I'm at work, in my office, trying to get myself together. Because my irresponsibility and impulsivity, my bank account became so badly overdrawn that I have got paid today, have only 194 dollars out of my check-- the rest went to overdraft fees. I have a check for 120 dollars that I gave T on Tuesday. Once that is processed, I wil have 74 dollars left for the next two weeks.

I left T a message (crying... which is very, very rare for me), canceling my Tuesday session. Then I told him I would probably be canceling next Saturday, too.

Then I told him that it is getting to be too much-- the gas money since he moved far away and the cost of the sessions. Plus once I start school that will be even worse because the only time I can se him is on Wednesday mornings, before school. My school and T's office are very far away from each other.

So I told him that maybe it would be better to just not do this anymore. At least not for a long while.

[chaotic13]

(((Pinksoil)))

I hope your T handles this better than mine did this week. From what you wrote above it seems clear that you were simply panicking about money and NOT really interested in quitting therapy. I hope he calls you back. Helps you settle down and then works out a potential solution that can address the tight money situation.

[In_The_Darkness]

I feel for you pink, I really do. Reading your post almost made me cry. Hang in there.

I don't know what this feels like as I am only 14, and don't have financial problems. I don't have to pay for my therapy either - it's on the Nation Health Service here in UK.

Pink, come online everyday. We can support you until you get your financial problems sorted and you can see T again.

Good Luck Hun x

[mlpHolmes]

((((Pink))))
You truly live a full life! One gliche occurs,& the domino effect starts and then like a snowball going downhill fast gets Bigger & Bigger AGH! I'm sorry all this is happening too you - so overwhelming! I'll bet your T clearly remembers days like these.
I go into my 1 day at a time mode, LOL.

Pink, Hope the world is kind today. Tomorrow too! Especially to You!

[Doh2007]

Are you testing him?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Doh2007 said:
Are you testing him?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

NO!!! Why does everyone always ask if I'm testing him? I'm sorry to be rude, but these are real life circumstances... I %#@&#! up my financial situation because of my illness and my irresponsibility and therapy is not fitting well into my budget... not just the cost of the sessions, but the gas mileage as well.

(((((((((((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))))))))))

Your T will work this out with you....I know that when you put your heads together, you'll find a solution. And in the meantime, if you need to call someone crying, I'd say that your therapist is the guy to call.

Remember when he offered you a reduced price session recently and you turned him down? If he does it again, here's the correct response: "Yes, that would be great. Thank you"

Sending lots of

[Kiya]

Hun.... surely t can work this out. some t's will go and meet their client someplace. i wonder if you and he could even meet halfway someplace or get a corner in a library on sat or something? there has to be a way.

hang in there - think outside the box on this one.

[little*rhino]

i hear you.. right now i am living on paper-thin ice due to the cost of T... i needed to cancel three appts in July and didn't. i need to be seeing him 1xweek and cannot bring myself to do it. i cry too.. and go without everything beyond basics, just to keep T.

i'm sending as much love and comfort as this medium allows, which is terribly inadequate. i'm so sorry baby doll... i really am. How many sessions would you truly need to miss in order to re-balance things? i know it is a big problem overall, but rebalancing, and getting rid of the overdraft problem would mean money would be yours again. If you took one month hiatus, what would the money picture look like then?

and pink... maybe there is a way to do this. Talk with him. Maybe you could do one month (1xweek) in which you don't pay anything... and then after that you could pay an extra $20 or something... until it catches back up.

you're a smart, fabulous lady with skills and a strong career path.. things will NOT stay this way.. not for long. Try not to forget all that... bc you'll get caught up in the very narrow picture. The despair won't last, nothing does. You don't know just what will happen yet.. or what can happen. It's easier to just see the "oh my god" of right now. Suppose you did take a month away... and yeah, i'd HATE that too.. but suppose you did, what is ONE month out of years of productive therapy? Or out of your life overall. Nothing. It's a blip. So.. even if you have to just see him once a month for a bit, or just talk to him on the phone for ten mins here and there, just to get through.. YOU CAN GET THROUGH and then you can continue on as before.

hang on dear heart..

much love

[little*rhino]

fab idea kiya!! yes.. have him meet you

[april15]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:

NO!!! Why does everyone always ask if I'm testing him? I'm sorry to be rude, but these are real life circumstances... I %#@&#! up my financial situation because of my illness and my irresponsibility and therapy is not fitting well into my budget... not just the cost of the sessions, but the gas mileage as well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, because it sounds like you are testing him. Are you testing to see if he will rescue you from your financial distress by perhaps seeing you at a reduced rate or telling you not to worry about it and come in anyway? I think cutting back sessions until you solve your financial situation sounds very mature and responsible. Maybe cut back to once a week or once every two weeks for a little while. We all screw up once in awhile, so try not to beat yourself up over it. Also, are there other ways to make up for the financial loss, perhaps tighten your budget in other areas so that you can keep going to all of your sessions? I know I'd cut my cable off before I'd quit therapy, so it's a matter of looking at what's most important to you.

