[Tired12]

I am a newbie who suffers from C-PTSD. I tried to read past threads to answer my current questions but I was unable to find out the information I was looking for. Can anyone share their experience?
I am curious about the processing of my trauma. It has taken 8 months to feel safe enough to talk during therapy sessions. What I am finding difficult is my T only visits my town every two weeks and other that that I have no contact with my T (My T travels 350km to provide this specialist service to my community which I am so greatful for).
I have started to noticed that two weeks between sessions feels like eternity. And that it takes me a while to get in touch with my thoughts and feelings during each session (sometimes I remain in the 'machine/robot' state and may not connect at all). After some therapy sessions the emotional response rolls on for days after. I seam to have more response in the safety of my own home after the sessions. But before I get to my next session I think I start to repress these emotions, thought and feeling and I become stuck in the abyss of 'nothing' and it takes me the next half session to get to the point where I can talk again. It is rather frustrating and often I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
Does anyone know if this type of thing happens to people during weekly session? Is this the process itself working as it should?
It is all a bit different for me as I have not engaged in the process of therapy before.

Thank you,
Tired12

[skeksi]

I think it's pretty typical for the emotional response to continue after therapy (the "therapy hangover"!). I know I tend to have more PTSD symptoms for two or three days after a session, sometimes more.

I also understand the frustration of the time it takes to reconnect with your T and your emotions once you are finally in session. One thing that helps me is taking some time the night before and also the hour or so before the session to look through my journal and see how the week was, what I was thinking about. I often create sort of a bulleted list of two or three issues I want to discuss. This helps me avoid the panicked empty mind.

I wonder if you could ask your T for longer session times, since you meet less frequently? That might take some of the pressure off enough so you feel more free to talk.

I encourage you to browse this Psychotherapy section and also the PTSD section, they helped me feel less alone in the process.

(((((((((((((((((((((( tired12 ))))))))))))))))))))))

I can absolutely relate to what you are saying....the time it takes to open up in session, and then the aftereffects when the session is over. I am guessing that is not uncommon with PTSD.

I do have a lot of contact with T between sessions...it must be really hard to wait for those 2 weeks. Does journalling help? I journal a lot when T is out of town or unavailable for whatever reason.

I like skeksi's idea of asking for longer sessions. You would be able to get more work done that way, and it would give you more time to get grounded at the end and maybe reduce the length of the "therapy hangover"

Welcome to PC, by the way!!

[emilyjeanne]

It is difficult for me to reconnect to my T and I see her twice a week. If you can only see your T every 2 weeks I would ask for a longer session. Also maybe you can email.

Let us know how you are doing.

[Tired12]

Thanks skeksi and earthmama,

I have tried using a journal to identify feelings but I end up confused of overwhelmed. I am thinking this is the complex nature of the PTSD. It takes me a long time processing stuff to actually find out what emotions fit with a particular memory. Also when I journal I find I become even more depressed after it is written, things like shame, guilt, responsibility (and added flash backs)all come up. As I grew up in a small town the media surrounding one of my trauma's was not to helpful for me. So written words sometimes adds to my anxiety. I get anxious when T writes notes even. I am even getting anxious with this thread already. I am avoidant this allows me to work and function within my family, but at a huge cost. My thoughts are racing so I will come back to this thread later. Thanks for your comfort and understanding.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Tired12 )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[lifeblows]

Hi Tired, welcome to PC. I agree with the others about asking for a longer session time and asking to email. Would he be willing to do sessions with you over the phone the weeks he's not in town? It may take a lot of persuading but maybe if you can convey to him how hard on you it is to go that long without a session. Those long anxious waits make the process even more tortuous. Not really fair in my opinion.

I also wanted to acknowledge how horrible it is for your trauma to have been sensationalized by the media too. That's an added element that would make it even more terrible. I have found writing does wonders for me, but since it makes you more anxious would drawing or painting or some other medium work better for you? I can't draw or paint very well otherwise I would find those therapeutic. Of course I usually don't journal about the trauma itself, that would make me feel worse too. I have to write or journal about other stuff or what's currently going through my head. So it might be useful to try journaling about something not related to the trauma.

I recently had to quit therapy after three and a half years and I never really got past a lot of the stuff you're dealing with to be honest. I never got rid of the therapy hangovers, the flashbacks, the aftereffects, the ripples and shockwaves talking and being vulnerable produced even more. However my therapist never made sure I was okay or utilized some of the techniques others on here have mentioned before leaving my sessions. Most of my therapy time, I had to go straight back to work afterwards. It was double hell.

