[Belle1979]

I still think about him, I still want to see him when he is back in Perth... I hate that it ended when I was happy... that made me sad.

I am a great person - this I do know deep down inside somewhere.

When will the good things happen to me?

I miss the affection.
I miss feeling loved by another.
I miss the emotional bond.

Days go by and I am getting back to normal/reality - why would anyone want to put themselves in a situation that has a chance of ending in heartbreak?
Safer to be alone perhaps......

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Dear Dear Belle

You are a dear and wonderful woman good to everyone and people respond to you in kind You are still so young and you have plenty of time to find the one you are looking for and establish your family if that is what you want

If life is a matter of getting back what you put in then your life will only get better and happier The one you are looking for is out there and in the not too distant future you will meet Take it slowly and one step at a time

Any many would be honoured to have you in his life and those who are skittish you do not need in yours And this last one has shown you that although there are things you desire there are things that are more important Truth honesty being man enough to speak truth to your face He is out there Dear Belle

And you will find him

cynic - noun

1. someone who believes that people care only about themselves and are not sincere or honest.
2. someone who expects things not to be successful or useful.

American English synonyms of cynic:

People who are not happy, hopeful or friendly: pessimist, cynic, defeatist, lost soul, wet
blanket, grinch, a cold fish, prophet of doom/disaster, party pooper, Cassandra...

Hello, Belle. Your post is one to print for your therapist. The process of grieving goes on. I wish you the best.

[nightdreamer7982]

I am just like you hun? I love my boyfriend and he's four States away from me. In the sunny beautiful. Sunshine State of Florida and hmmm!! I'm missing him so so much and he misses me too!! I'm the first and most loving and caring woman for him now and forever and ever? I'll be moving there to live with him really soon and he's looking forward to my arrival on his Air Force Base. I can just see his face light up and he will be so thrilled to me moving in with him sooner than later? I'm the luckiest and happiest woman ever to be in a. US Military Relationship now and forever and ever?! I'm glad for him that his search is over for the woman of his dreams and in vice versa for me as well?

[Belle1979]

Thanks Rhiannon - your words are beautiful xx

Byz - You are probably right.
I don't see him (my T) for another few weeks now but I am coping okay.

Nightdreamer7982 - not sure what you mean?

[hoping4best]

Oh Belle..*hugs* i can understand what u r going through. Even though i THINK that i have moved on but i still miss the guy cuz of whom i came to this website in the first place. Lets call him James. I even cried a bit for him last nite.

[hoping4best]

I know it so hurts that things have gone wrong when they need not to! When it could have been better than it is now. But Belle, life is like that. U need to accept it just like that,otherwise u will only add it to ur miseries. Tc.

[Belle1979]

Thanks

I think I was just having a bad night... a bad week.. who knows.

One thing I have relaised it that I find it easier to want back what I have had as it is easier than steping forward and trying to create that bond with someone new.
With an ex, well, there are not awkward moments I think thats one reason I get stuck..

[Belle1979]

I remember giving an "end date" to what I felt for Mark (after he had came back with the miss you.. I don't know what I want.. I think I may still love you cr*p).
It wasn't just a way to stop the feelings (they don't go away) but it was a time that I set for myself, to have a goal to reach and a goal to end it with..

So I am giving myself a deadline on Louis too... This may sound totally stupid, a bad way to deal with it all but really it was after I set the date for Mark and it came and went without him deciding anything that I just called a "STOP" to everything. Less than a week later I met Louis online.. so in my head I was ready for a relationship. I was strong and I was myself. I just got duped by a guy who seemed to be everything I wanted - just about.

Wednesday the 27th - after that date I want to stop dwelling, feeling sad (within reason). I want to be happy again - without meds if possible.

Not sure if I can keep this target.. but I figure that by then I will have grieved enough... The embarrassment of the relationship ending can stop... The longing for him can stop....
He was NOT what I thought he was in the first place.. so what I loved and liked was only one side anyway..

[hoping4best]

After James, i met another guy who showed interest in me, but i looked for James in him. I WANTED him to talk like james,to be spontaneous like him, in every aspect. And ofcourse that isnt possible cuz everyone is different.may be i wasnt even ready for a relationship but i plunged into one just to subside the pain that i was feeling after james.

[hoping4best]

True. He wasnt wht u thought he was. What u thought he was, was only because of wht he showed to u so that u fell in love. Honestly, y would someone get attached emotionally to the guy if he felt distant in the first place. No one. And guys know that!

[Belle1979]

So true Jiakhan.. I saw what he allowed me to see.. I listened to his words that he spoke.. and I dreamed.

It can't make me a bad person just because I chose to have hope, to trust and to believe in someone else...

It's just that trust is shattered in me once again.. and to be honest that is not fair to me!

