[Kayle]

Right now I am just lost. Between my family, my boyfriend and work I do not know which way is correct.

Let me first start off with my boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years now and have all the usual relationship problems. Although lately, there has been more problems than usual. In the beginning we used to be intimate a lot but now I just have no desire to. I feel that I am still atracted to him but there is something turning me away. I started to think that is was the fact that he is not romantic and does not cuddle or tell me that he loves me. But I cannot assume anything. Just recently, maybe the past 2 months, he waits until I go to sleep to watch porn and masterbate. This actually bothers me. I just do not know what to do anymore. I have thought about going to see a psychologist to see maybe if I am the problem but keep chickening out. We never kiss except to say goodbye in the morning, never cuddle or hold hands. There is no romance and I do not know how to get it back. I sometimes feel that if I try, I may get rejected. Any thoughts on what to do would be greatly appreciated.

Next problem I am having is with my family. No matter what happens in my life they are a negative factor. They are constantly telling me that my boyfriend is not right for me and that I need to get someone with a promising future. They give me negative thoughts about having children with him and marriage. If there is any mention of another guy being interested in me, they jump at the opportunity for me to go to that person. I just can't take the negativity from them, I feel that they are the cause to my relationship problems. I just am so lost, I do not know what to do.

There is so much more that is making me unsure but I will have to get into it in another post later. But thanks for listening and any assistance would be appreciated.

Kayle, i am really glad that you came here to ask for support. we may not have all of the answers that you're looking for, but we have love and support for you.

i'd vote first for seeing a therapist. check around and find one and make an appt. you need someone in real life to talk to about your difficulties. if your boyfriend is interested, couples counseling might be appropriate. it sounds as if you're drifting apart and counseling together could help you find out what the problems are.

family? ignore them. i know that's harsh, but right now i'd like to see you work on yourself and i imagine that will take care of the other stuff. you can't fix family. and you will never be able to keep them from interfering. BUT, you can fix how you respond to it and how you feel about yourself.

xoxox pat

[jmo531]

Hi Kayle

Being in a relationship is very difficult. You and your BF have been together for a significant time period and sometimes, things fizzle out (sexually). This is not a permanant thing thought. I know that hubby and I went through a rough patch (sexually) where I was not interested in having sex. I think it was more about me then it was about him though. I felt uncomfotable with myself, my body and things like that. I do beleive however it started off with a stalled sex life.

Fortunatly, hubby and I are pretty open with eachother and we talk about things like this without fear of hurting eachother. We took some extra steps to spice things up in the bedroom to make things "New and exciting". We have been together roughly 11 years and have been married for a little over 5. It is not unusual for long term relationships to hit a rough spot in this area.

As far as him watching porn after your in bed. Well, I have mixed feeling about that. On one hand I can understand your concern as you may feel that he is no longer interested in you and prefers to watch porn.
For me, my hubby and I enjoy similar things and I make the extra effort to indulge him. Beleive me, this is not only for his benefit but for mine as well. I will watch porn with him on occasion. We attend gentlemens clubs now and then and thins is something we both enjoy that also spices up our love life.

As far as your family go's. You must be straight forward with them and let them know that this is YOUR relationship, not theirs. You have to do what is right for you and for the relationship you are in. Dont be blinded though. If your family has a genuine concern that is unfounded, tell them you appreciate their concern but you are a grown women and can handle yourself just fine.

I wish you luck with this. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.


Jen

[Kayle]

Thanks. I actually do not mind watching porn with him. It just seems weird that at 3 am he is up watching porn. Never tries to wake me up for any fun from me. That is the weird part. I have confronted him once on it and he said he didn't wake me up because I'll complain about him waking me up.

Its just so hard to try to work things out in my head without having someone to talk to that is unbiased to this all. I can't talk to him because all he does is bring up sex. To me sex is not the most important factor in a relationship although he cannot live without it. And that scares me.

[Kayle]

Thanks for your support. I think I am going to talk to a therapist and get some assistance. I think there is too much negativity around me from my family and boyfriend, that I need someones assistance to get rid of it. I am not a negative person and to get told negative thoughts across the board, starts to make me have negative thoughts.

[jmo531]

((((((((Kayle))))))))))

I wish you tons of luck with this.


Huggles,

Jen

[Kayle]

Thanks again. I just wanted to give an update. I started to see a therapist. Just with my first meeting alone, I felt like it was going to help. The questions that where being asked made me think about my life. I realized that maybe there wasn't really a problem in my relationship but that my mom was creating it. Just a few days ago she asked if my boyfriend was going to get a new job soon or is he going to do nothing with his life. I don't think it is any of her concern personally.

Time will tell how this therapy works. THanks again.