The good news is you found someone who has heard of and believes in C-PTSD. I recently came across something about it somewhere and a lot of it sounded exactly like me, especially since I'm borderline. However, I asked some therapists around here and they'd never heard of it. I wasn't surprised but figured I'd ask anyway. It was also consistent with some stuff I'd been reading in a really great book on PTSD that I found recently. It's given me a lot of information and useful, practical knowledge that I was never given in therapy. I found that supplementing my therapy with books on my issues was a good way to bide the time in between sessions and answer a lot of lingering questions that it will be killing you to know after you start pondering stuff later. Plus when you read something that describes you exactly you will be relieved to know at least one person out there understands, even if it is a stranger author you've never seen or met. Will help it all be a little more real because you'll have proof in a book that your symptoms, feelings, and all the stuff that makes you feel so messed up & crazy exists.

And you've now got the resource of this board and site. Wish I had found it a looong looong time ago. Lots of great info on here and lots of people willing to lend an ear, hug, and some support. Welcome.

[(JD)]

I think you're doing really well, only 8 months of therapy, and that at every 2 weeks?
I disagree with asking for more time. You are already reeling from the information you are trying to process, and you want to pile more onto it? What you might do is tell the T that you are quite affected by what goes on in the therapy session. A good discussion as to whether it is bearable and therapeutic, or possibly retraumatizing instead, will let your T know whether to slow down or whether your sessions are "just right."
Don't push. Going slower is fastest usually. When you push for more than what the brain can process (in the realm of trauma) you often find yourself reacting and not being able to move ahead in therapy, but spend valuable time recovering from the push instead.
You're doing well I think. TC!

[Tired12]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom/experience.
I have never spoken to people outside the clinical area about my C-PTSD. I don't know why I just don't talk about it, so this is all new. Thanks sky for your opinion. I had wondered about what it would be like if I was attending weekly appointments knowing that the hangover does last 5 days or more at times. The focus of therapy has been about building a positive T, client relationship so I'm not feeling to traumatized currently. I do have flashbacks, anxiety etc when things are mentioned but I think it's bearable.
And lifeblows I too go back to work after therapy and it is just across the road. I look at my office from my therapists room. This does cause anxiety about many things. The things which should sound so simple to do just simply are not.
I will also find it difficult to ask T questions or request anything which would better meet my needs. Because I would think I am expecting to much from T. It's like I don't want to become dependent/rely on someone other than myself.
Hope this makes sense. Thanks again for your posts everyone.

Originally Posted by _Sky

Don't push. Going slower is fastest usually. When you push for more than what the brain can process (in the realm of trauma) you often find yourself reacting and not being able to move ahead in therapy, but spend valuable time recovering from the push instead.
!

I second this, for sure. Now that T and I are deep in the trauma processing, sometimes literally an ENTIRE SESSION is spent on one detail of the trauma - like one sentence. It's not like we planned it that way ("we'll do this one sentence at a time!") but the feelings and memories around each little detail are so big and overwhelming and it takes the whole session to manage to talk about it, feel it, and get re-grounded before I can leave. Actually, I've gone for a couple of longer sessions lately, and we still usually only get to one detail - maybe just stay in the feelings a little longer.

I do think, however, if you are only seeing him once every two weeks, a longer session is worth asking about. Even seeing my T twice a week, it takes me a little time before I can really get into the trauma stuff in each session, and then there is the time to get regrounded at the end. I think that if we had two weeks between sessions, it would take me quite a bit longer to open up each time. With a longer session, you could perhaps relax a bit, and let things come out in their own time.

[Tired12]

Thank you again earth mama.

I am starting to feel much more reassured that I am doing the right thing and I do actually have a fair bit of control over the process.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Tired12

I am a newbie who suffers from C-PTSD. I tried to read past threads to answer my current questions but I was unable to find out the information I was looking for. Can anyone share their experience?
I am curious about the processing of my trauma. It has taken 8 months to feel safe enough to talk during therapy sessions. What I am finding difficult is my T only visits my town every two weeks and other that that I have no contact with my T (My T travels 350km to provide this specialist service to my community which I am so greatful for).
I have started to noticed that two weeks between sessions feels like eternity. And that it takes me a while to get in touch with my thoughts and feelings during each session (sometimes I remain in the 'machine/robot' state and may not connect at all). After some therapy sessions the emotional response rolls on for days after. I seam to have more response in the safety of my own home after the sessions. But before I get to my next session I think I start to repress these emotions, thought and feeling and I become stuck in the abyss of 'nothing' and it takes me the next half session to get to the point where I can talk again. It is rather frustrating and often I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
Does anyone know if this type of thing happens to people during weekly session? Is this the process itself working as it should?
It is all a bit different for me as I have not engaged in the process of therapy before.

