[MacD]

The question has been asked and please let me attempt to answer it.....women want what men want...EXCEPT...they don't want it while being oogled and the thought processes being directed to what carnel delights are in store.....they want to feel validated...(i.e. their actual interests and feelings taken into account)...I have a good man....but doggonit..I get tired of feeling that everying is a sex negotiation...In other words, If I do THIS....he'll do THAT...why can't we just care for one another and trust that things will work out to our advantage....THIS...is what drives me crazy!!!!! It's not a negotiation folks...!!! It's 2 people caring about each other...and if thats working right...then everything else will truly fall into place....BELIEVE ME! grace

[seeker1950]

You're so right, Mac.
Validation is a big key to success. I found an excellent article on "Invalidation" a while ago which talks about how that kind of behavior damages a relationship (or a potential one).
I do recognize that men and women think differently in many ways regarding attraction to the opposite sex, but there is no joy, in my opinion, in a relationship whose primary emphasis is the physical! There must be mutual respect, genuine concern for each other, supportive of one another's interests and endeavors.
The physical aspects for me are a result of those other qualities.
Seeker

[mrb020377]

I agree with you Gracie!
I hate that when I walk in somewhere, I feel like everyone is staring at me! Let me just say I don't dress like s hoochie or anything. In fact you are lucky if you ever see in me in anything but jeans.
I fee like women just want to feel like what they say is actually heard. They want to know that someone loves them because of WHO they are, not what they can give to someone!!!!!

[Artist]

Interesting to read comments by woman. on what they want and or what they are looking for in a relationship.
What do you do to get validation?
What do you really want in a relationship?
What about issues of money and security?
Would you be in a relationship with a man who made less money then you?
How important is it to you to feel you are attractive to the opposite sex?
do you feel threatened by woman who are very attractive and considered sexy?
How important is physical attraction to you?

[seeker1950]

I'm not threatened by women who are "sexy." I can be sexy and attractive even at my age. Validation is receiving feedback from inquiries...not receiving silence or resentment rather than open, honest discussion. Gosh, the fella I posted about was unemployed, babysitting a 4 year old for no pay!!! I still liked him immediately, and offered to pay for at least my share of expenses when we went out! If anything, I was over-accommodating, which, unfortunately, seems to be my nature! In surveying my history with men, it seems the hard-assed *****, gold digger, sexual tease is more successful than I ever hoped to be!
Seeker

[MacD]

Artist....I want you to see the movie Hitch..it's just been released on dvd and boy does it tell some wonderful truths about male/female relationships.....Will Smiths first commentary about meeting, falling in love....is worth the price of the whole flick...I think you'll enjoy it...grace

1. to be validated, is to accept my beliefs, values and my work dedication....
2. i want honesty, loyalty, intimacy and a confident man.
3. what about them?
4. why do you ask that?
5. it depends upon who the opposite sex is.
6. no.i know that i'm sexy.
7. again, it depends upon who i'm with.

[Artist]

MacD I'll take you up on renting that movie.
The questions are just a way to start a dialog.
there seems to be some rather smart and interesting woman here so why not pick each others brains Maybe we all can learn something. Every once in a while a new idea or concept does sink into this thick head of mine. Who says ya can't teach an old dog new tricks?

[MacD]

Artist...you'll love the movie, because it's told from the male perspective....it's humorous, wonderful...and terribly true....and YES...you're right!...We are here to "pick each others brains"...and you'll make a friend or two in the process....grace

i answered your questions and asked you two, artist. if we're going to have a dialogue, let's do it. pat

[Eternal_Cat]

51% of the population want to be on the Northern Hemisphere when a star from another galaxy erupts and wipes out the southern hemisphere. What do they want? They wouldn't know any better than you. And they are not exactly a unified force either. It's not like they're an army, sharing an ideology. They can be divided into many groups, each having it's own subset of wishes and desires. Generalisations make it easier to learn by accumulating information in large clumps, but in this case it is inadequate.

[seeker1950]

The question is the basis for discussion, and pretty cyical is your response.
Seeker

i don't want any cynical men.

[Eternal_Cat]

Sorry if I came off as cynical, I'm just frustrated with this age-old question. It makes me sick. It doesn't even make sense. It's pathetic and I hate it.

[Artist]

Sorry I have been away from the computer. All of you have given me a lot to think about.
Pat, I ask about Those things do to some reading I have been doing. One article made it seem as if woman would not get involved with a man then felt was not up to their standards as far as income and social class. Education also seems to be play a part here. again from what i have read a great many woman will not get in a relationship with someone who is not as educated as they are. Yet men would and do, form relationships with woman that are from a lower social economic background.
Now like most things in life this is not always true. There are always exceptions out there.
Now on the other hand you have woman , writing to and dating Not sure if visting in prision would be Dateing and getting married to men who are in Prison . Some are in for life. This is all just so confusing.

[seeker1950]

LOL, Artist....I haven't reached the point of seeking a prison "penpal!" I think it takes a certain mindset....not sure what....to delude oneself about prison inmates as romantic partners. The prison con artist has lots and lots of time on his hands to devise enticing and seductive words for a "needy" woman. It's a pitiful scenario.
I've dated a couple of "marginal" characters myself, one ending up in prison after stalking me and breaking into my house with a gun, trying to shoot me. That was shortly after my divorce, and I was a "babe in the woods" at that time, naive to the characters out there. I think (hope) I've learned something from it.
Seeker

when i moved to New MExico, i dated the village "BAD boy" for three years> he didn"t even finish highschool> we had a lot in common< love of animals< outdoors< the river< etc> sorry the shift key got stuck. anyway we did okay, til the day that i was leaving to photograph an indian rodeo and he said i'd have to choose, him or my photography. i said, 'see ya" And drove away.................i do like someone with education, but i mainly want someone with a life. if he has a life, he'll have an education, from his life experience..whether he has a Ph.D or a highschool diploma. neither one of my parents graduated from highschool and they did very well, in the world.

