He stopped touching me - help please

My boyfriend and I were high school sweet hearts, after 30 years we got back together. He had been married 17 years and me, 25 years. We are both in our 40's. We were both in the process of divorce when we hooked up again. This was over a year and a half ago. It was wonderful. We talked, laughed, etc. I came from a marriage where there was no intimacy. His ex wanted sex and he would do it and get off just to get it done and over. After 3 weeks of dating, he told me he loved me and always did. Shortly after that, we began making love with each other. It was passionate, warm. We would lay in bed for hours afterward, just holding each old, kissing, touching. Then we'd get up and take a shower. When we went to sleep, he would touch me, my breasts, my face, put his arms around me, snuggle up close to me. It didn't always lead to sex, in fact, most times in the middle of the night, it didn't. But he touched me. A few times, he wanted to make love and I told him I couldn't, I was monthly. He said that doesn't bother him if it doesn't bother me. After 6 months, we moved in together in a new home. We pretty much remained the same, we made love 3-4 times a week, he touched me, held me, kissed me, told me he loves me. About 4 months later, I started to notice changes in him. He stopped touching me, he didn't want me to touch him at night, if I put my hand on his arm, he'd move away, if I tried to snuggle, he'd roll over. When I asked him about it, he said it was because my body was too warm, yet his dog, who is extrememly warm, sleeps snuggled up to his body. He stopped touching me. We went from making love 3-4 times a week to maybe once a week. I know relationships slow down, but this was very quick to slow down. And then it was only if he was looking at porn on the computer, then he wanted me. One day I tried to be romantic with him and he just ignored me. When I asked him why, he said, "aren't you monthly?" I said yes it's the end of it. He said "well let me know when you're done." I said it never bothered you before, he said well I'd prefer not to. It was like he just said to me I only did it before to get laid. A few weeks went by and we still hadn't done anything and I asked him why he could beat off to porn but not make love with me. He said I take a lot of work to make love to. he said sometimes it's just easier to and less work to beat off. A few more weeks went by and I asked why we still hadn't made love, was it me or what. He said, knowing that my ex and I didn't make love, "well look at how much you got it before." Like I should be grateful he makes love to me. Love making dwindled down to 1 or 2 times a month, if that. I have tried everything. I work from home, 7 days a week, however my schedule is very flexible and I try not to work when he is home or awake on the weekends. Every weekend, I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. Every weekday, I set up his coffee pot (which I don't drink coffee), I make his lunch and dinner. I clean the house, do the laundry, lay out his work clothes, lay out his bedtime clothes in the bathroom, lay out his towl and washcloth, put his slippers in the bathroom, set up his sinus wash, make the bed, pick up his night cloths in the morning, pick up his slippers, when he comes home I fix his plate for him, pick up after him, wash the dishes. I am not over weight, I shower daily, hair and makeup always done, I dress decent. I lay out his phones, pens, etc. for work the next day, set the alarm clock for him. Plus working 7 days. The less affection he gives me, the more I try to do. He has numerous reptiles, I feed and water them daily, change their water, clean their cages, etc. The only time he tells me he loves me is when I tell him. He doesn't touch me and on the rare occassion we make love, it is so fast and what is ringing in my head is what he said about his ex, he did it fast to get it over with. When I ask him, he says, well you know I love you. He is good to me in many aspects, but I tried to tell him I am a woman and I need to feel his touch, not necessarily making love, but just touch me. It is all good for about 2 days, then back to nothing. If I didn't touch him, I don't think he'd ever touch me. When we do make love, he jumps off me when he's done, literally within 2 minutes he is jumping out of bed to hop in the shower. Which makes me feel awful. I asked him if it was me, do I smell, do I not do it right, what is it. He said, no it's just sticky. I said, it never bothered you before. Before we make love, it has to be on a towel or my side of the bed because it gets wet. I have tried everything, from sexy notes, sexy lingere, stilletto heels, sexy texts, talking sexy. Before Christmas, we were driving his nephew home and after we dropped him off, I was rubbing his crotch and was going to go down and get the mood started. He stopped me saying "i'm driving" I said, well I did this before. He said, "we'll be home in a few minutes". Well those few minutes laster over an hour because he wanted to go look at the decorations on an old neighbor's house. When we got home, he went right to work on the house. I've gotten to the point where I am so confused. When he does want to make love, I can't relax anymore, I feel like I'm getting a morsel off the gravy train and should be thankful. I feel like I'm too much effort to make love to. I feel like everything I do for him, he could just touch me but I'm not worthy of that touch. I know he isn't seeing anyone else for a fact. He says he doesn't want me to leave. His excuse is he gets sidetracked building cages for his reptiles and whatever. I feel so lonely and yet I want to make love with him but it's like waving a piece of candy in front of a kid, you can have one bite, but you'll have to wait a month to get another bite. I don't know what to do, I could see if I didn't keep the house clean, or cook or look nice everyday or was lazy, didn't work, but that's not me. I tried to tell him how I feel when he jumps on, jumps off and runs in the shower, to no avail. Does anyone have any advice? Am I wrong in my feelings? I know him and I will never be married, he has told me several times he will never get married again, but if he ever did, I would have been the one he'd marry. I'm kinda the milk, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.

