I was terminated by my therapist

I've been seeing my T weekly for over a year now; at first was very hard to talk with her. Over time I began to open up a bit more which was good.

However, in late January there was an issue which caused a rupture between us (you may have seen on someone else's thread). Well she "talked" (yelled) at me for an entire hour one day totally taking me by surprise and causing me to sob the whole time (I hate to cry).

It was because she had taken a phone call from the front desk from a person who was there waiting to change or make an appointment right in the middle of my session! She took the call and talked for about 5-8 minutes, while I forgot what I was saying and was thrown off so that I lost more valuable time! I called her later and left a message on her answering machine that I was upset about the phone call's nature (appointment) and I felt my time was not respected, etc.

Well that was what set her off to berate me for an entire session, and believe me I don't cry easily but I sobbed. She did not stop. She said I had left other messages that were "angry" etc. and that it "hindered her ability to work well with me". It took me a long time but I finally decided maybe I should leave for a Christian Bible based therapist (of which I found there are none in the area I live in - New England. I mentioned it to her last week that I was thinking of leaving therapy for one thing because I could not seem to get past that rupture that occurred when she lit into me. I understand that the session is all about the PATIENT, not the therapist, but she personalized it I guess.

Well she assured me that the time would be open and to call and leave her a message if I was coming in this week. I was able to work through the anger I felt with her during the next several days and was looking forward to going back to work on things. I called and left the message I'd be there.

Well when I got there she immediately seem cold and remote and took me into her office. She informed me that she could no longer be my therapist and she felt it was in my "best interest". That she had discussed my case with her boss, a psychiatrist, and my psychiatrist who is the director of the clinic, everyone's boss. They agreed. She was not gentle about it; she seemed angry still and I sat there in shock. Since there was nothing more, after seeing this woman for over a year, I just got up and walked out the door!

I've been in touch with my psychiatrist and will go to see her as she is still in charge of my meds. I am crushed, feeling totally rejected and upset. Yet this may be for the best as she seems unable to contain her anger. What do you all think? I did like her. She was kind and caring especially when I first went to her for many months. This was a new side of her that came out as I said, in January.

Confused and dismayed but my hope is in the Lord and I am trusting that this was His will for me, as I prayed about this with several women from my church the day before. I feel it is no coincidence.

Sorry this so long!
Olivia

=( i'm sorry that was so hurtful!!!! I don't even know what to say!! I think (from the way things read) that the t handled it poorly. I hope you can find someone better to work with soon!
(((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))

Wow. That was really cruel of her. It sounds like she has some anger issues or countertransference issues to work on. Maybe you remind her of someone and you inadvertently set her off (through no fault of your own).

completely un-professional in my opinion....I hope you can find another therapist......hang in there

Did you use the Christian Therapist Directory?

http://christiantherapist.com/

I don't know what happened with your T, it can be hard when it ends abruptly for whatever reason, on whichever side. I'd talk to your pdoc since she and your former T have talked, etc. and maybe she has a good referral that she feels might be better for you.

Thank you for your replies, everyone. Right now I am still in a high anxiety state of mind and I don't know if I even trust my psychiatrist, as she forward e-mails from me to my therapist, where I complained some about the therapist.

I just got back from the doctors office and I might have a UTI that is just not going away. Still WBC and trace blood in sample. So I am numb.

I will take a break from therapy, I think, for a while. I have a very strong small group from my church which I love and a prayer group I go to. I'll be fine.....

I see. She wanted to reject you before you rejected her...she has major issues. I'm sorry she couldn't handle herself more professionally.

tell the pdoc she cannot tlak with the t about you anymore and then she can't. period.

this t has something going on..regardless of what it is, it's inappropriate at best.

((((Olivia)))) My therapy ended quite suddenly, too...it was more my parents' fault than my therapist's, but it still sucked, and I'm sorry you had to go through it as well. I understand about taking a break, and I hope that when you do decide to go back into therapy you can find someone better.

I am searching for words... because... it is just hard to talk about...

First... healing thougths and prayer for your UTI...I have had them and they hurt and are so uncomfortable...

My T... and I just got done talking about my former T... I have been with the "new" one for about 15 months I think.. and the former T about 4 years...

