my homework

he doesn't give me homework generally... he knows i cant or wont... but this one i think is important and he seemed to think it was.

i have a lot of trouble standing my ground with H regardless... and in the face of violent verbal abuse (not physical) i am like a small child. i dont feel like i have any rights at all...much less the ones T has suggested.

So he said he figured i would allow quite a lot of rights to someone else.. someone in my situation.. so he said to write those down, as if i was applying them to someone else and not myself. He said to do it within my framework of denying myself any of these rights.

so... anyone can add to these if they want..

you have a right to:
* feel safe
* not be harmed physically
*be treated with respect
* not be screamed and yelled at
* not be belitted
*not be humilated
*not have to find ways to degrade yourself to appease another
*not be afraid in your own home
*wake up each day without a knot in your stomach
*take care of yourself
*grow and learn
*feel good about yourself
*not accept disrespect
*leave when you don't want to be there anymore
*be heard
*express your opinions without fear
*have your own thoughts
*feel secure
*feel in control of your own life

> you have a right to

That may be so, but what about the beating that you get when you exercise your "rights"...?

Such was the case with me, anyway, as a child.

Right to time to think about what has been said and what your response will be.

That was a big one for me; my stepmother would pepper me with questions and I had to know the correct answers right away like it was a game show contest; and that buzzer would certainly ring when I got the answer wrong!

> Right to time to think about what has been said and what your response will be.

Heh heh. That was for me another "right" denied. You cannot always demand your "rights." Difficult as it may be, sometimes you have to (try to) understand and cope with what the "other person" may be doing, regardless of whether that is "right" or not.

And now I return the thread to its rightful owners...

* to be angry when someone denies you of your basic rights.
* to say no
* to feel/be happiness
* to feel/be loved
* not to be blamed for things that are not under your control
* to not be responsible to other people's feeling (Like that one Perna? :-)
* to seek help and support if you need it
* to have friends
* to have a career
* to have interest in things that you don't

pachyderm.. the whole point of this exercise is to try and help me stand my ground and learn to see that i afford others far more rights than i afford myself. Staying grounded in what was won't get me or anyone else out of the hole they find themselves in. i dont want to invalidate the past at all... but if i use your rationale.. i won't ever get to a better place. i can easily, and do think about the negative.. think about what has happened when i try to have those kind of rights.. think about what will happen now.. i do that already and i am supposed to be trying to find a way to give myself what i give others. i'm not invalidating tho ok? just pretend along with me.. dont apply these rights to yourself if you feel as you say you do... i'm supposed to pretend it's someone else.. try it with me... if you know, and you seem to, when things weren't the way they should have been. .. what right was being violated? State that.

Perna that is a good one too... i had to think on my feet sometimes... and at others i had to spend weeks building up to saying something because i needed to find the "right" way to express something which would cause the least impact.

VERY NICE Mckell.. serious.

these are good.. i am going to put them in a list to read.. T will be happy about that. He says after that i have to think about why it's a right for someone else and not for me. What are the thoughts and feelings? i cant do that part yet. He asked me one day what would have to be the thought(s) in order for me to say i had these sorts of rights... i couldn't say the words, they felt like it was wrong to say it. He tried to get me to push it but i simply could not make words come out of my face.

You have the right to:

*take care of yourself
*express yourself in a variety of fashions
*love and be loved
*choose to remove yourself from surroundings that don't feel safe
*feel safe
*live in an environment where each day you can wake up and feel happy that you are there
*A T who listens with an open mind and a loving heart
Peace

Ooooh,oooh,oooh!

Can we play part two yet!



I like your homework :-) I would like it more if I could actually LIVE it and not dream it.

You have the right

* to tell your husband Friday nights used to be a lot more fun.
* that you never imagined you be sitting watching MASH re-runs in PJ at 7:44 PM on a Friday night (I used to be power napping at this time, recharging for a late night out)
* to your husband that it would be nice to have at least $6 to your name to at least rent a movie to watch.

BTW... I did live this conversation tonight. "I GO GIRL!"
* TO BE A ***** when you've had enough.

I know I sound mean, but I wasn't really nasty to him, just bored.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL FANTABULOUS AND AWESOME.

Mckell.. you are so funny...

honesty is a good thing mckell.. doesn't mean you are a *****.. but hey, sometimes being a ***** is ok..

so.. maybe?...

* a right to occasionally be a ***** and not be the end of the world?
* the right to be honest even if it hurts someone?

You have the right:
*to make mistakes
*to express yourself when you are hurt by others
*to be safe
*to love unconditionally

NOT SERIOUS
*to find something humorous even when others don't
*to your T at least 50 minutes a week
*to a nice couch at the therapist's office- McKell, are you listening?
*to not have to look at an assprint at the therapist's office - MissCharlotte, you hear?
*T's undivided attention, to matter what hour of the day -- their lives revolve around us, LOL
*to email your T even when you've been banned, LOL

I hope you are doing well, Fluffy!

LOL Sol,
Not serious continued:

You have the right to:
* not to be good at mindfulness
* to be totally out of control at times and like it
* to feel like a F*&^ing freak, because your in therapy and ... hey, you just are
* to get off on errrotic transference

PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS
I HAVE THE RIGHT:
to ask for what I want.
to say no to requests or demands.
to express all of my feelings.
to change my mind.
to make mistakes(not have to be perfect).
to follow my own values & standards.
to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe
or it violates my values.
to determine my own priorities.
not to be responsible for other's behavior, actions, feelings
or problems.
to expect honesty from others.
to feel & express anger.
to be uniquely myself.
to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
to say "I don't know"; I don't care; I don't agree;
I don't understand."
to have my opinions given respect.
not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
to make decisions based on my feelings.
to my own needs for personal space & time.
to be in a nonabusive environment.
to change and grow.
to have my needs & wants respected by others.
to be treated with dignity & respect.
to be happy.