Thank you,
Tired12

((((((Tired12)))))) Welcome.
The bright side is that you are soooo lucky to have caught the PTSD relatively early in it's development, which leads to a much better prognosis.
PTSD is an anxiety disorder, and anxiety of all stripes can cause that freeze/stuck response (or rather, lack thereof) in session. I had something similar happen to me and I told my therapist ( T ) that I felt like I didn't get much accomplished in 45 minutes and couldn't open up much, so he recommended longer sessions, which have helped TREMENDOUSLY.

Are you a veteran? If so, does NZ provide veterans mental health services, and/or have centers that provide such (if they are good and can be trusted, that is)? You are definitely doing the right thing. The only way to stop PTSD is to confront it head-on, scary and rotten as it is. It's important to have a T who has a lot of experience in that area though, and that you feel comfortable with the T.

Are you still in NZ? Beautiful country.

[Tired12]

Thanks Simcha for you insight,

No I am not a veteran, just a endless series of multiple trauma's. I'm not sure what you meant by catching the PTSD early though? I suffered major depression for months most of which I can't remember. It has been 5 years since then and I have only just started T 8/9 months ago.

[chaotic13]

Tired12,

I also have appointments 2 and 3 weeks apart and it sometimes is very difficult to deal with all the stuff that surfaces between sessions. (((Lots of HUGS)))

I have been very luck in that my T allows me to send her emails between sessions. She doesn't usually reply to them, but if I request a reply she will. For me just getting my thoughts down and then communicated (clicking the send button) is often enough to settle me somewhat. I am not sure why but even without a reply I feel better. Why, I have no idea.

Since you are working on very triggering things, could you ask your T if he/she could allow you some means to communicate between sessions?

Also, does your T know you are having this response? Sky's comment was very important (IMO). I went through most of my after session Fallouts alone because I didn't really do a good job of telling my T I was experiencing problems. I thought my T knew what was going on... but I don't think she really did until I "really" told her (i.e. not just mentioning it quickly then moving on to something else). Since I did that, things seemed to kind of change for the better.

[Tired12]

Thank you all so much for replying.
I am struggling this week maybe because things were mentioned during T last week and the 'hangover' is lasting longer than usual. T is still another week away and I have so many questions and experiences to discuss. A week of triggers wears me down and keeps me awake and anxious. I am beginning to work out that maybe the work out of T is harder than the hour in T each fortnight.
I have been taking comfort in hearing other posts here so thank you

Originally Posted by Tired12

I am beginning to work out that maybe the work out of T is harder than the hour in T each fortnight.

My T says that we do most of our work in therapy outside of the room. Sure feels like it!

[chaotic13]

..triggers wears me down and keeps me awake and anxious.

I was this way for several months, but it has gotten better for the time being. I am not dumb enough to think this stage is over for me. I finding that my therapy is a very circular process. I feel really triggered, sink low, get a handle on it thing, feel good and am ready to quit, then bam I'm triggered again and everything starts all over. However I do feel like I am starting to get the concept of "this too shall pass."

I definitely agree that most of the work is done by us outside of the therapy session.

[Tired12]

I am finding it difficult to work with all this stuff happening (flashbacks, anxiety, tired body and a head full of rubbish!). How do people keep their jobs and work and be there for their families?

Originally Posted by Tired12

I am finding it difficult to work with all this stuff happening (flashbacks, anxiety, tired body and a head full of rubbish!). How do people keep their jobs and work and be there for their families?

I am having a hard time with this myself today, tired. Sometimes it's easier and sometimes, like today, it just feels impossibly hard.

I'll let you know if I think of anything. In the meantime, take gentle care, and we can both wait for some wise answers from our friends here on PC.

[Tired12]

Well I am still awake and it's 3.10am here. In three hours I will start the morning routine as usual. I'm tired but can't sleep with a head full of rubbish. Work will be such a joy today, I'm sure!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Tired12

How do people keep their jobs and work and be there for their families?

