[kacey321]

I am old here not written in awhile my husband and I still seperated(4years) he has his girlfriend living with her a year and some months ,me still in love with the fool.I want to wash him out of this brain of mine finding it hard as we have been having our little weekly breakfasts all of a sudden over a month ending with a hug and short kiss on the lips(mixed signals for me,sure not for him)My stupid daydreams of them having problems ,,,maybe a breakup ha ha ..none the less leaving me back to my lonliest days from way back when hoping for him to be back to being MY HUSBAND AGAINwhwere he should be.He told me recently he will never divorce me he has no plans to,nor ever getting married again ,,,what gives so cruel ..I know I am ranting ...any men any ideas ,,,does he have feelings possibly for me unresolved am I just wishing...I have tried to move on many times ..a few men have fallen in love with me then I run away feeling unloveable...or maybe still faithfull to a man unfaithful to his own wife...ANYONE >>>>

No one can make you move on.

[kacey321]

I Know that no one can make me move on just asking if anyone has any helpful advice as to ways or how much time suffering can be ...seems like to long....I feel like it's been too long..my couselot doesn't agree...I feel it would have been or would be easier if he had died instead...Is that bad !!!!!

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by kacey321

I Know that no one can make me move on just asking if anyone has any helpful advice as to ways or how much time suffering can be ...seems like to long....I feel like it's been too long..my couselot doesn't agree...I feel it would have been or would be easier if he had died instead...Is that bad !!!!!

Hi Kacey,

I think that an end to a relationship is harder than someone passing on... my director at work agrees and when Mark and I broke up he told me to take 'bereavement leave' rather than using up sick leave or holidays...
When my father died (I was 17 and in my final year of school)... I was able to cope with it... the difference being i think that the person is GONE... they aren't moving on with their life while it's hard for the other person to even put one foot in front of the other....
I'm coping better in a shorter tme than I expected.. all I wish now is that he would move back to the other side of Perth (where his family are and where he lived before) so that I don't have the fear of running into him and her when I go shopping...

I don't have any bright ideas really... I'm still in a similar place to you.. when I have contact with him I just want him to turn around and say 'hey, I made a mistake - I do love you' but that's a fantasy world.

The only thing I can suggest is join a club, find outside interests and don't be 'available' all of the time... it wont get him back to you but it will help you move forward I think.

[kacey321]

Than you Belle ..it is so True ..my mom died when I was 17 and dad at 20 ,my son had cancer at 19 almost did me in he lived thank god ..I was able to move on from all of those events somehow ...this seems to be the one biting me hard ...then things seems to be ok for awhile and SLAMMMM bites me 10x harder seems to be when I start going out on a casual basis with someone who starts falling for me and the red flags come up and I feel I don't deserve it ...I want my David Back and only him How horribly wrong is that picture

[Belle1979]

I think sometimes love never dies.. but that you can find the love else where. I will always love Mark (the mixed signals and confusing emails drive me nuts) but hopefully one day you and I will find someone who is right and will not leave...
You do deserve to be happy, loved and appreciated xxx

[kacey321]

As Do You Belle .....Thank You ...for some reason Today has been very very hard ..I think because my poor cat whos only one has been sick not eating or drinking and I am worried about him ..bringing him to the vet tomorrow even though I don't have a cent to my name I can't let anything happen to him or my kids will be heartbroken and me too

[Belle1979]

Sorry to hear about you cat Kacey - I love animals and have a cat, dog and two fish... when one of my fish died i actually cried... silly ... it died on the same day that Mark told me he didn't love me anymore so it was sort of a sign I think... knew something was up when Mark didn't care that I was upset about the fish..

I hope that the vet is good and can give you a payment plan of something to ease the bill (unless he gets better by tomorrow - fingers crossed).

[Envision]

You say he will never divorce you. Do you think you getting a divorce from him would make it seem more final emotionally for you?

[kacey321]

Believe it not by staying married I benefit in ways his health insurance will cover me and my kids (his stepchildren until age 23...now 26 with the new health care reform in the U.S.) so even though my emotions are destroyed with him having a live in GF she gets all the benefits of a wife,fed,clothed,loved etc. I get the other benefits she will not ...insurance,if he died god forbid the house they live in (which is both our names,his life ins at work,if we stay married another 3 and a half years a bigger soc sec check can collect on his since I am disabled) I know those reasons are weird,crazy,selfish whatever anyone might think reading this ..I can't afford not to stay married in some ways ...He probably stays married to me as an excuse not to marry her or again in his head....maybe a twinge of guilt he owes me somehow or feels I could take him for half the house,alimoney etc.the longer we are married etc..

