well the door is closed - he's engaged to her

hehehe.....He's my favorite hairdresser ever.....you got to see how much hair God gave me on my head

That's awesome Belle....and I think it's even good that you didn't jump and go out with him so soon....take it slow and see how serious he is....even guys get more keen when you are not showing so much interests.....

You are giving me encourage to get on the online dating.....I think I'm just waiting to sort out my home first....It needs lots of time!

Got to go now...I got to finish cleaning up and then shopping for tonight guests....

Life is good if we don't take it so seriously and just accept as it is

have fun
Marjan

Life is good when we don't take it seriously

Hope that you had a good night Marjan.

Sanity I hope that you are doing well and the work is still coming in.

I had a revelation today... and that was that at the moment I am pretty happy with my life. I even had a moment where I thought that having a relationship would just add complications... first time I think I have been that settled just being me and enjoying me (being single I mean but not just being single).. hard to explain when I try to write it down LOL

xxx

I think I can understand you very well, because I'm having those moments too and it's very new to me!

I'm just doing what I like and for the first time in my life, I'm not so obsess about finding a partner....even I feel I'm making better choices and better and better decisions.....for instance, cutting off Kevin so quickly is something very new to me....I usually keep the guy for a while, back and fort and then drama and then break up, but this time, I was sure it's not going to work and I cut it loose at the right time....

Yesterday, my girlfriends told me that Kevin told them out of a blue that he's not with me anymore....they said it was an awkward situation for them and one of them told him that's okay we are all adults....wow...I can't believe he did that such a child, we didn't even slept together, I don't see any relationship...and besides, these are my friends more than him....well...whatever....probably, it's not easy for him as well!!!

Had a good weekend, but I think I had a bit too much of drink last night, I woke up with feeling funny in my stomach in the morning....getting better now!

wish you all the best
Marjan

Hi again

The moments are strange aren't they.. Doing what you want when you want without trying to find a partner or wanting a partner as it will complicate things... still hard to explain LOL.

I had strange dreams last night. Was about my first ex sort of crossed with Mark. Weird and I woke up confused but only becuase it seemed so real. I think it is because I thought about them both when I was relaxing on the couch last night - I still have anger towards Mark for what he did I think and as for EJ he has just had another child so that could have been the reason for that.. hmm.

Kevin sounds a little strange LOL like you said it wasn't a relationship... maybe he was just letting everyone know that he was single again? But to tell your friends is strange.

I have Paul (the guy that lives 17 hours away) coming down for Easter weekend.. should be nice to see him. I don't see a sexual relationship out of it but good friends is really possible. My only problem now is that I thought the new guy was going to Melbourne for the weekend and now he's not... if he asks me out again I wont just 'dump' spending time with Paul for him... Just would feel wrong.
Will let you know what happens

Hope you are both well xx
Sanity are you out there? Hope you are okay xxxx

That's awesome Belle.....you are in a right track....keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine....

I really like the way that you are positive and not burning yourself so much over Mark....Just think about him as a history....he's past....He didn't really deserve to have a person like you.....

I'm sure good is on your way....hope it's on my way too

I had my friends over last night....one of them is so talkative and laud....she just talks talks and again talks....hehehe....then today I found out she posted on her facebook right after going home from my party that women don't give her enough attention when she's talking and answering their questions.....she was on and on about it.....I really wanted to write her that "girl...you are so laud and half of your words are not useful really"....well....Of course I didn't say anything....I'm not really facebook fan that much....just logged in to see my sister's pics....but in the other hand, I spent so much money and I worked the whole day....and all she got is that somebody didn't listen to her....WTF....who cares about that?
I wish I could tell her that how anoying she can be and if somebody is asking her a question, she doesn't really answer it right, she goes too much into details then the person is losing her interests completely....even I think that's one of the reasons that she is not successful in interview!
wish I could help her....but I don't want to hurt her feelings though....she's a good girl inside!
it's kinda disappointing after doing so much work, I see that one of them is not happy and had a bad time!
anyway....I'm not responsible for people's feelings...besides, I don't think I want to have parties anymore....too much work....I don't mind having people over for drinks, but no more making dinners
take care
M

I know what you mean.. when people come over you have worked so hard to make it a good night and then someone (which you didnt even realise at the time) hasn't had a great time.. to me though it sounds like she brings it on herself.. I know people that you ask a simple question of and you end up with a life story... (feel my eyes glaze over and a smile just plastered on my face at the thought of it)
I am sure that the others had a fantastic time and appreciate the effort you spent on making it a nice evening.

Ben rang me last night after Yoga am seeing him Sunday night for dinner. It's the only night that between us we had free.. especially seeing Paul is flying down for the weekend..
Now I sort of feel bad - can't explain it other than I feel like am sort of cheating on Ben by seeing Paul - even though I see Paul as more of a friend than anything else...
When my rational mind steps in I think well have only been on one date with Ben so it's not a relationship or anything like that..
Opinions????

