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#1
Aug 23, 2009, 08:30 AM
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Hi there. I hope someone can give me a little in site on my problems. This will be quite long so bear with me.
I am a 47 yo male, seperated, 2 kids which we share 50/50, I work full time, so basically on the outside I am your average Canadian guy, on the inside it is everything but normal. I have been diagnosed with depression and am on Sertraline for it. The sertraline works well but I would like to gt off it as I do not like take meds and hate the stigmation. Right now I have stopped taking it and it is really noticeable, I plan to make a doctors appt to get back on it. I have a just broken up with my gf that I was going out with for the last year....she is a great gal and we have a lot in common but in bed I had a real hard time achieving an erection and maintaining it, which is very unusual for me, which of course was really starting to affect my self esteem big time. We did talk about it and she understood, and we tried to work on it but nothing seemed to help. I felt I had no choice but to end it. There is another girl in my life that I have had an off again on again relationship with, she was a contributing factor with me breaking it off. These are the issues that I know I have to deal with...can anyone help me with how to deal with these? 1-depression, (this one I am trying to deal with) 2-I dont want to be alone. (meaning I always want someone special in my life) I am always in a relationship 3-Drug dependancy (mostly marijuana, alcohol,) I am probably a level 5 or 6 out of ten on the dependancy thing. 4-I had a crappy childhood. I was adopted, but never really felt loved or part of the family unit. My adopted mother acknowledges this and says she is sorry, I think I have mostly come to terms with this, but unfortunately is still there in the back of my mind. 5-I really do love my ex gf that I just broke up with but cant keep going with it if I cant have a active sex life. Well thats it. LOL. I hope someone can give me a little advice. Take care and if you need to know more information I will be more than happy to provide if needed. |
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#2
Aug 23, 2009, 07:22 PM
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Sorry that you are going threw with all this. Maybe you could go into therapy. Therapy might be able to help you with your past and present issues. As far as the meds they do have other meds out there where you can have the feeling back while you are taking your other meds. You just need to tell the Dr. that. Your not the only one with the pr
 oblem so try not to be to hard on yourself.
__________________
Live in the moment. Right now is the only thing we really have.  |
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#3
Aug 23, 2009, 08:14 PM
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Hi Bill and Welcome,
You are welcome to post here anytime and at any length you need here. We do have some long ones and yours wasn't anywhere near a record-holder! So, don't worry!  I can understand a lot of your issues right now. I have been through much of the same things (although I'm female) and have been clinically diagnosed for 24 years yet have actually struggled with my illness all my life. My life problems have been many and varied. I can tell you from experience that when depression set in, it didn't matter how simple or ordinary any hurdle I came up against, I couldn't deal with it. I found that once I tended to my depression and stablized, everything else was easier to deal with. I'm sure you have been told this. Alcohol only makes depression worse. It doesn't mix with anti-depressants, either. I self-medicated with alcohol for many years. You see, I was bipolar and lived undiagnosed for many years. I took anti-depressants for the severe depressions but the mania went unattended to so I drank. I put a halt to it myself by going to AA for nine years. Eventually, I was diagnosed correctly and now, I rarely drink, only once a month or so. I'm on the correct medication now. You have childhood issues. I did too. Those are in your subconscious, tripping you up, believe me. I've been through therapy and have done a lot of work on my own to resolve them. I don't know how you feel about therapy but you might want to consider it. Your strong desire to not be alone is based there, in your childhood. It's ok, none of us wants to be alone forever. But if it's an urgent, panic-like need, then that's where it's coming from. Sorry about making this seem like a handbook instead of just a few words of advice. I would first, get back on meds. Ask about something that won't hurt your performance. Next, consider therapy. It will also help the way you relate to your own kids. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Everyone here cares. 
__________________
 Vickie
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#4
Aug 23, 2009, 08:36 PM
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Hello Bill, welcome to PC! We’re so glad you found us and I’m sure you’ll find the site filled with valuable information and wonderful support.
If you don’t mind I’ll give you my opinion of your problem just as you’ve posted them. 1 – depression. It is so difficult to work on this by yourself. To be successful you really do need professional help. Many times this includes medication that may affect your sex drive and or your physical ability to have sex. There are SO many medications out there, communicate with your doctor the problems you’re having and together you can work these things out. 2 – don’t want to be alone. May I ask whether you don’t want to be alone or can’t be alone. I think it’s normal to desire someone special in your life, but if it’s a matter of can’t you really should consider discussing this with a therapist and get to the heart of this issue. 3 – Drug dependency. Why is it that you don’t want to take medication that can improve your life while you’re willing to continue using drugs that make it more difficult? Are you ready to seek help for this problem? I’ve heard that there is a specific strain of marijuana that will help with things like anxiety but I do believe (could be mistaken) that marijuana is also a depressant. 4 – Crappy childhood. I’m so sorry to hear this. Too many of us carry the scars from childhood and spend the rest of our lives trying to compensate. This is also something a professional can assist you with. 5 – Sex life. Sex is a very big part of a relationship, but your problem is most likely a temporary thing, but compared to a life time of companionship it really is a drop in the bucket. In the meantime there are many tools out there to help. Who’s that woman on Sunday nights? Sue Johansen? Each problem you’ve mentioned contributes to a difficult existence, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think you’re best bet would be finding a good therapist to help you work on these issues.
