well the door is closed - he's engaged to her

Sanity Seeker I am so happy that you got fired up with optomism!

I am planning on having a happy day too. It's started off well and with the weekend coming along soon I am staying focused on it being a positive week!

Not sure about the images of Mark in my head last night at Yoga. It was just like watching a movie in my head, strange seeing I haven't seen him for over two months now. I'm not going to analyze it or think it over - past is the past

great....I'm so happy for both of you....Just don't give up....little by little we can change all of the poison thoughts out of our system....

SanitySeeker....I read some parts of "The Power of Now"....but again it wasn't for me....I know lots of people like it....and I know about the other author you mentioned...He's good too....
The book that I really like is "Joy of life"....and "Transfer your life" by "Geshe Kel Sang".....
That's the way of staying in present moment...whenever your mind is flying to think about past and future, you just have to remind yourself of the current moment....and focus back on what you are doing or just simply focus back on your breath and appreciate it....I have a technique for myself, specially in very bad times ( My dad just recently passed away and he was the best thing I've ever had) I pray whenever sad thoughts are rushing into my head and I repeat the pray over and over till it settle down in my mind and make a peace inside me.....It works for me a lot....
I think we should try different things to find out what is the best for us....for example, gardening works for SanitySeeker while dancing works for me and Yoga works for Belle....Life is good, lets not waste it....
I think it needs lots of effort and energy to keep ourselves happy and up rather than sad and down.....I don't talk about that type of bubbly happiness....I hate that temporary happiness....that's not true....I'm talking about a real compassion....like thinking that the guys that you loved once and they betrayed you or whatever, they still deserve happiness and they are human and looking for happiness and they experience sadness, illness like us....at the bottom line, we are all human being!
anyway....time to finish my work and go home....tonight is a Lost episode, I want to know what is going on with them
take care
Marjan

Wow!! How cool are we hey! I had a really good day today. Went to a meeting and ran in to a lot of old familiar faces and new faces and it felt great. No major anxiety to speak of so that was a bonus. Will be another busy day tomorrow since some work has finally fallen out of the trees from my shaking. Feels good to be productive again.

Thanks Marjn for the book recommendations. I will seek them out next time I am near a bookstore with a few dollars to spend. I am sorry for your loss. It is wonderful to hear you had such a close relationship with your dad. That will stay with you always. I have little prayers and prayer songs that I say and sing to myself to lift my spirits. I like to sing them in the shower while the water washes away the heaviness it helps to unload from my spirit. It is good to have these kinds of helping rituals. I like to write poetry sometimes too. I never thought of it so much as poetry until I shared with with others. I thought it was just broken thoughts. lol. I find it very therapeutic sometimes.

Good plan Belle not to try to analyze the thoughts of Mark. Less time you dwell on those things the better I think. Nothing good can come from it so since we are focusing on the positive it doesn't fit the journey.

Wishing you only wellness and peace. Take good care. Catch up with you on the otherside of another productive day tomorrow. Peace.

I had to use that as a quote Sanity Seeker! You really do write beautifully.
I'm glad that you have had a good day and that you are getting more work - plus I'm so happy that you didn't get anxious around other people. It made my heart sing to read that

I think you and Marjan are simply wonderful people and I thank you both for such soul inspiring words.

You are good for my ego Belle. You motivate me to want to find my way to publishing something I write or at least writing something publishable. Someday........

Sitting here waiting for a client to call to review a proposal I wrote for her today so thought I would check in and see how you are doing. You sound positive. No doubt looking forward to the weekend.

I am contemplating taking my son out of school tomorrow and venturing in to Vancouver to take in some Olympic excitment. There is a commuter train about an hours drive from here that goes right downtown. Maybe take in the Aboriginal Pavillion and a few other things. Not sure yet but its a thought.

A big work project I was hoping to bid on fell through today on a technicality. Bummed about that but it gave me an opportunity to do some networking that could bear fruit another day. Also it provided an opportunity for to test my ability to manage a anxiety triggering situation yesterday so that was a gain. Staying positive.

Guess I will do some tidying up of my office while I continue to wait on my client.

Bye for now... take good care.

