Do women want a broken, or flawed man in their life?

Is it actually living when you spend every waking moment in isolation, scared or worried what others will think or how they will act towards you in public? Let me ask another question, are there individuals (women) out there that would want to be with someone with such issues like Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder (where you end up having to leave a full cart of food and such in the store)? I have talked to a few people through out the years that have said, yes, they would. However, I have never experienced this for myself as of yet. Mind you, Im not saying I have never had someone in my life as a gf, yet, over time those that have been in my life usually learn within’ the first year they had made a mistake, and wish to leave.
Not trying to paint myself out to be a bad person here, as I have a lot of good qualities. Some being Kind hearted, Caring and Genuine. 100% Honest, and completely faithful in a relationship. I do not cheat, nor do I lie in a relationship, or otherwise in general. I like to think of myself as a real person, one that is not fake, or says one thing yet does another. I go out of my way for those close to me, especially if I have a woman in my life. I love to spend as much time with the person Im with, yet, there have been some who have said I was clingy, needy, or smothering. Personally, I say to each their own. As others would say, You just haven’t met the right person yet. I like to also think of myself as a Christian, trying hard to get my life right with the lord. Even though I sin on a daily basis.
With the Anxiety attacks, long with bipolar. I have found it extremely hard to work a normal job. Usually only being able to hold down a job for 4 to 5 months at a time. Although I believe I have found something that will help. Will explain more in detail about this later. There are times when I spend ungodly amounts of time alone and wont go anywhere. Other times I will sit out side in my SUV in the parking lot of a local food store trying to force myself to go inside and get what I need. More times than not I will drive away and go home.
I have spent years researching my issues however, trying to find a solution to my problem. I did not wish to give in to self defeat. It has not been a easy journey though. Years later, with countless hours trying to find a ways to help myself, which I believe I have found one. Its actually quite simple to be honest. ........ Since I was in my late 20’s I had been on a number of med’s and since than have chosen not to adhere to taking a man made medication. I have found that staying away from certain foods and such, along with taking a multi-vitamin for men, fish oil (soft gel) tablets, and ginseng have helped me greatly. Only had a few down days in the last month since i started taking the vitamin's and such.
I will sadly admit however that I still suffer from very low self esteem, low confidence, and hardly any self worth, so to speak. When all is said and done though I don’t think very highly of myself. Im writing this to see if my view’s on all this are wrong, or if Im really being what my friends all say, “Being way to hard on myself“. However, at this time I feel like a woman can do better than me due to my disorders. For the last 4 years I have thought no one would want to have a man like me in theirs lives, as the disorders can be very hard to deal with.
Yet again, not trying to paint myself as a bad person. I just like being honest about myself and upfront with people. I don’t like making myself out to be something Im not. Nor do I like having people think Im something I am not. So, in conclusion to all that has been said thus far. The one question that has plagued me for the last 4 years is. Are there women out there that would want a man like me in their life? And if so, how U doing? Haha, just trying to make a funny hehe. :-D
I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this post. I would also like to ask one more thing, please, I repeat, please if you dont have anything nice to say, please keep it to yourself? I would also appreciate if you are going to post something to this, please refrain from being negative. I would greatly appreciate it, thank you all again. And take care

People are individuals first, they have their own thoughts, feelings, moods, problems. Whether person X would like person Y is not knowable much less whether X would like "group" Y (people who have behaved a specific way in the past).

Despite looking at someone and getting an impression of whether I might like to know the person more; that first 10 seconds or whatever it is is only one of a zillion things going on with starting relationships, the complexities are so very great that just about anything might be possible with me meeting you, never mind someone else meeting you with all the individuality they bring (that would be wholly different from me/mine).

However, all that being said, unless you get yourself out of isolation, I can't see how you will meet potential friends/mates? We have to go out to where others are (and they have to go out to be there) in order to meet and see if we want to take a meeting further. I don't think there are people roaming around looking for diamonds in the rough for relationships who will come to us without our having to "do" anything on our own behalf

Hi BlueCasper,

I feel most people are broken and flawed in some way. Some hide it better than others. Ever hear of the saying "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation?" There are people who seem to have the world in the palm of their hand, yet suffer immeasurably. While others come from destitution to reach great successes. You have a lot of great qualities, many of which I see and value in myself. The reality is, it will always be difficult for you and others like you to find and foster intimate, romantic relationships as well as other close relationships. But it is certainly no where near impossible. Like everyone else, you just have to find a way to highlight your best qualities and manage the less than ideal ones. While I don't think mentally healthy people honestly desire to deal with such difficult problems.. just reality speaking... there are those who are more capable, empathetic and emotionally mature to be able to stand by your side and be your rock as you venture forth in life together. It may be harder to find them, but they exist. Some women can't handle their man losing his job and will dump him over that. Others can weather devastating traumatic injuries in their significant other. The key is to put your bait in the water, get out there and take risks, make your life happen for you and happiness will greet you along the way.