__________________
I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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#5
Aug 23, 2009, 08:59 PM
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Hi Bill,
sorry you've been having a hard time. Have you told your doctor about your ED. Ask your doctor to do a full blood work up especially for your prostate and testosterone levels. It's well known that being depressed can put a damper on a person's sex life and so can some meds. There's also alot of anxiety that builds with lack of sexual performance which exacerbates the problem further. I wanted to mention and this may not be an issue at all for you - do you watch internet porn sites? The reason I ask is, I volunteer answering questions in the Q&A section of this website and there have been so many questions regarding erection problems from men watching porn - it can cause desentization problems where men have difficulty with sex in real life. Honestly it can potentially(not all the time) ruin a person's sexual desire. I think you should also cut out the alcohol and marijuana. try not to feel discouraged or become too up tight about this because it will worsen the situation. It's important to feel relaxed when having sex. Best of luck and be sure to request measuring your testosterone levels. Best of luck to you.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#6
Aug 24, 2009, 09:41 AM
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Thank you so much for the replies.....Lynn P. your right about the desensitizing thing....I dont watch a lot of porn but my sex life resembles a porn film....So when I met my last gf she was somewhat lacking in comparison to what my previous sexual experiences have been, I will have to deal with that. I will check the other forums and hopefully I will find some answers.
Regarding the drug usage, I am trying to slow down and I think I will start attending AA meeting, that will start bringing balance back to that part of my life. Regarding the whole thing on not wanting to be alone, I think it comes from a feeling of wanting to feel loved to compensate from a crappy childhood. Since I am new to this site and havent much time lately, I am going to do a lot more reading on here and start turning my life around. BTW I have booked a DR's appt for Fri. I will see what he can do to help me. Thank you, very much for the replies, it so helps to have some sort of support in dark days like these. Please....all of you take care, and thank you again....Bill |
 lynn P.
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#7
Aug 24, 2009, 07:04 PM
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It looks like drugs are the cause of your sexual problem....
Try other stuff like meditation and exercise....I did it, you can do it too... Also, read lots of inspiring positive self help articles...and be consistent....Nothing will achieve over night.... Stop thinking about past and future and try to stay in present.... wish you the best Marjan |
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#8
Aug 24, 2009, 07:54 PM
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Quote:
I started taking my meds again today as I had some left, I pretty much had to as I was going a little crazy and the depression was killing me....I have come to the sad conclusion that I will never be able to get off these. (I suppose that is typical) and I guess I have to come to terms with that. But at least when I am on them I am typically a pretty normal guy and not thinking of doing harm to myself, which of course is a good thing, I have never acted on the suicide thoughts, but just the thoughts are enough to drive me crazy(er) lol But I will keep on my meds....they help me think a hell of a lot clearer. But I know I have issues to work on, tons of them Anyway take care. |
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#9
Aug 25, 2009, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
FAITH FAITH FAITH.... I think faith is missing here.... You can stay on medication and think about fixing yourself and your issues....tell yourself till you are in healing mode and fixing yourself, you are not getting into any relationships.... Then....try to have a faith....I don't know what is your religious or whatever you believe in or not believe in....find a faith for yourself....and yes, you got to practice being faithful....you will be fine don't let yourself drain into sadness.... |
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#10
Dec 05, 2009, 06:56 AM
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Hi everyone. Just thought I would give a little update since my last post. Things have been going much better since my last post. I have gotten back together with the girl i had broken up with...we had a long talk about a lot of different subjects, sex being one of them and we were able to talk things out and things are a lot better now. I have let go of any other relationships that i had and am only seeing her now and that has made a huge difference as I am not comparing her to anyone else.
I am back on the anti depressants, what a difference they make. Without them it is almost like a living hell, with them everything is on an even keel. Thank God for them. The whole childhood thing, well it is what it is and like I said before I have mostly come to terms with it. Well that is all, just want to say thanks for everyone that posted their comments and concerns. take care and God bless
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#11
Dec 05, 2009, 10:09 AM
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((((Bill))))
__________________
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#12
Dec 05, 2009, 11:43 PM
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Thanks...................
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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