Couch 242: madam i'm adam

@@, wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry.

Evening all, just wondering if anyone has ever used this workbook either themselves or with a therapist? Transforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists

That all seems really difficult. Hugs if wanted. And hope your blood work is OK.

Yeah, I'm wary of that, not that it might not help, but because of what it is usually used for alcohol and opiod dependence/abuse. I don't want to be judged for something that is not even a problem for me when I go to the doctor or to the hospital. And they are going to assume that I'm taking it for those reasons. Thanks though,

HUGS Kit

Sending you love @@.

Oh, I understand that completely. I was technically prescribed it once to use for alcohol use, but when I read more about it, I got a bit freaked out and never took it. Because apparently, if you take it, then you don't respond to opioids. And you're supposed to wear a medical alert bracelet or have some sort of info saying that. Because if you (using "you" in general, not you specifically!) were in, say, a car accident or needed emergency surgery for some reason, that would mean that whole class of meds couldn't be used to treat pain because the body wouldn't respond to them. And that scared me (I'm already allergic to ibuprofen, so the whole NSAID category is also out for me).

Spent some time chatting on the 988 helpline because I feel pretty crappy. It wasn't very helpful though. I guess at least it made some time go by faster at work. The one suggestion the counselor had was to not focus on next week but to just focus on today and this weekend. (My sister and three of her children are coming this weekend.) I've only been in this depression for a few days but it already feels like I am drowning at sea without a lifeboat in sight. I'm sure my sister's visit will be a distraction at least.

Hugs, Kit.

My Dad called me to let me know that a friend of mine hasn't been able to text me because she does like emergency management and has been in the field since Monday I think deployed to the local mountains because of all the snow that they got. The roads have been impassable and people need food, fuel, etc. So her job is to like coordinate all the different agencies to meet people's needs. I figured she has been busy and that is why she has not texted me all week but I have still sent her a little text in the morning just saying I am thinking of her and praying for her and sending her hugs. I haven't been upset that she hasn't been responding because I know she's been busy. But my Dad talked to her husband and he wanted to make sure that I knew that she wasn't abandoning me or anything. She's working like 17 hour days (sucks to be salary!) or something so obviously she can't use the time she needs to sleep to respond to texts. But it was nice that her husband let my dad know and my dad let me know. I guess my little texts have been cheering her up.

Also my Dad could tell I was not doing well emotionally. I told him I am really depressed. He was like, ah. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do though. I was like. Yeah. I know. Kinda sucks

HUGS, Kit.

I'm glad you were able to be honest with your Dad about how you're feeling.
I hope things brighten up for you soon.

All-in-all a good Therapy session today. We started about 15 minutes late but ended about 15 minutes late so we still met for the full 45 minutes. I ended up discussing the thing that changed over the last day or so just as I originally would have without any modifications.

Glad you had a good session despite the late start!

Thanks, it seems like late starts have been the norm as of recently.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty I think I might. I think I might say something like, Yikes! Your birds just scared me! Instead of making it a confrontation about her birds. Maybe she will come up with a solution for making them quieter during our sessions. I don't know anything about birds so I don't know if covering up their cages will make them quieter or maybe she can move to a different room. I don't know. But they are awfully distracting.

My sister used to have a bird like that and when she covered the cage it would stop squawking. I love birds, but to live with that...*shivers*. You really, really should not have to do therapy with that kind of disruption.

We had some booming thundersnow, like really long.

Eta - and a text message from the city not to drive.

And i saw the transformer across the river light up, the lights went out, then came back on. But it was daylight out there for a few seconds!

Oh my! Stay safe and warm!

our lovely snowfall from Thursday was mostly gone the same day....

Hello couch folks. After many years in a career that involved caring for children, I broke out and started something new and took a job associated with a major area hospital. It’s only been 2 weeks and I’m failing miserably. I’m making some mistakes on things that should be common sense but I’m missing some details that are starting to annoy the co workers and the people training me. I’m not failing on purpose and I’m so new at this type of work. I went in blind with no experience at all and it’s been a struggle.

