[jbug]

I am feeling like I need to get in to see my pdoc tomorrow but I am scared. I am scared that if he knows how I am really doing he will tell me that I'm too much of a problem client and to get out. I know in my heart he won't say that but my head is saying that. I am also scared that he will make me go to the hospital and my sister is coming on Saturday I dont' want to spend the time she is here in the hospital. I think that is where I should be but am scared. I don't know how to process this feeling.

Have any of you been scared to admit how you really are?

Jbug

[ziggy1]

(((J Bug)))

Yes, I have trouble expressing how I really feel at times fearing
that the pdoc and my therapist will discharge me. I don't think
he would but Inside my head I am telling myself that.

It took me a few months to tell hims something major, the whole
time I was thinking to myself, "he's gonna send me else where",
or "what if he says I can't treat you anymore".

When I did finally open up I was very surprised about his reactions. He became even more caring than I expected. But I
do think alot of people fear that this will happen to them.

[Kiya]

I'm sorry J bug that you are scared and hurting!!!

Yes - today i could not tell my t when she called how i was really doing. i don't think i was even at choice about not telling her - the surprise of her call and the fact that i always hide how i am blocks out anything from my head but "i'm fine". i really wasn't fine after she called and SI'd. She even told me to call if i got worse, but i couldn't call. =( Which makes me feel worse about the theraputic relationship. I don't want to be a burden, but i am supposed to reach out....

I do hope you'll be alright and can enjoy your time with your sister!!
Kiya

[Candor]

i think it's great your T called, most of them don't bother

[Candor]

i'm scared to tell those that care for me how i'm really doing. i know they would be horrified & feel really helpless, in not being able to help me.

[jbug]

Thanks for your responses. I am glad to know that I'm not alone in this feeling. I am thinking that I just need to bite the bullet and let Dr. H and Dr. M really know how I'm doing and take the consequences. I will let you know how it goes.

Jbug

JBUG,
Yes. I have been having trouble telling my T how needy I am. You don't have to do it all at once, maybe just a little at a time. It is scary, I know. But it is the way out, I believe.
Good luck to you!

[pachyderm]

> I am scared that if he knows how I am really doing he will tell me that I'm too much of a problem client...

I have had people actually tell me that sort of thing. Not after I was in therapy for a time, but near the beginning. Actually some of them say "you don't want to be helped" and that is worse. Not all of them respond that way, but you have to be prepared (as much as possible) for it to happen.

[jbug]

I have a meeting with my T this afternoon and we will see how that goes. I spoke with the nurse yesterday and she spoke to the doc about me and he is recommending ECT. He said I've tried everything else and this is only thing left. I am scared and don't know how to process that.

Jbug

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jbug said:
I have a meeting with my T this afternoon and we will see how that goes. I spoke with the nurse yesterday and she spoke to the doc about me and he is recommending ECT. He said I've tried everything else and this is only thing left. I am scared and don't know how to process that.

Jbug

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Is your T the doc who wants you to do ECT? If so, then you can talk about that with him today and see why he recommends it. I agree it is a big step and can be scary to contemplate. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to process this before agreeing to the procedure. Talk to T, your pdoc, or whatever mental health professionals you see. You might also want to talk to other patients who have had this procedure and see what their views are now that they have had it. I see threads from time to time on PC about ECT, usually in the Depression forum, so you might want to check past threads there, or post your own to get more information. Good luck!

[lauren_helene]

Jbug, seriously research ECT, get other opinions. It could be that he is just feeling out of options but that shouldn't translate to a hasty decision like ECT just yet.

Know what I mean? I am sorry you are having trouble. His communicating ECT through the nurse is a bit impulsive in my opinion.

[pachyderm]

> I spoke with the nurse yesterday and she spoke to the doc about me and he is recommending ECT. He said I've tried everything else and this
> is only thing left.

You have tried everything else? What does that include?