So.. strange to come back from therapy today and see your post...

Well.. one day... she just "blew"... sky high... is the way I put it...I will never forget that day... there had also been a "rupture".... a few months earlier... but that day..she berated me.. and told me things.. that I still can't... really let into my consiousness... because it hurts so bad...

So.. today ... my T and I talked about some of it.. I was asking him "when are you going to yell at me"... when .... and so forth...when you going to terminate me......

It turns out that my former T... had some personal problems.. going on in her life... also... that one of my "heath" problems... touched on something that was an issue with her past - the drs.. were running tests for asthma... but it could have been cancer.. and her husband had many of the same problems.. before he passed.... that I was experiencing... shortness of breath.. and such... I am fine now.. with meds..

But at the time we didn't know what would be the outcome of the tests...

So... that day... she exploded... and she terminated me via e-mail.. and that was that....

I know how painful... this is... and I am so sorry that you had to experience it too..

Not all T's are like that... I took a few months off therapy... and I searched for a new T... and he has turned out to be so very good for me... it is for me "God's plan".... to find this"new" T...

So... when you are ready... there will be the T... that you need just waiting for you... I am sure of it....

I hope that this helps in some way.... ((((hugs))))

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MzJelloFluff said:
tell the pdoc she cannot tlak with the t about you anymore and then she can't. period.

this t has something going on..regardless of what it is, it's inappropriate at best.

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(((Jello))) Thank you - yes she does have something going on. I am quite sure she may know that I found out about some quite serious family problem she has had which is that her father lost his license to practice psychiatry a decade or so ago. I did not tell her I knew but my psychiatrist knows that I found out.

Thanks so much to you Kiya, Rio_, almedafan, Perna, Brian37, and embarrassed. As I mention to Jello, I am quite sure that it is NOT me, that was the problem, as in the case of freewill; some T's have serious unresolved issues in their own lives and carry it into the therapeutic relationship only to take it out on an unsuspecting innocent client.

Olivia, I am so sorry about what happened to you. Your therapist just seemed to do everything wrong. Totally unprofessional, inappropriate, hurtful, and selfish. I think I remember an earlier post from you about how your T and pdoc communicated about you behind your back without your permission, and this had been damaging to your relationship with your T. This clinic where you have been going just seems to be bad news all around! I am sorry for your current pain, and I hope you will find another T in the future who has your best interests at heart. I also hope you can find another pdoc, as the current one doesn't sound trustworthy either. It might be helpful to just make a clean break from that clinic and never go back.

Take care.

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sunrise said:
Olivia, I am so sorry about what happened to you. Your therapist just seemed to do everything wrong. Totally unprofessional, inappropriate, hurtful, and selfish. I think I remember an earlier post from you about how your T and pdoc communicated about you behind your back without your permission, and this had been damaging to your relationship with your T. This clinic where you have been going just seems to be bad news all around! I am sorry for your current pain, and I hope you will find another T in the future who has your best interests at heart. I also hope you can find another pdoc, as the current one doesn't sound trustworthy either. It might be helpful to just make a clean break from that clinic and never go back.

Take care.

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I would leave the clinic if I could but it's within my HMO's plan. My pdoc has been good to me; I just think she is overwhelmed with work. When I asked her about confidentiality she said that all the professional staff meets and are encouraged to talk about their "cases"; however if one of the therapists knows the patient, he/she is to leave the room at once. This is what she told me. She said that the insurance companies even encourage sharing information within the clinic to facilitate treatment. Doesn't make much sense to me.

I am still very upset about this but I do realize that this T is very troubled herself and I cannot take it too personally. She can be very charming and compassionate on one hand, and extremely cruel on the other.

She treated me very poorly and the look on her face was hateful when she accused me of calling and leaving long angry messages on her phone. Well I left one - when she took that patient's call to schedule an appointment during my time.

Then when I threatened to leave, she pounced on me and told me we could not work together; it wasn't working out. "Some people cannot be helped by therapy." It was all so hurtful. I don't want to blame my psychiatrist but she had to know that forwarding emails
that I thought were private would cause trouble. I feel trapped though and don't think I can leave her. She has gone the extra mile for me more than once the past 3 years so I will probably stick with her but discuss this confidentiality issue thoroughly with her.

