[MeeMawP]

Hi, First time doing this. I've been married 31 years. My family is my life. I always thought my husband thought I was the best thing since white bread. He treated me that way. He was a family man very into our girls and me. Our girls thought he was superman. One of my sister - in -laws once told me my brother had told her he wanted their marriage and relationship to be like ours. My husband was my best friend. I got cancer, it was a really bad time. I kept my life as normal as possible and as easy as I could for my husband. He never went to any of my treaments, never had to wash a dish, clean the house etc. Life stayed pretty much the same way it had been except I was bald!! He cheated on me with someone we knew. I said okay, it's been rough, he was seeking comfort, let's fiqure this out. Our girls were devasted so was I but I wanted to be understanding. Then I found out he'd told people I was "out" of my head, and basically was letting everyone believe how hard it wa for him because he had to do EVERYTHING for me. Big Big lie. THEN the woman he was cheating with told me she wasn't the first. He ended up confessing to cheating on me with three different women over the last ten years. One thing led to another, he wanted to work things out. I was EVERYTHING to him he was an idiot etc. etc. So, 31 years, two kids, a lifetime..I said okay. Hes been great, he's been nicer, doing the flower bit, asking how I am feeling when before he said he couldn't "handle" it. etc. I keep telling myself to give it time, I'ld heal we'd get by this, but it's been 3 years since I first found out and I have no idea how I feel about him. When he touches me I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. How can I get past this.?

[h0kie]

I've been in a similar situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Therapy might be a good idea (ok, it definitely would).

One thing that strikes me about your post is how much blame you place on yourself. You didn't make your husband cheat. He is an adult who can make his own choices. As my mom told me when I was little, "only you can get you in trouble".

I hope you stop blaming yourself. It is not your fault. PM me if you ever need to talk.

[Eva1nder]

Hi MeeMaw

I'm very sorry ...I know this kind of pain first hand. I was married for 11years (though divorced presently) and had gone through a very similar situation.

I was best friends with my then husband and thought that everything was okay or at the very least he would never do the things he did...only like you to find out very differently.

I needed answers too. I read this book:

by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil called

Adultery, the Forgivable Sin: Healing the Inherited Patterns of Betrayal in Your Family (this was back in 1996)

I read it and that very same weekend I called her and went to therapy with her for 2years. Reading her book totally made sense to me. She had been on oprah and several other shows.

You might find it helpful. I found it to be extremely helpful.

I noticed that there is a revised copy now. 2003

The one I had read was from 1994.

If you ever want to talk ...pm me anytime.

I'm so sorry you are going through this...it isn't enough what you went through and then to be put through this by the one person you'd never think could do this to you.

Please take good care
Eva

[MeeMawP]

Thanks for all the support and advice. We have an appointment with a counselor. My husband didn't think we needed to see anyone but I told him I did. Thanks again for everything.

MeeMawP

[bebop]

Praise the Lord he is going with you...my husband says we don't need it either! good luck hon!!