attachment is scary

My new therapist seems to be working out. The little things that concerned me (incase they continued) have basically been dealt with. We had the privacy discussion and she seemed respectful of my concerns. She is trying to link up my past with my present in order to understand my present better. The latter kind of deals with my concerns around theoretical orientation. We seem to be meeting in a different room (one that is less like a consult room) and she asked whether it was hard for me to risk feeling attached to someone when it was time limited. So... Working out well.

But... What are we doing? Maybe having some kind of crisis around that right now. Talked a little about what it was like living with my Mother. Needed to 'sleep' for about 4 hours after that. Partly a function of my sleep schedule. Partly a function of my... Not being as functional or able to deal as I appear to be.

The relationship... My having a relationship with a therapist is traumatic in itself. Because of the dynamic. Don't get me wrong... I need it... Or I start to fall apart functionally and more generally interpersonally... But it is traumatic in itself. 'Disintegrates with therapy'. That is me, indeed.

What are we doing? I don't know. I want to... Interpersonally withdraw quite generally. Going to have a work day tomorrow. Need to get into my work. I feel... Attached to her already. Fairly scared. I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to go home.

the attachment isnt a bad thing. People want/need to be attached. Its scary for some of us. Can u just let it be what it is and will be and deal with it one day at a time?

hi kim and everyone, i was just on another thread having to do with attachments at the moment, i cant get over the overlay that seems to be happening at times... attachments?

well, ive done so much thinking on this... i am a strong purporter of attaching, there are several ways ive imagined that even those who are experiencing trust issues might choose to form healthy attachments.. for one, very few T's disagree that forming attachments is healthy.. it makes firm logical sense in addition to the emotional benefts...

imagine a community of people who were attached in a few common goals... less violence could be one choice, or, what if they wanted the healthiest babies in the area? it would become a competition of sorts and the prize of course is better health for all... even the losers could be winners...

Utopian thinking? not really, it may become a necessity.. as our conditions around us steam and build pressure, we need answers... disconnection seems the wrong direction... attachments, even for simple causes, create the form of community some of us might be searching for and hoping to establish... this would not be any form of supremacy or golden race, but a place with a focus on survival.... a community could decide for itself.... guess i need to win the lotto so i can start my own kingdom lol... just kidding..

kim, i really connect with the pain you feel, and the fear, about creating attachments but all this thinking made me try to become more like the people i looked up to most... they were friendly and kind.... thats about it.. that led me on and in time ive been able to understand better why attachments matter... you matter kim.. never forget that

I would have great difficulty attaching under time constraints. I think you are brave to go out and get what you need.

Being scared is to be expected....and yes it will feel traumatic as our first primary relationships were traumatic...sounds like you have the trust needed to experience these deep wounds...

(((((((((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))))))))))

Yeah, attachment is super scary, but it can also be incredibly healing.

I'm glad you've found someone you can work with while you are away from home

yeah. i guess there isn't a lot to be done but to take it as it comes. i guess i find it hard for a number of reasons. i really don't like to feel like i need anyone. attachment kind of feels like that. it is also scary because it gives the person a power. to really affect me if they don't understand of if they respond with horror or whatever.

kinda feel like i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't. if i don't do therapy then i start to functionally fall apart. and if i do do therapy i start to functionally fall apart too. guess that means i need things to go real slow. i wish... i wish i was stronger.

I can so realte to your post, kim you are strong, you are battling through this despite the difficulty - I have difficulty (understatement of the year LOL ) with attachments - but being seperate from the world is far worse.

I guess we have to take a chance to get healed, have to let someone in close when we feel that is dangerous - i think its a lesson we have to learn - its hard but I know you can do this - i have read your posts - you are stronger than you think - hang in there P7

why is it time-limited? are you going back to the first T? sorry, you probably explained all this already.

I struggle a lot with the attachment thing, both in therapy and in RL relationships. What I find most scary is in RL relationships when people start to get attached to me. It makes me very uncomfortable and I get scared that they will want something that I either can't or don't want to give them. The whole attachment thing is very interesting and part of me really wants to experience it. But everytime I get in a situation where people try and move into my inner world... I always end up uncomfortable and feel like I want to run.

it is time limited because i'm only in the country for about another six months and then i'm going back to my other t, yeah.

it is hard to let someone in... i find... i'm thinking about her a lot. and... worrying about what she thinks / will come to think of me. that is pretty scary. that i've come to care so fast...

maybe i'm projecting... but i think she is a little like me in the sense of needing time to think. like how i was concerned about some things... and seems she saw that they were concerning afterwards. just took her some time... i guess that means i time awkward things near the end so she can think about them through the week...

i've found myself counting down the days till i see her again. only one more day. yesterday i was going 'only two more days. only two more days to get through. i can do it. just need to get through two more days'. that is pretty fast... guess i always have attached fast to people i clicked with, though.

think we are moving to twice a week from now on. guess that that will kick in the degree of attachment, too. hard... i know that in a sense this semester will go easier for me because of this / her. i'll be able to do the three days at a time living thing... but it will be hard, too... remembering stuff... :-( my life is hard.

(((KIM)))

Attachment is a very scary thing and one of the key points in therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. Kudos to you for recognizing that this is scary. I encourage you to talk to your therapist about how you are feeling and what you are thinking. This is important to the work as well. Also, since it is time limited, you might think about what you would like to work on during that time.

Take Care,

Exactly. I just gave up on therapy again so I am about to fall apart again. I simply can't take the chance to care about anyone. Over time I have developed this totalitarian regime which requires complete emotional isolation....

I'm thinking this might just not be healthy?