Difficulty with communication

I have a hard time communicating my feelings or thoughts. I get really nervous sometimes and just can't think. By nervous I mean frozen in my brain. Especailly when things go wrong.

Anyway, this is hard for my relationships. For example, let's say I spend the whole day cooking a turkey, which I really don't know how to do but tried. Then it was mostly done but partly pink. I couldn't respond to questions about what to do. I can't even remember the questions. I just say "I don't know, I don't know." And "I'm sorry," because I don't know what to say.

Anyway to get the response of, "I can't even have a conversation with you. All you know how to talk about are posts you read on the internet." What does that mean? I have lots of things to talk about like art and books I read and the news or work or trying to write my book... or the baby. But mostly no one wants to talk about those things with me. In fact I feel no one really wants to talk to me about things at all.

But what does that mean? "I can't have a conversation with you," ??? Does that mean I'm just bad at communicating or that person doesn't want me around any more?

I think you may have answered your question within your post. I quoted the first line and the last line. I too get frozen or paralyzed...it is something that can be worked on...pm me or post here if your interested in specific advice.

I think you just need to take some time and breath before you answer questions that make you uncomfortable. For example, when someone asked you questions about why the turkey was still pink, maybe you simply say..."Good question...hold on a sec, I have to wash my hands." Then go into the bathroom, run some cool water over your hands and take a breath. Calm down and go back to the question when you're less flustered. Remember, everyone has something to say...maybe its the people around you who have the issue. Don't blame yourself if you just need a bit more time to respond to stuff...last time I checked, the art of conversation didn't include a stop watch. :-)

Thank you. It is hard because I don't know the answer, so I don't know what a better answer would be. I cooked it for almost three hours longer. I feel like a failure so much in life. It takes a lot out of me.

The same thing happens to me.Did you feel like there was a ton of focus on you,and you were failing with the turkeys progress,and sort of embarrassed,and panicky?If I interpreted right,I just wanted to say I totally relate.As far as the internet thing,maybe you feel more confident when you are anonymous,so,it's easier for you to be your self there,compelling you to visit sites frequently just for interaction.But,I doubt they meant to project that they don't want you around.Likely they stated that because they had been ruminating about it and wondering why you weren't having more personal interaction w/ them?Ask what they would like to do different.If you get a convo going acknowledge their feelings...ie,You; "You sound frustrated that I spend time on the internet,what would you like to see change ?".....and ,"Is there anything you want to talk about?" or....ask questions about their life,an open question,and really listen,giving them the floor,and saying things that let them know they are being heard.Like "Sounds like you feel...." things that lead them to expand on it.
Seems to me that you really want to please people,are very sensitive,shy,and not too secure about your self esteem.People can be insensitive with the quality,because they are different.I'm sorry about that.It was not an experience that you were practiced at (making the turkey),And saying that along with "what do you think I ought to do",or,"I'm not sure,let me go check the directions I have",may have worked ok.But basically you are just wanting to please people,and a bit insecure,and under pressure to do it right.You seem to have a really good heart.Keep your chin up.Don't be so down on your self.

Thank you, I am terrible when under pressure to explain myself.

I actually am online because he's online all the time. 16+ hours a day watching streams, playing online, chatting on skype with his friends. He has a much bigger connection with his online friends than me, now. When he talks to them he's always smiling and laughing. Any time he leaves his office I'm instantly focused on him because I'm alone all day. At work all day with people who just don't get me and I have to act fake happy or I get in trouble. Then home to sit all alone with my five year old until sleep time. I love my son, but I miss having an adult around who wants to talk about what I'm interested in.

Like all Sunday I am trying to get him to watch The Office with me, because it is a big favorite of ours. But all day he's not in the mood, wants to watch streams and talk on skype. He's not mean or anything. He's just not there. So I sit and look at failblog or kitty pictures or try to read the news or watch marathon of shows on netflix or play a game. But I'm lonely. I don't mind being alone. It's just been so long now with everyday this way....

