OBSESSED w/pdoc. Advice?

I really need some advice. I have an unhealthy obsession with my psychiatrist. I see him a father figure type because I lack parental figures in my life. I guess I want someone to take care of me and he's the closest thing I have. I only see him once a month so I don't know why I have such a strong obsession.

I've spent hours and hours searching for information online. I google him everyday and get the same exact results. I know his address, his parents address, the names of his wife and kids, his parents and siblings' names, his wife's siblings names and their kids' names. I know where he went to grade school. I found pictures of his kids on his wife's myspace page. I've even driven by his house and I think about him all the time. I wonder what he's doing, what he's like with his kids, etc. I've even fantasized about being his daughter.

What's wrong with me? Has anyone else had such a strong obsession? What should I do about this? I need to talk to someone about this but I'm too embarassed. I'm sure he'll understandably be creeped out and drop me as a patient if he finds out. Not only is my obsession unhealthy but it's really a waste of time. With the time I spend thinking about him and trying to find more info on him, I could be reading a book, contemplating about my life, finding a new hobby, doing yoga, or something else more rewarding. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

IF you read the posts on this forum you will see that its quite normal considering yoru lifes experiences. We all have that big hole that we're trying to fill, depending on how much you missed growing up depends on how big the need is now. I've googled my T and thought all the thoughts you have and even before therapy had those thoughts about random people in my day to day life but that has lessened a great deal now that my need is getting met.

Well, this is filling a need right now and it will probably run out of steam at some point. I think many of us have been in the same situation. Advice? Yes, I'm the type too that kept it to myself, thankfully and it did run its course finally. But in the meantime, it's pretty painful huh. Maybe force yourself to only look for stuff once or twice a week for now or whatever, and see if that helps you focus on other things.

Tell your pdoc and talk to him about it. That's hard enough and "real" so will help some as his response will be something you can't imagine.

Yeah, it's filling a need. Hopefully my need will be met someday. It sucks to have this obsession. My father died when I was young and my mother and I had a dysfunctional relationship. I've had obsessions with other older people and authority figures before (i.e teachers, supervisors at work, neighbors, etc.) but those obsessions would gradually lose steam. But this one has been the most intense, probably because I talk to him about some very personal things. You don't talk about such personal things with teachers, dentists or supervisors at work.

How about telling him about my obsession but leaving out the part about driving by his house and looking up his family members on myspace. I can just picture him going home to his wife and saying in a panic, "Honey, get rid of your myspace page NOW!" I'm worried he'll perceive me as a danger and drop me as a patient, which won't help me at all because it won't be addressing my underlying issues. When I find a new doctor I'll simply start obsessing over the new doc instead.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know other people have had similar obsessions but I think maybe I've taken it farther than most people, which is worrisome. Do you know anyone else who's driven by their pdoc or T's house? I know a LOT of info on this guy.

Hey....

I will admit to paying for Background searches on T and then getting the address and driving by. Of course, I WOULD NEVER have done anything, but I just wanted to feel connected with T was out of town.

I never told T. I would be afraid that T would think I am stalking. I think we all connect, but you have to also make sure you don't scare them away. It's a fine line.
I have read stories of T's/pdoc referring clients out if they get scared of stalking, even if that is not what you are doing.

We all have very strong transferance and T/p-docs should be aware about that.....but

How do you think T would respond if you told him about what you found out?

I would carefully word it if you are going to tell him. That you are strongly attached or something. I would NOT tell him about the drive bys or lookups on myspace. (Contrary to probably what some on this site might believe, I don't think it's absolutely necessary to confess all...at least not to him. He could get freaked out by it and then there goes the relationship.) Especially if you are aware it's a passing phase and do not wish to harm or get closer to him. Legally yes it is "stalking". If you feel it escalating then you might want to try some meds or something and look into further help for these feelings.