During my worst time, I had a number of different strategies. At work, I would try different ways to get some privacy so no one would see me crying. I would pretend to go photocopy, but really I would go outside and walk around the building and try to get some fresh air and cry. Or at lunch, I would go eat in my car and rest and cry. Or I would go for a walk at lunch. Walking seemed to help me. When I just wasn't functional enough to make it into work in the morning, I would call in sick and take a day off. My attendance and productivity at work were horrible. My boss never reprimanded me and I felt very guilty for my terrible performance, but I was doing the best I could. As for family, I wasn't that great about meeting their needs either, but I tried. Having private time to cry was really important to me. So yeah, I just did a lot of little things to get by. I think getting enough sleep is really, really important. My sleep at night was miserable, but during the day there were times when I could steal a little sleep here and there (like at lunchtime at work). Or when I took the kids to soccer, I would sleep in the car while they played. Bad, I know, but we do what we gotta do. And I would force myself to go to therapy once a week, even though it seemed pointless. Tired12, try to find little ways to give yourself what you need. Every little bit helps. If you have people who can help with your family and you are close to them, maybe you could confide in them that you need some extra help right now. Ask friends, family, husband, etc. to be there for you at this time.

[beadlady29-old]

Maybe u can ask T if can do some type of relaxation exercise before you end your session each time. we has weekly sessions and also experience tremendous difficulty both after and between seeions. T has just started saving time to end each seeion relaxing and re-grounding..really seems to help, at least to get thru the rest of that particular day anway.
Also just wants to tell you that we are sorry u are having such a hard time rite now and are here 4 u if can help in any way.
pc is a wonderful safe place to express, just sits,learn, support others\receive support or whatever.

beadlady29

[Tired12]

You are all great, thanks for the idea's.
I wish I could do the whole 'Relaxation Exercises' beadlady, but an abuse trauma took place in a relaxation session when I was young (not with a T, a sports coach). So when T said 'breath through it' I would freeze and all of a sudden anxiety attack. It took me 5 months to tell T what was happening, now T doesn't use the idea's of relaxation and breathing. I so want to be calm right now.
I am having second thoughts about keeping the T going. Two weeks is just to long. I still have 6 more days to wait. I have even avoided my mental health nurse, I don't know why. I transferred my Psychiatrist appointment from this week till next because I would not of talked today. Why am I doing this? I should be asking for help now, not avoiding it.

[beadlady29-old]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Tired12)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sorry to hear u had such a bad expereince!!!!!!! Tired u asked urself why are you avoiding appts.,.......soudns like u are very scared inside. Maybe T is going too fast! that could cause a lot of this anxiety. Do you have any hobbies? or other activity or sport that you enjoy doing?
we experience a lot of anxiety between appts. also, and one of the things that seems to help is distracting myself. since we do not trust others becausse of past abuse, we usually stay at home. anyway, we do beadwork. it is almost meditative without haveign to do any relaxations stuff ( it scares us to do those exercises also unless we are in T's office because we are afraid to 'let down our guard'). while we are working on beads, it forces us to concentrate very hard on what we are doing, hence we forget about all the stuff we are scared,angry and frustrated about. the extra upside of this is that we even make a little bit of money off of the beadwork.
not saying you have to get that serious about activity\hobby., but maybe even reading a book if you could concentrate on it would be helpful to get ur mind off of the stuff. then maybe u could keep your next T appt. and explain to T what is going on. i'm sure T will know what to do - that is T's job after all if you can just try to keep ur mind off of the 'garbage' and have some confidence in T . we hopes u can make\keep an appt. and maek it thru. pc is a great place to come and hang out. have u tried live chat yet? ther a lot of good support can be found. it is also helpful in getting your mind off of stuff bothering u because u have opportunity to help others with their issues. also we are just a pm away if you ever need to talk.

sends u a safe

beadlady29

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Tired12

Thanks Simcha for you insight,

No I am not a veteran, just a endless series of multiple trauma's. I'm not sure what you meant by catching the PTSD early though? I suffered major depression for months most of which I can't remember. It has been 5 years since then and I have only just started T 8/9 months ago.

((((((Tired12)))))))

Ah, okay, C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), not "regular" PTSD. Either way, they are equally rotten to deal with.

I thought (who knows why) that you began therapy within the first year of realizing that something was wrong and sought a therapist. I don't know why I assumed that.

What's available in NZ therapist-wise? Are you seeing a psychologist or is it a psychiatrist (or neither)? I would like to think that you would have more available to you than what is being offered. The way it's going now, my guess is that with 8-9 months of therapy, it's not hard to see why you aren't feeling like you are getting far. You might not even be able to build up a rapport with your T, considering that his time is limited. CPTSD is hard enough to unravel with frequent therapy visits, but yours seems not frequent enough.

What can we do to get you into someone more frequently?
Do you like your current one, and would you change therapists if it meant more face-time?