I think he doesn't like it because I often don't know what to do. When there is pressure I freeze up. Or like I don't know what to eat, or i know exactly what I want to eat but it isn't dinner or realistic (like a bowl of cheese and bread, can't make that for dinner... or just popcon, or a specific dish from a restaurant when we have no money). He gets upset because he says "What do you want for dinner," and I don't know or it's something annoying. Or like I make bread and I take what I want and then he wants seconds and I give it to him and he says "Don't you want some" and I get confused. Like last night I gave him the last three pieces of bread he says, "Don't you want some?" And I said, "Don't you want it." And he got mad and was like "Take it if you want it, don't give it to me." And I said, "I don't want it that's why I gave it to you, but if you don't want it I'll take it." It just confuses me!

Sorry. Thank you all for listening. Can you tell I don't have anyone to talk to? :P

I think you're confused because you're trying to please him at your own expense. Maybe you don't know what you want to say because you're afraid that whatever you express will cause tension or not be the "right" answer. Meanwhile, he's probably picked up on this, and it may feel like pressure to him...almost as if your wants, needs and desires totally depend on him and his mood. So, it creates this vicious cycle. I strongly suggest getting out of the house. If there is a park nearby, take your son for a walk. Or, try a new museum. And, when you're out by yourself, try to talk to someone you don't know (try a woman, just to be safe)...what kind of conversation can you have with someone who is not that important to you? It may be an easier way to practice having a conversation with your own point of view. Don't worry, I do a bit of this when things are tense with my boyfriend...but, mostly because I'm very direct and blunt but later fear that I've gone to far...then, to back-step, I get all passive and unsure...I also suggest reading....knowledge is power...make CNN or BBC your homepage and try to read all of the "first page" articles when you log on...who cares why the turkey is pink when you can explain the current political climate in Turkey?

Thank you. Yes, I read when I am able. I read the news, etc. Sometimes I am unable to read, sadly.

I just know that saying "I want a bowl of cheese for dinner," Uhm, that really doesn't get my desires across. That's just my weird brain. I can't serve my family bowls of cheese. I do say when I want something. I am a picky eater and I was raised to know that being a picky eater is a very bad thing and rude. So, I try not to be the "picky annoying person who can't eat anything so everyone else in the room has to deal with her." I've been much more opinionated on things since this all started. Because there are women out there circling in the water that make me think I have to step up my game or it might be trouble for me.

Things have gotten a bit better. But, he's still spending all of his time with others. But he's been more responsive. A little bit. But he was okay with me sitting next to him for a while and didn't pull the whole "I don't want you sitting there all night." I won't give up now. I think he's still in there somewhere, but just trying to be "cool" for these guys. Maybe he will see they are just normal guys and he doesn't have to block me out. He can still be friends with them and still spend time with me, too.

Maybe it is an early mid-life crisis at 27....

hello.I don't think you don't have ability of communicating.what you wrote now is completely well thought and I see a person not different others.If you can write like this it means you can also talk the same.you just need to raise your self esteem and be very calm.I understand when you say like ''frozen brain'' .It is just your nerves.and everything will be ok.for ex I will say.I was talking to people I mean communicate normally.one day my mother got ill.and one day she was very very bad so I called ambulance.and I was shocked so I could not talk.I was just standing like a zombie.and after that in a very long time I could not tell what I wanna say.I was talking and stopping.I told you this that you analyse for yourself what is the reason .when you find the reason you can overcome it.now I communicate as before.but nobody helped me.I just make myself be as before.praise to God you are not alone.PC is a great place for support.and also you can write me when you want.have you been scared seriously in your life?this also can be a reason.or you are suffering from this always?however whatever it has begun you can always overcome it.you need strenght.
It is nice topic that you like to talk about books art and so on.every normal person would be glad to talk to you.if you have not met good and interesting people that doesn't mean they don't exist.but kind people are few.

I don't think it is age crisis.and it is not your fault that you don't get much attention.statistic says that guys very very often prefer being in internet than communicate alive in these days of technology.however gir is ideal she could have this problem.it doesn't depend on your character or individuality.I have very powerful method.practise if you find it wright.1.you are very right that behave yourself fake happy in the work.there always will be cruel people who would be glad to see you depressed.you can be free and sincere in PC.and will get support.2I know how much effort anyone need to rise her self esteem.in spite of that you have high self esteem or not behave yourself a bit arrogant.O this really works.be like that at home and work.so number 2 fake high self esteem.3.GOLD RULE. never show anyone(except PC.It is our spiritual home when we get support) that you need people. someone to talk to.show that it is not important for you.That's a pity that I write this because I would like people to appriciate each other normally.but if the world contains also bad people you need to be good for good people and bad for cruel or arrogant people.that they understand they are not better than you.a human= a human.but anyone don't understand this.so remember Golden rule.3. don't show your husband that you are anxious about being him in int. more tham with him.be attentive to him a s much as he is.when he enter to internet you do the same way.if you don't have friends in internet write me.try this minimum a month.when he understand that you need him as much as he need you he will be yours completely.behave yourself like you also prefer spending time in internet than with him.or try something you like instaed of int.This really works.good luck to you.

