well.. it may as well be big foot - a T in real life!!!!!!!!!!!!

my former T.. the guy who i was once crushed out on so bad. Romantic transference in a terribly painful way. i saw him infrequently for about 6 months.. he would have been bad for me in the long run

i have seen him twice in public before and he hurt me so badly. Both times he ignored me completely. We had had a discussion about whether i would want him to say hi and he knew how i felt. There is no rule or law or any such thing here that says he can't.

The first time he could have nodded or smiled but did nothing... the second time his eyes met mine and he looked away. i felt like throw away trash.

But i swore that if i ever saw him when i wasn't caught off guard he wasn't getting off with it... and TODAY WAS THE DAY

i went into a coffee shop to study and he was sitting in an armchair reading. i was going to slink away and i thought "hell no.. screw this" and so i went over and plopped myself down on the ottoman in front of him. He was surprised to say the least.

i said "is it like totally rude for me to say hello?" (ahem, as in YOU dork for NOT saying hello)
he kind of laughed and said no

so i told him i was doing fantastic and that H and i had split. i said it tok a while but i got there. i told him i just wanted him to know i was doing really well ( as in despite your mishandling of everything)

i smiled sweetly and he said he was very happy to hear it, he said to enjoy the beautiful sunny day and i said i had to work on my paper. Then i got my coffee and took up residence in the arm chair right across from him (ha! squirm baby!)

we both just worked away and when he left he said see you later and take care

HA!

i felt so proud of myself.

i realised some thing too... he's socially awkward. how odd for someone who probably does a lot of coaching sort of work.. i’m sure some of it was the context of how he knew me, and some was probably that he doesn’t remember me as well as i remember him (naturally)... but it brought back to mind the same thought i had once before when i was seeing him.. when he is in those four walls, an office setting i mean, he is very sure of himself i think... but outside he is unsteady.

i thought that back then.. when we would walk from the waiting area to and from the office he used, he seemed a little uncomfortable somehow. i think small talk is some kind of foreign thing to him. Thinking about that, seeing it in a new context, a different power dynamic.. well, it made me think that maybe part of why he hadn’t spoken to me before was just the fact that he sucks at that. The last time i know he saw me because i met his glance. i think maybe someone ought to remind him that the power dynamic lingers and he really should be the first to speak or smile or anything.

i’m not really mad at him anymore... i think he would have been a bad match for me overall.. but i know that i owe a lot to him, without him i don’t think i’d be alive – kind of hard to be mad in that light.

i am so proud

(and yes, i'd still sleep with him in a heart beat.... he still looks hot )

[Perna]

That's neat that you took the first step like that. I think too he might not have quite figured out how he knew you when he saw you before and you all locked glances; was probably frantically searching his brain database for "who's she? she looks familiar".

I don't think my T would ignore me and she'd definately know who I was but I don't know if she'd come over to talk to me, she'd probably just smile or give a little wave or something.

[Kiya]

*grin*!

[tulips30]

I can definately relate to this fluff. As you know, I had some pretty serious issues with my previous t. He was also a psychiatrist. I know he spent a lot of time at our local Univ. teaching hospital. My current p.doc has an office at this hospital. Every single time I have an appt. with him (appx. q.3months), I start worrying about whether I will run in to my old t. I actually practice in my car how I would react. I have a feeling if it ever does happen, I'll freeze and then run.

I am extremely impressed with the way you handled yourself. You even SAT DOWN!!! Go Girl!!! I wish had some of that gumption of yours.

You Rock!!!

tulips

ignorance and courage are easily confused

[jurplesman]

Transference is one of the problems that rely to a great extent on the personal relationship between client and therapist. In the teaching approach of psychotherapy this can be avoided. One's like or dislike or approval of/or by a therapist plays no role, but depends entirely on the therapist's ability to teach the client how to best tackle a problem according to some therapeutic principles. In the teaching approach of counselling a therapist often does not need to know details of "what the problem is".

Psychotherapy can be taught in a group setting of clients without having necessarily a personal relationship with each participant of a group.

Thus people can "receive psychotherapy" by reading book on psychotherapy or doing a course in psychotherapy. There are myriad of ways of doing psychotherapy without a therapist, but you need to choose what kind of therapy you want. Mine is explained at:

Assumptions in Psychotherapy

which is based on a combination or nutrition and psychotherapy.

Wow! Congrats on confronting him! He was probably so unconfortable ...hehehehe..little worm, squirm.

On a side note, it's such a shame that so many a*sholes are so hot

[mlpHolmes]

Fluff !! You are too Funny!!!!

That is very cool :-)

I find it amazing that I can tell myself 'this person is only human' all I like I can't really grasp that until I've got some time and space and (most importantly) I encounter them in a different setting where the power dynamic is altered.

Sometimes... I'm kind of amazed at how much (in hindsight) I idealized... It is quite a revelation, actually. I felt kind of magnetized by this person... They had a magical power to make everything all better (at times) with their soothing words... Then with time and space and a change in context they seem much more ordinary. And I wonder... How on earth did I give you that power. I mean really, I wish I knew that secret. I'd volountarily give it to someone who was good for me. Only... Feelings don't seem to work that way (very often).

It is great that the anger and hurt kind of dissolved away with the realization that he has human frailty's. However you spell that...

:-)

yeah... maybe he's hotter bc he's not in reach? forbidden fruit? mmmm.... fruit

yes alex... that was it.. it disspelled his spell? maybe? i dont think he'll ever be just some guy in my eyes, there will always be a little voodoo, but it broke a lot of it.

all that idealization.. magnetization... all 100% needed IMO.. for some of us anyway. i think some people who face different issues maybe dont need that... maybe their breaks in development happened at later stages, i dunno. i KNOW i had to let him have power... but it went badly with that guy. In the end ok tho.. got the guy i have now and he is awesome.

I can't say that I've ever heard of someone wanting to sleep with bigfoot -- lol. Nice job being assertive! I'm glad you finally got a response from him and I'm glad it was positive He probably remembers you more than you think. ((((Fluff)))))

[dalila]

<font color="green">I wonder if confidentuality might have had a part in his awkwardness. I used to work as a Sign Language Interpreter and part of the code of ethics said that I was not to 'recognize' a client out of the work space as they might not wish to have others know they were at that place. I was also not to talk to anyone about what had happened when I was interpreting, it was not my business but theirs. I would imagine that it would be an even bigger issue with therapy.</font>

no dalila.. we had specifically talked about that. He had asked what i would prefer if we happened upon each other in public and i had been very clear.. he hadn't objected. Now, it could be possible that he doesn't acknowledge *former* clients... but if that were the case i think he should have explained that before we were done. Either way i think he dropped the ball. i told my current T that Former T should not be working at the counselling centre.. he normally works with physical rehab peeps.. he isn't cut out to do interpersonal like this.. not IMO

hahaha soli... you never know, maybe i have a "wild man" fetish? But you know.. he is anything but wild.. too self conscious for that. i think the fantasy is better as just that.

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Jello,

I think you are very gutsy. I would never have sat down in the chair across from him!

Kudos..

Peace

it made him nervous, i could see that (HA)

im scared of everything and nothing

[chaotic13]

[quote} Jello said:
im scared of everything and nothing

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I like this oxymoron... me too

I'm a brave wimp