I am sort of at a cross-roads

Well I am Aman, I recently was admitted to a day treatment program where they told me I was depressed. I have no emotion, no sad or happy. I laugh, I smile... but what's weird is that i only do it because I know it's what people want to see.

I can see people hurt, and i know how to fix them. When i can make a person smile, it gives me a boost. It's like i feel through them.

I am supposed to go to a therapists on the 9th. I am just not sure where to begin. I want to get fixed as soon as possible, but i am slowly realizing that this is bigger than taking a pill or exercising everyday.

I am thinking that maybe i should not waste my time with therapy. What do you all think?

-Aman

Hi, Aman, welcome to PsychCentral. There are a lot of people in a similar situation to you here I think.

I would go to therapy. I don't know of anything else that can help (besides perhaps pills at the same time). It's kind of, what-else-are-you-doing? If you can't see what is wrong with yourself or how to fix it, then therapy can help with that as the therapist helps guide you to where you can see and helps with exercises and tools to help you connect better to yourself and others.

I love therapy. Give it time... it also isn't magical like a pill or exercising. You can get so much from it, but only if you go.

I have found therapy very helpful, it gives me an understanding of why I am the way I am, which is nice.

aman, welcome to PC and the psychotherapy forum. I hope you will give therapy a try. It has really helped me a lot. Like today was a really bad day for me and I felt very hopeless. I went to therapy and after an hour, things seemed better and not so hopeless and I could cope. I walked out of there feeling stronger and more calm. It isn't always like that, though. It's hard work too, but can have a big pay-off.

Oh, definitely try therapy. Not feeling is a way of numbing yourself from your life, and that's not a good way to "live" is it. No, it's probably not a quick fix, but you didn't become numb overnight either. Plus, you're worth the effort. TC

Thank you all for the suggestions and encouragement. I will be going, i figure "why not" at this point.

Do you have any suggestions as to how to cut through the crap with your therapists? I guess i just want to be diagnosed. I think i might be bi-polar, or really depressed... some one said I might be a psychopath. Whats funny is that I have learned to fake my emotions so well, I cant even tell if i am lying to myself or not. I mean, show me a bloody corpse and I wont be disturbed, but if you showed it to me infront of someone who was, i would try to make them think that i was disturbed a little by it. I am not sure what that means. Perhaps I am a compulsive liar... I really have no death wish for myself, or others, but i like to push people to their limits.

What are you all getting out of this?

-Aman

> how to cut through the crap with your therapists?

I think you have to keep a certain distance between yourself and your therapist -- especially if your therapist is not very good at doing that herself...

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IamonlyAman said:
Do you have any suggestions as to how to cut through the crap with your therapists? I guess i just want to be diagnosed.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Therapists provide therapy--that is their job. Some therapists don't give diagnoses. Mine never has. So if all you want is a diagnosis, maybe a therapist is not the professional you need. Maybe a psychiatrist? Some therapists do provide diagnoses, but it seems like they are also going to want to do therapy.... And it sounds like you consider anything other than a diagnosis to be "crap."

Perhaps you are right sunrise. I am really interested in finding out what my issue is so i can resolve it correctly. I dont want to find out in 3 years that i am bi-polar and they have been treating me for depression.

I also dont want to kill people and them find out i am a psychopath...

It is scary to come to terms that something is not right in your head... not so much as in like "oh no, i am sick" more like an alien coming to earth "oh no, they are going to lock me up and dissect me"

Anyways... so far I have had a psych council... been put in a day treatment for depression and told that I am just depressed and that i do feel things because I laugh and smile... but they don't see that I do taht all the time. I could be hacking their body up and laughing... not that i would, i am just trying to give an extreme mental picture.

I met with a psychiatrist that asked basic questions and really didn't dive into the bi-polar questions that make sense to me... i am finding that I am on meds and that i possibly am in a mania phase... yippie!

Anyways... it all could be in my head ;-)

It could all be in your emtions too?

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Mouse_ said:
It could all be in your emtions too?

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What do you mean by that?