[MissCharlotte]

Pinksoil,

I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. Hmmm, I'd like to pass along some advice a good friend gave me the other day when I was feeling really down and out. Oh, and by the way, you didn't say today was the quitting day, so no fair.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
LET'S ALL QUIT THERAPY ON THE SAME DAY. IT CAN BE LIKE THE NIGHT THAT DISCO WAS DESTROYED. WE CAN STOMP ON OUR APPOINTMENT CARDS AND SET FIRE TO OUR RECEIPTS.

Ok, no. Let's not. But %#@&#!, I know the feeling of just wondering how long the pain in the relationship will last... wondering what the point of the whole thing is... and feeling like the hurt outweights the benefit.

Okay, Miss, I have homework for you. I want you to take some time to think about some of the benefits of yesterday's session. I want you to write them down. You can post them here, or just write them down for youself.

Do it. Do I look like I'm joking? I didn't think so.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Okay, so, make a list right now of all the reasons you must stay in therapy. At this moment and at this stage do NOT -- I repeat-- DO NOT consider the money aspect.

Next, think about how you could spread out the cost of a few reduced fee sessions until you are on your feet financially.

Next, make a list of those things you must pay for in the next week (therapy, gas, food, therapy, etc.) Then calmly make a list of how you will tackle the fiscal deficit. Consider asking for a loan and then paying it off slowly.

Then, when you are feeling a little better, maybe you can take on a private client or two? Maybe you can give some kind of lessons or even tutor at the school you go to? (Students from the Masters program you just graduated from...) Decide on a plan of action and implement it.

We are all feeling the pinch right now, with gas prices through the roof. I am going to be doing a lot of extra tutoring.

Sooooooooo, do I sound like I am joking? I don't think so.

Remember, Suze Orman says, people first money second.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((pinksoil))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care of you.

xoxoxooxoxxoxoox

[MissCharlotte]

Can we please keep the mean spirited posts out of this thread for once? You are not being fair and I am tired of seeing people I care about attacked for no reason.

This person is asking for support, and if you can't offer it, don't say anything.

Remember if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

Thank you.

[Kiya]

OK - pink - back a few years ago, my t saw me for $5 a session. And the day I only had $4 she told me to keep it. Can t do that for you? He knows you're a "long term" client (as my T told me) and that when you can you will pay. There has to be a way through this. And like Miss said - if he offers you are reduced fee - the answer is YES THANK YOU.
You're not alone - 99.9 % of all of us REALLY care about you and understand money issues/life issues and T.
Kiya

[april15]

MissCharlotte, why do you think my post was mean spirited or not supportive?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Well, because it sounds like you are testing him. Are you testing to see if he will rescue you from your financial distress by perhaps seeing you at a reduced rate or telling you not to worry about it and come in anyway? I think cutting back sessions until you solve your financial situation sounds very mature and responsible. Maybe cut back to once a week or once every two weeks for a little while. We all screw up once in awhile, so try not to beat yourself up over it. Also, are there other ways to make up for the financial loss, perhaps tighten your budget in other areas so that you can keep going to all of your sessions? I know I'd cut my cable off before I'd quit therapy, so it's a matter of looking at what's most important to you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Honestly, if I wanted a reduced rate, I'd ask him for one. It has been done before. The reason why I left that message is because that is how hopeless I feel right now. You have no idea what it is like to working full-time as a therapist with a fairly decent salary, and have $70 for the next two weeks. I really don't have the time or energy to test him at this point. Our therapy has gone through a very positive transformation ever since he switched agencies-- but the travel time and money spent for gas will take quite a toll on me next month when I start school.

My T is flexible with finances TO A POINT. I am also VERY, VERY, VERY sensitive about making sure that I pay people that I receive services from and that I do not get behind. In all the financial distress, I have never been more than a week behind with therapy. I have ALWAYS made up the money on the following session. I am not testing or hoping that he would say, "don't worry about it," because A) he would never say it, and B) I would never agree to it.

Last time he offered a reduced fee, I refused because I knew I needed to scale back on finances.

I was very direct, even with my pdoc, about this. I have an appointment with him on Monday. I left him a message yesterday telling him that there was no way I could pay him, so I was leaving it up to him as to whether or not he would like me to come in. He called back and said not to worry about it, that he will just give me an envelope and I can pay when I have the money.

I appreciate you telling me not to beat myself up over this, but the thing is, this isn't a "once in awhile" type of screw up. I wish it was.

[Christina86]

((((((((((((Pinksoil)))))))))))))

I don't have financial planning skills either. Impulsive spender I am... stupid addictive tendencies. I want - I buy. I don't have a credit card though, thankfully! I'm looking into how I can afford abuse counselling at $70/session + hour bus ride (and cost to get there). Not looking so great... but I'm a student, I'm used to being broke I guess? What about a bank loan? Any family you can borrow from?

I think your T's been supportive of you up until this point, there are always ways to get around this. Ask for a pay advance at one of those places... then you pay it back at a later date. Ask T if he'd consider lowering prices for a bit... he sounds like he likes you as a client, and you like him - he's not going to let you hang yourself and suffer because you're temporarily broke! I know this is a highly weird question, but it's worked for some people... if you go to a church on a regular basis, sometimes churches can help fund some sessions for their attendees if they really need it.

