The things that therapists have done that have been helpful

MINIME · Jan 03, 2009, 12:52 PM

I find myself reading the posts here and learning somethings that can help me in my therapy move foward. I started thinking that maybe we could share some of the most helpful things that our therapists have done that has made the connection stronger or has eased suffering or has really helped us move foward. Then we could read other peoples posts and see what has been helpful and maybe we could try some of the ideas.

searchingmysoul · Jan 03, 2009, 12:58 PM

Great post!

My T gave me a 'transitional object', a totem rock, at a time when I was totally and completely wigging out. Extremely helpful.

Consistency. She is so consistent. Also extremely helpful.

She says "I will be there with you". I am not sure which part of me this touches, but, when she says it, it is so helpful.

She doesn't ever push me to talk or to explain beyond my boundaries. Also extremely helpful.

These would be the major ones...I could probably think of more...

MINIME · Jan 03, 2009, 01:03 PM

I have to say that the blanket has been the most helpful thing that my reg T has done. I use it everyday and it has kept me safe and has helped me feel connected to humans and loved and warm
Also the session about phone calls and talking about what I needed when I called as in a call back. She let me know her schedule the best time to leave a message, and we talked about what would happened if she was to busy to talk (she would call and tell me and would tell me when she could call) we talked about urgent things and how i could write them and drop them off at her office if she was busy and couldnt call. We talked about how I dont like feeling rushed on a phone call as it makes me feel scared. I also told her that if her voice sounds really tired that I wuld feel like she was mad at me so she said to ask her about her voice if it was different. ( I am really sensative to slight changes in someones voice a skill I learned as a kid to stay safe) and she said that she would try and protec me from the stress at her job when she calls and her voice is stressed but she cant always and I need to tell her what I am hearing. That has helped.
WIth my emdr T she writes things down in a step by step style that I can follow when I need to. She has done this for sadness anger flashbacks suicidal feelings. She does this when she leaves for a week by writing what a god job I am doing.
Another things is she got the huge pad of paper like the kind u use in presentaions and I use it for anger. I draw whatever. When your mad having a small peice of paper at least for m is sufficating but the big paper is huge and you can scribble and draw and she sits with me on the floor and sometimes I find that the words follow so easily after or during this.
Im sure I will have more but thats it for now. ((HUG))

chaotic13 · Jan 03, 2009, 02:42 PM

Consistency and temperance has been very important.

Even before I discussed my touch issue, she seemed to pick up on it. She remains relatively still and never challenges my personal space.Maybe this is just standard practice, but its been very important to helping me view therapy as a safe place.

sunrise · Jan 03, 2009, 06:44 PM

He gave me hope. I was stuck, trapped, unable to move forward. He gave me hope I could do it--surmount the problems in my life and live to tell about it.

Sometimes he will normalize things for me, tell me I am not the only one with that particular problem and that helps me feel not so aberrant. Like when I told him I had an ego state of the opposite sex. I thought that was the most bizarre and aberrant thing, but he told me it was not uncommon, and that made me feel immensely better.

Most of the time, he lets me choose the topics and direction for therapy that day. He has told me this is my responsibility, that only I know what I need to heal. This has been empowering.

A little thing he does occasionally is ask me to state something in a positive way, instead of a negative. For example (I haven't said this myself), instead of saying, "I don't want to be dependent on others," one could say, "I want to be independent." That is very powerful. It helps me know what I want instead of what I don't want. And if we know what we want, we can work towards it.

He self discloses frequently. This makes the relationship seem more mutualistic, authentic, and real. He is a real person. He has a real life. He has gone through some of the same situations I have and has hard-earned wisdom to share. He models sharing about his own life and this helps me see how to do that and share with him.

phoenix7 · Jan 03, 2009, 07:08 PM

My old T taught me how to open up and start trusting - him first - then others - He did thought field therapy which got me out of the shut down zone and on the road to healing.

He never made me feel foolish, he listened without judging and made me feel safe.

My new T took me for a walk by the river when i couldnt sit still in her office - we had therapy as we walked - that was great

- she does EMDR and that has helped too - I trust her as far as I can - she listens then we work on how to deal with things -she lets me have extra time if i need it and she has it to give.

Jan 03, 2009, 08:30 PM

My T has taught me that *I* know what I need to heal. He lets me take the lead, and will almost give me anything I ask for... He will sit on the floor with me, he will tell me stories, he will play Uno with me, he will let me color...and as random as all of that seems, it all ends up being something that moves my therapy forward in a big way. He's teaching me to trust myself, and to trust that when I feel like I need something, I DO need something, and it's okay to ask for it and get it.

He has given me the gift of truly caring for me. When I started therapy, I realized I had a huge hole leftover from my childhood that could never be filled. He is filling it.

He has never, EVER made me feel like my story is "too much" or my needs are too big.

He provides boundaries so I can feel loved AND safe at the same time.

He has given me little material things - including one of his personal things from his desk that meant a lot to me. He leaves me voice mail messages after every session and writes me little post it notes to take home sometimes.

I feel super lucky to have him as my T

vienna · Jan 03, 2009, 10:53 PM

My T explained that when I feel like I have a hard time talking about something, or I am wondering if I should, I should remind myself that from his perspective the things I think of as a burden are a gift when I share them with him. When I remember to think of it that way, it is easier.

I also have an annoying habit of apologizing for anything and everything, even for things that aren't mine to be sorry about. I hardly even notice I do it, but I notice it more now because when I do he will stop to remind me that I don't have anything to be sorry for. I have to say it gives me pause sometimes and makes me rethink things when I catch myself doing this outside of his office.

sittingatwatersedge · Jan 04, 2009, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MINIME

maybe we could share some of the most helpful things that our therapists have done that has made the connection stronger or has eased suffering or has really helped us move foward.

My T has shown me "unconditional positive regard". no kidding, in the face of some revelations that have obviously made her reel, she has held onto it. when I come face to face with that, I feel sort of short circuited, because I am not seeing / feeling the reaction that I fully expected, and it makes me think sometimes about whether I am my own worst enemy, condemning and judging when she does not. I don't express this very well, but a great weight of self hatred and sorrow seems (sometimes) to be a little lighter and it makes me want to dance for joy. For me that is saying a lot... thanks Minime, for asking this question and helping me to get the words out!

deliquesce · Jan 04, 2009, 03:17 AM

yes, Minime, this is a great idea for a thread.

my pdoc tells me that he will look after me. when he says that, i feel so safe. i have a really strong urge to be independent of all others, not to rely on anyone, not to ask for care. but when he says that, he reaches the little girl inside of me who is craving for someone bigger and stronger to protect her from hurt. i can think 'this is someone to trust'.

Kiya · Jan 04, 2009, 04:58 AM

I like that T always incourages me to say what is going on in the moment and that if i am angry at her, to tell her, because she may not know. We find that I base my actions upon assumed things and they may not be true - so to talk about them keeps us on the same page.
She also sends things with me from her office when she leaves town - generally a crystal that means a lot to her, and a stuffed animal (armadillo Beanie) that has been named Benedict =) that she has had me keep with me for several months now. And she read a book on tape for me, given me CDs of Belleruth Naperstak... my brain just abruptly stopped, so that's all for now. kiya

deliquesce · Jan 04, 2009, 05:05 AM

i love that some Ts give their clients gifts to hold on to. i wish my pdoc or T would do the same.

indrani · Jan 04, 2009, 05:10 AM

This is a great idea. I'm going to embark on my journey with a therapist tomorrow and I sincerely hope I'll come out with something to share and contribute to this thread! Love you all!