[jessicafaye]

I guess the best thing to do is start right at the beginning:

I met my boyfriend over two years ago when our bands played a show together. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw him. I knew right away I wanted to meet him, know him, be with him. It was funny because as soon as we were introduced it was like being transported back to 2nd grade. He made fun of me, picked on me, said things like "I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole." He pretty much turned that love at first sight into loathing.

A couple days after that show my friend texted me saying "Guess who wants your number." Right away, I knew it was him. I got his number from her and texted him. Since that day we talked non-stop. He became my best friend in just a few weeks. I talked to him when I woke up, all day, before I fell asleep. We talked about everything, there was never a dull moment in our conversations.

After a month or so I decided to go visit him. (He lived 5 hours away then) I went up for a week and we had an amazing time. I thought this was the start of something incredible. Well, around my birthday he texted me and told me there was another girl who lived where he did and he wanted to see where it would go with her. He told me he still wanted to be friends and that he was sorry and everything I've heard before. It literally crushed me. But I told him I want him in my life, any way I could have him. And I meant it. So we stayed friends. A few weeks after that I came up to visit him again and this time it was awkward, it was weird, I hated it. We didn't talk like we did, we didn't play around. I left two days later.

Months passed and we still texted and as time went by he started talking to me like he used to. Then in Jan. his band played another show where I lived and he stayed with me. He slept in my bed. He told me he made a mistake and I was the one he wanted and that he was sorry. So I gave him another chance.

In Feb. he started getting distance and the first thought that popped in my head was that he was going to leave me again. So I did something distract, I stopped talking to him and I moved from FL to OH. It was the worst mistake of my life. I get into a relationship there with an abusive, angry guy. He broke my phone and wouldn't let me talk to anyone I knew. I was stuck there for almost a year. I got a job at a hotel and made a fake screen name. The first person I got in touch with was my boyfriend now. I told him everything and how sorry I was and he said that all didn't matter, he wanted me to come back. He said he would come get me and we could really be together.

So that happened. He drove 11 hours to come get me and brought me back to GA with him. I had never felt so in love or loved and so happy in my life.

Everything was going great until about June. He started getting distant again and I started to panic. So I did something I've never done before, I looked in his phone. He had been texting this girl he knew saying things like "You're sexy." "I want you." and I felt my heart drop. He's never said anything like that to me. So I freaked out and I called him out on it. He told me he could talk to anyone however he wanted and that he wasn't so sure about us anymore. I felt like I was going to die. I told him I would leave, I'd go back to FL and he'd never have to talk to me again. He said he didn't want that, he was just confused. I told him, you got me from OH, you knew how this was going to be when you drove up there to do that.

After while things got better. He didn't text her anymore and didn't say things like that to anyone. We moved to a new place and we were really happy. But my self-esteem was ruined. I was insecure. I was jealous. I over thought everything and I always seemed to believe something was going on. And so I checked his phone regularly behind his back. Sometimes there was nothing and other times there was. He was talking to this one girl and joking around about putting her in a rap video for him and she asked him if he had a gf he said "I do " That really upset me.

And then our sex life started to crash. Now the first time we even had sex wasn't until I came back from Ohio, before we moved to a new place. And it was great. I felt even closer to him and never been more comfortable with someone. Then after we moved, it just died. He was never in the mood, even when I tried to like throw myself at him. I constantly found him looking at porn or he always was masturbating in the shower. I thought he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He said that he just wasn't very sexual. He said he felt bad if he didn't satisfy me. But before we moved, we had sex regularly and it seemed like he was never worried about it. I asked him what changed and he just said he didn't know.

I felt like I was just suppose to sit around and wait for him to say jump. I hated it. It upset me and made me angry. I didn't want to act like sex was that big of a deal to me but I feel like being intimate in a relationship is a part of any healthy relationship.

It had been a month before two nights ago the last time we had sex. Two nights ago we did though and it was amazing. I felt like finally things would get back on track. But then after when he was in the bathroom, I looked in his phone. I saw he had been texting this girl - who likes him - and he had called her honey and the way they were texting was flirtatious. After he got out, I asked him if I could see his phone. He said "Well I'll tell you I was texting this girl but she's a friend and nothing was said." But he wouldn't let me see it so I knew he was going to try and hide it. I asked to see he and he said no I didn't need to, that was crossing a line. Well I kept asking and finally he read the texts to me, but he only read a part of them. I asked him why was he lying to me and he was like "How am I lying?" And I told him I saw what was said. He flipped out. He told me it was over and that he couldn't do this anymore. I begged him to stop and let's just work this out. I told him in my head that's all I could do to make us hit rock bottom so we could talk this all out and fix everything.