I think that taking your son to see all the Olympic fuss would be worthwile... it's something that only happens once in a life time really.
When the Olympics were in Syndey i wish I had of gone. I have photos of my parents from the 1956 Olympics when they were in Melbourne and I love looking at them.

I am positive but it's strange over the past few days. I drempt about him last night. Haven't done that in weeks and weeks. I don't know where the dreams are coming from because I'm not thinking about him during the day or even before bed...

I hope that your fee proposal gets accepted

Take care and stay positive!

You guys sound so fresh and energetic....It's great to read the forum at the end of the crazy day at work and see some happy faces here....
I wish I could go to Vancouver and get the Olympic spirits
Very beautiful city....so green
Once a friend of mine told me "You should create the excitement and friends in your life for yourself rather than waiting for them to come to you!"....
I didn't really understand him at that time....I was always thinking that my life is so boring because I don't have interesting people around me....Now, I realized that he was totally right....I have plan after work each day....dance class, hiking, meditation, watching a TV show or going to an acting class....and that's making my day so interesting and looking forward to even Mondays....ha...this is something new to me....I've never experienced it before.....I was always boomed with so much negativity before....
I don't know if I should call this being positive, it's just accepting the life as it is and try to enjoy it rather than picking up on the down side of it....
Ya...it's so great to have a loving partner and I crave for it badly.....but I can still be happy alone!
Hope for the day to find that special person.....but I'm not going to give up on myself and go with a guy who doesn't make me feel good....
take care girls
Marjan

Thanks Marjan

Group hug between the three of us I think

I agree, yes I want a loving partner to share everything with but I'm not settling for just anyone. I'm an amazingly loving person and I dererve someone who will be the same back!
Being single is okay. I don't dislike it like I thought I would. I like that I can be free in a sense to do what I want.

I'll join that hug.

I think I will talk to my son about going into the city on Friday. Its still Wednesday here Belle. Don't have much money to spare but hey.... that's what credit is for. lol.

Your active lives and my success yesterday encourages me to think about adding some activities into my own life to get me out among people more again. The garden club should be getting active soon so maybe I will take in their next meeting and see what kind of community projects they have planned. I noticed the community centre is running palate classes every Tuesday and Thursday at noon. I have a friend who joined a belly dancing class but I don't think that is something for me. I will have to give myself a shove out the door and see where it takes me.

Every now and then I think I would like someone special in my life but for the most part I do like my independance. I was never a very good partner. Always needed too much of alone time to really invest enough into a relationship. I was 36 before I did settle down with my ex and hadn't even dated for more than 10 years before he came into my life. I was traveling and working and doing my own thing and had no interest in a relationship. I think I was led by my bio-clock to hook up with him (no pun intended...hehehe) because things really changed between us once our son came along. I became less and less available to my ex. He was left to do things alone while I retreated to doing my own thing. Of course I see all this in hindsight.

I still think I suit being a single mother even though I suspect it would be better for my son to have a full time dad around. Hard to say how it will effect him over time. It is what it is though and we make the most of it so its all good.

I can relate to the quote from sanityseeker below.
Isn't it time to close this thread? Who cares if he is engaged now anyway, right...time to move on.

You may be right but it's theraputic for me to keep adding to the thread when something happens in my sessions with my T.
I'm still hurting but trying to stay positive so will add things as I need.

Funny you should say that John about ending this thread. I was looking at the thread heading earlier today and thinking... hummm... wonder how we can move the magic of positive thinking we have going here to a new thread. Belle is getting stronger everday and the positive determination Marjn generated has been contageous and I've been enjoying the benefits of the ride. I couldn't come up with an answer to the dilema I presented to myself so I elected to just continued posting. Besides we have formed a special kind of sisterhood here over the last few days. We are all moving on beyond past hurts and encouraging one another to keep stretching has been nice.

As long as this thread has value for you Belle you can count on me to be here for you.

Thanks Sanity Seeker..
We could move some of the thread to another place.. let me think about it

Maybe not move anything.... not even sure that is possible.... but we could start a new thread on the theme of positive energy. That was kind of what I was thinking about this morning. Just couldn't come up with a catchy heading.

