Just venting

I haven't seen T in a couple of weeks due to scheduling conflicts. I am having trouble. I am not sure, but I may not want to go back. I feel completely disconnected now, and my appt is another week away. I am angry at the casual attitude T takes about my appointments sometimes. They are very important to me, and it seems like that isn't understood. I want T to care, and I don't feel like he does. We've discussed it and I've been reassured that I am not just another source of income to him, but I just don't know. I want to give up. The whole thing makes me feel desperately alone.

((((Jully)))),
If do know one thing, it's that you are not alone!!!! Our relationship with our Ts are difficult at best. We (well, many of us) want our Ts to be more than they can and this can be excruciatingly painful. I just ranted about that in a post myself. It is a common theme here. Try going to the next session, and I'll bet you will feel better (at least until you get up to leave). The therapeutical alliance is a relationship like none other. If he would just adopt me, everything would be fine. Oh well. Best of wishes to you.

((((((((((( Jully ))))))))))))))
Could you try again to explain to your T the importance of your appointments. Sometimes I have to explain something over and over again for my T to realize that it is really important to me.

((((((((((((((( Jully ))))))))))))))

You need to find a T who makes you feel important. You need to feel that they care, else how can you work with them effectively. It has nothing to do with fact, but everything to do with perception. Start calling around and do the "telephone interview" with therapists, it will give you back a bit of power and take away the desperate / hopeless feeling that "I need them and they don't care". Not saying you have to find a new therapist, but sometimes just the act of looking takes the pressure off.

Hey. I think that this is a fairly normal reaction that comes out in response to therapy sometimes. Sometimes therapy feels really scary. I know it does for me. It is really scary for me to go along to therapy and to make myself vulnerable in front of another person. Sometimes... I get so scared about that that I don't want to do it. Feel like I can't. Want to withdraw or pull away from him.

Does it feel like a bit of that might be going on?

It is hard to know how much your therapist isn't being appropriately sensitive / understanding about how you are feeling about the scheduling conflicts... And how much to know you are wanting to back off and not go back because trusting another person and talking to and caring for another person is really very scary. Maybe... A bit of both?

Can you talk to your therapist a bit more about how the scheduling conflicts are leaving you not wanting to go back? It might be that something can be sorted out... And it might be that your therapist can reassure you again - sometimes we need to hear things a number of times.

Hang in there.