[maybeI will]

I am lonely, depressed, maybe even suicidal.
I am 48. Divorced twice. My last relationship ended 7 weeks ago. I have no real friends and feel alone and hopeless.
I am an affectionate, caring person who makes a great partner.
My 2 exwives became controling and manipulative. used and abused my caring nature.
I thought I was doing ok then saw pictures of my exgirlfriend on FB yesterday and fell apart. Crying, miserable and just wanting it to be over.
All I want is to love someone and to be loved.
But here I am alone again, having to start over again. And I don't know if I can do it.

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- SURE you can do it! There is someone out there JUST for you!

Perhaps you tend to gravitate towards the same TYPE of women -- overbearing, abusive, greedy, etc. Sometimes we're attracted to certain types of people (who aren't good for us) and we don't realize it! Before we figure it out, it's too late. Why not write down some of the pros & cons of each of your ex's and see what the similarities are? Maybe it will help you in your next choice of a mate.

Believe me, all is not lost. There are plenty of women out there who are dying to hook up with a caring, loving guy like you. So keep the faith. I think THIS time you're going to find a GREAT gal! You'll know what NOT to look for this time. LOL God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I'm so sorry. It's hard losing someone you care about. Breakups can be so difficult. You say these women abused you in some way, you are better off without them. Perhaps your relationships are not working because you are choosing the wrong women. I've had one after the other horrible relationships. Every guy I dated was physically sexually or mentally abusive. I decided after I left my ex husband I would be single for the rest of my life if I did not meet a man that I knew would be just as good to me as I was to him. I had to work on learning to find things about myself that were positive qualities for a relationship and I had to learn to love myself in general but shortly after I met a wonderful man. He's so much different than any of the ones before him and now unfortunately I am the one screwing up and he is the one being the perfect significant other. But being the wonderful boyfriend he is, he knows why I'm so screwed up so he's really understanding.

Basically, you will find someone that is good enough for you when you learn how valuable in a relationship you are and you wont accept anything less than you deserve. Failed relationships don't work most of the time because one of the people are not giving it all in the relationship, if you are the one always giving, you have to find someone who will give back to you, give you everything you deserve in a relationship.

There is someone out there for everyone, out of the billions of people on this world, why settle for anything less than what you deserve?

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by maybeI will

I am lonely, depressed, maybe even suicidal.
I am 48. Divorced twice. My last relationship ended 7 weeks ago. I have no real friends and feel alone and hopeless.
I am an affectionate, caring person who makes a great partner.
My 2 exwives became controling and manipulative. used and abused my caring nature.
I thought I was doing ok then saw pictures of my exgirlfriend on FB yesterday and fell apart. Crying, miserable and just wanting it to be over.
All I want is to love someone and to be loved.
But here I am alone again, having to start over again. And I don't know if I can do it.

I mean this with the utmost of respect, but you need something more in your life than just a romantic relationship to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. I'm convinced that people who put all their emotional 'eggs' into a romantic relationship 'basket' are doomed to disappointment. Everyone, male or female, needs activities and hobbies and accomplishments, and interests outside the romantic partner. There is something wrong if ALL you want is to love someone and to be loved. I'm no doctor or therapist but I call it love sickness, where the person, being so busy swirling in a lovesick stew, doesn't have to focus on any other area of his or her life, because she or he is soooo busy hung up on romantic love. I don't doubt my ex told people I was controlling; I would have said I was trying to make sure we paid the bills so the gas and water and electricity weren't turned off. Even if your ex wives truly underwent dramatic personality shifts and turned into evil queens, then that is even more a good reason to take time, step back from romance, and get the rest of your life in order, because you'd want to ask yourself why you were either fooled by these shady women into marrying them, or why you chose people so unstable they underwent these horrifying personality shifts. No one can use and abuse your caring nature unless you allow them. I hope this gives you some food for thought and helps give you the courage to go into your next relationship as a full half of the relationship, instead of the pawn of some manipulative female. Facebook might not be a good place for you right now. Courage!

