How to stop doubting myself...?

hey....we are all in the same boat....but thinking negatively and being so scared of getting hurt will not work really.....

so so so so so true... we can both just live for the moment.. and tell each other all the gossip on the way LOL

Trying to live for the moment from now on.. don't want to push him away.. had a moment of panic last night that I really wasn't falling for him and that I just wanted so much to be in love that I was putting pressure on myself... ARRRGGHH

But today.. with a clearer mind I realise that i do really like him - just need to RELAX - but how!!??

He will be back in 4 days... and I am starting to get excited... can't wait. Plus I figure after 4 weeks apart, if everything seems good when he gets back then I can settle my mind and just go with the flow - he's a good guy (I think!!!??)

just treat him as a friend....do what you do with a friend? do you get upset at your friends for every single thing? do you study every move of your friend? do you analyze your friend all the time? do you think about future when you are with your friend?

be happy for this moment....because this moment is the whole truth!

That makes so much sense!!!

Love you to bits xxxx

well...it's easier to say than doing it....I need to follow the same philosophy, otherwise I will be grumpy and nasty

take care of yourself....xoxo
M.

haha.. we are both really good at giving advice that needs to be applied in our own lives following it is hard..

i am just trying to be cheerful and happy today... and in just thinking that way I have become more happy in reality

Honesty, I believe what Mark has done to do was so horrible that's why you still have the trauma in your head!
I don't like that guy Mark and I don't want you to be with him....I'm so happy that you find Louise who is a good guy and he seems more caring.....let Lisa to deal with Mark and you get spoiled by Louise....how is that?
today, I was thinking a little bit about past....then I remember how horrible Aaron was to me....then I thought well...good that he's not with me and his new girl, Sarah, got to deal with him...
hope for the best.....
M.

Thanks Marjan.. you are right. Mark has really screwed up my head a bit.. I'm 95% better than I was 8 months ago... and will keep getting better hopefully!

I just don't and can't understand why he did what he did - that's the bit that is taking the longest to put into the past....

We are both lucky that we are not with our ex's... even if they occassionally play on our minds

Dear ((((Belle))))

This is your fight or flight resoponse which is urging you to take control and run first so that you don't get hurt. He will over time prove to you that he is worthy of you and worthy of you being able to accept him into your mind. Your heart as already accepted him, that is why you feel so high when you think of him; then your mind chimes in and says "ah yes but..." and so the cycle of insecurity begins again.

Each time a negative thought arises to do with him cheating, close your eyes and see him the way he last looked at you; with all that adoration on his face and you will see very clearly what your mind cannot see. And each time that you do this you will be teaching your mind to relax a little and become more accepting of the relationship.

Your mind (the ego) is saying "but I'm only trying to help" so tell it, "well thank you for caring about me but I'm OK. You can take care of the other mundane things like cooking, driving and everything else I need a mind for"

Loving ((((hugs))))

Rhiannon

Thank you Rhiannon xxxx

It is totally my flight/fight impulse.. still have it but it should have gone out with the cave men LOL

Last night talking to him I was calm and happy.... hoping when he gets back (4days!!) the 'flight' instinct will disappear for a while

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...fect-partner-0
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...unhealthy-doub
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...y-relationship

Just one more sleep and he will be back... Last week, flight was kicking in totally.. over the weekend I was all good. No need to run, just see how it all goes....
Last night and this morning, well the doubts are back ... He arrives tomorrow, should be here for a the very least a week... wants to spend all his time with me etc.
So why do I have this intense fear that he must be lying, that he is already cheating on me? The small amount of women up in the mine site that he works at are mostly married or really not that attractive.

I think the niggling thoughts at the back of my head stem from having met him online (and of course Mark grrrr)... who knows how many girls he could have actually met and still be communicating with... But his profile has been made inactive (same as mine), he tells me that he didn't met anyone else online, at least not in person.

Just needed to get all of this out of my head

((((Belle)))) my dear, you are driving yourself crazy by all these thoughts.....why don't you enjoy having him right now? Just think the way that you might not see tomorrow!!!! Yes, there might be no tomorrow....then I think you will be relax and enjoy the present moment.....(((of course))) I want you to see the tomorrow and I love you....but thinking that way is relaxing me, probably it will work for you as well.....
Enjoy....Enjoy and Enjoy without fear

Plus, don't have high expectations of him to spend his whole time with you....that's kinda unrealistic....doesn't he have friends and family over there? so don't make yourself going crazy if he couldn't have spent a day with you!

I think everybody must learn from my little sister....how she threats her husband and how she makes him to be free and how much he loves him....he doesn't want to spend a moment away from her and he wants to do everything for her.....She's a true role model for me and she's 8.5 years younger than me....hmmmm.....I see how she focus on her husband good qualities and she never bugs him for little stuff.....

go girl and celebrate your reunion......
Marjan

thanks Marjan

I actually don't want him to spend every minute with me.. that is his idea haha.. I do want to spend as much as I can with him bbut think working will be a nice break during the day

Love that you had a great date btw xxxxx go girl!!1

Hope this helps...