Totally happy with Yoga last night.. we do a relaxation/mediatation for the cool down at the end - usually 10 minutes or so.. and I FINALLY got into a meditative state... usually my brian doesn't shut down but this time before I know it she was telling us to bring ourselves back to a wakeful state - I nearly didn't even hear her say that..
I get it now and I want more.. I went home so relaxed and calm it was magical!

well....she's a real talker....and supper laud....First, it bothered me when I saw her status, but then I just didn't care.....people are responsible for their own feelings!!!!

Belle....I don't even understand why you should feel bad? over what? you don't have any responsibility for any of these guys....they are just dates and no relationships....let me tell you this....if they don't feel going out with you, they will be so bold right away and they won't care either....
You haven't commit to any of them and as much as they are free to date others, you are free to date others! so Enjoy girl.....you are bringing hope to my heart at least

Yoga and meditation are great....check and see if you can find Kadampa Buddhism center around your neighborhood then you can just go for their meditation sessions and it's great....

Today, I checked out more home and I didn't like them at all....so far, I just liked one place.....not sure what to do really, when I was driving back home, it was a long drive and all my activities are in this city right now....I'm kinda afraid of change....I know I always can rent the place and rent another place here....anyway....it's been a long day and got to relax a bit now....

take care and enjoy all these dates you get....I haven't had a single date after Kevin and not interested in any guys yet....well...honesty, I haven't met anybody yet....

plus interesting that Aaron doesn't come to the dance class anymore....very strange....it was like his religious' place to go to the dance class and not he doesn't.....probably he's busy with a new girl....good for him that he can find girls this much quickly!!!!!

M.

I will see if I can find a Kadampa Buddhism centre - but really Perth isn't that multi-cultural or open to different things.
I am going to try and enjoy my dates

I looked after my nephew again last night.. he has a cold and was grumpy.. (he's only 22 months). I think I'm getting my kid fill so I'll be less clucky and wanting kids at the moment LOL

Take care xx

Sanity.. hope you are doing okay?

wow....I just googled it and it looks like they have a center in Perth....

check this out http://www.meditationinperth.org/kadampa

I'm just back from the meditation class....today, we had meditation and then party....the food was great....but I prefer to have a class instead!

ya...enjoy your dating.....I hope I can get some dates too....but I really want to make myself strong and make good choices in my life....so far, I feel I'm better than last year....I'm so happy about it.....I think I was so miserable before....and I believe going to the Temple and practice Dharma helped me a lot to direct my thoughts and get rid of those negative ones....it's so amazing.....

hope for being a better person
Marjan

I think you are a great person.. sand so much a better person than others that I know

Is this for me? If so, thanks

I have this hope in my heart and I feel peace inside me that I love it....I think I've been so unhappy for so many years over stuff that has not happened the way that I wanted, now I just cheer each days of my life and I forget about the past whatever has happened, happened and I don't get so worry about the future....It's been almost 5 months that I'm feeling okay without depression or deep sad days....I did have some moments, but they were not very bad!!!!

Belle....you inspired me and last night, I checked online dating and filtered it for the city that I'm going to move into....they looked okay!!! Well sky is the same color everywhere...hehehe....

wish you the best
Marjan

Hi girls.... great to hear you talking about enjoying singlehood. I think that is great. Don't undervalue the benefits and rewards. Enjoy your independance. Its a wonderful thing. It may not suit everyone but it benefits every woman in my opinion to spend a stretch of time single to get a better perspective of what they really want from a life partner if and when the time to align should present itself.

Wishing you well. I am doing okay. Got a bit rialed up about something doc john wrote as an april fools joke. I didn't think it was funny or appropriate and kind of went off the rails about it for a while. I can sooooo over react about things sometimes. I just loose touch with reality sometimes and go all nutty until I slow down my thinking enough to get a grip again.

Then I went to facebook and someone posted the results of Survivor before I watched it. Dang!! Hate when that happens! I try not to over react but before I know it I am having a spell of the crazies. Totally out of control until I run out of steam and fall down on the floor exhausted with a pounding headache and the throbbing from the self inflicted scratches and bruises telling me that something went down. Mostly it is pretty much a blur. One of these days I will be able to stop the acting out before it gets out of hand but so far if caught off guard I am defenseless.

Just dropped by to connect with reality before I turn on the vcr to watch survivor. doesn't matter now that I know the results. No big deal. I may know the results but I don't know how it came to be. Besides nothing I can do to erase what I know. Besides its just a tv show for heaven sake. Maybe I am still a bit too hyper. Will save it for tomorrow. Maybe I will try to go to bed early tonight. Do some relaxation stuff and try to sleep. I am bored enough to sleep just need to slow my brain down enough to let sleep come to me.