I appreciate why you want to preserve this thread for you to be able to unload your feelings as you transition from your life with Mark into one of your own. I did kind of shoot us off topic with my rant reaction to the concept of happiness through positive thinking. It relates but could well be its own thread. Keep thinking... lol

Hi My friends.....I'm voting for this thread to be on....don't see any kind of values of opening up a new threads....Actually, I see benefit of having this thread as it is and whoever is reading it can see our progress

My dear Belle......we are hear to help each other....you can keep this thread alive as long as you want.....and ya...right down everyday how you feel....
I'm joining the hugging too

Just coming back from my meditation class....I wish you guys were there too....It was so great, my favorite Nun was teaching and she's so funny and delightful.....
These serious of her teachings are about "Lighthearted heart"...She was telling us how we should determine the things that are not making us happy and then little by little we change the way we think about them.....she emphasized that don't force yourself to practice the whole day to think positively, that doesn't work, that just makes you tired and exhusted....work one thing at a time, like a slow river....slowly but continuously.....She said most of the time either things that we wished has not happened to us or things that we wished to not happened has happened to us....and that's why we are not happy.....but if we can change our mind and understand that if we create peace inside our mind then we can reach the inner wealth and inner peace.....

My point is that before SanitySeeker was saying that is hard to think positively all the time and that's completely true....I tried those techniques....and I failed....that's not possible to change over night....that's not even possible to think positively the whole day.....but it's possible to think one positive thought at least per day and determine it and next day we can add to it.....then life would be wonderful and joyful.....

I told my teacher today when I was driving from work, there was so much traffic and I usually drive with a bit of distance from the car in front of me to avoid accident....well....one angry driver cut me off in the front and horned angrily while cutting off my lane....I think when he got in front of me he found out there is traffic and he pulled to the car pool illegally because he was alone.....if it was me before, I would be so irritated and angry about that and even maybe chasing that car to cut him off and show him a lesson or thinking about it the whole drive home and swear at him...but today amazingly, I didn't do those things at all....I just thought "I hope he doesn't get into the accident, then he would create more traffic".....hehehe....when I told my teacher, the nun, she laughed so hard, she told me that's so good you were wishing him love by not getting into the accident, then thinking about creating traffic if he's getting into the accident is making you thinking about yourself and being selfish....and we laughed so hard.....
Yes....all the happiness is in our mind and we are in control of it....but it needs effort and time....so....lets work on it....

Take care my friends.....I'm watching an old episode of "Friends".....I love that show....It makes me laugh even now.....

I am soooo glad you said that Marjn. I was feeling guilty for ranting the thread in a different direction but you helped me see that its all good and connected. Yes Belle. Keep the thread. Its unanimous.

I want to think on the wonderful stuff you shared with us here tonight and come back tomorrow to respond. I need to get myself off to bed now since the clock has stuck midnight and I have been working really hard to stick to a sleep schedule. Insonmia likes to mess things up for me and if I let myself stay up too late than sleep gets harder and harder to find.

Be well my friends. Looking forward to more uplifting tales tomorrow. Its all good.

oh my.... Sandpiper with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton just came on the movie channel. I better shut off the TV before I get hooked. That is such a good movie.

Some things still hurt.. or atleast pull at my heart.
My old boss (who I walk with and who works with Mark and Lisa) asked if I wanted to met him for Lunch tomorrow.. all he said was that M & L have the day off so I don't need to worry about running into them...
It stabbed me in the heart to know that they have the day off together... WHY does it still case slight pain??
I'm moving on and more positive about the future than I have ever been... something as small as that should not effect me at all!

I don't want my friend to not be able to talk about it with me as he is the one I can alk the most with.. he meant no harm and I appreciate him telling me that I wouldn't run into them if I did drop into see him for Lunch.

It's very natural to feel this way....I would suggest to stay away from friends who know both of you well and to stay away from places that you might see him....just for a while then when you heal, you won't even care about seeing him with whoever.....
That's how I did....I know it's hard, but it's possible and nobody really says anything....
take care
marjan

Sweet Belle... don't be hard on yourself. The day will come where these kinds of things won't hurt but you aren't there yet. You are working your way to that place and keeping your eye on that prize will get you there in time. Just takes more time. Be gentle with yourself and keep doing what you are doing to move on and remain positive about the future. It will hurt less and less. Believe that and trust yourself to get through the detachment one day at a time.