Not sure although I somehow believe things could be a little shakey with them (not that he would come back to me if they broke up mind you...he's probably be to stubborn to admit any mistake)He and I recently had breakfast (to split our tax return money)he showed me a stress test report knowing I could read them and he has some coronary artery disease and his doc gave him a script for nitro for angina attacks and isosorbide he gets chest pain .He's all of 44 must have more stress than before...

I am actually concerned for him,told him to let me know how his visit next week goes with the cardio doc..

I still want a magical eraser that can just erase those deeper feelings for him grrrr
I actually asked my psychologist about any alternative therapies she said she had attended some seminars on something called EMDR that looked great for things like chronic pain,insomnia and other things not sure on the feelings thing though ...
I am going to seriously look more into it.

[Envision]

Benefit's are important so I see your point there. Maybe some alternative method can be found and I think its a good idea that you are exploring them. Let us know what you try.

[lynn P.]

Kacey - I'm in a similar situation except my husband lives with me and the kids and visits her 1 day a week. He married her (in the religious sense) yet he's still married to me. The only difference is I want him to go with her and I don't love him in a romantic way. We are civil and don't want the kids to suffer. I agree I have felt the emotion of thinking it would be easier if he were dead - I feel like a horrible person saying this. I feel imprisoned by this situation and if I won the lottery, I would move to another house immediately. This happened 3 and a half yrs ago and I gave him a year to decide and he still won't go - God. I feel like I'm living in limbo. The moment I found out, is the moment I no longer wanted him. I've reached a point where I can be friendly but even if he were to break up with her -I wouldn't want him. I hope everything works out for you and your family.

[kacey321]

Lynn that has to feel awful still in the same house ...sorry to hear that..my husband is at least I guess in a different house with her 7 days a week for the last year and a half but out of our house 4 years ..I wish my love for him was dead ...we haven't shared any romance as you put in the biblical sense since a few months before he met her when neither of us had met anyone but were seperated none the less.

I feel for you so much ....I would have to think your husbands "other"should never want him either just being human I'd always wonder if he were still with you since he still lives with you and the kids ...just as I wouldn't want to be my husbands GF even though she has him 24/7 he still has a wife doesn't she ever wonder why he doesn't divorce me since we have been apart so long ...must be even slightly once in awhile in her head wondering if he still has feelings for me or he doesn't care enough for her to divorce me for her ???

Just food for thought ....Just curious Lynn even though your feelings are gone for him ever have a secret fantasy of stealing your husband back so to speak have him madly in love with you again so you could hurt him like he has you...

I know am I "twisted "or normal kind of like when I said I think sometimes as bad as it sounded think it would have been so much easier if he died instead of hurting still day in and day out

[Belle1979]

.... Kacey you made me smile.... I want to 'win/steal' Mark back but not really to hurt him (well maybe just a little).. I more want him to realise that he was always wrong and I want the 'other woman' to hurt like she caused me to hurt.. and him to hurt a little too
I still love him in lots of ways I guess and I don't think it will ever go away completely.
My T would say that your husband is manipulating you even if he is not aware of it.. a little tug at the heart strings to keep you caring/longing/hoping.. It's not a healty situation. (I can't talk - I still get happy when I hear from Mark but not the same rush that I got when we forst broke up).
Stay strong and try to focus on the positives even if they seem impossible to find.. Just one smile a day - ...

[lynn P.]

Just food for thought ....Just curious Lynn even though your feelings are gone for him ever have a secret fantasy of stealing your husband back so to speak have him madly in love with you again so you could hurt him like he has you...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for your reply Kacey. I understand what you're saying but - no, the moment found out I could no longer be with him sexually. He's the only man I've ever been with and I've known him for 30 yrs. I believe he'll feel my pain when he dies and that's fine for me. plus he's had nothing but bad luck since this happened, so I think Karma is taking it's course. I've never been interested in competing with a woman, I don't even know and I would be afraid of getting an Std. I don't like the Bachelor show for that reason - all these women fighting for a man. I figured if it's reached this point, it's hopeless anyway. I do wonder how dysfunctional she must be to accept him going there for 1 day and on top of that she helps him out financially. She's a sugar mama, so I guess that makes him like a prostitute I guess. It's a totally surreal scene.

[kacey321]

Belle I do kind of admit "stealing "him"back "my husnand from his GF'sounds so backwards doesn't it if he truly realized the hurt caused me and could prove to me he made a mistake a huge mistake I know deep down I couldn't hurt him since I am still in love with him ...haven't got to any emotions of hate towards him anger yes but probably why I haven't been able to find someone new my "undying"love for him ,,,,LOCKMEUP NOW

[kacey321]

Don't know if I got some message from the great beyond yesterday or what but I am a bit freaked out ..Don't know how many open mided will read this but ..I called hubby to find out how his cardio appt went kept trying all day yesterday ..voice mail..had this odd feeling he was in the hospital don't know why just did ...I finally called the house GF answered said in a strange voice he wasn't home ..I asked is he still at work then she blurted out he got sent to the hospital by ambulance from cardio docs office early in the day had to have a stent put in a 95% blocked artery told me the hospital,room number etc .said she was picking him up this morning and said she would tell him I called about him..

