help dont know what to do

Hi,
I'm in a relationship and scared to leave.
I've known my girlfriend since we were both 15. We are now 42. We have a son together that is 15 months old. She has two children of her own from a previous marriage. Samantha(17) Ryan(12).
Our son is Ray Ray. The problem stems from her daughter who can do no wrong. Besides the stealing from our bank accounts and the constant lying, there is the abuse and bullying she engages in. Heres some examples.
Sam was on her way in the shower, Ryan changes the channel on the TV. She hears it, runs out and litterly beats the heck out of him. Pins him on his stomach, and left 34 rip marks on his back and 4 bite marks which broke the skin and bled. The mother called it sibbling rivalry. I actually took pictures of the marks and put them on a flash drive but the mother took it and hid it from mesaying no one needs o know anything. Sam didn't even get repremanded for what she did. She has no remorse for what she does. When we brought Ray Ray home for the first time, she actually snuck in our room that day and tried to stick her breast at him and her excuse was, he started crying. She's grabbed him like a rag doll by his tiny wrist and when he screamed she would drop him.
This girl has become a terror in the home and I fear for my sons safety.
the mother says its fine, its just a phase.
One day 3 mothers of 11 and 12 year old boys came banging down our door. Apparently sam was letting them molest her so she could use their phones. Sam denied it and her mother believed her. I tried to explain that I don't think 3 different mothers would make something like that up. She freaked on me and said if I continued she would take my son away. Sam doesn't lie she said..
One day I got a phone call from a concerned parent. "Samantha has posted a picture of her breasts and crotch on facebook. I showed her mother, and sam denied it, said someone else did via photoshop. Her mother believed her even though they were posted from her account.
so I installed Norton parent on her laptop. Her favorite sites were:
How to lie and not get caught
How to get rid of your mother boyfriend
What people look for when you lying
I printed out the pages and showed her mother. Big mistake. Sam denied it and I got cursed for showing her the proof of sams lies.
Sam now runs the house. Bullies her brother and mother. Tries to bully me and when I tell her to knock it off, I get attacked by the mother. She even picks on Ray Ray. When he trust to get somewhere, she blocks him til he crys. God forbid I say something cause then the daughter tells mommy and I get screamed at by her. Ryan is so afraid, if a cabinet door slams shut he jumps.
I think her mother gets so upset that her daughteris like this that she barely eats now and says things like sam never does anything wrong, you and Ryan just don't like her.
My girlfriend told me yesterday that I have to like her daughter, my feelings don't matter and if I say anther word, she will take Ray Ray away from me and I will never see him again...
There is sooo much more. The verbal and mental abuse alone has made me scared to leave. I live in fear for myself and my son. We are the last two from our family (my side).
no where to go for help and no where to go to seek safety from them.
I'm afraid that the longer we're there, he might think that its okay to act that way and do those things

((raymond))

It sounds as though you already know that you want to get the heck out of the house, with your son, Ray Ray. Are you looking for ideas on how to leave or simple support?

Has your gf's daughter been this scary throughout your relationship, or is this behavior pretty new? Have you talked with your gf before Ray Ray was born? Have you tried going into counseling, individually or family-style?

The situation doesn't sound healthy, no. But that doesn't mean that things can't be made more healthy.

I'd certainly recommend that you try counseling first. Individual and family style could help. Ryan is young and very impressionable too. Sure would help him to show that you care about him and his safety too. Samantha is 17. Her brain is still growing, changing. Hopefully, you can work towards finding the reasoning of her bad behavior and work together to turn things around. That takes some time, yes, and it takes commitment. But it's a lot more healthy for everyone to work at fixing things together, rather than giving up.

Think about the situation in that new light. IMO, people no longer work as hard as it takes to build strong and responsible communities. Very best wishes to you and your family!

I am concerned about Ray Ray as well, he is showing heightened startle response already, that is not good. I developed that at a very young age as well from two older siblings and I am now 50ish and I still have that issue. It really is not good for that young childs brain, you should be concerned.

