<font color="purple">...aaaaand it kinda sucked

In the sense that I wasn't exactly comfortable talking outloud and therefore only said about 10% of what I was planning to say. My T is an old(ish) kind of lady, and it shows, but she's nice. I told her nothing of what I havn't told anyone else before, and she didn't tell me anything that I havn't heard before. But my next session is next week and I'm going to bring my journal so maybe it'll be better next time.</font>

[PsyChris]

The good thing is that you went! It will take some time for you to build trust with your T.

[onlymedid]

I agree with PsyChris, it is good that you went! It is always hard the first few sessions cuz you have to get to know T.

I've been going for over three months and I still don't say anything to T....and I mostly just sit there and hate her.

Trust takes time. Hang in there....

<font color="purple">I just feel like I'm giving the wrong impression of "teen struggling with growing pains" (which, is probably true anyways, but I don't want to think that) when it feels like the issues are so much more complex then that. </font>

[serafim_etal]

I want to point out that teen struggling with growing pains is a pretty potentially serious issue! Even if it DOES appear that that is "all" yo are dealing with...that is a perfectly valid reason to seek out therapy.

[SingDanceRunLife]

(((Kaika)))

It takes time to build up trust...But you will eventually. If I can, you can. (I have major trust issues).

Give it a couple more sessions. If you still feel like you aren't going anywhere, try to find a new T.

[sunrise]

So much pressure on the first session! I'm glad you will go again. It takes a few sessions for both of you to complete your assessment. Taking the journal sounds like a good direction. I bet she'll be pleased you keep a journal, as that indicates a willingness to explore, which is helpful in therapy too.

Kaika, how did you choose this therapist?

I think it's great that you went for that first session! That was so hard for me - making that appointment and actually GOING. Good for you!

I remember that my first few sessions were just "getting to know you" sessions. Nothing earth-shattering happened - I think I was just sort of feeling him out and he was probably trying to get a feel for me and what my issues are.

Bringing your journal sounds like a great idea. It sounds like you are ready and willing to jump in and get to work.

Let us know how the next session goes!

[chaotic13]

Bringing some of your writings might be very helpful. It was for me. My mind would go blank during the session (still does oftentimes). Having some things written down as a back up was very helpful. Reduced my anxiety a little bit.

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sunrise said:
Kaika, how did you choose this therapist?

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<font color="purple">I didn't, my mom did (because we have to have it on a sliding scale basis and a reasonable time slot because of school) but she did ask me SEVERAL times at the end if I was ok with her. To be honest I didn't think she was the best person in the world but she was a nice person and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no.

And well, thanks for the rest of the support guys.

I just don't know anymore, mean I'm in highschool, I see teen drama all the time, it's in the media, and yet it's not like the way I feel. I don't cry if I'm not the most popular kid in school, I don't whine if I don't have the latest thing, I never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) to break up with so it's not like there is any kind of romance or heartbreak. So many teenagers in the media and addmitedly- in my class just seem so shallow to me. Ignorant if you will. I guess my only issue with calling whatever I'm going through a teen thing is that you are calling my issues and emotions shallow. (nobody here personaly, but just in general)


...I think 'willingness to explore' is an understatement, I study myself like it's a hobby. </font>

[sunrise]

Kaika, I think teens can feel things more deeply and react more intensely. Maybe some seem shallow, but the pangs of first love and first experiences of all sorts are so intense. Feelings of estrangement from family and peers can be hard too. I am glad you sought out therapy and are going to try it. If it helps, wonderful. If it turns out not to be quite what works for you, you can seek further. My 14 y.o. daughter has been in therapy for 13 months now. It has turned out to be a very positive thing for her. I remember when she first went she told me the therapist (a woman) is so old! But now this doesn't seem to bother her.

<font color="purple">Well, my next session is tomarrow, I think my teachers will be kind of irked because I might have to be pulled out of my last class/2nd to last class and forgot to rmind them like I should have </font>

<font color="purple"> Weeel, my second session was today. It went better then the first one, even though I forgot to bring my journal.

But my T gave me homework though: to go to bed at least an hour earlier because I'm sleep deprived and that can cause all of the symptoms of depression so maybe more sleep would help. </font>

[sunrise]

Kaika, when I was really depressed and seeing my first counselor, she and I worked on sleep very diligently. I was only getting a few hours each night and we really tried to increase that through a number of ways. It was hard going and slow work to build up the amount of sleep I got each day, but it really helped my depression, although it didn't cure it. With my depression, during those really bad days, even a small gain was helpful. If you put together a number of small gains, you can actually improve enough to feel kind of better. Not cured, but better than before. (For a cure, I had to get to the root of what was causing the depression symtoms.) I also found that getting more sleep helped my cognitive functioning, such as problem solving, memory, and even speaking a foreign language. I hope the going to be one hour earlier will help you get more sleep. (We tried this too, but it did not increase my sleep so we had to try other stuff.)

<font color="purple">You know, my next session is on thrusday. I'm supossed to bring my journal with me. But I'm really scared. I mean, this entire time everything has just been little (hormones, sleep deprivation etc.) but I mean, in that thing I really rant. I mean, if it really IS little things, then what? I'll look like some big explosive doof, that's what. Also considering that once I share my journal we have to actualy DISCUSS what's in it, and considering this is only session #3...I dunno if I'm ready for that yet </font>

[sunrise]

Kaika, just because you bring your journal with you to session doesn't mean you have to hand it over to your T for her to read. Journals are very private. You could read just a specific passage to her, for example. This could help her know you better, understand what is important to you, etc. You don't have to do a "big reveal" at session #3. Only share what you are comfortable with. One thing my therapist said to me very early on in therapy is that clients are never upset that they shared too slowly, only that they shared too much too soon. Don't force it. Build trust. I think it says a lot that you are even willing to bring your journal into the same room with your T. It's a good beginning.

<font color="purple">That might be a little hard, considering the one thaing that is even more upsetting to me then having a person read my journal is to have people read it out loud. I dunno why, but I freak out any time somebody reads what I wrote out loud- even if it's myself. </font>

[(JD)]

If you don't want to take your journal, really, then don't. Working on sleep is very important (I agree.)

I'm not sure of what you are saying... if you happen to find out these things that are ruining your life (?) are "just" little things... you'll ...be... MORE upset??? Nah... anything ANY thing that works against us in our lives might be easier than we thought to work out, but is never a "little" thing.

[sunrise]

No, I meant you would choose the passage and read it out loud to your therapist. Can you do that?

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sunrise said:
No, I meant you would choose the passage and read it out loud to your therapist. Can you do that?

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<font color="purple">I don't know... </font>

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_Sky said:
If you don't want to take your journal, really, then don't. Working on sleep is very important (I agree.)

I'm not sure of what you are saying... if you happen to find out these things that are ruining your life (?) are "just" little things... you'll ...be... MORE upset??? Nah... anything ANY thing that works against us in our lives might be easier than we thought to work out, but is never a "little" thing.



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

<font color="purple">I do, but then I don't, I guess it's a little bit complicated.

And that is what I'm saying (...kinda) because it reassures the thought in my head that I don't really need to be in therapy and that going is wasting everyone's time and money. In my mind, people go into therapy because they are having problems with some specific mental illness and not sleep deprivation and bad coping skills. </font>

Trust takes time. You've only just begun.

Self-care is often a first step.