Blue Casper... I am a female. I can't tell you exactly what I have... I can tell you exactly what the t's tell me I have but that's a matter of opinion in my belief. I am in a pretty strong and loving relationship right now and it has had its really trying times. We have broken up a couple of times but it only lasting a few minutes. These all brought on by me and the "Well if you don't want to do it this way than you really don't want to be with me because it's hurting me so maybe you should just leave" but after the situation calms, I realize things were not the way they seemed. And my boyfriend forgives me and likewise.

He's got ADHD. I'm sorry but I laugh at him all the time. He laughs at my OCD tendencies and I laugh at his ADHD. Like when I'm in the middle of a sentence telling him something important about my day or something and he will cut me off mid sentance and say "You hear the drums? I wanna learn those!" even if I was saying "Hey I have lung cancer" (let me knock on wood *knock knock*). But I laugh at this because I know it's the ADHD. I know that he doesn't do it to hurt me, he only does it because he's got that short or narrow of an attention span. He says the same about me, he insists all the time that I am ADD but I tell him no I just have a mental tunnel vision. And if it's not in my tunnel I wont get it.

We use laughter a lot to keep our relationship going and it really helps. He's bipolar and ADHD, I've been labeled schizo, DID, manic depressive, bipolar 1, PTSD, OCD and I'm sure I'm missing one or two more. Not to mention the new doc just gave me the personality field to explore thinking it's actually an anxiety personality disorder. But none the less, despite whichever issue there is, we seem to work because we always remind eachother that we really love eachother and it's not that we don't care or want to hurt the other, it's just that we view and perceive the world somewhat differently, which actually in turn gives us something in common.

I'm sure there are plenty of women that are out there that would enjoy being with a man who is "clingy" it's much better than someone who is too distant. It's just a matter of finding the person whose mental process works with yours. Don't look at these as diseases as much as they are the way your mind thinks and works and finding someone who can relate to your thought process and such gets much easier. I did also tell my bf the night we met about the things I was supposedly dx'd with and gave him all fair warning. I like being honest about myself as well. I have this strange feeling that my face tells a lie all day every day. I have the face of someone who had a fair, happy life... A face of an untroubled energetic lively young woman, but it's not who I really am, so I come clean with those I hope to let close enough to me, so that they will understand where the off the wall behavior comes from.

Just my thoughts, the best of luck to you. I know how hard it can be to be diagnosed with so much... Not easy at all. Remembering the names took forever, not to mention the time it took just to come to terms with those names and descriptions. Again the best of luck to you, I hope things work out for you soon! You sound no worse than myself, and I know although I feel like a bad person, that I am anything but a bad person. It's just the way our minds think

I'm doing FINE, now! (And did you say you had a full cart of food...?) I think self-awareness is more important than size or number of personal issues, per se? I would prefer a flawed but introspective mate to a shiny robot. You are charming and well-spoken. I mentioned once to a previous T that my girlfriend dictated to her husband what vitamins to take etc like he was a guinea pig. My male T said, some guys like that kind of attention - I think he was one of those kind! So while "some" women may find you clingy, others may find you companionable. But as Canadian comedian slash handyman Red Green says, if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy!

No, BlueCasper, it most certainly is not; there is more to life than isolation and pain! This is one of my biggest complaints against psychiatry as it is practiced today; if a doctor's treatment gets a patient to the point where s/he is no longer in immediate crisis, the doctor thinks his/her work is done. This is ridiculous. We need to be with patients all the way to full remission. And if we currently do not have the tools to bring about such a complete remission of symptoms (which sadly, for most patients with most disorders, we don't), then we ought to be earnestly conducting research to learn what else we can do.

Okay, rant completed. Now I will actually answer your main question. Like many posters have said, it depends on the woman. Some girls would be thrilled to find a man like you, who is honest and caring and loyal. Others are interested in other types of men. So if you don't give up, you'll find a special companion.

I personally wouldn't mind dating a man with a few issues, as I have them myself. I'd imagine that the suffering might have made him softer and more emotionally in-touch, which to me is a good thing (I'm bisexual, but prefer women partly because most men lack this emotional depth). I wouldn't want to date a man with a lot of issues if he wasn't actively working at overcoming them, however. I'm trying to get my bipolar under control with therapy and meds, so I'd want a potential boyfriend to be fighting as well.

I hope that this answers your questions. Don't give up hope; she's out there! And one day, you may be able to overcome your crippling anxiety and mood issues.

P.S. Make sure that you are looking for people to be "just" friends with, in addition to a girlfriend. Friendships often tend to be deeper than romantic relationships, on average definitely tend to last longer, and can also be very useful in alleviating loneliness.