Your girlfriend is clearly in denial, and is obviously controled by her daughter. What your describing is a disfuntional atmosphere for that young child of yours. Can you secretly meet with an attorney and find out what you may need to do to gain custody of your young child and get him out of that environment? Have you talked to a family councelor? You cannot let this continue in my opinion.

Open Eyes

geez..she sounds like a terror...

1st off..close access to the bank account. limit it to only you & your girlfriend. period. if need be take away the atm card from your girl friend or change the codes..let the bank know that sam is not to have withdrawal access. period

is she in school? get with a social worker there or guidance counselor.

if your girlfriend refuses to acknowledge her behavior then you can call the authorities & report her action s (sam) as child abuse or as a child at risk..which she is..or call local PD...if this many other parents have complained to you already...there is plenty of info there to justify a report. this will get her into the system & get help staerted.

you have to keep any minors safe. that is your responsibility as an adult..you know there is a danger...& just writing about it here doesn't help to rectify it...there needs to be some action...if your girlfriend doesn't see it that way that is unfortunate...personally i would take your son & leave & not return until sam has been either placed into a residential program or the issue addressed. she will hurt your son. i think the issue is not "if" but rather when.

will sam be angry? yea. will the girlfriend be angry? yea. will she maybe end the relationship? maybe..but you might have saved your son from harm as well as any other minor children sam will have come into contact with in the future...as well as maybe saving sam from herself.

file a restaining (PFA or what ever it's called in your area) order against Sam.. Your son is in danger.. you can't really help her brother, Ryan, but Child Protective Services can.. Do it NOW!

As far as Ryan..... I love his as if he was my own.. but he is deathly afraid of his sister and afraid to stand up and talk to his mother. She doesn't want to hear about sam being anything other than an angle. To try to open his mother's eyes, he told her about catching sam naked in bed with some guy who snuck in. She basically called her son a liar even though his friend told her also that if they said anything to mom, they would get their butts kicked. Its such a mess.
In having private talks with Ryan, he believes sam did the same things with his father who ended the marriage as a result.
The control pen(girlfriend) has now is rediculous. I realize now during the past year she has slowly taken everything. She said things like "its easier if I just pay the bills and such" I can't even check to see how much the cell phone bill is cause I don't know the log in stuff. Last week I asked her why is there only 25 bucks in the bank account. Her reply was, I changed the account so its easier to pay bills. I have no control of anything anymore, I'm not even allowed to tell her daughter to clean up her razors she leaves on the sink (Ray Ray got a hold of them 4 times and put them in his mouth) or anything at all for fear of losing my son. I'm a prisoner here. If I leave new jersey with him its kid napping. They have semi taken away my manhood in weird kind of way and I'm lost. I just can't leave my son here because I feel it would be the last time I would ever see him. An anonymous call was made to dyphis ( CPS) but to no avail. They're just to busy I guess. I'm also worried if I make a move (lawyer) and she catches wind, I lose my son

I'm scared humiliated and depressed

((((raymondrusso))))

I am sorry to say that you talking like a victim here, victim mentality is when you truely feel your in a situation where there is no way to ask for help, otherwise you will create more trouble. I know that feeling well, all victims know that, but you have to work your way out of that and make sure you find ways out of this environment for you and your son. What your describing here is truely disfunctional, the girlfriend didn't protect her daughter that was sexually abused and is now an angry controlling presence, and I am sure she is going to abuse that baby out of jealousy, you better stop asking if and instead it is a matter of when and how much so far. You have to face that, someone has to protect that child. And ofcourse the bother of the teenage monster is truely suffering too, he CAN get better if someone steps in an helps HIM as well. Otherwise I don't think he will ever know how to have a good relationship with any woman down the road or have a functional family of his own one day.