[Artist]

Damn Had a great response all typed out and then I hit the wrong key and it is gone! I just hate when that. happens.
Seeker the stalker with the gun is scary. Maybe he has met one of those women who go for inmates .
I brought that up because i was watching a news show and they were interviewing woman who were dating and or were Married to inmates. All the woman were very attractive, educated and well spoken. Non seemed to be what i would call desperate.
Now here is something else to think about. there is an article in Psychology Today about a study done on both men and woman. a group of men and a group of woman were hooked up to machine to measure body and brain responses. All were identified as straight heterosexuals. Both groups were shown a wide range of sexual tapes from mild heterosexual sex to gay and lesbian sex. to some hard core porn.
The men showed sexual response to to the heterosexual and lesbian sex were negative to the gay sex and mixed on the more hard core sex tapes.
In a interview questionnaire their answers pretty much reflected what their brain and body responses were.
The woman also showed much higher brain and body sexual response to to the tapes of heterosexual sex Lesbian and to the gay male sex less of a response to the hard core sex. Yet in the Interviews and questionnaires were for the most part very negative about everything but the softest of the sex tapes. In other words their brains and body were saying one thing and yet they said they were not turned on by what they saw.
Any thoughts on what this means?
I have some thoughts but would like to hear what others have to say first. hope all of you are having a great day. I need to get out and go for a long hike.

[seeker1950]

Hey, about these intelligent, articulate, educated women who bond with criminals behind bars....I think they do it because it's "safe" as long as the men are incarcerated. Of course, the men are romantic and thoroughly attentive while they're locked up!!! Woe to the women when they get out, IMHO!!!

About sexual response studies...I think as human animals, the response to various examples, i.e., heterosexual, gay, porn, is going to be undeniable, even if one is totally straight in daily life.
I have a vivid and active dreamlife, and have had a few lesbian dreams, but in my wakeful time, I feel no attraction to women...none. I think it's just my sexual brain exploring possibilities. I have even thought I might be better off with a woman partner, but I'll never go there....I'm totally heterosexual. Maybe that's unfortunate, given my poor track record with men!
Seeker

[Artist]

being in the arts as we both are. I see a lot of gay and lesbian relationships and they are as messed up as as any male , female relationship is. If found it interesting that the woman had a higher sexual response to all the sexual situations. I have often thought that woman were a lot more sexual then men. yet do to society or maybe some sort of self preservation they or thought or learn to turn themselves off or they are afraid admit to their own strong sexual desires. On the other hand men are more simple. we just follow our penis around.( a bit of humor)
as for the prison thing. maybe those woman want to have a relationship and yet not have to deal with the every day in and out messiness that is all a part of a relationship.? Now seeker ya want to tell me about those dreams? Just kidding .... well maybe not

[MacD]

My Goodness....this post has taken some interesting turns....I was so surprised to see it still alive.....& behind bars today, no less....lol.....grace

[Artist]

To funny MacD

[seeker1950]

LOL, Mac...

[Artist]

So did we ever figure out what woman want? maybe i was asleep in class that day. Then again woman think men are asleep at the wheel anyway.

[eskielover]

The questions you asked are the basis for ending my marriage, so I've been thinking about these things quite a bit lately.

1. I don't feel that I have to do anything to get validation. Just being with the person & having him respect my abilities, my intelligence, my values, & not trying to make me something I'm not...but accept me for what I am is what I consider validation.

2. I want a person who is mature, responsible, intelligent, educated, confident without an over inflated ego or bragging. Not living in his past but living in the present for what he is now. Taking responsibility for the things that happen in his life without excuses or believing that life just happens & he has no control over what happens to him. Not trying to make me something I'm not. Share 50/50 responsibilities. My opinions, ideas, suggestions, are as valuable as his. I am an equal. I want a person that I can enjoy doing things with, laugh with initially & if the relation grows, be able to share emotions with.

3. Money must be equal & he must be completely financially responsible. Credit has its place but not to make impressions on people.

4. I will not under any circumstances support any man!!!!!!!!! Nor will I accept him supporting me!!!!!!!

5. Attractive to the opposite sex is not that important to me. By default, I am rather grungy around my horses & I spend most of my time there. I try to be colour coordinated with no holes...which is an accomplishment. I like nice looking cloths when I am away from the ranch but it is hard to find cloths small enough without shopping in the juniors department. At the age of 52, sometimes I feel strange dressing like a teen-ager....sometimes it's ok. Bottom line is....I am attractive to my horses & that is really what counts....I gotta say, I don't look to bad in my dressage show cloths even if they are black & white.

6. I could care less about sexy women....never have. I have always felt that what is inside is more important than the sexy look....not that I don't try to look attractive too. The sexy look just isn't me.

7. I think physical attraction is the first step toward wanting to know someone but isn't the ost important thing....intelligence has been my most important charactistic. I have always been attracted to that my whole life because of needing someone that could be my equal.

This was really a good chance to actually put down what I have been thinking for so long....rather appreciated the chance to do that. I have always seemed to be walking down a different path than most women I know & not many seem to relate to my ideas...but thanks for the chance to express my ideas.

Debbie