Nunc Coepi “Now I Begin.”

Nunc coepi is a Latin phrase often heard in seminaries of old. It, means, “Now I begin.” Novices were taught to say this every morning, signifying that what was is past, what will be is hidden in the future, and it is only now--this day, this moment--that counts.
Not what I did yesterday, or what I may do tomorrow. Now I begin. Nunc coepi.
Every day is another chance and a fresh start. It’s important to remember that. Too many of us are hyperaware of all the yesterdays we wasted or phantom tomorrows that could bring us down. Yet we’re hardly aware at of the day that’s right here in our hands, shimmering with possibilities. Why do we do that? Why do we so habitually discount and brush off the wonder of the present moment?
One reason may be that we don’t trust ourselves. Because of past mistakes, we’re afraid to get very hopeful. In fear of failing again, we choose to downplay the possibilities and try to settle for what comes, rather than actively creating it. This bottom line may be that we really don’t believe in second chances.
But each day is new whether we believe in it or not. We can begin fresh each morning if we decide to live our lives that way. The miracle isn’t that the chance is there; it always has been there. The miracle is what happens when we reach out to embrace it.

As long as there is life, there is the chance to start over.

This page was taken from the book, Believing In Myself, by Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty.

Thank you very much!

One reason may be that we don’t trust ourselves. Because of past mistakes, we’re afraid to get very hopeful. In fear of failing again, we choose to downplay the possibilities and try to settle for what comes, rather than actively creating it.

This is exactly how I feel most days. I will remeber this and believe that each day is a new day

Thanks mormat....this is so perfect.....I love it....tears came to my eyes.....so true....I'm going to buy this book on lunch time

((((Belle)))) is that lady gaga's photo? she's my favorite...I'm seeing her show in August....woo hoo.... gaga ho la la la.....

Hi Marjan the photo with the bubbles is actually me LOL. Louis was asking for pics and I was playing around with my new laptop.. it has a heap of cool options hehe.

Okay so Louis is back today.... He rang last night (okay so he rings on skype every night) and he is so excited that he will get to see me... so why don't I actually feel overly excited? I should be. BUT when I think about it I am probably being protective of myself and just pushing happy feelings down so not to get hurt if it doesn't work out...

I never used to be like this... hate Mark for making me doubt my feelings, for making me so protective of myself that i can't enjoy everything that I should.... for doing what he did to me and breaking my trust..

on the woo hoo side - louey is back today and I hope that when I see him I will feel the same as I did 4 weeks ago....

Probably, you just feel so good and comfortable with him....also, he shows the excitement behalf of you as well
leave all those nasty thoughts....but don't get attach to him so much, then you won't get hurt!
enjoy
Marjan

You're scared and insecure because you've been hurt by someone you trusted. You're human....give yourself a break. Listen to marjan...and quash the negative thinking. We all know what happens when you let your imagination get carried away.

Remember....you're strong and you are worthy of good things in your life.

We're here for ya!!

Thank you both

My bestfreind asked today how I was going (it's actually a daily comunication between us - and we pick up on the little things.. like if you answer 'ok' then maybe there is something no really right LOL)

I said I wasnt really that excited that Louis was coming back.. She told me that he emailed her last night (FB) after she had 'liked' his post about being excited about coming home.... He bascially said that he can't stop thinking about me since he has met me and that he REALLY likes me.

It freaked me out.. I was like 'freak!!' emailing my friend.. but as she pointed out, I need to stop looking for any bad thing, it wasn't a bad thing, he's actually just really really sweet..

I just can't follow your post really.....Louise emailed your girlfriend on FB? how that has happened? Do they know each other? Have you introduced them together? or I'm getting it all wrong!

I know all about those bad thoughts.....my new guy has emailed me today that he might go to colorado this weekend and he wanted to see me even earlier....he even said that he prefers to be with me rather than going for a trip....but then it came to my mind that I just went out with him for couple of dates and there is no relationship nothing, so he can even have some other dates....then I stopped myself right there.....that's a poison thought and I don't need it now.....I can't do anything about it and I don't want to have those thoughts.....It looks like he doesn't like talking on the phone ....what's with guys? I hate technology.....he said he's not on FB....I'm happy about it....and I didn't even courage him to get on facebook....I hate all the stuff is coming with FB.....

anyway....have fun and let us know
Marjan

hehe.. yes Louis met Michelle because when he was in Perth last time, it was her Birthday and the 3 of us went out to dinner together... so they are FB friends now haha.. he requested her friendship and she text me when he did to make sure I was okay with it... which I was.

No posion thoughts!! we both need to learn to enjoy the time we are having LOL hard isn't it!!

I hated FB until earlier this year.... thought it was 'evil' but now that I have been able to catch up with friends from my school years.. it's not so bad

If you see him again.. tell me all. He does sound like a really nice guy and the spark sounds like it is there