weirdness...

last time i went to therapy i was kinda thinking on the way... and i realized that i was feeling a little resentful? that i had to walk so far and then bus so far and then hang around so much... in both directions... when i go see my therapist. i guess i kinda caught myself thinking 'i'm not really looking forward to this today. maybe... :-O i'm actually starting to desire to have less therapy sessions :-O. maybe... i actually would like a bit of a break... so i can focus on my work and not have the disruption of taking two half days a week off :-O'

astounding. i didn't tell him this. we had a pretty good session. it was nice to see him. i'm glad i went. but it was weird that i was thinking that on the way in...

and as it happened that last session was the monday before easter. so we didn't have our friday session. and we didn't have our monday session. and so i'll see him this friday (tomorrow) but it has been a little while since i saw him last. and... i would like to go in to see him tomorrow, yeah.

but that was weird. maybe... it was a coping strategy because i knew of the upcoming break... or maybe... i am feeling stronger (genuinely so).

maybe...

are the sessions digging into stuff alex, or have things gotten nicely resurfaced? im just wondering, because you have said about wanting support from him with the everyday stuff and i wonder... just asking. For me i know that sometimes when things go well around me i "forget" all the other stuff i need to do.. i mean i literally do not remember any of the bad feelings or anything.

if it is because you are stronger, then that is FANTASTIC!!!

either way, its safe to test out, step away, step back.. he will be there..

Jello - "For me i know that sometimes when things go well around me i "forget" all the other stuff i need to do.. i mean i literally do not remember any of the bad feelings or anything."

I am the exact same way. those are good points you bring up - and it is nice to know the safety net is there if one does not want to be away like they first thought.

I think the sessions vary in intensity. Maybe every second or third is fairly intense. I quite like having some that are a little more present problem focused, though. I think that they actually provide the necessary material such that the deeper sessions can focus in on repeating patterns etc. But... Can be hard to get those intense / deep sessions sometimes. Because... there is a difference between having a session where I'm raving / hysterical / bawling my eyes out and having a deep session. A meaningful session. Hard to find the balance and so our sessions are quite varied, yeah.

I don't know what I think about the bad feelings... Sometimes I really do have good weeks when I'm not feeling badly. I guess I think that it is nice to go with that when they are happening. There will be time enough to deal with the crap when the crap is around. I dunno... I guess I am getting stronger. But what that means is that my episodes where I really can't cope are further apart and don't last as long as they used to. I deal with them (get through them) better now too.

I often have trouble with transitions; going "to" some activity. I'm great when I get there but there's always danger that I won't go because of the literal, inbetween period between what I was doing/where I was and the next thing. I imagine with a break in routine, that gets worse for me.

Alex,
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i'm actually starting to desire to have less therapy sessions

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Wow. My sessions have stirred up extremely painful emotions lately and I still want to go to sessions. I don't think I've ever seen those words together in a post here, lol. Congratulations! It must feel really empowering. I know I sometimes feel powerless because I can't help but want to go.

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i am feeling stronger (genuinely so).

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It's so good to hear a success story. It gives me hope that I'll make it out to the other side. I'm so glad that you are feeling stronger, you have worked hard!