You need to find a social worker or someone who can give you the right direction on getting the evidence you need to get that situation under control.

Open Eyes

if you have gotten no response from protective services..GO TO THE POLICE.

forget about your sense of manhood...is that less important than the safety of these children? your son? they are living with someone who you describe as dangerous? THEY ARE AT RISK. TO THROW UP YOUR HANDS & SAY "OH WELL I AM WHIPPED" IS HELPING WITH THE ABUSE.

go to the bank tell them a minor is controlling the account & close it. period. you are an adult.

i figure you can go to the authorities & risk losing your child because she flees & they hunt her down or you can do nothing & leave your child in a hellish situation while you watch.

DO SOMETHING. NOW.

you need to take ray ray and leave, get an ex parte againest them because the daughter has hurt your baby and is dangerous, you could wake up to her standing over you with a knife getting ready to kill you.

Sam wasn't abused from what I've seen in any court papers or anything anyone has said. But she was allowed to control and raised Ryan pretty much. Feeding, changing diapers tell what to do.like she grew up being his mother because her mother was too busy.
Yesterday for example, she wanted to this bar to see someone play. Pen said no, she left, said she went friends and turns out, she went anyway. Nothing has been said to her. I'm told I have no right to say anything cause I'm not her father.
I feel like any manhood I had left is gone. I feel sooo hopeless. I've lost everything or will loose everything. No offense to women, but people tend more to believe and feel sorry for them than men. Not that I want anyone to feel sorry for me

no one on this site has said anything to belittle you...everyone here has defended you...& believed YOU.

the thing is YOU have to take action to protect your child..manhood be damned. does it suck? yes but you are letting an abusive, out of o=control child run & ruin your life & put the life of your minor child at risk. YOU need to act or YOU are just as much at fault as she is.

please. everyone who has posted here has told you the same thing. no one is siding with sam.

do it for your child, do it for what ever reason it takes...but make the call, suck it up & call the PD...an anonymous call to DFCPS (child welfare) ain't going to cut it...

There are two main reasons counseling isn't an option (as much as I would like it to be)
1. My girlfriend says its not needed. "Everything's Fine" her favorite saying
2. The two had supervised counseling with their father. I watched sam and pen scare Ryan with " if you don't listen, he'll take you away. I listened as they rehursed lies and as they told Ryan not to even talk just walk out. He misses his real father but the other two hate him. Ryan's pretty smart and his memory is pretty good.
it was almost funny listening to sam say" he slammed me into the jeep by my head in may" and her mother saying "okay good" then Ryan saying " we got rid of the jeep long before that and in may we were on vacation"
Sams reply"whatever"(smack)
The reason the father wanted counseling is because of sam and her mother. He thought it might help Ryan.unfortunately sam can cry on demand and it actually hurt his visitation

Im sorry.... I know I have to do something I just can't do it with out some kind of plan.
I know if I make all these calls, it will be h*ll on earth for my son and I. I know I have to be very careful and precise. I at the very least must have something in place before I begin.
That's the problem, I am afraid to jump the gun. My son and I are the last in our family.

BAD NEWS,.......
my girlfriend found this site in the history. Since I wasn't careful enough and didn't clear anything, she got right to the posts and replys somehow.
She freaked..... horribly on me. She told her 12 year old son I wanted to harm her, which I never said, and got him to call the police.
Apparently, she can tell any lie she wants and the police have to believe her without evidence.
Now I have a temp restraining order on me and she's keeping my son from me
I feel lost and broken

Oh, I am so sorry, no, ofcourse you never said you ever wanted to harm her at all here. And you know what?, if she really did read all the replys here she would see that you have genuine concerns and those concerns have been validated.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise to be honest. Let her call the police because she is NOT protecting her younger children from this abusive daughter. It is time for her to recognize what is really going on and that her younger children are truely being at risk. Let her report this, bring light to reality of the situation IMO.

Open Eyes

print screen the posts and show the cops?