[sunrise]

In earthmama's thread, she reported that her T had asked her to think of ways she could feel more empowered in her relationship with him.

I think that is a great topic! I would love to hear other people's ideas on how they could feel more empowered with their own T's.

In her thread, earthmama responded that:
"I did think of some things that I need right now that would help feel like he is really "there". And I called and asked him for them. That made me feel a little empowered - asking for what I need, and getting it."

(earthmama, hope it is OK that I brought this to its own thread.)

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sunrise said:

(earthmama, hope it is OK that I brought this to its own thread.)

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I'm really glad you did - I'm looking forward to hearing people's ideas.

[sunrise]

Here's one idea for me:

Listen deeply to what I want and not respond to him with something that I think is what he wants or expects me to (be able to) say or do.

I'm thinking of about a month or two ago, T suggested to me when we were scheduling the next session, that if I couldn't find a time the following week that worked, I could always skip a week. There might have been a time once when I would have read meaning into this that wasn't there--that T wanted me to see him less frequently--and I would have agreed to skip a week even though he never said that's what he wanted. I would have done this because I thought it was what he wanted, that I thought he thought I was capable of seeing him less frequently and so should try to fulfill his expectations of me, not because it was what I wanted. I was really proud of myself that I told him no, I didn't want to skip a week, that I really liked coming each week and that I needed that now. He was fine with that. I felt empowered that I was able to do that.

[MissCharlotte]

Good topic. I think the idea of asking for what you need is very powerful, and empowering.

I have also found that it is very empowering when I can return to a topic that maybe bugged me or that I didn't feel resolved in a way that I could sit with comfortably. To be able to ask again, or to re-examine something using different words or a new perspective is something that brings new aspects and greater depth to the relationship.

Peace

[Gravity]

For me, I think disagreeing with him when he's wrong makes me feel empowered. When I first started therapy, I used to just accept what his thoughts were as truth because I figured, we'll, he is the expert and would know better than I. But now (after two years), when he's wrong, I tell him so.

Another thing that I think would make me feel empowered is if I could bring myself to look him in the eye when I leave. Usually, by that time, I'm feeling so tiny and ashamed. I somtimes think of "housekeeping" things to say when I leave so I HAVE to look at him but when I don't - I feel like I'm slithering away.

[chaotic13]

I felt empowered when I finally took a risk and actually asked direct questions about my ADHD. I felt really good about doing this and need to do it more often.

I felt empowered when I directly told the new PA at my doctor's office that I did not feel comfortable discussing my issue with her.

I did something similar to what Sunrise described last session when scheduling my next appointment. I'm going to TRY and chose what I want to do next time.

[Simcha]

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chaotic13 said:
I felt empowered when I finally took a risk and actually asked direct questions about my ADHD. I felt really good about doing this and need to do it more often.

I felt empowered when I directly told the new PA at my doctor's office that I did not feel comfortable discussing my issue with her.

I did something similar to what Sunrise described last session when scheduling my next appointment. I'm going to TRY and chose what I want to do next time.

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That's really great chaotic! I love that you were able to do both of those things.

[Kiya]

I felt empowered when i told t her "we;re being calm and quiet voice" *freaks* out the system and to please just speak normally - and other things along with that.

I also feel empowered when it seems in session we are just simply two people discussing a topic - like it is a project we are collaborating on together.

Oh and this last time, i had brought in my art portfolio and said, "I just had a flashback that I need to look at, but I also brought my art and thought we could look at it at the end which will be a positive closure and will help ground me'.
She agreed, and followed through with that.
good thread!

[lauren_helene]

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sunrise said:
that if I couldn't find a time the following week that worked, I could always skip a week.

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If my T said this to me I'd be messed up for months! I hope he never does say this...

I'm glad you are okay with it though, maybe some day I'll be where you are Sunny.

[sunrise]

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lauren_helene said:
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sunrise said:
that if I couldn't find a time the following week that worked, I could always skip a week.

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If my T said this to me I'd be messed up for months! I hope he never does say this...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">All I told him was that no, I didn't want to skip a week, and he was fine with it. It was simple. It was easy. Ha ha. It's so hard to tell them what we want and need. That's why this was so empowering, because I did this and found success! Just go for it, Lauren. I know, easier said than done...