It's been two days. He doesn't want to be around me. He hardly talks to me. He sleeps on the edge of the bed as far from me as possible. I don't know what to do. I've been in a relationship like this. I've never been in love like this. I've always broken up with someone if they did something to upset me, but I've forgiven him and gave him chances. I know I shouldn't have looked through his phone. I am wrong for that but he can't keep talking to people the way he does. It's disrespectful and hurtful. He doesn't even do it all the time, just like when we aren't doing so good. Does he want attention? I am doing something wrong?

What can I do to make him understand? What can I do to fix things between us? Or is it over? Should I just give up and move on?

I have so many questions. My family isn't here, I don't have any friends here. I have no one to talk to. I need help. Please. Anyone.

Honestly, your relationship seems to be one problem after the other. He is being unfaithful when he is texting other girls in that manner. You don't trust him (rightfully so). He doesn't sound at all interested in any real commitment. This really isn't going to get better. Are you willing to keep going through this stress and heartache? If it were me, I wouldn't put up with it anymore. What you do though is obviously up to you.

[Irreplaceable]

Here are the facts:

1) He flat out told you he didn't want you in the beginning of your friendship/relationship because he met someone else in his hometown and wanted to be with her.

2) You ignored all of that and instead said you wanted to be in his life no matter what...Without me even reading the rest of your post, at this point i said, DING DING DING DING DING...Mistake number one....

3) Dude had a girlfriend AND slept with you? Dude is a winner...***sarcasm***...Right there that showed you that he cannot be faithful...Yet you ignored yet another sign...

In summary, in the beginning of your relationship, you decided to be with him regardless of him telling you he didn't want to be with you because he wanted to be with someone else...That was mistake number one...You were opening up yourself to be hurt and strung along...Which, is what ended up happening...You slept with a guy that you knew had a girlfriend/was messing around with someone else...And not only that, you continued contact with this guy even after knowing that he was with someone else..That shows him that you are willing to be with him no matter what he does...I'll leave the whole cheating thing alone...I could go on and on but sometimes me being bluntly honest, especially on here, is a no no
Let's take a good look at this guy...You are getting caught up in all the good times and the fact that you want so badly to be with him...He has already shown you that he is not the commitment type...Repeatedly sending inappropriate texts to other females is unacceptable...The way he is treating you, in my opinion, is unacceptable...I don't care if this man today says he wants to marry you...Unless he does a complete 180, I'm not buying it...This isn't hard to figure out but your emotions, the way you feel about him, is clouding your judgement...From someone on the outside looking in, there are so many red flags....Why would you want to be with someone that treats you this way? He keeps showing you that he cannot be committed...Why are you trying to hold on? You only know what you find in his phone...You have no idea what else he has been doing....You're putting yourself through too much...All this sneaking in his phone and checking up on him is going to drive you insane...Every time he leaves the house you will be wondering what he is doing and who with...Every time his phone rings or he gets a text you will be wondering what is going on...Don't put yourself through that..Once the trust is gone, there is nothing left...Do not get involved with someone who is already involved...You are asking for nothing but drama...And it's disrespectful to the other woman...

Leave him alone...Like I said, you should have listened to him in the beginning...Now you are deeper in the relationship which makes it harder to get out because your emotions are involved...It's too late for woulda shoulda couldas...If you stay with him, I can guarantee you what is going on won't stop...Look out for yourself and your best interest...You don't have family or friends that may be able to help, but I'm telling you that same thing I would tell a friend or relative...You're wasting time on this man...Move, get yourself together, cut off contact with him, and move on...

[Perna]

Originally Posted by jessicafaye

But then after when he was in the bathroom, I looked in his phone. I saw he had been texting this girl - who likes him - and he had called her honey and the way they were texting was flirtatious. After he got out, I asked him if I could see his phone. He said "Well I'll tell you I was texting this girl but she's a friend and nothing was said." But he wouldn't let me see it so I knew he was going to try and hide it. I asked to see he and he said no I didn't need to, that was crossing a line. Well I kept asking and finally he read the texts to me, but he only read a part of them. I asked him why was he lying to me and he was like "How am I lying?" And I told him I saw what was said. He flipped out. He told me it was over and that he couldn't do this anymore.

Hi, jessicafaye, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

It doesn't look to me like either of you are ready for a mature relationship. You can't play games with him, invading his space, looking at his phone and then make the resulting mess all his fault? If he has lied to you before, multiple times, he isn't planning on changing, there's nothing to "work out". But that you stay with such a person is your choice, playing with your own head over time.