[bridgie]

so many people, both men and women, tell us what we want to hear. we need to see that they follow through with their actions as well. he very well have meant he wants to be married and have children some day. unfortunately he was telling it to the wrong person. dont allow this to hold you back from finding that someone special. the one that you deserve.

[Belle1979]

Thank you Bridgie xxx

I hope you are right!

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Belle1979

Thank you Bridgie xxx

I hope you are right!

sorry sweetie that you are still hurting over this break up.....

just one advice that works for me very well.....I found out if I stop repeating the story and talking about the bad relationship, then I can forget about it by time....but if I keep talking about the guy, then his memory stays fresh in my mind no matter how long it goes by....hope this works....

take care of yourself
marjan

[Belle1979]

Thanks Marjan.

Talking helps me a lot.. gets all the negatives out of my mind.. halts the depression for a moment and well.. makes me realise the truth about a situation.

I have given myself an end date LOL so by then I'll move past everything and more forward.

Sometimes i find that you can learn from past relationships.. I have learnt a few things - not really about me, I am who I am.. but about what I want and what i need (total difference between the two).
I want a friend, companionship and a romance. I had a blast with Louis and wouldn't change anything other than the ending.

There is a fairy tale out there for me.. it will happen when I have no idea it's going to

Originally Posted by Belle1979

I have given myself an end date LOL so by then I'll move past everything and more forward.

i did something similar in a situation that had me totally obsessing for a whole stupid day. i said the next day i wasn't going to indulge in that and it worked and i think i'm past the issue. at least i hope i am and didn't just repress stuff. i haven't thought about it much though and it's been over a week.

Sometimes i find that you can learn from past relationships.. I have learnt a few things - not really about me, I am who I am.. but about what I want and what i need (total difference between the two).

i think learning what you want and need is learning about you.

I want a friend, companionship and a romance. I had a blast with Louis and wouldn't change anything other than the ending.

belle, i think you may be romanticizing this relationship in hindsight. i remember that one thread right before he ended it where you sounded like you were fed up and about to dump him. you also weren't gettin' any.

[Belle1979]

haha so true Bloom I wasn't getting enough and was thinking it wasn't going to work for me... but I justhate endings..

I am a dreamer I guess. and I am only remembering the good stuff now.. erazing the bad!

glad i got a laugh out of you. hang in there girl.

[hoping4best]

Marjan said the right thing. but as u have set an end date for urself so hopefully it will work for u!
Remember Belle,we care for u!

[Belle1979]

Everyone deals with things differently...i
I am following advice by getting ti out of my head.. writen down where i don't look back at it.
No one is right and no one is wrong.
I am not dwelling I am allowing myself to grieve.. something that I struggle to do. I am accepting of the feelings and emotions. Shutting the door on them and pushing them away would only have the same impact as my father's death had.. I didn't acknowledge him when he was dying and that caused me much pain/depression/angst over the past 13 years...

This time I am not in control (hard for me) I am letting nature take is course in a normal way.

I don't think ignoring or trying to forget what has happened in life is very beneficial to anyone..

This is my way of dealing with it. I had a relationship.. a real realtionship.. it ended as things do. I struggle with this for many reasons.. one being that I have been hurt over and over and finally opened up again.. well that probably/hopefully? wont happen again.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

I agree with you Belle, the more I tell myself I shouldn't feel bad about what they did, the more I deny my own feelings, the harder it gets to let it go. In fact if anything I feel worse because now on top of heart break, I would get the feeling of being pathetic for crying about something that as everyone said, shouldn't hurt me so much.

I'm kind of where you are now, in that state where I no longer wish to deny my feelings. I stopped denying and I accepted how life was right now, told myself I had the right as a human being to feel my emotions, yet still had that dead-line. And I feel good today, unhurt or affected by the cheating or the lies, I've been talking about all the fun stuff we used to have, the jokes and the teasing, with my friend who knew him too, and it's not hurting me at all. I can accept that at some point in time I really loved him, and he might have loved me too and we had fun and were happy, but I can also accept that things are different now and it's time to go on.

Hopefully it works for you, like it has for me!

[lynn P.]

(((Belle))) - I just wanted to stop by and give some hugs. I don't have much wisdom to share ATM. Just a general observation - sometimes I'm surprised that any 2 people can actually get along and be a couple. I mean look at most families - they can't get along either lol. I wonder if those matching dating sites work?- where you fill out an extensive questionare and they match you up. Maybe you should make a list of what you really want in a man and be very realistic. For example are you hoping for marriage and kids one day etc.? I hope you feel better soon Belle.

((((( Belle )))))

You are doing the hard work. Kudos.

[Belle1979]

Thanks all three of you

I was proabably a little harsh in my post.. but it was how I felt and well... I am not one to repress the feelings... I felt I was standing up for ME and how I am. Each day is up and down and each day will get better if I keep working the way I am.

xxxxx