Well I hung up and called him at the hospital we talked a bit he told me all 3 arteries blocked 95% one was stented twice had problems with first one ...should do the second one 70% blocked didn't because of the problems w/1st one although 2nd one worked and the 3rd blocked 40% he's been a walking timebomb...

Now I feel bad saying earlier it might have been easier if he died ...he could have had a major heart attack He then told me he was leaving this morning no matter what even if they suggested keeping him ..which I knew he would..

He called me today and we talked almost 2 hours about his health stuff,medicines since he knows I have lots of knowledge ..he said he wasn't supposed to drive another day but had to pick his scripts up..I told him why doesn't "Lisa" get them for him she picked him up from the hospital he said she was working so I guess she got him and brought him home and went to work ..I'm sure she couldn't do anything for him ...but if it were me I wouldn't be able to leave him home or be able to work ...

I am sure thats why he called me for so long she wasn't there.....

Maybe I don't want him back probably wouldn't be any sex,booze or rock and roll

For sure no more sex for awhile(not that I've had any in quite a long time he was the best but I know he'll be to scared and shouldn't.....no fun )

My Luck now he'll probably come crawling back in a couple months when she's sexless

[caren1971]

2004 to 2010 my husband was cheating on me with me son tutor that worked with him whom which he referred.this woman smile in my face plus wrote a book which i brought and had given this woman a dozen of rose.in 2009 my husband went to Washington DC and he forgot to log off his computer which he never does at all.i found out that the have had sex made love like two married couples that are truly in love..now that his health is getting poor were as he has kidney disease,he inform me that they don't communicate anymore but they do.he promise. also when they want to dc he slept with another co-worker how i know he stated that a man roded with them.i confronted that man and he stated that i want that's what he was told.my son is 10 yrs old my family say what ever goes on in your house do what ever it takes to keep your family together no matter what.my husband haven't touch me in 6mos.he says that his health has him feeling like this but kidney disease wasn't told to him until march2010.he says that he don't have no desires.but the weekend i am at work he drops my son off at my parents and pick him up before he pick me up at 11pm.please help me i just want to be happy if that's anyway possible.i have no friends because he thinks there are going to introduce me to another man.

--
A strong woman has faith that for the journey she"ll have enough,No matter how uneven the terrain or roads being rocky and rough,A woman of strength knows it's in the journey she will become strong,and the Love of God is forever with her,no matter how difficult or long. please .

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by kacey321

Don't know if I got some message from the great beyond yesterday or what but I am a bit freaked out ..Don't know how many open mided will read this but ..I called hubby to find out how his cardio appt went kept trying all day yesterday ..voice mail..had this odd feeling he was in the hospital don't know why just did ...I finally called the house GF answered said in a strange voice he wasn't home ..I asked is he still at work then she blurted out he got sent to the hospital by ambulance from cardio docs office early in the day had to have a stent put in a 95% blocked artery told me the hospital,room number etc .said she was picking him up this morning and said she would tell him I called about him..

Well I hung up and called him at the hospital we talked a bit he told me all 3 arteries blocked 95% one was stented twice had problems with first one ...should do the second one 70% blocked didn't because of the problems w/1st one although 2nd one worked and the 3rd blocked 40% he's been a walking timebomb...

Now I feel bad saying earlier it might have been easier if he died ...he could have had a major heart attack He then told me he was leaving this morning no matter what even if they suggested keeping him ..which I knew he would..

He called me today and we talked almost 2 hours about his health stuff,medicines since he knows I have lots of knowledge ..he said he wasn't supposed to drive another day but had to pick his scripts up..I told him why doesn't "Lisa" get them for him she picked him up from the hospital he said she was working so I guess she got him and brought him home and went to work ..I'm sure she couldn't do anything for him ...but if it were me I wouldn't be able to leave him home or be able to work ...

I am sure thats why he called me for so long she wasn't there.....

Maybe I don't want him back probably wouldn't be any sex,booze or rock and roll

For sure no more sex for awhile(not that I've had any in quite a long time he was the best but I know he'll be to scared and shouldn't.....no fun )

My Luck now he'll probably come crawling back in a couple months when she's sexless

Hey Kacey.

I noticed that your ex's GF's name is Lisa.. so is my ex's GF - just flashed out at me that you had written that LOL

I think that karma can come back around to bite people on the butt.... and possibly that's what has happened to your ex.
Am sure that you would take better care of him than her and he probably knows it too

I do hope that he does come crawling back - then the ball is in your court and you can decide what you REALLY want rather than having the power taken from you when he left.

Take care and keep strong!