[Amoslass]

Right now she is doing what she always does - watching dvd's, chatting online to her friends on Twitter and Facebook. She's a multi-tasker, except when it comes to me. she does this constantly - she comes home from work straight to the computer. She seems to live there. Lying on the couch in her little on screen world. I do the "hey babe, how was your day?" thing, and...nothing more than a "fine", or "it was boring", or "this jerk called up..." No kiss hello, no asking how my day was.

She can stay there all day. It is as if she prefers talking to her online friends more than me. I am so scared to bring it up though. I sat next to her today (Sunday means she can stay on the computer ALL day), for nearly an hour. She doesn't look at me, she continues laughing at the show she's watching. I start crying, she doesn't notice. I am invisible. I don't know what to say to her...oh well, actually, I DO, but I am mute, the words won't come out, I so want to say "look, turn off the show, stop talking on Twitter and talk to me, your girlfriend, the one who loves you and tries so hard for you."

I don't know what to do. I hate myself for not being stronger and just dealing with this.

[salukigirl]

Sounds like she has a problem with technology addiction. My bf used to be the same way. Whenever new games come out like Call of Duty I just expect to be ignored for about a week or so. But after that, I will be a *****.

He used to bring his iPod to bed! He would act like he was sleeping and I would look over and he's on his stupid iPod! So one day I told him "If you bring that thing to bed one more night you will come home and it will be in pieces after I smash it with a hammer." He said I was bluffing and I said "try me" and he quit bringing it to bed. He hasn't brought it to bed since.

And if he ignores me for video games I will send him one of those youtube videos of the girlfriend smashing the xbox or something. I don't do the whole crying asking for attention thing....I go straight for the smash lol

I don't know if that's good or bad but it's effective. Sometimes that's the only way to get through to someone who is that into technology. If she doesn't respond to that, then it might be time to ask why you are with a girl who obviously ignores your feelings and needs.

You definitely deserve someone who gives you what you need. It doesn't sound like you seem overly needy or obsessive - you just want your basic human needs met. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I know how frustrating it is and how terrible it can make you feel. I hope you can finally get through to her because you don't deserve this.

[Amoslass]

hmmm...threatening to smash her laptop.....sounds good!
She just wandered off down the road without saying goodbye. Just heard the door click closed and bam. Not there. Comes back an hour later saying 'damn it's hot out there".

Angry angry angry!

[Perna]

And you're in this relationship, why?

I would have a talk with her, tell her how you feel and ask her to change how she relates to you, to put you before her computer. I know how much I love my computer; both my husband and I are retired, come downstairs in the morning and instantly get on our individual computers but I always first (I'm second downstairs) go and greet him at his computer and ask how he slept. After a couple hours he goes and makes me breakfast, brings it to me at my computer and I make the effort and thank him for it! I give at least the minimum! Talk to her and demand the same; wouldn't occur to me to leave the house without mentioning it to my husband, telling him where I plan to go, approximately how long I expect to be gone, asking him if he wants to come along, etc.

It doesn't bode well that even when she is not on the computer, when she goes out, she does not even think of you! I don't think it's a computer problem, I think it's a there's-nothing-there problem. Who is able to totally ignore what they truly love, either thing or person?

[Leed]

I have to agree with Perna ~ WHY are you in this relationship? You are being taking advantage of. She just ASSUMES you'll hang around and TAKE this. Why do you take this?? If it was me, I'd just walk out that door and disappear for hours and hours. In fact, I might not even come back all night!! Let HER get upset for once. OR -- perhaps I'd pack my things and just plain get OUT. I'd see if a friend could put me up for awhile until I could find a place.

No one needs to be treated like this. You are just being ignored and used. She'll take you out of the closet when she needs you -- and then she'll put you back when she's done with you. That's all you are to her.

Find someone who will treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated!!! God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Amoslass]

good point. Problem is, I think she sees it as her way of relaxing. Umm...all the time.

I don't quite know how to leave...I have a physical disability and can't afford to live alone....um....never going back to the parents, lovely but nuts and no room at the inn. Brother - he has two little kids and no room at the inn. None of my very few friends have space for me...crap, this is really sounding depressing. emergency housing? well, she's not abusing me as such (being ignored isn't counted as abuse is it)

This is all making me question myself. WTF am I doing?????? maybe I should just give up.

[Leed]

What do you mean, "just give up?" Are you getting any kind of income, like SSI or anything? Are you able to work? Is there any kind of subsidized housing around there? Maybe you could get a small apartment just big enough for you ~ or even an efficiency apartment. Any way you could afford that?

Do you know of anyone who needs a roommate? It would have to be better than what you're living now!

Or ~ can you sit her down and have a heart-to-heart and TELL her how this is hurting you? Show her these posts -- let her know that what she's doing is hurtful ~ and she's taking advantage of you. She's assuming that you'll always be there. Do you think she'd really listen or would she just poo-poo it?? It's worth a try anyway.

I wish I knew the answer. Let us know what you decide. Hugs, Lee

[Amoslass]

If I show her these posts she'll think I'm nuts.
I'm on a disability pension, and I am looking for work, going to be starting study next week too so that'll keep me occupied one day a week. Money is pretty tight, most of my pension goes on rent, food, the cat....doctors bills, oh man the doctors bills!

It would be better if I shared, I can't live alone, A. because I can't manage all the housework and B. the depression gets bad when I'm alone. I don't think I'm a 'serious' enough case for subsidised housing, over here you have to be in a pretty bad way to get emergency housing.

I do love her you know, but if it is guilt keeping me here....that's not good.

[XpcX]

Funny thing is my boyfriend is ignoring me right now, because he is too busy playing some stupid computer game that his mate introduced to him yesterday. He's been on his computer for 6 hours today till i demanded him to watch a movie with me. After the movie finished, he got right back on his computer again. It's just nightmare for me every time there's a new xbox or computer game coming out.

[twistedmoon]

I know exactly how you feel as my husband has been behaving very similarly. It makes you question your worth and why you are there, and hurts immensely!But not speaking up about what shes doing wrong and how its making you feel will only allow the damaging situation to continue. She will learn nothing and be none the wiser and you will continue to suffer at her hands. My husband has for all intents and purposes been living his own life and totally leaving me out of it, like a distant rude roommate. I fall asleep beside him and wake to an empty bed and have no idea where he is for hours and hours, and when he is home he still does his own thing with no thought for me. Maybe it wasnt fair of me but I eventualy confessed to him I had been thinking of suicide because I struggle with depression at times and I felt so alone and worthless. It was how I felt so I told him. I even got angry and let loose with some yelling and swearing. I dont necesarily recommend these actions, but the point is I communicated with him and showed him how much his behavior and lack of interest was effecting me and he has made a greater effort to be a partner to me. You need to let her know. if she still does not make an effort then you might want to start considering other options

[Amoslass]

It's a relief to hear I'm not the only one. Though it's awful too. Why do we let ourselves be disrespected like this?

This is my first "real" relationship - yeah you might be questioning the "real" part!

I guess I have always had a problem - that if I speak my mind I will lose everything and everyone I care about. How weak is that? I do what people tell me. I totally thought I had got past that but it looks like I haven't. I hate being such a doormat.