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#1
Jun 20, 2011, 09:09 PM
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I feel so bad because I care for him very much but I know now that I'm not IN LOVE with him anymore . I do love him & feel he is a good man for SOMEONE ELSE. We fight go back together , fight go back together. We have been trying to keep this relationship going and it always ends up in another battle over something new. I can't keep going through this so I told him enough is enough and I haven't had any contact with him since. He sends me emails,messages, calls , leaves things at my door step and it is driving me insane. apart of me wants to give in because I don't want to hurt him but apart of me wants to move on because I can't take it anymore. It's not all him...I have my issues and that is why I feel I need to go my own way. how do I learn to shut my feelings off ? how do I not hurt him? he calls and leaves very very sad messages of how much it hurts him that I won't talk to him ..he doesn't like my friends nor does he want me to have any. I just want to move on . I don't want to be with anyone else I just want to breath ..I care for him so much but we just cant be together it isn't healthy for either of us...can someone please help me???. I pray everyday he isn't hurting and will someday realize it is for the best. The reason I have decided on No Contact is because he is so good about making me feel like dirt , he tells me I don't want to try , he didn't or doesn't do anything wrong, He tells me I have more time for my friends than I do him, I just want to breath and relax it is all so stressful to keep going over and over and over it again ...I hope their is someone out there who can help me ...maybe it is me ...please help
 ..Am I wrong for deciding this relationship is poison for me..I know he loves me but sometimes love just isn't enough. I want to laugh again I have been feeling so drained . I work hard and I'm tired and this is just awful...
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#2
Jun 21, 2011, 09:39 AM
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you are not responsible for his feelings or actions. it is not your job to make him happy he has to do that for himself. you state the relationship is poison for you take that as a good sign to get out of it. let yourself have time to be just you. breathe enjoy being single. nothing wrong with that.
__________________
How I long to be up rather than down, the eternal sorrow that I only escape for short periods. This must be how Persephone felt. "Sleep. Those little slices of Death. How I loathe them." Edgar Allan Poe Loving yourself must come first from there comes love for everything else. |
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#3
Jun 21, 2011, 10:20 AM
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Considering what you posted, it sounds like he is emotionally abusive towards you. When anyone tries to stop you from having relationships with friends/family, that is a HUGE red flag. When someone blames you for all that is wrong with the relationship and doesn't admit to any of his own faults, that is another red flag.
I feel you are well within your rights to cut this guy off without another word from you. It sounds like he wants you as his possesion not as an equal partner. You deserve to be free and happy on your own without having to walk on eggshells and without being emotionally abused. I know it is hard to break the cycle, but I think you are definitely on the right track. If you have to change your phone numbers, then by all means do so. If you have to change your email accounts, again, by all means do that. If you are on facebook or any other social network, consider blocking him from access to you there as well. Be careful at all times right now. If you feel he may get to the point of more harrassment and/or stalking, go to the police and discuss what has happened and possibly get a restraining order as well. You deserve to be safe. I wish you well and hope you can gather up the strength and courage to free yourself from this man. Take good care! |
 Rhiannonsmoon
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#4
Jun 21, 2011, 08:50 PM
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thank you for your help. Today he showed up at my work which is also where I live. I hid until I knew I could go home ..I e-mailed him tonight and told him I DO NOT want him at my place of work, home or any contact what so ever. he has called twice but I didn't answer. This is one of the hardest things I have went through because I don't want to hurt him. but I'm tired of feeling like a yo yo and need to find me again.I hope and pray he will be ok and someday will find the person he can be happy with . He is truly a nice guy and deserves to be happy but I'm just not the right person for him.I feel so bad for doing this to him.I'm a mess.....hope you all are doing alright and stay with me on this because I sure can use friends right now.....goodnight
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#5
Jun 21, 2011, 09:02 PM
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He sounds a little controlling an obsessive in my opinion, but it's understandable that you still care about him so much even though you've lost the romantic love. If you've had to try and fight so hard to keep the relationship alive, it really isn't the right one for you. There's somebody out there that's perfect for you, you just have to look hard enough. It may find you in one month, or maybe 10 years but hope hasn't left. Hope has never left.
It really sounds to me like he is becoming very stalkerish... You should be very careful about him. Even though you care about him, he could still hurt you. Even though you've told him to back off so many times, really try and make yourself seem firm and clear. If necessary, you may have to threaten to get authorities involved. It's time for HIM to move on and stop whining over it. If he feels so much angst about you two splitting, he should keep it at least to himself or away from you. If he really wanted it to work again, he'd try and be more considerate of the feelings his attitude is causing YOU. Good luck, and try and keep your chin up. You're in my thoughts. 