Attachment...Attachment....Attachment....that's one of the main sources of our not happy days

Hi SanitySeeker....good to hear from you...and you sound good....I don't even watch survivors...but I know how addictive they can be....I love LOST....I come home early on Tuesday nights to see LOST....there are 6 more episodes have left and I would be very mad if somebody spoil it for me!!! I know what you say

Yesterday, I talked to my boss and asked him if they would consider sponsoring me for the green card and he said "yes" right away....He told me to talk to the HR...HR told me she will talk to my boss and tell me....OMG....I'm so happy and hopeful....If I want to live in America, I really need to have a green card and with my lousy love life, there is very slim chance of getting my green card through marriage....hehehe...that's the reality though!

Just got back from the dance class.....so tired really....I went to GYM too....I found out if I keep myself busy then I don't over think too much and I'm happier!!!!

MT

Hi girls,

Sanity thanks for touching base and letting us know how you are doing... worry a little when we don't hear from you xx
Enjoy watching suvivor (even if you do know the ending - that's horrible when that hapens!)

Marjan I do hope you get your green card - then you can think about a husband LOL

I have had a good start the weekend.. including text msg's from Mark yesterday.. it didn't bother me this time round when he said he had have a terrible day...
Caught up with Paul today.. nice relaxing day with a good amount of affection and hugs.

Will fill you in on all the news after the weekend is over

Marjan - so glad you had a look at the online dating.. if nothing else it has built myself esteem back up, which I thought was an impossible thing to do!!

yes, of course, Mark has bad days and now he thinks about the good days he had with you.....arggg.....My friend, Belle, you are definitely better off without Mark.....This guy doesn't know what he wants in life and he makes bad choices!!!!
great that you had a good time with Paul....hey girl....I can't keep track of guys you are dating....which one was Paul? the one that you liked or the one that you were okay to be with?
starting my day and yoho it's Friday.....I don't have anything special line up for my weekend, but I'm thinking about some home searching probably.....
it's a hard decision for me, because of life style in southern California....If I move to the suburb, then I got to drive to LA for entertainment, but in the other hand, living in LA is so expensive and still it's far from my work....so far, I liked one place in Thousand Oaks which is close to my work, 15 miles away. but this home has HOA, home associations Fee, and that just cover up the green lane on the road, which makes the neighborhood so beautiful and clean, but I don't want to be worry about extra expenses.....anyway....these are all in my mind.....
I hope this weekend I find a time to take my laptop for repair then I can start my online dating.....finding a husband and home should be parallel
good day to all of you
Marjan

Please don't worry about me Belle. I am fine. I have bad days but they pass eventually so don't worry about me.

I love that Marjn.... can't keep track of Belle's guys. Too funny. I think Paul is the local guy but I could be wrong. lol. It is great to see you enjoying the dating scene Belle. Espcially when you don't seem to be trying to label the relationships anymore.

Have fun house hunting Marjn. It can be confusing and stressful so keep your perspective. Having lived in the burbs and beyond most of my life you may be surprised to find there are sources of entertainment there too. You may not always need to go into the city. It is a cultural shift though. People can be harder to get to know in the burbs but once you do it becomes like extended family. That's my experience anyways.

Not much planned for the weekend. We may go to a family dinner on Easter Sunday but otherwise I will be gardening between raindrops and working on a business plan for a friend. Speak of which.... I should put in a few hours of writing in now.

Take good care.

I've never lived in a small town or suburban area....always lived in a big crowded main cities...not sure, how it will be for me while I don't have any family of my own????
but in the other hand, I want to own a nice house and I can't afford it in LA...too expensive....
I think I won't see any of my friends if I move far....but do I have to make my life based on their life? they are new to me too...they've been in my life just less than two years....I left so many friends behind when I moved to Canada and then I left so many more when I left Toronto.....I know I'm able to make new friends and find new activities or I always can drive back to LA! I'm just so optimistic and so hopeful for this move.....

Belle is a great example here for all of us....It's better to date just casually and see how it goes....I promise I will start dating once I sort out couple of things in my life including repairing my laptop hope I do it this weekend and check one thing off from the list!

take care and have a happy gardening....I think I would love to do some gardening too...if I move to a house I can do that
Marjan

Hi

I actually feel weird about dating casually.. but it's nice to go out - just very new to me after having 'relationships' in the past and not dates!