and I forgot about bread.It is not your fault.he should understand you need yet another loaf of bread.but try to say what you'd like calmly.or IF IT IS HARD TO SAY JUST DO.FOR EX. IF HE ASK DO YOU WANT BREAD?AND YOU COULD'T SAY YES BUT YOU WANT.DON'T SAY ANYTHING JUST TAKE AND EAT.OK?CAN YOU SEE THERE IS ALWAYS SOLVETION OF ANY PROBLEM.

Thank you.

I am trying to just ignore the whole thing. Thinking, maybe if he thinks I am fine all alone he will want me back. But it is hard because once he is in the room with me I want to talk to him. Have you ever met an elder person who has no family and lives all alone? I work in a medicle office, so I know a lot of these people. When they come in they just want to talk to someone. They will stand at the desk and talk to me. They linger after appointments and don't want to leave. I am like that, too.

The bread, the thing is, I didn't want any more. That's why I gave it to him. But he always does this. He acts like it is too much and that I gave it to him to deprive myself or something. Which I didn't. If I wanted it I would have taken it, not give it to him. >.<

It is so frustrating. He always assumes these things, and even if I deny it, I'm the one that is wrong. He says I lie. What do I gain by being that way? Nothing! It is so infuriating to always be wrong in someone's eyes.

Anyway, thank you.

Don't be ashamed of who you are. Some people want snappy answers and quick decisions and some people need more time to formulate their thoughts and need to research in order to make decisions. As has been said, take a breath and don't let someone else's controlling nature get the best of you. If they ask you something you can't answer in a second flat, just tell them you don't know and that they should go Google it since they like the internet so much. What is up with all that internet business anyway? As for dinner, the two of you could sit down and formulate a menu plan you can follow of things you both want for each day of the week. Someone made a good point about the pleasing aspect... I for one am very empathic and sometimes might be called a people pleaser. I am often willing to sacrifice my own needs for someone else's. I really do get just as much satisfaction out of fulfilling my own needs as I do those of people I care about. That is just the way I am. For instance, I turned down a promotion at work once because my friend and co-worker who was also vying for the position just became a father and needed the stable hours the new job afforded. I really felt good about letting him take the job even though I hated my current job with a passion. I find a lot of people just don't get this level of altruism. Likewise, maybe you are confused about your thought processes because you don't see them as having a rhyme or reason. You were willing to give up the last pieces of bread because you really want them for yourself AND you want him to have them too. But he finds this concept to be baffling. Hopefully I didn't confuse you more with this. Point is... learn about who you innately are and you just might find the key to why you think and behave the way you do. This can help your self esteem immensely.

Thank you, but yes, the point is that I didn't want the stupid bread..... >.< This is what I mean. People just assume. But I also was raised very poor, so if he didn't want the bread, I would take it. Or, I would put it in a bag to take for lunch. You see?

Let me say, I was an only child. So, yes, if I want something, I'll get it. But no, I don't want to be that manipulative brat (which everyone thinks I am.) I'll work for what I want or say when I want it.

But I also have sever racing and repetitive thoughts. There is YouTube video I watched once by an Autistic kid, featuring the transformers. I don't think we can post links. But this video was to demonstrate what sensory overload is like. But for me, that video was exactly what my racing thoughts are like once they get going. And once that happens. So yes, I say "I don't know" a lot, and when that happens, I won't be able to make a post like this. I won't even be able to read for more than half a sentence.

I see.the point is not you wanted the bread .you just wanted him to be caring and give you a feeling that you are not alone.I am so sorry you feel so lonely.
BUT MAYBE YOU NEED TO LOVE HIM AS HE IS.(although you'd like him to be different).I know this doesn't solve your problems but PM me anytime when you feel lonely.