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#6
Jun 22, 2011, 09:38 AM
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Quote:
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#7
Jun 22, 2011, 09:52 AM
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I am at present in the same sort of relationship, break up get back together...I had actually been fine this time I moved out in Feb. Just when I am feeling good again here he comes! I am guilty of allowing him back in BUT this time not moving back in.....I am just tired now. I too know I am in a dysfunctional relationship was, note was, mistaking his jabs and insults as him loving me and wanting me (thats actually how he would start talking to me again) but no realize where are the I miss you, I love you my life is not complete and so on. We have talked about a many ways "we" can make this work, what "we" need to do to make it better......from exercise to getting out yada yada yada.....and I will say this out loud on here...I know its a waste of time and energy because things will be good for a few months if that long and go right back to accusations no trust lonliness....why is it no matter how tumultuous the relationship a break-up is still so hard.....I beleive i would be just fine and dandy if he would move on (note - he is the one that initiated the break ups, and he decides he wants me again.......like a hunter...the thrill of the chase, but once the thrill is gone...done) I have allowed this I know....but I wonder.....well heck! never mind...nothing should be so difficult!
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#8
Jun 22, 2011, 04:22 PM
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Consider blocking emails, texts, changing phone numbers...or deleting stuff without reading or listening to it...
__________________
Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#9
Jun 22, 2011, 04:37 PM
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Having a real hard time. he makes me second guess my actions all the time. Life is too short to keep going through this. since the no contact warning he has emailed me four times basically to tell me he can't believe I'm throwing what we have all away! he admits to doing wrong but not until it is too late.he has called me crying on voice mail ..I'm going crazy over here. The one thing that bothers me is he left yahoo message telling me he would rather see one of us dead then to go through this
 scares the heck out of me. I can't go back to him out of fear or because he is hurting. I can write a book with only these 5 words ...It's not going to work..to him he seen our relationship very different then I did. Love should never be this hard.he is giving me the guilt trip of what will he tell his parents? his mother has been apart of our problem for 11 years grrrrrrrr ....I did call his sister today ( which by the way, I have never been close too ) I told her to keep a watch for him and that I was worried about him.....praying things will work out for the best....
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#10
Jun 22, 2011, 08:08 PM
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Stay strong...contact the police for a temporary restraining order...better to be safe!
__________________
Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#11
Jul 10, 2011, 12:08 AM
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"We fight go back together , fight go back together. We have been trying to keep this relationship going and it always ends up in another battle over something new. I can't keep going through this so I told him enough is enough and I haven't had any contact with him since. He sends me emails,messages, calls , leaves things at my door step and it is driving me insane. apart of me wants to give in because I don't want to hurt him but apart of me wants to move on because I can't take it anymore. It's not all him...I have my issues and that is why I feel I need to go my own way. how do I learn to shut my feelings off ? how do I not hurt him? he calls and leaves very very sad messages of how much it hurts him that I won't talk to him ..he doesn't like my friends nor does he want me to have any. I just want to move on. "
This is my current situation now. My wife left me, avoid all contact with me n she insist not to be with me anymore. She said she don't love me anymore, no patient, no time, do not need xtra burden & stress frm me and tat she hav no room for me in her heart anymore. Is there really nothing I can do but to respect her n let her go? I know how much I've disappointed her n I m willing to do it better. She mean so much for me n I really do not want to missed her again. |
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#12
Jul 10, 2011, 12:17 AM
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"We fight go back together , fight go back together. We have been trying to keep this relationship going and it always ends up in another battle over something new. I can't keep going through this so I told him enough is enough and I haven't had any contact with him since. He sends me emails,messages, calls , leaves things at my door step and it is driving me insane. apart of me wants to give in because I don't want to hurt him but apart of me wants to move on because I can't take it anymore. It's not all him...I have my issues and that is why I feel I need to go my own way. how do I learn to shut my feelings off ? how do I not hurt him? he calls and leaves very very sad messages of how much it hurts him that I won't talk to him ..he doesn't like my friends nor does he want me to have any. I just want to move on ."
I m now in d same situation. My wife said d same thing as u and she left me. She said sh no longer hav anymore patient with me, no time, do not need xtra burden & stress frm me and she do not hav room in her heart for me anymore. She said she do not love me anymore and ask me to leave her alone. I know myself at mistake and I m willing to be more patient n understanding. She said if i love her, proof it to her by respect her decision to put an end to d relationship. Is there really nothing I can do but to respect her n let her go? She mean so much to me, and I do not want to missed her again. |
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#13
Jul 10, 2011, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
The guy sounds as though he could become a problem for you. He's not that nice if he has the capacity to make you feel like dirt, people who love you don't do that, not ever. He's got you where he wants you and he knows it because he just has you play his game each time. What I would suggest is an order making him stay away. Guarantee he will fight it because he wants to see you no matter what the circumstances are. He's got problems and you're wise to seperate yourself from them. Blessings Rhian
__________________
 Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
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#14
Jul 11, 2011, 10:24 AM
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"how do I learn to shut my feelings off ?"
You must convince yourself of the truth with this man. He never loved you nor cared about you. He is only sad for himself. He wishes to punish you now for daring to leave him and soil his fragile false self. Whether he can help it or not does not matter. He is now out of control. Leaving him is the most caring thing you can do, believe me. One threat of physical harm is one too many. Get authorities involved. |
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