[lmg103]

okay, so I posted about this a couple months back. But, I seemed to let things maybe get a little out of hand. I met a guy online here actually, and we started talking alot (mostly about our problems that we face during everyday life) and started talking more and more. I understand that when you talk to someone about your problems it becomes very intimate because your sharing things you don't share with everyone. He knows my deepest and darkest secrets, and I just really trust him a lot.

Recently, though I have been feeling like he forgot about me or doesn't care about me, when he doesn't come online. I tell him this, and then he thinks i'm making him out to be the bad guy, when really he isn't. He has a life and a family and can't be online every time I NEED him. And I know that, but still in my head i can't get it out that I think he doesn't care about me. I just think it's gotten to a point where I am TOO obsessed with him. I don't think this is good for me. I don't want to cut off all connection with him, I just want to make things better for me so I am not constanly thinking about him because its interfering with my love life. I feel like I have someone who I love, but technically I don't. He has a wife and kids, he has someone who he loves already. But I am going through a rough patch where I need someone to love, but can't find the right person. I feel like he is taking that place, but being in love with someone online is not easy and doesn't feel right. I haven't even met him, how can I be in LOVE with him. It just doesn't make any sense and I am stuck!!

Help please!!!!

sorry I don't even know what I just wrote so sorry if it gets a little confusing.

You think you are in love with a man you have not met who is married and has children because you cannot find someone else to love. Do you expect him to divorce his wife to be with you? Or is this man simply your interim love object until you find someone else?

Please realize that your infatuation with this man is not healthy and likely will make the rough patch you are going through even rougher.

[lmg103]

i don't tihkn im really in love with him. i just depend way to much on him. but i do love him as a friend.

[Fuzzybear]

as a friend? yes imo

If his wife knows about you and has no problem with it then I dont see a problem.

[NuckingFutz]

If I was the wife, I would be pissed. Maybe if you focus on yourself and see what you can do to get yourself through this rough patch...yes, posting on here for help counts. You keep posting and we'll keep helping. I'll start. What does love mean to you?

[phoenix47baby]

Sounds like you need to end this online relationship. it appears he is pulling away. Don't do this to yourself. You don't even know this man and you've already given him intimate details. What if he reads your post? Will that be uncomfortable? my opinion is to step down and work on yourself to find out why you have to have someone in your life right now.

[tonih]

falling for someone online is like falling for an ideal. We only know what we read and then we make up the rest in our heads. Remember, most of what you love is perfect because you imagined it. Now he is bursting the bubble and reality sinks in. time to move on to someone real. good luck and bless

[lmg103]

ahh so many people responded I don't know where to start. But he doesn't really come on PC anymore so I am not worried about him reading this, and we had a long talk about all of this last night anyways.

His wife does know about me Tishie. We have talked before she is very nice. She doesn't mind that me and him talk.

I am just confused right now. I don't want to cut off all connection with him. I am not ready.

Originally Posted by lmg103

because its interfering with my love life. I feel like I have someone who I love, but technically I don't. He has a wife and kids, he has someone who he loves already. But I am going through a rough patch where I need someone to love, but can't find the right person. I feel like he is taking that place,

I think you just answered yourself.

You feel like he is taking the place of what you wish you had .

There is nothing wrong with, wanting ,wishing, dreamng and hoping.

It helps if its put in a direction where one can get ones needs met .

Take notes of what you like from this friendship and hopefully you will find it in someone else in real life.

If you need to separate stop talking or leave a place do it .

He has a family and a life you don't but deserve one.

Women are very loving emotional beings . It feels good to love and its nice to have it returned .

In the future you might ask yourself if its worth sharing all which is intimacey .with a married man .You do have a "relationship" Relationship is about levels of intimacey . we are all relating here . We all have a level of relationship .

maybe you like the individual attention you have been getting . when one gets a note or something more than just sharing open on a forum its changes its level of intimacey as in getting closer.


Patricia

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

If I was the wife, I would be pissed. Maybe if you focus on yourself and see what you can do to get yourself through this rough patch...yes, posting on here for help counts. You keep posting and we'll keep helping. I'll start. What does love mean to you?

