I'm not ready.

Ugh, here again. Been lonely and stupid lately, so I thought if I started talking to new people, new guys, and do a bit of flirting it would go away. You know, forget a lost love by getting a new one? Well it was fine all up until this other girl came, and he kept telling me he didn't wanna talk to her for blah blah blah. That went on for a little while, until suddenly ignoring stopped and he started flirting with her too. I don't know what happened but it was as if my heart stopped for a second, and when it restarted I felt that hurt again. I'm not really interested in him at all, so maybe it's because cheating has been the big thing to get over. But.. For something as small as that to make my mood go from good and them plummet down to depressive heartache again.. It's obvious that even after 7 months I am not ready.

So when am I going to be ready? In 20 years? Never? It was hard enough already without any past relationship issues because I had problems with how I grew up.. Now I'm hurt even without getting emotionally attached. I only knew the guy for 3 days for heaven sake!! I can spend months not talking to the ex, months not thinking about it, weeks letting new people into my life, and it makes no difference. I'm doomed.

Your not doomed. Sounds like new dating jitters to me

the thing with relationship's is that it takes time to get to know each other not day's but month's. I think you are trying to take thing's to fast. If a Guy Likes you and not for sex he will take that time to get to know you for who you are. Me personally will at least take 6 month's to get to know you as a person before I would think of a relationship. when you first meet some one they will show you what they want you to see. But it takes about 6-7 month's to see the real person because by then thay are comfortable around you.

I know, but I wasn't necessarily looking for anything, I was just trying to have a little fun. Fun stopped when I realized I'm not the type of person to have fun that way.. I'm not really the type of person to meet someone and see boyfriend material. I'd rather meet someone, be friends and grow into it, but I know there is an over compensation here with me battling loneliness since I do this every time.. Maybe I'm just so used to commitment (and at the same worried about the lack of it) that's it's hard to get used to anything different.

I'm still young, so in the reality of it I should probably just not care and "live freely" as I constantly remind other people, but "living freely" has done absolutely nothing for me. All it's done is keep my brain open to remember things, it's not being filled with something new to help me forget.

You might be correct...so take some more time...reflect and process this recent situation as well as the past one...

I tried reflecting last night and ended up in tears. Suddenly I started remembering forgotten details and the pain came back. It was so horrible and I feel so pathetic. I talked to my therapist about it, and instead of telling me how invalid my feelings were because this was all through online interaction, she let me know that it's okay because I'm mourning - I was so emotionally invested and it was real to me so I'm not stupid. I felt a lot better after hearing this because no one really tells me that, and I'm scared mostly to talk about it. Even my friend is tired of hearing me cry about the same situation over and over.. and my Dad never even knew this had happened.

But the thing is I don't know how to move past it. I don't know what to do to get over it. I've accepted that it's over, but there is pain still. There is getting hurt by new experiences and then ones that are in real life.. I know inside these guys who are my friends are making moves, and they're nice guys, oh wonderful, kind boys but.. I force myself into denial and pretend there is nothing but friendship there.. even if it's painfully obvious there is more than that. I refuse to believe anything.