If you have reason to be suspicious of someone and it turns out to be true, that person is not someone you want to be in your life. If you stay, and practice being always suspicious; when it finally breaks up, you will have a heck of a time ever trusting anyone again because you are so practiced at being suspicious!

One has to "know" one's partner and one's self, one's self first. It would not occur to me to read my husband's email (I have better things to do) and it would not occur to my husband to mind if I asked to. His ex-wife and I are friends; I have her out every Mother's Day along with their sons and families! Thanksgiving we went to his younger's son's house and she and her boyfriend were there too along with the other sons and grandchildren, etc. We all work together to make the family a good one.

I would decide what goals you would like for your own life and then go wherever you could best work on those goals and do so, by yourself for awhile as you do not seem to know yourself well enough to pick partners who will be good for you?

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Perna

Hi, jessicafaye, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

It doesn't look to me like either of you are ready for a mature relationship. You can't play games with him, invading his space, looking at his phone and then make the resulting mess all his fault? If he has lied to you before, multiple times, he isn't planning on changing, there's nothing to "work out". But that you stay with such a person is your choice, playing with your own head over time.

If you have reason to be suspicious of someone and it turns out to be true, that person is not someone you want to be in your life. If you stay, and practice being always suspicious; when it finally breaks up, you will have a heck of a time ever trusting anyone again because you are so practiced at being suspicious!

One has to "know" one's partner and one's self, one's self first. It would not occur to me to read my husband's email (I have better things to do) and it would not occur to my husband to mind if I asked to. His ex-wife and I are friends; I have her out every Mother's Day along with their sons and families! Thanksgiving we went to his younger's son's house and she and her boyfriend were there too along with the other sons and grandchildren, etc. We all work together to make the family a good one.

I would decide what goals you would like for your own life and then go wherever you could best work on those goals and do so, by yourself for awhile as you do not seem to know yourself well enough to pick partners who will be good for you?

Edit: Nevermind to my original response...
Poster, I don't think you did anything wrong...If he wants to be mad, he can be mad...If he wouldn't have cheated or texted girls in the first place, he wouldn't be in this mess...FYI, there are ALOT of people who look through their SO's phone...Doesn't make it right, it is what it is....I don't snoop through my SO's phone because I trust him...But I have looked through a SO's phone in the past...If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about...

[jessicafaye]

When I said he slept with me, we slept in the same bed. we've never had sex until this year. He's never physically cheated on me or anyone he's been with. When he was talking to that other girl we didn't even so much as hug.

Thank you everyone for reading this and giving me some honest advice. I'm 22 and this is so overwhelming for me. I know I should probably pack up and move on but I'm such a hopeless romantic and I'm so afraid that if I did I will regret it because I'll keep thinking "what if things would've gotten better."

I know that everyone makes mistakes and no one's perfect and so I'm trying not to hold the past over his head. He does so good most of the time and then all of the sudden out of the blue those things happened.

[jessicafaye]

We never had sex until this year. I know for a fact he's never physically cheated on me or the girl he was talking to before me.

I know people make mistakes and I'm just trying not to hold the past over his head. He does so good most of the time, then out of the blue these incidents happen. It seems like back-to-back when typed up but it really is months and months in between.

I know I should probably just pack it up and move on but I feel like I'll always wonder "what if things did get better"

I'm 22, stupid, and in love. ha

Thank you everyone for giving me advice. You have no idea how much it means to me.

[lido78]

Jessicafaye...please don't think of yourself as stupid...love, forgiveness and all the rest are different for everyone...but take care of yourself first...if this man makes you feel bad more than he makes you feel good, then it's probably not worth it.

[Roodle1]

Jessicafaye YOU DESERVE BETTER. He saved you from a bad situation in Ohio that made you feel loved but now you're in a bad situation in Georgia that's making you feel unwanted and unloved. He may not be physically abusing you are definitely feeling the punches mentally and emotionally. He was honest with you when he told you he didn't want to do this anymore. You should believe him. I think your desire to stay isn't because you're a hopless romantic (you would have stayed with the guy in ohio if that were true). What's keeping you there now is fear. You said that if your relationship ends you'll have no place to go and you have no friends there. You fear what your life will be without him. YOU ARE STRONGER than you think and you know it. Take charge of the situation and get out of there. Your are 22 years old you have your whole LIFE ahead of you. It's time to take it back.

[kroniqu3]

I know you want it to work out, but i think you're going to be let down over and over again. There are a lot of great men out there, KIND, AWESOME men. You should give them a chance.