I admited a fantasy and now my wife is repulsed

During sex this afternoon I admitted to my wife that I had fantasized about her having sex with another man.

She was immediately, and obviously repulsed, locked herself in the bathroom. Now says she doesn't think she knows me. She feels uncherished and used. She keeps saying I want to pass her around to my friends like a *****.

Its only been 10 hours, but its not a normal fight.

Her reaction. No trying to understand, no love. No "That grosses me out why would you think that?" Just hate and repugnance.

Is my marriage doomed?

what you told her was a fantasy. They are called fantasies...they have no basis in reality. Also, it must have taken a lot of courage to tell her that info not to mention her reaction. People are not perfect...i do not think it's the end of your relationship. Let her have her feelings. But sit down and communicate about your feelings. She clearly did not have a problem letting you know how she felt.

No, your marriage isn't doomed. At least, I wouldn't expect something as simple as a fantasy to get in the way of your marriage.

I'll be as honest as I possibly can here and you should do the same with your wife, as i'm sure you do always anyway.

Be up front with her and explain the simple things that get forgotten in time. The two of you are best friends. More than that, you're lovers. Even more than that - You are life partners.

Who better to talk to than this person? Explain to her you had a fantasy, and thats all it was and ever will be. You just wanted to share your thoughts with your best friend, lover and life partner.

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Maybe to ease your mind - that's not an uncommon fantasy. I actually told my fiancee the same thing (months ago). She just kind of laughed at the thought... knowing that it was a mere fantasy. She and I are very open when it comes to sex. Not open enough to invite a third party - and potentially cause a problem in the relationship - but open enough to discuss our thoughts regarding the matter.

Basically, explain to her that that type of thing can not and never would be shared with anybody else. You needed to tell someone. She's the best avenue as that's what a marriage is about. Open, honest communication without which, any marriage would be doomed.

I'm sorry, but I agree with your wife, that was not the smartest thing to say..... Even I would have an issue with that if it was said to me.

Hi, I do not believe that your marriage is doomed. But, I must say that the area of sexual fantasy is one we all should be careful about, especially with spouses. There is a book, written years ago, by Nancy Friday, called "My Secret Garden." It came out in the '70's. In it she speaks with women about their sexual fantasies. Very interesting. Nancy Friday tells a story about a time she had sex with her date and he asked her later what she was thinking of during sex. She, openly, tells him she was thinking about having sex with an entire football team. Without a word, though obviously furious, he jumped out of bed, dressed and left, slamming the door behind him. You see what I mean? Just know that what you say can mean different things to different people in a relationship. I hope this helps. Kate1218 (new member).

In my opinion her reaction is a little over the top, are you sure there is not more to this story ?

Maybe she just needs more time to process the information. I wouldn't personally think a marriage would be doomed by sharing that thought, but it was obviously a shock to her.

Well...it's a good thing your fantasy wasn't about you with another woman...rite? I mean, if it could be any worse...that would be it?

Reassure your wife that some fantasies are not meant to become a reality...hense the name, fantasy. And what better person for you to share yours with than the person who means he most to you?

Ask her...would she rather have you confide in someone else?...I think not. Give her some time to absorb the 'surprise' of what you told her. Patience. She'll come around. And perhaps encourage her to share some of her fantasies with you, as well? After all....we ALL have them.

Doomed? ...I highly doubt it.

Hope that helps some.

Shangrala

Its been a month since I first posted. We spent a week very uncomfortably then two weeks pretending nothing happened and this past week has been back to discomfort.

We have a counseling appt on Friday.

This is not a normal fight and I still do not understand her reaction.

As to there being more to the story. There is always more to the story, I am certain there is a great deal more that I don't know about and a great deal I am conciously and sub-conciously choosing not to share.

I also think it is a bit over the top, but also there is a reason why she feels this way. I think that she might be very insecure. If you know anything about her past this could answer a lot of questions for you. When people say negative things this really does a lot of damage to someone's self worth. I'm not implying that you said negative things to her, but probably someone in her past.

Did the counseling session help?

well...most guys have this fantasy...very strange....because women don't have such a fantasy! I would be pissed if I see my boyfriend or husband have sex with another woman....but guys have this fantasy to feel that their wife or girlfirend is desirable by other guys!
She over reacted, just let it go and she will be okay....
My ex-boyfriend told me the same....and I got pissed, I thought he doesn't like me and he wants to use me....but then I told him what if I pick his best friend, and then he got so sad and for a while he kept asking me if I like his friend....hehehe....he was going crazy out of that....he even told his friend.....your wife should have done the same....hehehehe....
be relaxed and talk to her and tell her that this is just a fantasy, and that's because guys want their wife to be desirable by other guys....that's it...and you would be so jealous of thinking about it even!
take care
marjan

I could never have a fantasy like that... I would feel like the biggest piece of s*** in the world.

Marjan said MOST not all.......

Husband..
There has to be a reason why she is reacting so strongly...Probably, it is insecurity.

Truthfully..my husband has had similar fantasies (as well as others) that we would never act on...

Have you ever watched a porn movie with her? Admit..the first time I did it was a bit uncomfortable, but since he was brave enough to share his intimate thoughts with me I wanted him to at least have an outlet for those fantasies that we could share.

So when the mood stikes us we have a few fvideos or him and a few for me!