I wanted to pick up on some of what you shared Marjn after your meditation class. That sounds so great to be learning how and then being able to exercise the skill to look at things differently. To allow yourself to look for a positive twist on things as a way of cutting into the stress that can be created from negative thoughts.

I love your example too.... the driver cutting you off. That happens to me a lot too because like you I like to keep a good safety space between me and the car ahead but so often someone comes along and wants to take it over. I know those times I let it slide are much easier on me then when I let myself get upset about it. I loved your instructors twist on the kindness/selfishness of your response. Priceless.

I had a moment today when I was challenged to find a positive twist on what seemed overwhelmingly negative and hopeless. I wrote about it on a thread... Hoping for the best... in the Social Chat forum.

It was interesting because I could see how my initial frustration and anger was allowing me to victimize myself. I saw this because that is what I was witnessing from my son in his reaction to the situation. I was able to hold myself back from escaping with him to wollow in self petty at the injustice of things. Instead I pressed both of us to not be victims and to not enable each other to run and hide but to instead see some value and good in holding on to our power and by doing the right thing even if it meant someone else got away without consequence. Not sure if that makes sense but it really was a moment of hanging on to hope by looking for something positive. The postive was believing I was not a victim and neither was my son and no one could make us retreat as though we were.

Hi to you both

Everything that you both write and your views provide strength for me. I am so gald that we didn't move this positive vibe that we have going here. I don't think it would have carried on the same way

Sanity Seeker you are on a wonderful path of finding yourself - you are stronger than you think!

Marjan, your meditation has inspired me to think about trying something simlar. They do TaiChi on the beach near where I go to Ygoa. I think I might enquire about it. The clas seems to focused and peacful - and I think that the setting on the beach will be claming in it's self.

Keep writing - it fills a strange void in me at the moment to read positive thoughts and feelings.

I had a great night. Went out to a posh club with a friend. He's nie and sweet and actually asked me before he kissed me.. That's a first I think. Guess I don't really give off clear signals.
I realised when I added up all my relationships (well 3) that until now I had not been single in 14 years. Thats almost half my lifetime.
These past 3 months are a huge learning curve. I like me and I like just being me. I miss the close companionship of having someone to hold and cuddle but I can put a positive spin on that in that I am learning more about what I really can achieve by myself in life!
Just thought I would share xx
Hope everyone is having a good day xxx

Thanks for sharing Belle. Glad you have a great night out with your friend.

I think it is awesome to be using this time to learn more about your own strengths. It may give you the chance to really know what you want and need from a relationship too. Beyond the cuddles and attention and sense of security that initially relationships offer.

I am petty much the opposite in terms of my relationship history. I have spent as many if not more years single as attached. One high school love of my life that fell apart when he went to college, one short term dysfunction friend to lover disaster that fell apart when he found a 'real girlfriend' and one that lasted 16 years and produced my precious son. Looking back at the first two I was so young and I was looking for validation and proof of their love and I think I lost myself in game playing. Then I went about 10 years without even considering a relationship.

The last one when I was in my late 30's through to early 50's resulting in me loosing myself too but for some what different reasons. I still played games to make him prove his love while I jumped through hoops trying to keep him happy but in many ways I never really committed to the relationship myself. The rare times we did talk of marriage I would eventually find a way to get out of it. And find a way to blame him for it. I think in many ways I never really committed to him and that is a big part of why he finally left. Having a kid changed things a lot too. Seemed somehow in my mind once I gave up trying for a second child he didn't have the same value for me. Harsh but true I think. As my illness progress those last years it became less and less important to me that we share any intimacy. He just seemed like one more overwhelming pressure to perform for that I couldn't cope with having him around. He became more like my father critic than my soft place to land.

Now we a back to being good friends again and it suits me best I think. Working my way through the effects of mood swings and coping with the effects of anxiety leaves me little time or energy to think about a relationship anyways. I really want to be able to assure myself that I can have a relationship without loosing me in the process before I consider venturing into one again.

Besides, when I am feeling good mentally and emotionally I enjoy spending time alone doing the things I love to do. It is the quite times late at night that I sometimes think it would be nice to have someone to share my thoughts and dreams with.