<font color="purple">It's been a few sessions now, and the more I go, the more I feel like I don't belong. When I told my T that maybe it'd be a good idea to terminate because we aren't going anywere really, she said that when talking to me she was thinking the same thing. So, I left with pretty strong feelings that yeah, I'm going to terminate, and next session I'd tell her that...(becaue she's giving me the week to think it over)

BUT THEN

I was talking to my mom about it, and she asked if I still felt the same as I did before, and I told her that I feel more or less the same (there was a few things that did get better though) so then she decided to ask if maybe instead if I'm still feeling the same that she can get a better T or maybe the cognative-behavoiral therapy isn't right because there are alot of different types. Which, to my displeasure makes the situation a billion times more complex.

Is it T? Is it the right kind of therapy? Or maybe it's just a faze that I don't need anything for anyways and I'm just wasting time, money, and gas?

My next session is in 3 days and I can't come up with a decision now, I don't really want to go. </font>

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))

All I can say is bring your questions to your T at the next appt, and if that means at the end of the session that your therapeutic relationship is over... then that's okay. If you think you've made a mistake, you could also always go back (I'd imagine).

Not all T's are a right fit... and sometimes we don't realize that until later. And sometimes we realize we terminated because of our own issues and not because something was wrong with the relationship...

All of that is OKAY. Therapy is all about being a learning experience.

Gone through a bunch of therapists myself--some weren't helpful; only seemed to commiserate with me. I want action; to get better. One thought meds (bipolar 1 here) were blunting my emotions & thwarting therapy (she should see me off meds--all I do is cry--can't do much therapy in that condition).

Another told me I wasn't making any progress (I agreed) so I quit her.

Another 2 I "fired" while manic. One had a typo in her info. pamphlet & it drove me crazy & I thought she was unprofessional because of it.

The other was really attractive--all decked out with the nails done. pedicures (wore strappy sandals a lot), was buff from the gym, but didn't have the form for a receipt for me ready. She claimed she ran out of time to make a copy, yet she still expected payment from me.--Suzy

[chaotic13]

Kaika,
I've been back and forth over this issue MANY times. Still do it after saying with my T for approximately a year. Since your T said she was thinking the same thing.. maybe she isn't a good fit for you.

I agree with Christina86, bring your questions about the different therapy options with you to your next appointment. You can ask her about her opinion on the different types of therapy, which ones she uses/ why, what she thinks is prohibiting your success with her particular style, and which type of therapy might be better for you. I'm considering having a similar discussion with my T next session. Not really because I want to change T's, but because I want to know what else is out there that may be helpful in my case.

<font color="purple">Well, she is a pretty old lady, and I mean that she isn't just well, old, but alot of her ideas are a little old too. (at least that's the feeling that I usualy get) I could probably get more out of a relationship with a younger T.

I don't think the kind of therapy that I'm in is the best fit either, I mean, the one I'm in now really deals strictly with the here and now- but, I have enough good days mixed in with my bad days that whenever I go I feel like I have nothing to talk about because my day-to-day basis is usualy okay...I mean, it's okay enough not to be able to think of what's bothinging me and how to fix it, but not okay enough to make me feel happy with my life. </font>

[ECHOES]

All of your questions at the end of your post are so important. I hope you will bring them to your next T session along with a request to explore both you and your T's thoughts about "not really going anywhere" and what that means to each of you individually.

In the meantime,

[(JD)]

Kaika, therapy isn't easy, and it takes work. Some of the work is exactly what you are experiencing now. CBT is especially difficult and requires a great amount of effort on your part. There's a lot of dissatisfaction along the way because you need to change some things and thinkings, and you don't see why you should or maybe refuse to, that you don't agree with the T in the first place. It could just be natural resistance to therapy, you know?

Only a few sessions? My lands sweetheart, you haven't even had time to talk basics much more develop a trusting relationship with the T. You simply must try harder, imo. I think your T agreeing that you hadn't "gotten" anywhere might have been her attempt to side with you to help you feel as though you can heal?

No, it's too soon to quit, imo. Why not decide to try and work at therapy for another 6 months and then evaluate? Keep a journal and then you'll have your own idea of how much you've changed then.

