[bridgie]

So I have in my head I'd be better off without my ex. He needs a lot of soulsearching on his part. Well he txt me today. Said he misses his friend. I've been strong and haven't contacted him. He said he got into a bad place and made some mistakes was sorry for hurting me. I'm not sure why he txt me. I don't think it was to just say hello. But he still is seeing the other girl. I've been fairly calm about it. Trying not to read too much into it. I am taking everything he says with a grain of salt. I'm feeling a sort of indifference about the whole thing. Maybe that's a good thing rather then getting all emotional. Save some drama. But he told me some good things were going on in hslis life and he feels he may be coming out of the darkness soon. I'm just gonna keep living my life anyway. That's what I need to do. Not get all cought up in nothing. Caught in a ltl contact. *sigh* time will tell and I have time.

[Catherine2]

bridgie,
It sounds like you have a good attitude about what is going on...
Taking care of yourself is a number one priority...I applaud your efforts in doing it.

In Peace

[jennaorgana]

good for you for not getting "all caught up in nothing."

you deserve a good life and a great one without him. you know your limits and obviously he doesn't fit into your life.

just be proud you made this step because there are thousands of people who would just stay with him in an attempt to not be alone.

[Belle1979]

You sound very strong bridgie...not getting caught up in it all is healthy.
Keep yourself busy and happy

[bridgie]

So I ended up texting him a few times and my thoughts and conversation always went to how happy they were together. I am jealous because he says they are and they are doing things that we were gonna do. So I finally told him I can't be just friends either. I'll end up being mean and spitefull to someone I don't even know. I don't want to be like that. I am not like that. So he said I tried to be friends. Well so did I but I can't. My emotions are still to strong over everything that's happened and I can't do that to myself. How can I move on if in the back of my head I keep thinking they will break up and he will want me back. I wouldn't move on. My heart hurts a little right now because it is an end but I really can't watch him move on. I want to move on. *sigh* I really don't like endings. Even necessary ones.

(((((((( bridgie ))))))))

[bridgie]

Right now I feel like I've been shoved in the I'm happy and your not and I want you to see it mud. Let's be friends but I'm super happy with my new woman(slap in my face). I don't want to be held on as a backup. If that was the plan. I feel so sick to my stomach over the last 24 hours. He can't have me and be with someone else. I can't watch it or hear about it. It hurts me. Why hurt me like that. So cruel so unkind. I was doing so well and got pulled back in. No more. I can't let him have that power over me. Nobody gets to have that power over me. No more.

[perpetuallysad]

Good for you. Take any power he has away. Your last posts have started to sound more positive. You keep moving forward. Seriously, you just broke up and he has another girlfriend already, that's definitely a bad sign. He may very well want you as a back up. Screw that. Move on for you and work to make bridgie happy!

[bridgie]

On and on this goes. He txt me later that night said she broke things off and was going back to her ex. I'm like sorry to hear. He's like at least we get to be friends again. Said he was sorry for how he treated me would like to try again but afraid he would hurt me again. Said his mom missed seeing me too.*sigh* I don't know what to think or do right now. I think I need to stay away. So my head says. My heart says talk and take things slow see what happens. I don't think I can do that. I think I need to wipe the slate clean. Yet I'm drawn to him. its like a drug. The love drug. But u just have to quit cold turkey. That's the only way. Maybe I need to disappear for awhile change phone numbers. It all seems so drastic just to end a relationship that isn't even really a relationship. What is we will see what happens. Is that another way of saying I'll talk to you while I look around. Oh I can't do this. It is so wrong

[bridgie]

Ok so he said he just wants to be friends for now. He wants to get reaquainted without other people in the picture. What does that mean I said so basically you want to have me around until you decide you don't want to be with me and find someone else he said no that's not it and that he would clarify later. What the heck. And what am I doing I'm like its either you do or you don't how can you do and don't yet. It makes no sense and me even listening to it makes no sense. Why am I reverting. I should be moving forward. I feel like I'm in a whirlpool spinning in circles not moving forward or backward just around and around.

[Catherine2]

bridgie,
I wish I had words of wisdom to share with you...

Please do not let him use you like this...
It's hard not to get sucked into his drama but if you allow yourself to be drawn in--do you truly feel there will be respect and affection from him?
Do you think you are going to be happy and trust him?
Are you willing to take that chance?

You've gone a long way...keep walking, bridgie. It may hurt now, but there's a fairly big chance it's going to hurt a lot more if you do not protect yourself.

In Peace,
Catherine

[perpetuallysad]

Catherine's right, it really sounds like he's trying to hold you "on the side" for whenever he's without another girl. Do you really want to be that?

You deserve way better.

[bridgie]

Thank you guys. I also talked to my family and a couple friends. They seem to think its a little too fishy with the timing and everything. I told him I am not going to be strung along and that I am worth more than that a lot more. Anyway I haven't heard anything since. I know its only from last night but it would be nice if it stayed that way. I know I deserve someone that won't tell me friends for now without other people. I still don't even really know what that means. He IS playing games with me. I do deserve better. I think a little sleep helped. Not so emotional. Thank you all for your input. I think you are quite right. Time to keep moving.

[bridgie]

Ok so I have deleted his phone number unfriended him on facebook (for the 4th time) but for good this time. I am feeling pretty good about this. Friday I have therapy so I can go over things again and help keep me strong. I don't forsee him contacting me again. But with everything put all together we have nothing to work on. No basis to start from anymore maybe if it was the first week and he apologized and kept up being good to me maybe before he had another woman and maybe before this friends for now. I am not a friends for now. He cldnt even clarify what that meant even though I know. He needs to get his act together for his next relationship bcz we don't have one and haven't had one for awhile. I don't know why I was hanging on and allowing myself to get strung along but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm pretty sure I can stay strong this time. I know my friends and family would not allow him back and they have outside views of the whole thing. And they all know everything. They will help me be strong too. This opens me up to live my life and the possibility of finding the right guy.