[jbug]

I've been in talk therapy for about 10 years....been hospitalized many many times and been on almost every antidepressant except for the MAOI's. I think he's getting frustrated and doesn't know what to do with me.

Jbug

[pachyderm]

> I think he's getting frustrated and doesn't know what to do with me.

HE is frustrated so YOU should have ECT?

There is talk therapy and there is talk therapy. They are not all created equal. Unfortunately, people do not seem to distinguish between "talk therapy" where the therapist knows how to listen and those in which the therapist does not.

And as for medications... well, my opinion probably counts for very little. I'll give it, nonetheless: medications are at best a useful adjunct to a therapy which listens to why people are having problems. They might help in producing conditions where real therapy could be possible. They are not, in spite of claims to the contrary, a solution.

As you may have guessed, I have little confidence in mental health treatment as it is currently carried out in the U.S. Where does that leave someone who needs help? Pretty much up the creek, looking for that illusive help that pretty much only exists inside oneself -- as difficult and frightening as that may be.

I think there is as much help here on Psych Central, amongst the people who know from personal experience what is what, as anywhere.

[lauren_helene]

Jbug, what about the Mayoclinic? I have a friend that is going there because she, like you, feels she has tried most everything.

I agree with Pacyderm, he's frustrated so you should have ECT?? He was too casual about that comment IMHO.

[sunrise]

Jbug, I have heard of using certain narcotics to treat depression in people with "treatment resistant depression." This can really help people who have tried many options unsuccessfully. This is not popular in the U.S. because of the phobia against narcotics here, but you might be able to find a practitioner who could help. (Maybe a clinic that specializes in treatment resistant depression would be of help--I'm assuming you would get the ECT for depression, sorry if that is not right.)

I hope you can talk soon to the doctor whose nurse told you he wanted to do ECT. I think it is very strange that the nurse would be the one to reveal such major information to you, and over the phone too. I think the doctor needs to deliver that opinion to you in person. You are not hearing this straight from the horse's mouth. Maybe the nurse got it wrong. (At my doctor's office, one of the nurses is a total dip, and cannot get anything right. It is not even worth talking to her she is so confused and unknowledgable.)

[Perna]

I would go with MyBestKids and others who have had ECT, what they have to say. I understand you feel that your doctor might be getting frustrated but I don't think he actually is I think it's just that since you've tried so many things and they have not worked it is getting down to choices for treatment-resistant depression. I'm glad you know your doctor well and have had a relationship with him and his office staff and a therapist for so long. It can be so much harder when people go from doctor to doctor and don't have enough of a relationship with anyone to have anyone they feel they can talk to. I'm glad the nurse is less scary so you could ask her what's going on. You are doing everything fine, the doctor is not mad or frustrated at you, just the darn old depression! I hope you all find a good next step for you.

[Kiya]

...and there are always other therapists - some may have new info or techniques!

[jbug]

I am still thinking about everything.

I emailed my T per her request to let her know how the day went last night. I am getting ready to email her again to let her know that I wasn't able to have Rex come over for dinner tonight I wanted to be alone.

My sister is coming tomorrow so I will be busy with her for the next month so that will help her being here. I love my sister dearly and we get to go out to dinner and movie while she is here and I plan on talking to her in depth about a few things that keep popping up in my memory. I want to know why it happened and if she remembers it.

Jbug

[tulips30]

Jbug, I have had ECT and would be more than happy to discuss it with you. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject and it would probably be easier to answer questions etc. if you PM'd me. Please feel free to do so if you want to. That really goes for anybody here that wants more info. on ECT from somebody who has been thru the experience.

[pachyderm]

For whatever it is worth, and for alternative or additional approaches, here is a link to a page on "mindfulness" by Jim Hopper, Ph.D.:

http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness/

Among other things, near the bottom there are book and CD recommendations, including some for use with depression. I have not read the books for depression, but he links them to Amazon where you can read reader reviews of the books.