[Kiya]

Wow your therapist agreed with you, eh? Well, perhaps you could do better with a different t. takes time sometimes to find the one with whom you can work with.
best of luck!

<font color="purple">It's not that I'm not willing to change- but it gets very hard for me to talk during sessions, and it's just weird for it to be silent when I know there should be something to talk about.

And it really doesn't help that every time I talk about something, it allways falls under her umbrella of "stuff you are going through because you are a teenager" sure, it's a pretty legit answer, it's a logical answer, and heck, it's probably the real answer...but it makes me feel kind of invalidated, like everything I'm talking about it being brushed off.

And to quote, she said something along the lines of (after I attimited how I felt like I didn't belong in therapy and that most of my problems have been resolved) "Yes, I agree with you, I was thinking to myself just looking at you today 'she doesn't need to be in here' you are a very bright girl (etc.)" I guess for a T her brain to mouth control isn't that great, or maybe she was just oblivious as to the effect it has on my insecurities of even being in therapy.

I'm going to give her a break though because I havn't been saying alot because it's hard to talk. I guess everything I've been saying so far would lead her to believe that I'm a-okay minus the prevalient teen drama.
</font>

[ECHOES]

Reading this, I feel like she doesn't respond to your feelings. Calling what you talk about ' teenage stuff you'll get through' feels devaluing to me. Why would you feel like talking if that's the result? Of course you bring 'teenage stuff' to your therapy--you're a teenager. Hello, T?! lol

It can take time to feel comforatable talking in there. It can take a lot of time. (9 months for me!). It takes time to build the trust needed to reveal even a bit of yourself.

The silences can be hard at first. They are there to give you room to think about what you want to say. After a while, they can feel very nice, like when you're with a friend and neither of you are talking yet it feels comfortable.

kaika... i'd feel invalidated by that for sure. Personally i think you have shown quite a lot of maturity and awareness. You're not looking for someone to become dependent on, you're thinking about what is best for you and that is very strong. Bravo girl.

talk to this T and come to a decision that way.. its ok that you dont just "know." She seems honest enough if she said she was thinking the same as you. i do think it is too early to worry about the type of therapy, but a good bond with a therapist is extremely beneficial to getting anywhere. If you decide to try another T.. maybe meet a couple, see if anyone "clicks" with you. Age was very important to me too... and if that is important to you then it is ok... it's part of what makes you able to relate. i wanted a male T, some people prefer female... neither is right or wrong.

good luck... she sounds like she will help you make the choice that is right for you

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kaika said:
....it always falls under her umbrella of "stuff you are going through because you are a teenager"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I kind of got this type of treatment from my T last week only with the ... 'your just another weak, indecisive female trying to make a crappy marriage tolerable...I've seen 3-4 women just like you today.... bah...bah.. bah..' I didn't find this type of statement very helpful AT ALL. Even if it is true.

Her response to your internal, do I really need therapy debate:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"Yes, I agree with you, I was thinking to myself just looking at you today 'she doesn't need to be in here' you are a very bright girl (etc.)"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I don't know.. it could be like sky_ mentioned, her way of agreeing/ siding with you or maybe she is trying to build your confidence. Maybe she is just trying to reassure you that the problems you are facing are not unique or as abnormal as you think they are. I can see where the "she doesn't need to be here" comment would be really confusing.

If you seem to have met most of your personal therapy goals, maybe you should take time to re-assess yourself and create some new or updated goals. Maybe your perspective of your situation has changed and your goals are changing?

I think exploring if a different therapeutic relationship or approach might be better for you is an OK thing to do. I would just try really hard to discuss this issue with your current T. She may have some good recommendations on where to go next or may be willing to change her approach to better meet your needs.

I will also say that I find it incredibly difficult to talk in therapy. I made this one of my updated goals. I figured if I can get more comfortable in the intensely personal interactions in therapy, it has got to help me become more comfortable in other less intense relationships.

[Merlin]

I think there is nothing wrong with "shopping" for T's. Although it may take months to develop therapeutic trust. After 3 sessions, there is almost an instinctual: I like her, it could work. If that is not there... you need a T with that bond. Try another.