Being Honest

I have a very hard time being open and honest about how I am feeling whether it is expressing my feelings for something, or talking to someone when I am upset. I am scared that if I let people know what I am really feeling or thinking, they will not like me or something. I've spent most of my life it seems keeping things from people. I just wanted to know if anyone has advice about opening up to a therapist and being honest with them about how you are feeling.

(((itspeaks)))
I'm not a good one to respond to you, since I been working through the same problem. If you have a good T, just give it time and trying anything it takes to begin to open your mouth.

My first 2 month of therapy I had to set my calendar on my cell phone to go off and prompt me. 1:28PM the bell would sound and my phone would display messages like--STOP WASTING TIME. TALK TO HER! Of course some of these prompts were a bit rough but, hey they were from ME.

Be creative, find little ways to prod yourself out of your comfort zone.

Tell the therapist what you've said here in your post.

In therapy, take it as slow as you need to and keep working at it. It will come with time.
Be as honest as you can in therapy, and when you think your T is thinking something about you or what you said, say that right then so you can talk about it and explore it.
You'll often find it is your thoughts about yourself that you are imagining someone else is thinking; checking it out right in the moment lets you hear what the other person is actually thinking.

Honesty requires trust and safety. Things that come with time.

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ECHOES said:
when you think your T is thinking something about you or what you said, say that right then so you can talk about it and explore it.
You'll often find it is your thoughts about yourself that you are imagining someone else is thinking; checking it out right in the moment lets you hear what the other person is actually thinking.

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Wow, this is great advice that I'm going to try to follow myself. Thanks, Echoes.

I also have a hard time being open and honest. It took me a good year before I trusted my T enough to start to really talk about the hard stuff. I made a promise to myself that I would be 100% honest and I have kept that promise. It is hard sometimes to be honest but if you take it slow at your own pace, you will surprise yourself.

Good luck. Let us know how things go.

Sometimes we have to take a chance and reach out, with something small or less important (not that nothing is important) but start gradually and build up that way. You might want to try this.

I understand how you feel! I am just now starting to feel naked in Therapy and it is so scary

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itspeaks said:
I am scared that if I let people know what I am really feeling or thinking, they will not like me or something.

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It sounds like you have been raised to be a pleaser. For me to change a behavior, it has always helped to understand where it came from. I'm sure you could trace this back to your upbringing and realize why you felt the need to be a pleaser. The second step in this is to realize that whoever you altered your behavior for probably needed some help themselves because most likely they were supposed to be looking out for your needs. It always helped me to do this because I could look back and say "okay, this little glitch in my development is now causing me problems. I developed this way and now I can develop a different way".

I don't currently have a T so I can't really try any of the advice out right now, but if I get one again I'll try to remember what you all said.

There is another thing I need help with. How can I talk to my mom about seeing a therapist? I'll try to bring it up and I'll tell her I am depressed and I think I need to go back to counseling and then she will say stuff like "Why are you depressed? You don't have anything to be depressed about. I don't think you need to go." It's almost like I need to pull some crazy stunt or something for her to believe me. Another thing is that when I was in counseling, after our sessions she would always ask me over and over what we talked about. If I wanted to talk to her about it, I wouldn't be in counseling!

You may need to initiate some things on your own. Are you in school? Often the school can refer you to someone. Maybe call your MD/Pediatrician and talk to them candidly. They can talk to your parents with you/for you and make a referral. As a parent, I would hope my children could come to me and talk about any thing. Involving your parents is the best route. But if your parents are not open to helping you get some therapy, you do have options. Often teens seek out other types of health care without parental consent ie: birth control.

I do believe having an open and honest talk with your parents is the best route, but you have other options.

Just some thoughts-Angel

I just don't really feel comfortable with being "open and honest" with my mom. I am not in school so talking to someone there isn't really an option.

How about talking to your MD/Pediatrician? Many are trained in therapy work (as is our Ped.) if not they can make a referral.

Sounds like your Mom is very in secure. She is scared to find out she made wrong choices in raising you. Maybe if you see a school counsler they can tell your Mom you need weekly counseling.

I am not in school & I don't have a doctor. Even if I did have another person to go to about it, that would just make things worse with my mom because she would be offended that I went to someone else instead of her.

Many women's centers offer free no cost counseling. Check them out on line. We moms can be a little different some times. Just keep working at this.

((itspeaks))
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Even if I did have another person to go to about it, that would just make things worse with my mom because she would be offended that I went to someone else instead of her.

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Part of growing up is seeking support outside of the family. It is a normal and healthy part of development. Your mom might be offended at first, but it is not your job to worry about her. It is your job to take care of yourself.

In the long term, I think your mom would be amazingly proud of you for speaking up when you needed something. Regardless, I'm proud of you for taking these first steps.

I wish you strength.

If you're in the USA you can contact your local hospital's social worker. One of their jobs is to give out information on local resources for the needs of public. It's all confidential too. You can just call and talk to find out what is available to you, or stop by and ask to speak to a social worker. Go ahead, take another step. It's good self care.