In the meantime, I need to heal from just the idea that I was thrown out that way. I really appreciate the support.

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OliviaC said:
When I asked her about confidentiality she said that all the professional staff meets and are encouraged to talk about their "cases"; however if one of the therapists knows the patient, he/she is to leave the room at once.

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I can see where sharing patient information can be helpful when problem-solving about what the best course of action might be. This is particularly important when there are younger professionals in a group. The more experienced professionals can the provide mentoring which yields better care. Often when case information is shared others offer good insight and ideas for addressing problems. The two minds are better than one concept. Often times when this is done in medicine the patient's name or other identifying information is not included in the discussion. This model is frequently used in medical school, where medical residences and fellows meet with their supervising physician to discuss patients as part of their medical training.

The statement about if the therapists knows the patient he/she is to leave the room does not make sense to me at all! The whole point of sharing patient information is to get different perspectives on how best to meet the patient's needs. Leaving the room when they are talking about your patient seems...counter-productive.

Is you clinic associated with a university or educational facility?

Don't waste your time justifying your therapist/pdocs actions. It seems clear that your therapist is not a good fit for you. Also just because your pdoc has helped you when you needed it doesn't mean you are bound to her for life. Your therapy needs are not being adequately met. HMO or not you have a right to good care. If your pdoc really cares about you she will help you find a better fit. Have you checked into other facilities on your HMO list? You should be able to access this information online.

OliviaC I really hope you are able to resolve this issue. I also hope that if your T is treating you this way that she is also expressing some of this during the facility "sharing" sessions. The other professionals will likely see this behavior for what it is and give her some much needed mentoring or terminate her.

This all rings such a painful "bell" for me. My t. sent me a letter 2 days before my next weekly appt. that his practice was closed and he was sorry. He included a generic list of other t's. I cannot begin to describe the suffering it caused me. Also, the repercussions of it have impacted my relationship w/my present. t. He has been soooo caring & patient w/me. He knew from the start that trust was going to be a HUGE issue with me.

He has told me several times that unless a t. has something unpredictable happen like an accident etc., that sudden termination is considered "highly unethical" and that a t. could potentially lose their license over it. He said they spend A LOT OF TIME in training learning about how serious the consequences are for the client. It is a BIG DEAL. He said that usually t's know or sense when either personal problems or conflicts with the client arise. It is their "ethical duty" to adress it ASAP. If they see a termination coming, they MUST discuss it with the client and slowly prepare them.

I just want you to know you are not alone. It is extremely upsetting and takes quite a bit if time to get past. Be gentle with yourself. There were times when I actually felt like I was grieving a death. I am sooo lucky to have found a t. who has given me so much space & time to work thru this. I swear I would still be crying about it. I felt so abandoned and worthless.

I'm not sure such an incomptent therapist would have been doing you much good anyway.

Are there other therapists in the same clinic? Or can your HMO refer you to another one?

(((((Olivia)))))),
I hope you find a T that is kind and caring. This T clearly had issues that weren't yours! Best of wished to you.

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LovebirdsFlying said:
I'm not sure such an incomptent therapist would have been doing you much good anyway.

Are there other therapists in the same clinic? Or can your HMO refer you to another one?

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Thanks LBF. I agree that she has definite issues that prevent her from being a good therapist. Yes, there are other therapists in the same clinic, and my pdoc wants me to meet with one of the more senior (administrative type) therapists who will go over things such as the type of therapy best suited to me (not CBT ) and my previous experiences with therapists (I've really had only one other several years ago and he moved out of state eventually.) This other therapist would not be my new one though.

I have such ups and downs over the breakup, which is to be expected I guess. Last night I was bowling with some friends and I kept seeing my psychologist's face every time I threw the ball!

Thanks Solairee. This is also my fervent wish, if and when I go back!

Now I will have an even bigger issue with trust......it took me a long time to feel I could trust this woman who betrayed me in the end.

Someone who can seem so kind and caring and tell me she cares, then turning on me because I believe she realized I had found public information on the internet that she was furious with. It's sort of a loss of control issue the way I see it. And my pdoc forwarding my emails to her was the straw that broke the camel's back.