[needfixing]

why can't you be alone? just enjoying yourself with family and friends.
take a vacation, take up hiking or biking or maybe swimming.
how about you learn how to cook? take a cooking lesson.
i feel like you have abandonment issues if so you need to work on this with a t.
take of yourself, know that your worthy of having a happy, peaceful, and enjoyable life. (((hugs)))

[OurLadysTears]

Loneliness is a terrible thing to go through. It is even harder having to go through a complete life transition, because eventually the person you love becomes a great part of your life and losing that calls for a lot of changes. I agree with the above poster that you have to have more out of life than revolving your life around love, but at the same time, losing a loved one can completely throw your life out of balance and leave you only thinking about fulfilling that need. This is a hard time and a hard transition for you and I honestly don't have any good advice, because I'm in a similar boat, but you're not alone and I hope that you can find the comfort and support here to get you through. *hugs*

[maybeI will]

That is very right PurpleFlyingMonkeys, In all three major relationships in my life I was always the one giving the most emotionally. My first wife was caught up in here career, my second wife was caught up making sure everyone else thought she was wonderful, and the last lady was just a taker who wanted everything her own way. All three were very controling people.
I have gravitated towards strong willed women admiring their strength. Only to find myself getting lost in the relationship. I know that is also my fault because I let it happen, was not strong enough. Took the easy way and let them make all the decisions.
So i have to change myself, learn to like my own company and find someone who is no so domineering.

[maybeI will]

Yes you are right IceCreamKid. I did allow them to make all the decisions because it was an easy way out for me. So then they became controling over time as a response to thet.
And yes I don't feel whole without a relationship and that is not healthy.
So I am now working on creating a social circle of my own and developing my own interests.
I just wish I had not realised all this so late in life. But this is where I am and I don't want history to repeat itself. It is hard right now as I am still feeling heart broken and alone. But I know what I have to do...

[StrongerMan]

Hi maybeI will,

Narcissists and other controlling types can be so harmful to caring, sensitive people. I don't think we gravitate to them because we like mean women. We are attracted to and admire their confident, take charge, just do it! attitude. They can seem so fun and entertaining... multi-talented even with their many interests that seem to match our own. They can play the role of a caring, loving, giving, open person at first to hook you. Then their manipulative, controlling, selfish and immature behavior comes out when they don't get what they want. Not getting what they want is like losing control to them.

Then, when you protest, they play the victim, rage, project, gaslight and guilt you into thinking you are the problem or you are crazy. They can shut you off from your loved ones and force you to quit your interests in order to satisfy their needs... if you let them. They are master manipulators who need to be so in order to alleviate their deeply ingrained fears and insecurities. It is how they cope. Cope in a world that is very scary to them to imagine they are just ordinary, average people who don't need to be special to be loved. We feel their pain and don't want to quit on them and abandon them. They just use this to manipulate us further and take all they can from us. We all like to be with someone we can let take the reigns some or maybe a lot of the time. But we don't deserve to be abused and devalued for having our own needs and desires.

So do not be ashamed of having fallen for these types. Many have gone before you into that darkness and have emerged even better for it. You can learn who you really need as a partner and see the red flags that portend a toxic situation. You now need to use your knowledge and insight as a positive. These women were attracted to you because you are a kind, thoughtful, honest, smart, caring... exceptional person. And they were right. But they were disordered. And you survived them. That deserves more than just a lousy T-shirt, IMO. You deserve to find a truly great, loving woman to treat you well. Believe me, there are many more of those out there than there seem to be at this moment. It is worth the effort.

Best of luck,
StrongerMan

[needfixing]

you spent all this time pleasing others and taking care of others, why not take this time and spend it on yourself.
repairing, reflecting, building your self confidence back.
i am married, my hubby completes me. where i am weak he is strong, where he is weak i am strong.
thats how a relationship is suppose to be. do we have our struggles, YOU BET! but the struggles don't seperate us, it brings us closer together.

[lido78]

I wouldn't say that 48 is late in life. My father is 82 years old and made a very dramatic shift in his life when he hit 55...for the next ten years, he worked on himself and developed a very healthy relationship with a woman that he's been with for about 20 years now. It sucks to have to start over...and it's hard when many people your age are paired up already. But, I'll have to say that one good thing about the divorce rate being so high is that there are plenty of women (at almost every age) out there looking for a relationship...women that would love a sweet and supportive man...I say disable your Facebook profile for a bit and sign up for the gym and some kind of class or activity (e.g., vegetarian cooking, art history, comparitive religion, world economics, etc.) that you're truly interested in. You might also try to volunteer....you have so much to give, why not give it to those you may really need you....(animal shelter, teaching English as a second language, etc.).