Honestly I’m tired of people telling me “You got this” or “Don’t worry. You’re still learning” or “Offer yourself some grace” and “Don’t get discouraged and throw in the towel”.
I’m tired of hearing all that because right now I don’t have faith that I’m going to grasp the concept of what I’m supposed to be doing. The job isn’t hard. And I’m not even really messing up very big things. I’m messing up little things that should just not be messed up. They are very important things although not huge and should be common sense and yet I can’t get my act together on these things. I know I have to give it time but it’s just not going well. And I want someone to tell me something other than the things people keep telling me. A perspective maybe on why I’m messing these things up. I don’t know. I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I don’t deny that it might take me a bit longer than the next to grasp the concept of things. I was a C student in school (at best). Maybe I’m just not smart enough to do anything other than what I did before. I don’t know.
Anyways. This is where I’m at right now. And I know the whole concept of “Accepting where you are at”. I spent my fair share of time with therapists. But at some point somethings gotta give. I already know I don’t have adult onset ADHD or even just ADD so it’s not a “not being able to pay attention” type of thing that can be fixed with big pharma.

I’m at a loss old friends. I’m at a loss. I want to do well and my brain won’t let me. Any insight of things to consider that I might be missing?

Hugs, Jersey. Is this type of job maybe just not the right fit for you? It doesn't mean you aren't smart. We all have our own skill sets and things we're less good at. I mean, I'd really struggle in working with kids, for example!

If it's only been a couple weeks, I'd consider just looking for something else. Or at least be looking for something else while you're trying to figure out whether this is for you. If it's a job of only a few weeks, you wouldn't even need to list it on your resume. It would probably be better to leave now (or once you find another job) if you don't think it's right rather than struggling through for 6 months.

Also, I know you said you don't have ADHD. But someone can have issues with, for example, executive functioning, without meeting all the criteria for that. My T and I agree that I have executive functioning issues (that affect me in various areas of life), though I don't know that I would truly meet the ADHD criteria (definitely not the H, maybe the AD part).

Thanks so much LT. I didn’t consider the whole “executive functioning” thing. I honestly didn’t even know it existed. I will have to look into it. I’m just wondering if I have some answer or can find some answer if things would get easier. You know? It’s not going to be easy to find a new job out of the field I was in. I had been searching for a year outside the field I was in and It took over 200 resumes emailed all over to land this one interview for this one job so
I just grabbed it with both hands. It’s been a struggle. And so I thought even though this job is crappy pay-if I can make it just one year-it would open many doors and more opportunity elsewhere. But I feel like I may not even make it a couple month. Monday starts week 3 and it’s not getting easier or better. It’s still as hard as it was on day one to understand what I’m supposed to be doing.

Im surprised the rules for your job arent written down somewhere. Even just a generic description on the internet.

Hi Una-they are written down. I signed something telling me the duties of my job. When I said I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be doing I meant performing them at a satisfactory level.

@Jersey 4 - as someone who struggles to get to grips with new things, particularly jobs, I can see how hard this is for you. Feeling that you aren't able to get even the basics right. But you know, it can take weeks or even months to really settle into a new job. I can remember not feeling comfortable until around the 6 month mark, so I don't think you should be beating yourself up after only a couple of weeks.

However, you do have a decision to make as to whether you give it longer to see if you settle into the role, or cut your losses and look for something else without it negatively impacting your CV.

Firstly I'd like to point out the obvious in that they saw something in you which made them offer you the job in the first place, particularly if you had no prior experience in that field.

Maybe ask yourself some questions and try to answer them honestly, it might give you a bit of a clue as to what you want to do.
Is the field you've moved into something you always wanted to do, or did it just sort of happen?
What was your motivation for taking the job, as you said it wasn't well paid?
Do you think not being able to grasp what you termed the little things, could be down to anxiety?
Can you talk to your immediate manager or HR or organisations Employment Assistance Program to get some objective but professional perspective on what is going wrong for you with this role?

Obviously you don't have to answer these here, just some things to think about.

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Thank you East for the perspective. I think it would great idea to raise these questions within myself to see where I am at. Thank you.