. This was a one-time fluke! So naturally I had to frame it. It's on one of those little dollar store canvases.

(yes, I need to dust my house. heh)

Beautiful picture by your mother @@

I had a great aunt who could draw people wonderfully. Way more talented than I could ever hope to be. And the thing was, she was just doodling. It wasn't like she was setting out to make a masterpiece. It was just a doodle on a scrap paper or whatever was handy. I don't draw as much anymore. I paint sometimes but not enough. I was really into calligraphy for part of last year and then I just stopped doing it. No rhyme or reason.

Hey Artie. It's Friday! Does that mean you get to see your son today? Hoping you have the best visit!

Yes! This afternoon. Thank you!

Hugs if wanted comrade, that sounds incredibly difficult. I think your solution to the medical stuff is a good one too. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of that.

Comrade, i sensed long ago that we were twins. The truth is whatever wool she can pull over my eyes.

They should make baby cards that say, "congratulations on the arrival of your little scapegoat."

I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, Comrade. Hugs, if wanted. It's probably good you're going away for a bit. If she is telling the truth, then I hope you didn't inherit it.

Waiting (im)patiently for my son and his gf to get here, they didn't give us an exact time just this afternoon. They are spending the morning at a local Ostrich ranch that they always used to enjoy when they still lived here.

Hope your son gets there soon Artie. I know you are anxious to see him. HUG

I'm gonna have subway for lunch. My Dad is bringing it to work for me. Yup. I'm spoiled by my Dad.

you deserve to be spoiled

Enjoy, Kit! I agree you do deserve to be spoiled!

I hope you have fun with him!

And I want to go to an ostrich ranch! I guess it would be too cold for them where I am...

omg i am so frustrated with h right now. shortly before the kids get here he has suddenly come down with a headache and gone to bed, thus ensuring everyone will be worried about him and he will be the center of attention instead of our son. I have half a mind to say hey kids let's go out to eat and leave his sorry *** behind in bed. Hmph. Rant over.

Today, Dr. T used the rather unfortunate analogy of a demilitarized zone to refer to the therapeutic boundaries between us. I asked about what crossing into that zone might look like. And he said I'd done so in saying I loved him without further explaining it (beyond that it wasn't romantic, which I'd thought was sufficient explanation?). That I'd definitely stepped back out of the zone now, probably further back than where I'd been before.

I said the irony of this was, I'd shared that because I felt safe and secure in the relationship. And now it felt less safe. He agreed on the irony and seemed a little sad about it. Said he thinks we can get back to where we were. Also said that he sees love (in general) at this one extreme end (he gestured), whereas I see it as this broad spectrum (he waved his hand back and forth). And that his reaction was about how he sees it. That it feels different now understanding how I view it.

I know that all probably sounds pretty negative, but it generally feels OK right now with him, like we're working things through. And there was a nice moment near the end when Dr. T was like, "Wow, look at that huge hawk!" Me; "Where?" He said I'd probably have to stand up to see it, so I did. He pointed, "In the tree right there," I still didn't see it. I moved a bit closer to him (still a couple feet away) so I could better follow his pointing, then I was like, "Oh! Wow!" It was a big hawk (maybe a red-tailed hawk?) perched in a tree maybe 10 feet from his window. Then it flew off.

I don't think I would like the analogy of a demilitarized zone. I'm glad though that it feels okay with Dr. T right now. HUG Kit