[seeker1950]

Hi friends,
A man wants to take me out, and I'm feeling anxious. He has asked me to dinner and to go listen to a jazz band. Maybe it's too soon for me, but I ain't gettin' any younger, and this fella is educated, retired, athletic, cute and very enthusiastic.
It sure is safer to just sit alone at home, huh!!
I made such a mess of my last attempt, y'all know. But I did learn some things from it...really. I guess I'm just wondering if it would be easier to wait a few more months...years???
Your thoughts appreciated.
Seeker

[Myzen]

Hi seeker,

I think that you must be putting out some really positive vibes at the moment, and it's a good thing.

I hope that you enjoy your date, and take it just for what it is - a date. No need to invest all kinds of ideas into your night out, when you can just sit back and enjoy it. And - if you do enjoy it, the chances are that he will enjoy it too.

Good luck, seeker, have a nice time.

Cheers, M

[Parker10]

Hope you have a great time ! Go for it - its just a date, not an application for "becoming a life partner". Make a new friend.

Do you REALLY want to sit home where it is safer? :-) Me thinks not !

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Parker and Myzen, but the man just called me and I politely declined his invitation...not because of nervousness either. He talked and talked yadda yadda yadda about himself, and I could tell I wouldn't enjoy his company. PLUS!!!! He kept saying, "I'm a really outgoing fella, never met a stranger, and I'm just INTROVERTED like that! (I'm thinking...HUH???!!) and well maybe I misunderstood him, but then he made a point of saying how INTROVERTED he was again!!!! and that meant he was just very confident, outgoing, etc., etc. LOL!!!!!
I hope y'all are laughing with me. Hey, I have learned to discern some things.
Seeker

[Parker10]

Heaven help him if he were an EXTROVERT with all those nice things he had to say about himself !!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL !!!!!!!!!! Good call ...wonder what kinda edukachun he has after all eh????????

[seeker1950]

I just want to add that something I've "learned" is that a man who talks and talks about himself....Well, I used to excuse that and say, "Well, maybe he was just nervous, and wanting to impress....." NOT!!! I even sensed impatience when I interjected anything into the conversation, so YES, I've learned to discern. Also, I learned that the man just got divorced last WEEK!
So, I had to listen about his wife, 23 years younger, etc. I'm too tired for it!
Seeker

[seeker1950]

LOL Parker...Luv ya!!
Seeker

[Myzen]

"I even sensed impatience when I interjected anything into the conversation"

Seeker, Well - that line deserves a whole thread on its own. With that dynamic you wouldn't be able to sit back and enjoy anything. Good grief he might even have talked through the jazz! I've seen it happen.

Sounds like you just avoided a real life episode of Seinfeld.

Cheers, M

[amdx64]

This subject has a who slew of topics itself. See i think older men today are thinking women need them. While im from the 80s generation which sadly doesnt say much about me. Ive learned today women dont need a man they need some company.

Older men today seem to think this is the 40's (no offense to anyone from that time) where it was a womens job was the kitchen, today men and womens alike do laundry and clean and wash dishes (that is if their not lazy lol) .. so saying that a woman needs a man just isnt there anymore. Men and women today have been taught that if things arnt 100% we give up, breakup, divorce, have affairs and what have you.

My issue is today is the big 3 letter word sex. I love my wife and im very attracted to her, when women walk by and guys eyes are usually looking at them .. well i dont need to my wife has the features that keep my eyes on her. Everything is perfect cept for one thing .. sex.

So what does this have to do with dating .. well ill show you .. older men still want sex and want to FEEL like they are needed in a physical way. Woman on the other hand want to be needed in a Mental way. Sure its nice to have a guy fix the broken shelf or change the oil in the car, but in case men havent notice today women can do these things and some of them like to .. us men try to brighten ourselves with women today so we can feel special .. however its a turn off to women.

Women today dont need men, and using that as a stratgy is pointless, its the same with sex, People today would rather have a sex partner and only show up once in a while and not carry all the bags that go with it. This like many confuses me, half of the world is growing up with dad seeing the kids when he wants while he lives elsewhere with someone else and her kids. Then we have the ones who still believe in marriage and parenting together.

So when your young or old when it comes to a simple date. Theres alot to think about .. when all the date is a simple going out to eat. You have sex issues, do people need you, i mean what is the date for. All i can say is dating at a older age is no different then when i was a teen and for one im glad im married cause going through all that again i would just rather be single .. ohh wait isnt that the point

[Artist]

Nervous and anxious about dating? seeker your what they call normal! Trust me on this men are just as anxious as you are. as for the guy who ask you out. He is attempting to prove something to himself. . His subconscious motives are to still feel attractive to a woman. It really is to soon for him to be out there dating. I know this because i did the same thing after when I was first out there after 18 years of marriage. Just take things for what they are Next time someone ask you out. Meet for coffee or lunch ora drink first. See if you have any common ground and go from there. Some times we men try to hard to impress you woman. that can come off as being boastful.
Now if we lived closer, I would be very tempted to ask you out.