To get it straight (haha)... Paul is 17 hours away but comes down to Perth every couple of months - has a property down here - he is going through a divorce atm. He's sweet and I could be happy with him but not in love.
Chris is local and had been seeing each other most Friday nights - nice but nothing special in my heart for him.
Ben is the new one (local as well). Plays football and runs - very fit and seems like a good guy. Second date with him tomorrow night

I felt like I was being a bit of a player - so I am just sticking with these three for the time being and have told each of them about the other - no secrets or deception - made me feel a bit better

Sanity enjoy the gardening between rain drops xx
Marjan happy house hunting (and husband hunting LOL)

oh Belle....what should I say really? why do they know about each other? why? why? can you keep something to yourself please? they don't need to know so much? they know that you are not dating them inclusive, so why bother telling them even? if you are a player, then play the game right girl....you are not suppose to tell them about the other ones, just by you not being so available, they will figure out, and they will be in their best behavior to catch your heart....then you will choose

well....I'm not telling to be dishonest or sneaky....I'm just telling you to NOT be volunteer and give information out...that's it!

enjoy your dating....and I will keep home hunting.....still not husband hunting yet....but very soon

let us know how the weekend go
marjan

I am not sure I agree with you Marjn. I see nothing wrong with telling you are dating more than one guy. I think it depends on the situation but I would rather be up front. I think until a relationship becomes intimate (sexual) then no one expects exclusiveness. I guess that could suggest then that no discussion is necessary but again I prefer being straight up with people. But what do I know. I have very very little dating experience. I haven't dated for nearly 20 years and before then it was another 20 years without a date. eeks!! No wonder I can't imagine dating. lol.

I think I'll take both of your advice on board!.. it has been 14 years since I dated before hitting the scene again.. LOL
If asked I'll tell I think... if not then I might hint towards it but not fill them in on every detail sometimes my mouth is just too big and my heart too open and trusting xxx

It's good to be honest, but if they don't ask, why you should tell? Did they ask you?
I know that it's kinda a turn off for a guy if you tell him that you are dating others, although you are casually dating him.....It's a human nature, we always want to be the one.....for myself, I really don't want to know if the guy is dating another girl while dating me!
At the bottom line, you got to do what is more comfortable with you....If telling them is what makes you feel good, then go for it, but don't reveal so much info
Just started my Saturday....I slept around 12 hours.....It's so great to be able to sleep....Last year at this time my mind was so disturbed by Aaron and I couldn't sleep at all.....I do appreciate this peace of mind.....and I'm hopeful for a brighter future.....
It's better I get ready and go to gym....I have a personal trainer today....He's so great and make me to work hard
have fun
Marjan

Hi Girls

They did ask marjan... I think it gives them the thrill of having to chase me rather than knowing that I am there for the taking.. men are weird!

I had my date with Ben last night.. perfect gentleman.. dinner was great then off to the casino for and hour and then he asked if I'd like to come back to his place... I went for about an hour... just kissing and cuddling on the couch watching a dvd.. nice.
I would like to see him again but will see how it goes

As for Paul - felt a bit attached to him after Friday so I have been keeping my distance - it's not love it's just that he is safe as he is so far away for the majority of the year... He called in yesterday just to chat and see if I was okay (I had cancelled going out to dinner with him and his mates the night before).. had a chat. He's not over his ex (still in the process of getting a divorce) and he feels I'm not really over Mark (because of thins I have said and that i still have dreams about him - can't control my dreams).

Anyway enough of that... all in all I have had a nice weekend

Sleep is brilliant... I know what you mean about not sleeping and then when you finally do start sleeping wel again it feels so revitalizing!
Hope you had fun with your person trainer.. worked out had and feel great afterwards.

Love to you both Marjan and Sanity Seeker... thank you for always being here for me xx

Today....I'm a bit in my down side....I went out with my friend and her husband and her kids....her husband told me to go online and find a husband for myself....and he gave me some kind of speech....I didn't say anything, but it made me so uncomfortable and not complete
honesty, I don't know how my friend is living with him....he's so angry and out of control....I told him, what you want to have a friend to hang out with????
I wanted to say, if you had a good attitude, you might have had some guy friends and you could have had introduced them to me!!!!
Now, I'm double thinking of buying a home in a suburban....that home is close to them...not that they are bad, but most people in that city are family and I will be single out!
oh god, I wish it was an easy choice....I wish one of these guys that I've dated over years were good and I wish I was married and had kids, then I didn't need him to suggest me anything and make me feel embarrassed...yaki....
I was a bit mad at myself too for being so clumbsy and not having a partner.....
good for you Belle....I do like your attitude, although you were hurt, but you are out there and having good time dating....go girl.....
not sure, what is wrong with me? I'm getting worse and worse even....it's hard to admit it, but it's true, by agem, I prefer to be safe!!!!!
probably, I should get on the online dating site right tonight
Just wanted to take this off from my chest! Thanks for reading my ranting....hope it doesn't lower your energy.....
take care
Marjan