question.... if your therapist...

asked you to leave office because you told him "he was full of crap"... in a normal non-angry tone of voice...

what would you think???

after working with him for 16 months 2x a week?

and you had only... really had... a couple of times previous of "not seeing eye to eye"... as in when I am very depressed? and he says...

I will wait until next appt because "you will feel better..."

as in.. another alter will appear.. and everything will be fine...

I may have posted this already...

But I cannot get over the fact that he said " I am very frustrated with you"... when I was going thru a difficult time.... following the week after he took vacation...

He asked me to leave his office last thursday... HEARTBREAK!!!!!

I know he was frustrated because... the vacation interruped the good roll we were on...

but being a DID........... alot can change in my life in one week... so gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I can't guarentee to give him the alter he wants to work with...

ya know????

I mean... do I really want to work with someone that asks me to leave... because I am depressed and saying "you are full of crap"???

his suggestions for depression relief... were not well received - volunteer....etc.... ahhhhhhhhh when I am sooooooooo depressed... hearing that "stuff" just makes me... well upset....

soooooooooo... do I work with a T that I now have to measure every word I say...

And can I do that.... can I guarentee that an alter.. will be "good" in his office...

what would you do???????????????

I don't think anyone should be spoken to disrespectfully, even T's. If he can't talk to you, can't get a conversation going without your alter telling him he's full of crap, what do you want him to do? I think with all that time under you all's belt the relationship isn't necessarily damaged, he's just letting your alter(s) know they can't behave that way, can't treat him that way. He's modeling fine assertive boundary behavior. He isn't paid enough to take crap.

i dunno free... i see several sides (naturally, since i have about 14 diff voices to listen to)... one thought is that all my t's have always said i could say anything i wanted to them - even if it was "go to h***." because they know a. i'm really quiet, b. emotions come up, c. i've been silenced all my life and it is healing to be able to talk. d. that sometimes they're gonna push the envelope, and the envelope is gonna bite back.
i also see what perna is saying.... so maybe it depends on the t - if they take it personally or not, if they are in an ok mood that day.... i think that if i had said that, my t would say something like let's breathe for a moment and see if we can find what upset you"... my old t would have laughed wildly and then ask me what prompted that. i can't imagine them asking me to leave the office.

Sorry free (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) i know you're struggling right now.
kiya

(((((((((((freewill))))))))))
I am not sure what I would do in that situation. I know I would be very hurt if my T done that to me. Can you try explaining to him how it made you feel at your next appointment?

that is awful and unacceptable imo.. YOU PAY FOR HIS TIME. tell him you want a refund.

doing that asserts a power position and its wrong. The only time a T should ask someone to leave is if they become violent or abusive somehow.

i am so sorry

((((((((((((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))))))))))

I value all of your opinions....thank you...

I have given this a great deal of thought as you can imagine....

and... well... further work with this T won't be happening for me..

for several reasons....

1) he walks around depression by pulling the "alter" card - next appt I will get an alter that isn't depressed... and that is true.. because we... as alters know that our depression is not "acceptable" in his office so we keep alters away that are depressed.. which.. really in the long run doesn't help...

2) he knew I was very depressed that day...plus he knew that I had just been into the doctor.. and my sugar.. was way out of wack.. due to eating too much protien (kectonis) so my brain chemistry was... not well...medically speaking..

3) he knew that I was upset with my MD because I asked for help with my ED - and she left the room and refused to come back after she sent the nurse in for blood work so basically I asked for help.. and was ignored once again

4) he knew I was feeling "sick as a dog" physically that day

5) I am DID... and alters that he has never met before will present themselves... and yes... some of them have been thru horrific times.. so yes.. they may indeed be a bit rude... I am on the extreme end of DID... so... there was an alter present.. that hadn't ever been to the office... and if he is working with a DID patient - perhaps... in his interest and in "my" interest... maybe he should check in and see "who" is actually there... before.. be kicks.. anyone out of the office...like... does this "alter" know the rules.. does this alter even know what therapy is???
and if.. the comment had been "you are full of crap" would have been made with raised voice... it would have taken on a different meaning.. she.. was just stating her opinion...in her way of doing it...

6) he was suggesting... that "I"... as in one of my alters... who was sick physically, felt abandoned by her MD, battling an ED that day.. and was so filled with fibro pain she could hardly walk...
deeply depressed.... that she would feel better if she did volunteer work...
so... well... the truth is.. he was "full of crap"... though the alter... if she was different could have said in the whole midst of that... been very poliet... and said... "T, perhaps that is not such a good thing right now"


Help Me Please............ lol....

Nopper.... dumping the T.... right on his behinder.....

wonder if that is poliet..

wonder how he is going to take.. being dumped... on.. his hinde....

freewill sorry to hear about your experience.

I hope he was just trying to set a boundary with one of your alters. I can see how his actions would upset you. Its like he was rejecting or refusing to work with this part of you. I hope you both can work through this issue.

You know, I think he is incorrect. T's working with patients who have abusive histories (as I am assuming you do because of the DID), are supposed to be aware that the transferance can get negative. And yes, even some disorders like personality disorders can really have terrible negative transferance and outburts that are not pleasant.

T's are supposed to decide about working with you. If they can't accept behavior that might come with your disorder or the transferance they should not be working with you. For example, some T's will not work with people with anti-social personality disorder because they can get violent in session and throw things.

That being said, my T always said that it is important that she set appropiate boundaries, so when I get disrespectful, she would discuss it with me. NEVER throw me out!

(((((((((((((free))))))))))))))
even my MD has asked me if the alters know and understand what we are working toward and if they remember what conversations I have had with her.

I agree with Perna. It sounds like he's setting boundaries. If he said it in an angry tone or told you to NEVER to come again then that would be inappropriate. Waiting for another week does seem like a long time. I would have thought asking you to come back tomorrow would have been fine but in any case, taking a breather and returning when you're calmer isn't a bad thing.

Freewill, I at least hope the T didn't charge you for the session he had you leave. YOU are paying T for consulting, and it's your time, otherwise, he doesn't get paid. He has the right to ask, I guess, and not accept any abuse from any part of you (and could be trying to counter a particular one) but he can't send you away and charge you too.



Please make sure he realizes that not all of you hate him If he is in over his head with DID, then it's up to HIM to study and research and train and get supervision if he's going to continue to try and help you.

well... for me... being DID.... that doesn't work... my alter said.. "you are full of crap"... in a calm voice... because she meant it...

she should have said "I don't agree"....

but... since she does not know how to talk polietly... my real take on it.. is that he should have waited... until next session... then told me there was an alter there... that said something inappropriate... and set the boundary at the next session.... when other alters were there.. and aware of what the alter said..

that way.... the alters that know.. what the boundaries are... could have let this other one also know... or.. been able to tell the T... that this alter.. needed more time to adjust to therapy...

so... he regrets it... because.. it destroyed.. our working together...

good point... too funny...

send me away... and charge me too...

ahhhhhhhhhhh it is expensive to say "you are full of crap" to a T...

((((((((Freewill))))))))),
I personally know what it is like to feel the anger of T, it isn't pleasant. However, I don't think telling you to leave was therapeutic. He should have talked it over with you and helped you learn different ways to express your anger. Kicking you out deprived you of therapy time which could have been used to change your behavior. Your T used aversive consequences which, in my opinion, should be used as a last resort. Best of luck to you