Hi BlueCasper;

Glad you posted with such honesty and feeling. I know things will work out for you. Meanwhile you have to take care of yourself till the right person comes along!

Thinking of you;

BlueCasper,

I don't think anyone is normal to be honest. I think everyone has something that they deal with. I agree with the others that with all the good qualities in you, if you continue to work on your issue and learn how to best control it and deal with it, that is the best you can do.

You have to keep in mind that one thing that is very normal, is not thinking we are good enough somehow or being hard on ourselves. Everyone has their private fears and concerns.

Open Eyes

Id like to take the time to thank you all for reading my post and replying.
I will reply to every ones posting in the order they were received.

Perna,
I totally understand what you are saying. And I don’t mean to imply that I don’t get out of my isolation. Its just that with my history, along with my anxiety, it makes it very difficult to meet/ be around new people. I tense up, and my muscles ache from the pain. At times it gets to the point where I get so overwhelmed I cant think straight or concentrate on anything. Once in a great while I might feel like I'm gonna puke. I often have to leave what I'm doing just to get away to collect myself. I have my moments however where I’m very outgoing and social. Yet, they are very few and far between.
　
Stongerman,
I agree with you, many people are broken and flawed that hide it very well. I, myself bartended for six years, had to drink at least two pots of coffee a night just to get through one shift. It was hard dealing with emotions and feelings where I wanted to just tell everyone to leave me alone, thinking to myself I don’t want to talk to you, or I tense up cause I'm having a anxiety attack. Yet, turn around and smile and make like nothing is wrong. Ive actually had people tell me (that know me and know what I go through) its hard to tell that anything is wrong cause you hide it so well. I tell them, it often takes every fiber of my being just to smile and play nice. The deck is not stacked in my, or anyone else’s favor with trying to find a intimate relationship, or friendship that have these issues. Or, any other issue for that matter. I agree its not impossible, as I still have hope, I haven't allowed myself to give up entirely, at least not yet anyways. And believe me, Ive been around the block a time or two. Have many reasons why I should quit, or give up. Yet, that is not what I want in my life, to be alone i mean. As far as what you said, “I don't think mentally healthy people honestly desire to deal with such difficult problems” I have not only watched, and listened to, Ive also read many forums about mentally healthy people talking down, make fun of, or bash individuals that are, or have a mental issues. Its truly sad. It is also sad when your marriage, or relationship falls apart cause the man happens to loose his job. As far as a marriage goes, what ever happened to For Richer, Or For Poorer, Through Sickness, and In Health? It makes me sad that more people out there only want the good times, and will disregard the bad/ poorer times.

PurpleFlyingMonkeys,
I am thoroughly pleased that you and your bf can laugh about your issues and make it work in the end. That is truly a awesome thing. I can only imagine how hard it is to handle someone who cuts you off like that tho, where is seems as if they were never even listening in the first place. That would be extremely hard for me to deal with. Its wonderful that you can not only see what it is, but also accept his issues and handle them the way you do. You sound like a very caring and understanding person. Your bf is a lucky man. Love can conquer all!!!!!!! I'm sure there are women out there that like clingy men. Its like Strongerman said though, I have to put myself out there to meet em. Its just hard to do when your anxiety and what not gets the best of you. I try not to say anymore that I'm Bipolar, or that I have OCD, I tend to refer to it all as I'm a complicated person. Although the people I tell this to may not have anything to do with me afterwords, which is hard in itself to deal with, yet, at least I can feel good about myself that I was honest and upfront about it all. I also have the face of someone whom looks like they have had a happy and care free life. Yet, there are so many scars and old wounds that are hard to see on the inside. About weeks ago I had a coworker say to me, Aww, it cant be so hard being you. Which infuriated me and I totally gave them the cold shoulder for the next 2months. And they didn’t even get it, why I was upset at them i mean. I ended up telling em one day, you don’t know me, you don’t know what Ive been through. Further more, you have absolutely no idea what I go through on a daily basis. In turn they apologized and admitted they had no idea. More and more people say I don’t look my age and think I'm just some stupid 20something kid who doesn’t know anything but foolishness. I just shrugs my shoulders and think to myself, shows you what you know. I totally feel ya there with coming to terms with the diagnoses. Its took a long time for me to even acknowledge I had any problems at all. Often blaming others for my actions and such. Now days I feel like the outcast/misfit with a pretty boy face who should stay alone on the account I know without a doubt that its extremely hard on the other individual involved with me. I feel selfish wanting someone in my life, yet, it gets so lonely at times. I know I'm a good person, I just have certain issues that are less desired and hard for others to deal with. I have been in many, many relationships in the past (although that doesn’t sound good on my part) I can honestly admit that my eyes are opened and I know more now than I once did in the past.