[april15]

Thanks for explaining the situation. I can imagine how hard it would be to suddenly find your bank account overdrawn and realize that you only have $70 for the next two weeks. It seems to me that not seeing T at all would be a bad idea, so I hope you can find a solution that works for both of you. Remember, your messed up financial situation is only temporary and you can get through this.

[winterbaby]

I have had to stop seeing my t due to money issues before, although he is cbt and we're not really close it still hurt. But eventually I did see him again and got back on track. If he is offering to let you come at a reduced rate, that's good, but if you are in financial trouble could you try debt solution counseling or something? that can help you put your bills in order and help you with a more permanent solution? There are lots of non profit places that do that, which are ethical debt counseling places. Watch out for the scam artists if you go that route.

[nightbird]

hi pink

have you tried going into your bank, seeing the acct. mgr. and asking for help to recover some overdraft charges? All you have to say is that your med.bills are high, and you will try not to do this again in the future.

Sometimes they will - as a courtesy - knock it down a bit or forgive the charges.

Also, is your bank the best one for you?

Some have a system that charges $10 an overdraft, each one, nothing higher, no matter what, and you can still get a courtesy once in awhile.

Shop around your banks and see, ok ... since over-spending is a symptom.

As far as T, you know, people are going to have to entertain getting to the patient in the years ahead, it will out of a green necessity, don't you think?

This T could start something really good, as part of his service ... it would be great P.R. too.

Okay, back to reality ... in the moment, you are trying to balance money, and I hope you do ... some posters had great ideas.

It's hard 'at the moment' but down the road, the rewards and experiential knowledge will pay-off.

Wish I could rain buckets of money of you - over everyone - but that is just a dream.

Meanwhile, watch the stress, enjoy the little things, and don't forget self care.

Maybe you can make the upcoming month be 'a change and save' kind of thing, and get excited about using up everything on the shelves, the back of the freezer, and well, just about everything - to the tin foil (make hats if you like) so that when you get ahead again, and you will be flush soon, you can start from scratch on a pre-plan you devise this month.

Best to you, and sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Peace and calmness to you,
Night

[ECHOES]

((((( pinksoil )))))

You know I went through this recently and thought I would have to quit T until my finances improved. It is extremely distessing by itself to have the sudden financial situation, and then when it seems like it's going to jeapordize our therapy, OF ALL THINGS!!! it just feels like way too much to be able to cope with!!

My T let me pay for 3 sessions over time by adding to my regular weekly payment as I could and so that's what I've been doing. When I panicked again because of more fallout from my accidentally paying my car payment twice, she said she was in no hurry for me to get those past sessions caught up. We did talk about money, what it means to me, if and how I sabotage myself in that area of m life, if I resent the cost of therapy, etc.

I was afraid to believe these words when someone said them to me when I was in your situation, but you and T will work something out and it's going to be okay.

[smiley1984]

I guess it is good that you have insight and recognise the reasons you have no money in your account despite being employed full time. And I really feel the same as you about not wanting to get cheaper sessions because I always feel like my T has to earn a wage as well, they also have their own financial commitments.

But maybe you just realistically can't afford to see him for the next week or two. Maybe try to use this as a lesson in how to manage your finances better and next time you find yourself impulsively spending you might remember the consequences. Think of it as a good life lesson

[lauren_helene]

What I think is happening is similar to what I go through when I kick one behavior and replace it with another. What is the term for this? Symptom substitution? or something like that.

Has the finance issue picked up steam since you stopped SI'ing? I know you've had the finance issue before but does it wax and wane?

For me, its chocolate, spending, sex, taking more of prescribed drugs, internet use..etc.

I have a very difficult time stopping any of this for long. It also must be difficult paying for therapy completely on your own without insurance. I know I couldn't swing it myself. Lately I've been seeing T twice a week to get through some tough stuff but if I didn't have insurance, my husband and I would be fighting endlessly over it.

I'm not sure what advice to offer since I have similar addictive cycles going on but I understand how hopeless you feel right now. I also know that you will work it out because no one gets to where you are in your career without having the motivation,k brains and logic to get there!!

Hang in there Pink, tomorrow is a new day

[little*rhino]

well.. i am seeing a lot of good ideas about finances and talking to T about this. i think you know in your head (not your heart) the logical steps to take.. you know that this doesn't have to mean ending therapy with this T, but yeah, it probably does mean painful therapy vacation. You know about abandonment fears.. i could be wrong, but it sounds like you're afraid of losing him so you kick yourself out first. You're also extremely smart and you do have the ability to make change and control the variables. Please see the strength you have, and the resources. i'd hate to see you rob yourself of something most people never get. Other T's won't be THIS T... and to be honest, i think you'd burn a bunch of money and be in a very unhappy state. i think it would be better spent to just take the break, make arrangements with T for dealing with the money, talk to the other people in your life about help with managing money.



sending much love

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))))