My fiance already married????

Well... here's the story.. and at the end i'm boggled and find myself at a loss and needing help.
My step mom set me up with one of her younger friends; because I asked her if she knew of any guys who were single and decent.
I met him, fell in love. Did some things we probley should have, and now I'm pregnant.
We got engaged... the only problem is... HE'S MARRIED! and I met his "ex" and his child. she has a boyfriend of her own, and they were suposed to be divorced.
He's very naive, and believes what others tell him. Sometimes taking the easy way out. His ex told him she was filing the divorce papers over 8 months ago. She had him sign many papers back then, and he said it was a packet full. Although.. When I go to look up the paperwork needed to filled out (on google) I find there is only two pages for non contested with minor children. So I don't know where this "packet" comes from.
And anyways I've been saying he needs to take charge and do the papers even if she already did. I don't think it could hurt if it was done twice. My mother (who went through divorce) said it only took her a few weeks, not months. (Texas)
Anyways, now she wants him back (even though she still has her boyfriend). He tells her that he is only there for the child, and not her.
And it leaves me in a big mix up.
They are still married, what can we, or him do? He says he doesn't want to be around her anymore, and he wishes she would stop acting like that when she was the one that ruined the relationship anyways. and I just mention that it sounds like someone wants their cake and eat it too. but...
ugh, i am just so mixed up right now. emotions and my head is spinning.
Any advice would be GREAT!

Thanks.

Honestly....

I don't know what's really going on here....and neither do you it sounds like, but.....

It takes two to tango!!!

It is obvious that this BF/Fiancee of yours is still hung up on this woman, and there is already a child involved and one on the way. This woman isn't his EX anything...as they are still legally married, although separated.

If he truly cared and was ready/mature enough to be in a committed relationship, he would handle his business and get things squared away. As it stands, he's not even let go or moved on from the previous Mother of his child....and now he's attempting to get another one.

It's your choice really. Hang in there and wait and see if he's going to grow up and take care of his crap, or put your relationship on hold until he proves that he is mature enough to be a husband and a father.

I hate to say it....but right now, you're just another baby momma!! And how many of those does one person really need?

Best wishes...and keep us posted!!

This is a really messy situation. If he is visiting at the house that the wife lives in, then that just isn't good. He can bring his child over to your house, or where ever the two of you live. If it was me, I would remove myself from the drama. Tell him this is how it's going to be. If he chooses to stay with the wife, then I would give child support a call. It's really not healthy for the kids to be put threw this mess. You need to look out for you and your child.

What are the laws governing a contested divorce? I know here in Wisconsin it's nearly impossible to get a divorce when one person does not want it.

At the risk of being a wet blanket, it's really not all that complicated, either he wants a divorce or he doesn't. If he wants a divorce he needs to be proactive, contact a lawyer and start the proceedings. There's very little you can do in this situation except ask him what he really wants to do.

I'm so sorry that you're stuck in the middle of his unfinished business. My first instinct is to say that he's just not ready to deal with the finality (is that a word) of the divorce. That doesn't necessarily mean he's not committed to you, it may be an indication that he's a bit immature.

A lifetime ago I made a lot of mistakes, when my husband and I seperated I started seeing the first person that made me laugh. Things went entirely too fast, I really didn't know the person I was dealing with. He moved in and had to go to these "appointments". He was very difficult to get up in the mornings and one day I just wasn't going to do battle with him, I was working nights and came home from work, tried to wake him up and when he didn't get up I went to sleep myself. Several hours later the phone woke me up, it was his "ex" wife screaming to me about him not showing up for their marriage councelling appointment that day.

I have no idea what she thought our relationship was, but I didn't even know that the two of them were still even talking (no kids) they split up long before I knew him (I thought).

The reason I shared that story is because at the time I made a lot of excuses for his strange behavior. I trusted what he told me as truth, and it turns out he wasn't being completely honest with me. To me, it sounds like they BOTH want to keep their cake and eat it too. As Michele said, look out for yourself first. He needs to deal with his own messes. In my case it wasn't that this man wanted to remain in his marriage, it was just a clear indication of things to come, that he just didn't want to deal with adult decisions (he was 30 at the time).

Dear Lexi ~ I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. You might ask your bf to file for divorce, via an attorney, if he has problems filling out the paperwork himself. If he will not, then I would contact child support services and distance myself from him. He owes you support for your child. I hope and pray for a good outcome in the near future, and I have faith that all will ultimately work out. You can find someone who will both love you and be available to love you. I imagine that your finance has love for you, but if he is not mature enough to make good on his promise to marry you, he is not ready for that love. Hoping that you find the strength to move on, should that be necessary ~ billieJ

first off I would like to say that if she in fact did have him sign papers I would have him to go the courthouse in the county she lives in to see if it was filed and/or finalized. since there seemed to be some confusion there. a divorce packet is many pages normally but only a couple are given back. that is final settlement and custody/child support agreement. do that first before getting too upset. then if it is then put the ball in his court and tell him it is either you or her. good luck.

I'm not sure about Texas but my dad and mom got divorced and then my dad and step-mom got divorced - both in Ohio. Neither divorce was contested by either party and, the second time around, I was 17 but living on my own so there was nothing to do with child support or anything and it took YEARS. I'm not sure how laws differ or how much they have to separate but my dad and step-mom had to sell their house that they bought together and sell all their properties (they flipped houses together) to be able to split finances down the middle. Plus, if there is any kind of child support or custody battles it could take even longer. It took my biological parents years as well to officially get divorced because all 3 of us were under 18 when they separated and each child had different custody (which doesn't make sense to me but whatever).

I do agree, however, that if he was really ready to let go that he would be more persistent with the divorce proceedings. Sometimes people stay "married" because it's cheaper. My cousin and her husband lived on opposite sides of the country because neither had the money for a lawyer and the costs to get divorced.

I don't think that he is necessarily hung up on her - but it does seem weird that you didn't find out about any of this until AFTER you got engaged. And one thing to think of - if he acts like this with her then it might not be the best thing to get married if you're finding out about this "secret" life he's had. A lot of people think that if you get pregnant, you have to get married and that's not true. If he is a deceitful type of person that hides things like that, it sounds like maybe you SHOULDN'T get married anyways.

I'm not trying to sound rude but I think that if my boyfriend got me pregnant, then asked me to get married and THEN I found out that he was STILL married to another woman - there would be no question about it, I would leave. Just my opinion.

She would probably not have the papers to deliver to him; a lawyer/mail/messenger, etc. would deliver them and/or he'd have to go somewhere and get them notarized as he signed them! No proof it's his signature with whatever she had him sign. Don't know what she was having him sign, probably something she was doing on her own, but the courts won't pay much attention to that.

http://www.raggiolaw.com/txart06.html

I would give your guy an ultimatum; get a lawyer/legal aid and sue for divorce (even if he gets nothing) and stay away from her, etc. until it's done. It doesn't sound like he or his wife have many marbles so I'd make it "simple" for him; have him get legal help and his own act together if he wants you; to heck with her and what she's doing.

Thank you.
Since then, I told him we needed to chill for awhile, and slow down, and maybe some day down the road things will be better for both of us. He still wants to see me, and have me help with the divorce papers...
Right now i'm so exahausted though..
Anyways, thanks ^_^

Thanks

wow, yeah.. hmm ..
His "ex" sends him text messages and they talk in spanish thinking I can't understand any of it (truth is, I can't. but I know a lot of small words like nada, and ella and things like that)
Thanks for sharing your story, it has really made me think!