Hankster,
Glad your doing fine now. Good/ Happy times are always a good thing. J Yes, I did say I had full cart. I was standing in a Isle one day with a over the brim cart and had a full blown anxiety attack hit me, and had to turn around and walk away. Almost was sprinting out the doors to get to my SUV. I felt like I was gonna puke. Another time I was in the store with my youngest son and we were trying to find our cousin and again, an anxiety attack come on, all I could think about was running out the doors and getting to my truck as fast as possible. Which i ended up doing, just didnt run, I walked very fast. Ive been told by counselors and such that educating ones self on their issues will help in the recovery process. So, I agree with what you said there whole heartedly. As far as to your gf dictating her ex’s vitamins. Every one is different in this world and with that, likes, desires, and such are also different. I remember that show, I liked it as well. Loved the whole bit on duck tape being able to fix everything, lol… to funny. And Mr Green is so true with that statement with men being helpful, if not being attractive. Lol

Secretum,
There is indeed more to life than isolation and pain. This is true. I stopped seeking psychiatry since I was 28. Actually I did go back once when I was 33, or was it 34. Anyhow, It is sad the way things are now days. In my last session the Dr. said (in a nut shell) he didn’t believe I was as bad as I said I was. Which upset me so. Aside from trying to get me on meds, he asked if I would be willing to go to group. Which I felt was his way of shoeing me out his door. Although I have thought about it, I have not been back since.
My ex in Cali had some issues, however, she had that holier than thou attitude, since she was book smart, no one could tell her anything different, so I havent found it any easier to be with people with disorders. Ive found that it actually makes it harder to deal with. She was also addicted to her pain meds cause of her cancer and lupus, which made things even more interesting as she would often not remember the next day the extent of things I would do for her to help her in her times of need. I have to agree though, going through my own pains and sufferings has given me a clearer perspective on things. However, In the past I have been known to withdraw inside myself, which my ex’s have found hard to deal with. I like to think of myself as a empathetic person however, so lacking in emotional depth is not an issue for me. One thing Ive also found hard for others to handle, or deal with is when someone is mad, upset, or not pleased with me, I don’t know what to do, or say, so I usually get very quiet, and wont say anything when told to be more expressive. I do not lack in issues however. There are some I have not mentioned in my original posting, as I felt they didn’t have much to do with my question.
I will say I have spent most of my life without any type of professional help, trying to figure this all out on my own. Which has not been the easiest in any regards. Yet, a few things I have found that help me out greatly with my bipolar is to limit, if not eliminate altogether the consumption of caffeine, most (if not all) sugary products, and alcohol. Also taking a good multi vitamin, fish oil (or, flax seed oil) tablets helped me greatly. I also take a good ginseng tablet for other health benefits. Just a little helpful info you can try, or not try. Totally up to you. Just thought I would pass the info along. If you do decide to try em, I hope they work for you as much as they have helped me.
My ex in Cali has said to me a few times since our brake up that the hardest thing she couldn’t deal with was that it seemed like I was accepting defeat. And I guess I owe her credit where credit is dew. Since we broke up I had continued my research on ways to help myself and have found the things mentioned above. I, personally don’t think I was accepting defeat when we were together though, I just had a lot of other things to deal with at the time and my time and energy was being applied else where.
I also couldn’t agree with you more with you saying, “P.S. Make sure that you are looking for people to be "just" friends with, in addition to a girlfriend. Friendships often tend to be deeper than romantic relationships, on average definitely tend to last longer, and can also be very useful in alleviating loneliness.” I have been working on creating a book. Its kind of a half n half book. The first part is full of poetry that I have written thought-out the years. And the second half is full of different topic of interest I wrote about. One of those topics has something very similar to what you said there. It goes on to say, “I have learned that it takes time to find that right person. Not only that, it also takes being friends above all else. Two totally different, unique individuals should learn more about each other, and be friends first.” So two thumbs up there.

Missbelle,
Thank you for your kind words, and your very welcome for the honesty. I'm sure things will get better as time goes on. I'm doing my very best trying to take care of myself. I feel as if I'm doing a good job thus far.
　
　
Open Eyes,
Define normal? One mans normal could be considered another mans crazy. Take different cultures, for instance, do all sorts of things way different than in the US, or in the UK for that matter. Back in the 1600’s when some of our fellow human were looked upon as savages. So, when it all comes down to it, what is normal?
Like you, I agree with every one else. I am learning how to deal with my issues, and since I had started down this path I have learned a great deal about my issues. And I hear ya there, I am my own worst enemy.

Again thank you all for reading and replying... Please take care, Closing this out here though, Its late and Ive still got things to do before i call it a day.... Hope you all have a wonder day today, take care

I've had problems with Asperger's, depression, anger and sexual identity.

I've ben married (and faithful) to the same woman for twenty five years.

Go figure.