[seeker1950]

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I've had 8 years of singlehood, and by some standards, I've dated a LOT!!, though I've spent literally years alone as well. Thru it all, the compromises, etc., I've learned to discern when someone is "not right" for me. Some other woman will just love it, I'm sure. One thing he mentioned during his lengthy phone monologue is that he "wouldn't settle" in finding ms.right. Boy!!! Man!!! neither will I!!! Even a date over coffee would have been too much "work" for me. Too picky, me??? I don't think so, just discerning, as I should have been all these years.
By the way, Artist, do you have a website featuring your art?
Seeker

[Artist]

You know whats best for you . If coffee would be to much then you made the right choice. I'm also picky on who i date she has to be breathing! OK that was a joke. I do know what type of woman appeals to me. I'm still hurting over my lost romance. I did fall hard for that woman. it has been hard not seeing her. I hope in time that I can recover to the point that she and i could be friends. Part of the problem was she and i were to intense to fast. I think The whole thing over whelmed her. She ran away scared.
No web page right now. I had one but as my painting changed and grow. The work on the page was not a good representative of what i was doing. I felt the need to start everything fresh. So I dumped the page! My work is more to the abstract looking for some inner spirit in everything. So how do you paint a spirit?

[seeker1950]

Good for you, Artist, moving toward abstraction...I too hope to evolve there.
As for the lost relationship, I am still dealing with it as well. I am in the mode of "acceptance" and sad about it, but what recourse does one have when the "other" has moved beyond it. Hey, I've even sent him a couple of other emails (after getting sick and stopping up the ceramics commode), to which he hasn't responded. I have to accept it, I know.
Seeker

[eskielover]

I am just getting into this divorce thing after 30 years of stress & arguments & so many other things that I just don't want to live with any more. I am so looking forward to my freedom & just wanting to be on my ranch property with my dogs & horses & any other animals I can adopt. I have absolutely to desire to play the dating game at all. I just have no desire go anywhere in that direction. I have no interest in making anyone feel needed or feeding anyones ego.

Honestly, I can't imagine ever going out with anyone. I'm not sure how strange I am about this, but I am so exhausted from trying to make a relationship work that I don't have any desire to come close to even a date.

The ego & concept that his intelligence level is so high he is to good for things, never maturing from the age of high school....(we married when he graduated from college & I still had a couple of years to go)....not having my values respected...too many issues to even go into. It has completely turned me off of anyone. At this point in time, I can't imaging ever being able to have even a dating relationship with anyone....just don't think it could ever happen. It seems like you all have gone through this already & I am just starting at the age of 52. It is amazing because when I was in college working toward my BS, I swore I would never get married & seriously didn't want to have a family....guess I am ending up fulfilling my college desire in the long run....except I do have a 27 year old daughter with him.

It sounds like you all have gotten through this stage....guess it may be possible in the long run....but just cant imagine it now. I appreciate reading what you all are going through to give me a glimpse of my possible future.

Debbie

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

I'm not sure that I can be much help here, but I'm going to play the 'eternal optimist' card.

IMHO we do a lot of generalising when it comes to the opposite sex, and I have done my fair share of sympathising with women in general,or at times even hating them in general. Thinking in generalities messes me up. Bringing bad past experiences into the present really messes me up.

I believe that when you meet someone that you like you don't want to generalise at all, you just see a person in front of you, someone that you like. I believe that it is fatal to bring preconceptions and baggage into a fresh situation, and often this kills new opportunities. Pain in the past came from someone else, and a new person is a new and different person.

That's what I believe anyway, but it's hard to put into practise. When I met my present wife (who I love very much) it was two years before I started to trust her intentions. That's because the first wife gutted me, and I couldn't see past that. I was too busy waiting to get hurt again.

Cheers, M - optimistic.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Debbie, Myzen and Psy,

Debbie, you are feeling exactly as I did after my divorce 7 years ago. I had no interest at age 47 in dating or meeting men. Now, after experience in dating, I am feeling that way once again.

Myzen, you are probably right about projecting past experiences into new relationships. I've tried not to do that, but I think it's only human, and also part of learning to discern behaviors. At any rate, I'm feeling too weary for it anymore, and like Debbie says, I also am unwilling to flatter a man's ego....like the one I just eliminated after the phone call. Hey, I know all men aren't that way, but I am proud that I was able to decide quickly that it would be a waste of my time to be in that man's company. In my over-accommodating past, I would have gone thru with a date or dates and been miserable. Some people can determine such things from the get-go. It has taken me a long time to get here, but I'm feeling good.
Love to all,
Seeker

[Artist]

There does seem to be a lot of projecting of baggage from the past onto new relationships. Some of the things. Both men and woman are guilty of this. I have run across are . Woman who will only go out with younger men because their ex took off with a younger woman. Woman who only want to take out their frustration about their last failed relationship on me. What did I do? Then there are woman that don't want anything to do with sex and get angry when I tell them I want to be in a relationship that is more then companionship. On the other hand a woman got mad becuse I didn't try to get her into bed . She said it was an inslult to her sexuality? There are a great many woman out there who want to be taken care of, the man has to earn more then she does.
I'm sure that the woman have their own list. This dating stuff really can be a pain in the *****. Yet in the end if you do find that someone. all the agony pain and frustration seems to be worth it. I'm still hopful and still a romantic at heart.
Seeker I'm going to put a pad lock on your email stop writing that guy!

[(JD)]

I don't know, free dinner and jazz? I could tune anyone out for that!

[seeker1950]

LOL, Sky...
Seeker

[Artist]

Somebody is buying me a free dinner and go see some jazz? Well I'll tell ya right now it won't be that easy to get me into bed. They would also have to buy mea couple of drinks. only kidding.