What does love mean to you?

a good staring question.

falling for someone online is like falling for an ideal. We only know what we read and then we make up the rest in our heads. Remember, most of what you love is perfect because you imagined it. Now he is bursting the bubble and reality sinks in. time to move on to someone real. good luck and bless

__________________

I belive this is true . Its easy to imagine a person being what you want on line . They look ( visually )and sound ( writing style) wonderful .
If you have taken it to the level of phone and feel this way It woud be a good idea to back away. imo.

Patricia

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

If I was the wife, I would be pissed. Maybe if you focus on yourself and see what you can do to get yourself through this rough patch...yes, posting on here for help counts. You keep posting and we'll keep helping. I'll start. What does love mean to you?

I agree with this post. My ex cheated on me with the internet. I was devestated. It turns into a messy situation. There are a lot of guys out there who are single.

[ConfusionCraze]

I think you can love someone you never met... but not in this kind of situation. You're obviously falling for him and getting creepy on him because he fills whatever hole is wrong with your current relationship. And he's pulling away cause he senses that..so that should tell you that it'll never work.

[Shangrala]

Img~

I've been involved in an online relationship for a very long time now.
Although mine isn't quite as your situation is, I can contest that falling in love with someone without meeting is possible.

Your situation, however, is quite different. It isn't mutual. And it will not go much further than where YOU place it. That isn't healthy for you.

I have to admit that you aren't alone in the expectations, (as my mate encounters similar regarding us), that you do have regarding your male friend, despite the awareness that you have regarding his REAL lifestyle. It's those expectations of yours that will be your demise, (not only with what you have with your friend, but of yourself, as well).

My relationship has been going on so long now, that it has already long since met it's limitations (that which a distant relationship can provide). We've over-exceeded what the emotions can provide, and since have been having great difficulties out of desperation for what we are not obtaining from the physical we lack.
My mate has his personal issues as is. Our present situation, its exceeded limitations have created problems of its own accord, which then applies even more pressure (unnecessarily), but ones that are demanding, nonetheless.

He "expects" things out of our situation that simply cannot BE. And, despite of our efforts of creating what we've already exceeded, and realizing we cannot, only delivers further disappointment upon reaching that realization.
It's a vicious cycle, and a cycle that is leading to an inevitable demise....IF we cannot get past the fact that we have already over-exceeded what we can have as it IS, and accept those limits as they are...be satisfied with it as is until we can obtain the physical, then we will not survive this.

It sounds to me that you are seeking more in your situation than what IS. This will deliver you something that you are not seeking whatsoever, disappointment. I'd hate for that to happen for you.

You've mentioned that you've spoken with his wife, who is sweet and been supportive of you. Can you confide in her some, maybe?
If not, I suggest that you seek comfort in another avenue, as this one at present seems to have already met its end.

I hope this works out for you.
All the best.

Shangrala

[SilverNeurotic]

Being in love with someone who doesn't share the same feelings is just setting yourself up for a lot of heart ache. The fact that this person isn't even available will just make the situation worse and has the potential to get VERY messy.

It's hard to back away from a relationship...especially if the relationship is with someone that you depend on for emotional support...but it's the best thing that you can do for yourself and for your friend.

Hopefully you can meet someone on here (or irl) that can offer you the emotional support that your friend was giving you who's a little safer (i.e. not in a relationship already).

Good luck!

[Gabi925]

I don't sincerely understand how you could love someone and not love like a whole, with all his/her world that make that person happy. I was never been able to understand the "fan" phenomenon; how could you think that your love entitle you to interfere in someone else's life just because you love that person. Don't you think that you can make a friend less happy through your actions?
Think that love has to be/give freedom or what you feel is not love. And freedom doesn't mean to do not care; but to care enough to accept that the other one could be happy without you being his/her lover. If you can't accept the gift of a friendship because you are confused then step back till you'll be able to see ... that you can't be happy forcing someone to be less than you probably admire now.
BTW, I love a lot of people that I have never met :-)

[Pomegranate]

I would suggest that you stop all communication with him immediately.

Feel your feelings - they won't be good - during this time. Take of yourself and stop trying to find someone to make you feel good.

When you feel okay with yourself and your situation just as it is. Then you MIGHT be ready for a real relationship, with someone who is not married and with someone who is available to you in real life.

[SophiaG]

If youre going to have a friendship with this guy. Learn to depend on him for NOTHING. Just casually observe. Dont attach emotional significance to too much.

Be detached. Its ok to be friends but dont expect very much from a married dude.

Seriously.

In fact, it'd probably be better to move on entirely.