If you can keep this obsession in check and try to work it out by just giving it time to fade, or talk to another T about it (that you wouldn't feel you'd get attached to), or realize it's part of a phase of attachment that some people get then you might be able to deal with it better. I've done the same things you did in the past ! All of it! But don't feel the need anymore I think you'll get to that point too.

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I will admit to paying for Background searches on T and then getting the address and driving by. Of course, I WOULD NEVER have done anything, but I just wanted to feel connected with T was out of town.

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Yeah, I would NEVER do anything to him. I just want to feel connected to him and I miss him during the weeks between my appointments. Oh, and I have to confess there's a website where you can find people's addresses for free but I shouldn't divulge it. But I STILL paid for a background check anyway because I thought I could find out even MORE info on him. It basically just gave me the same addresses but I also paid for another option that let me find out when he purchased his house and how much it was worth.

I'm not sure how my doc would react. I think he'd be understanding if I told I felt a childlike attachment to him and say something along the lines of, "It's good that you're being honest. I know it's hard for you to open up." However, I think the drive-bys and myspace lookups might freak him out.

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winterbaby said:
I would carefully word it if you are going to tell him. That you are strongly attached or something. I would NOT tell him about the drive bys or lookups on myspace.

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That sounds like the best option. It'll give me a chance to address my underlying issus without freaking him out and destroying the relationship.

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Especially if you are aware it's a passing phase and do not wish to harm or get closer to him. Legally yes it is "stalking". If you feel it escalating then you might want to try some meds or something and look into further help for these feelings.

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It's not escalating. I'm not going to peek in his window or follow him or anything. I have to admit I would be VERY tempted to call him at his house just to hear him answer the phone or listen to the answering machine message. Unfortunately, the obsession is not fading either. I'll just try to look on the bright side and at least be glad that's it's not escalating.

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If you can keep this obsession in check and try to work it out by just giving it time to fade, or talk to another T about it (that you wouldn't feel you'd get attached to), or realize it's part of a phase of attachment that some people get then you might be able to deal with it better. I've done the same things you did in the past ! All of it! But don't feel the need anymore I think you'll get to that point too.

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I hope I get to that point too! Thanks everyone.

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embarassed said:
[quoteBut I STILL paid for a background check anyway because I thought I could find out even MORE info on him. It basically just gave me the same addresses but I also paid for another option that let me find out when he purchased his house and how much it was worth.

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I did the same check!!!!! (and then I got jealous about how rich T was!)

I would be very careful about actually intruding into their personal lives, like calling at home and hanging up, etc. Even if you don't mean any harm, their families may feel scared.

It's interesting, because the T I was most attached to, I did not do this. But my 2nd T was the one I did the checks on, etc. and my relationship with her suffered I think as I look back on it.

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Riptide said:
(and then I got jealous about how rich T was!)

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I got jealous too!

<font color="green"> I have done the drive by AND told her about it. She told me that I was not the first client she had had do that. She is aware that I have Googled her too. She is wonderful.</font>

Some obsession is fine and part of the attachment. I think you're saying that it's reached a point where you're not comfortable with it. Is your psychiatrist also your therapist or just your medication provider? If you also have a therapist, talk to your therapist about it. It's an interesting topic to explore and you'll learn a lot about you

Obsession (I had one until recently, and it also filled a huge need for me) does really interfere with your life. It uses up so much energy that could be used for other things, like you mentioned. I could not even do the things I enjoyed because I was so anxious thinking about the person. I'm only recently free of it, after talking to my T about for months. It was hard to let go (but then letting go is hard for me anyway) but it is freeing and calming. T and I are now talking about how those needs can billed fulfilled in other ways that are meaningful and fulfilling.

I'm glad you've been able to let go of your obsession. I'm anxious thinking about him all the time too. I'm also kind of worried that I'll accidentally call him "Daddy" or something. He would be understanding if that happened but it would be reeeeeeeally embarassing nevertheless.

I just had another thought. What if he's reading this? Pdocs are people too. I'm sure they spend time on the internet. Are there any psychiatrist members here at PC?