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#1
Dec 23, 2006, 01:19 AM
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urghh so my dad was seeing this lady for about 4 years. with the help of a T, me and my mom confronted him on it. he stopped seeing his "mistress" (so i think, anyway) for about half a year, as it was obviously distressing me. my mom asked ME if my dad and her should get divorced, and of course i was against it so i wouldnt have to go through any more trauma (selfish, i know). so the past few days ive been pretty confident that hes cheating again. i have no idea what to do...call him on it again? have my mom and him go for the divorce? i dont know. this is all so draining, espec for someone my age......sorry for the ranting.
mel |
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#2
Dec 23, 2006, 02:56 AM
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Mel,
I can only imagine how horrible this all is for you and your Mom. Maybe start by talking it over with your Mom. Venting is important! We're here. Hugs, EJ |
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#3
Dec 23, 2006, 10:24 AM
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Mel, i'm sorry that you're having to go through with this. my parents fought and said things like "if it wasn't for Pat, i'd divorce you", so i know how awful the feelings are that this generates.
do you have an older friend that you could confide in? one that is totally trustworthy? could you call the therapist that you saw before? if not, i'd confront daddy dearest . tell him what you believe and tell him that the ball is in his court for now. that might be enough of a shock to his silly system to wake him up. please keep me updated throughout the holidays and after. i'll be home all weekend......xoxoxo pat |
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#4
Dec 24, 2006, 01:12 PM
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I think the major stressor is your mom asking your advise on whether to get a divorce or not! no way should that be a child's decision! as for you telling her no, well she should never put you in that position either. it is just wrong. if your mom wants to put up with a man cheating on her time after time there isn't much you can do about it.
I am very sorry you are going thru this. you shouldn't have to. yes confront him again
__________________
He who angers you controls you! |
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#5
Dec 24, 2006, 01:27 PM
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good post. mom should have never taken you into her confidence. you're the kid, she's the adult..........
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#6
Dec 24, 2006, 01:56 PM
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Yes, I agree with bebop and fayerody. You can't keep your father from cheating or fix their marriage in any way, no matter what they or you wish. Your father's behavior is not in any way about you and you should not be involved in what they decide to do about their marriage.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#7
Dec 24, 2006, 02:52 PM
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I am so sorry that you are in this position. Not only did my father cheat on my mom. He even had the audacity to take my brother and I along on one of his visits with his mistress. It hurt me terribly. Mom divorced him when I was 15, finally! Life was actually a little better without him. However, my mother turned to physically and emotionally abusing me as a way to cope, I guess, with all the stress. "If it isn't one thing it's another"...became my philosophy for the longest time.
I would definitely confront him..that is...if he isn't the abusive father that I had the misfortune to have had. Let him know how deeply this affects you. You are certainly entitled!! Good luck.and have a Merry Christmas for yourself!! 
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 dottie |
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#8
Dec 25, 2006, 02:47 PM
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I'm sorry that you seem to be the only adult in this situation. Tell them to go to a counselor and get their problems worked out or separate! Dragging you in to mediate is not fair to you.
__________________
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#9
Dec 25, 2006, 04:47 PM
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mel,
It's a difficult situation. I know it hurts and it's painful but to encourage your mom to continue living in an untrusting marriage is like asking her to endure a life long torture. Everyday her mind will wonder who he is with...constantly. It's time she move on, you move on, and he move on. This would be the ultimate message for your father, for your mother to leave officially. He will realize there is negative consequences to negative acts, if she was to stay and tolerate it he would never realize that it is bad. I know this sounds judgemental, but I've learned through the relationships my mother, father, and myself had andone thing I know is...once a cheater always a cheater. I believe that honestly. I'm sorry your going through this, I recommend sticking with your mom for not only her support but your own as well.
__________________
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#10
Dec 25, 2006, 11:33 PM
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living alone is much better than living with abuse and cheating! healthier too.
__________________
He who angers you controls you! |
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#11
Dec 26, 2006, 10:34 AM
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i left home for a job and college at 16. i've never been so relieved to get away from fights in my life! what a relief to not wake up to cussing and screaming.......
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#12
Dec 27, 2006, 09:34 PM
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well, thank you all so much for you advice + kind words...im seeing a new T tommorow, so im just gonna see how that goes.
mel |
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#13
Dec 27, 2006, 09:50 PM
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good luck..........xoxoxo pat
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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