[Lexicon78]

I am so confused right now. I care about my bf a lot and everything but I don't love him like I once did...or at least thought I did. I'm %#@&#!. I'm really not worth anything.

Yes, my bf is emotionally abusive, but at least he doesn't hit me or call me terrible words on a daily basis. He just makes me feel like crap when we fight. He's sweet, kind, caring, loving, affectionate, romantic, etc. all the rest of the time. And now I've started something with someone else. No, I haven't went as far as kissing them or sleeping with them. I'm not a slut. It's just a lot of flirting and cybering so far. But I know that that's cheating. Why do I do this?

The worst part is that I feel awful about this whole thing! I don't like doing this and maybe I should break it off with this new guy before anything serious gets started. Maybe I should just say we should cool it. It's just that there is so much missing. Like me and my bf have no intimacy and it's something I desperately want. I don't know if people need intimacy or not. I guess I do, though.

I sit here alone trying to figure this whole thing out. My bf doesn't know about what I'm doing. I couldn't tell him, either.

I know I'm a bad person for doing all of this. But I guess without you thinking something terrible about me, I want some help. I NEED some help. I don't want to be yelled at or anything...just some objective help would be nice right now.

[Mystry]

Lexicon78 you are one of the dearest people I've met on this forum...you have never once come across as anything but a caring loving person and I can't imagine anyone here yelling at you...you are worth love and respect and so much more Lexicon...I know words can really hurt the soul when used derrogitorily...this is a form of abuse that you shouldn't have to put up with just to get to the good parts of your relationship...I think you know this deep down Lexicon, that's why you turned to this other person...everyone needs to feel wanted, and if you aren't feeling that with your b/f then looking elsewhere is natural...how cybering and words of love and encouragement could be called cheating is beyond me...even flirting with someone that is flesh and blood is not cheating...but that could just be me...that would be someones own point of view...intimacy is a part of a loving relationship and though not vital to the relationship it is part of the ties that bind one person to another...oh lexicon I wish I could just give you a big hug instead of trying to help with explainations or advice...but and listen to this last part very closely Lexicon because I am yelling it at you...YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON...you're really not...you, are not a bad person...your sweet and kind and loving and if you need a reminder just go look through the posts here and on HW and see how many people you have touched...please take care Lexicon...

:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{HUGS}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}

[sharita]

Lexicon,

My therapist tells me that emotional abuse is the worse form of abuse. That's probaly why you're taking comfort in someone else...searching for something to ease your pain. You are a GOOD PERSON. Honestly, I don't feel that you've done anything wrong. Maybe couple's therapy could help you out. If it's intimacy issues your bf will never know if you don't share that with him.
I do belive it's a good idea to break it off with the new guy just until your sure you don't love your boyfriend. Or you're sure the problem your having isn't worth working through. Sometimes we feel we don't love somebody as much as we did to only find out we still do, and most of the time we find out the hard way.

I hope things get better for you and your bf, and no matter what happens you are a good person.

[sid_77]

Lexicon,

U R A BRAVE HEART, U know what is wrong and what is right,,,, u r sweet not sour you are aware of good and bad things right now ... infidelity in any form does not serve a good purpose,,,,, satisfaction and intimacy is within you to search and locate and point it out to your bf

just look for it inside you....

U take care ,,,, keeping exploring your own better half

[Rhapsody]

Well, Lexicon,

Most affairs (sexual or emotional) is usually about one persons need not being meet by the other partner - when they feel unloved, unwanted and not cherished then they might step out of the relationship and seek what they are emotionally missing.
But please do keep in mind that if you do not fix the first the relationship then the problems that lied with in there will just show its self in the next.

A lot of men tend to love another person (a lady) based on how they speak the language of love and they can easily forget that we, the females, speak a foreign language to their over all simple male love language.... we all need someone to share our life with, but we (males & females) find love and intimacy in totally different ways.
Maybe he needs to be shown and taught how you NEED for HIM to LOVE YOU - in a way that you can actually feel it based on what you need.... an not on his male needs.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[greenfairy]

((((((((((((((((((Lex))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry youre hurting right now. Emotional abuse is no more excusable than any other kind, it just leaves marks on the inside instead of the outside. i don't know if you've tried talking to bf about how he makes you feel when you fight, but maybe he doesn't realize how much he's hurting you. if theres any love there, and you believe that he can change and will change for you, then don't give up. try and get the help you both need. the fact that you feel guilty even though i dont think you're technically cheating probably means that there are still strong feelings there.
as for the other guy, be honest. maybe you should tell him youre not sure what you want right now. if he cares, which i'm sure he does, he will wait for you to figure things out.
please dont ever say youre not worth anything. you are kind and caring and understanding, and i think anyone who has you in their life is better for it. i feel fortunate to know someone like you. hope the advice helps and that things work out.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))

[sara1010]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rhapsody said:
But please do keep in mind that if you do not fix the first the relationship then the problems that lied with in there will just show its self in the next.
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The above part was sorta hard to read, but I think the gist is 'fix what you're in at the moment or you won't know how to avoid it the next time. Or fix it the next time.'

Well I disagree. I've always seen how Lexi's bf is not a nice guy in the posts she has made and how she talks about him. He hurts her, deliberately. Period. What the blazes can she do to fix HIM? Nothing. And really, why would he want to fix himself (if he even would listen to the far-fetched idea that there is (OH HEAVENS!!) something wrong with him) because he's got it made in the shade with Lexi. Yeah, he's got this poor girl under his thumb, where he can control her exquisitely, keep her off balance just enough to make him feel powerful.

And Lexi can fix that?!?!?!?! I have my doubts.

What is needed is to very carefully extricate herself from this relationship without the mention of any other involvement with men, because this guy could be dangerous to her.