Wow, this is so sad!

The sudden stopping of sexual intimacy is strange, but it wouldn't be something you couldn't recover from - if he had a desire to change, and love and commitment were present in the relationship.

What's sriking about this situation is the hostility:

"He said I take a lot of work to make love to."

That made me gasp aloud just to read it.

Has he always shown this kind of cruelty? Or is this new? This is brutal treatment, and from what you describe, you've done absolutely nothing to inspire this strange behavior. He's covering all bases here - first the passive-aggressive withdrawal from intimacy, and then the hostile lashing-out at you when you try to communicate. This leaves you in a bind - you're wrong no matter what you do.

No, you're not wrong in your feelings. Feelings are never wrong. What's wrong is that your boyfriend has suddenly turned into a different person, and he's not giving you any indication that he thinks anything is wrong, or that he should attend to your concerns regarding the change. Any time you try to talk to him about it, he attacks you.

Why on earth would he think that anyone would put up with his $hit? That's what amazes me. If he has no interest in listening to your concerns or even admitting that there's an issue between you, then this is a very bad situation with (in my opinion) little to no prospect of getting better. You're working like a dog for him every day, tearing your heart out, and getting simply nothing in return. I'd say there's no reason to say with this asshat. Since you're not married, just get out. Get out from under this, you don't deserve this hell.

(((((((sangleyes19))))))) And hugs!

Long story short...It sounds like you both were the rebound...You both moved too fast...The honeymoon stage is now over...Yes you were high school/childhood sweethearts but people change over the years...You can't make him want you...No man should act like that when it comes to sex...I don't care what he says....No man is going to turn down h****...No man is going to turn down sex unless something is up...I feel like he is having second thoughts or just not into the relationship anymore...I could be wrong...

you're doing everything right and for him and yet he doesn't appreciate you. I hate to put it in this term: he's just not that into you. sorry this happened to you! I think you'd be best to move on. you'll meet someone who will appreciate everything about you and you deserve that someone (not him)!

Maybe you spoil him by doing too much for him. I wonder if you backed off and did your own thing for a bit, if he'd suddenly feel in the mood. Maybe, he feels like your mothering him a little with all the things you do for him everyday. I'm not a dude, but I'm channeling one now and maybe he takes it as if you're telling him that you don't think he can do all that stuff for himself........like he's incapable, hence, not a man. Maybe, you are too available for him, and he'd like a little challenge. Did you do all that stuff for him in the beginning of the relationship? Come on, men, help me out........we don't understand you guys, and we need a clue.

i think at first for him it was lust not love making, and now he's bored.
the porn thing is very disrespectful and hurting.
this is what he must of done to his spouse and now he's doing it to you.
i can't tell you to end this relationship that's totally up to you, but the writing is on the wall.

I really think you're mothering him way too much...you seriously need to back off of some of the things that you do for him. Being nice and sweet and complimenting him from time to time is great. Making meals and cleaning the house is okay as long as he shares in some of the household work...but laying out his clothes, cleaning his reptile cages, fixing his sinus wash and laying out his pens for the next day? Seriously, this is the type of thing a mother does for a very young child...I wouldn't even do this for a teenager, much less a grown man. He probably feels as if you have no life other than to please him...and, I can't imagine that this is sexy to him. From what I know, sweet confidence does the trick. No need to turn into a ball buster or anything....but you gotta have your own life or he'll feel pressure and annoyance. If you have time on your hands, try using your skills for someone who really needs your help (volunteer at a hospital, get certified at a rape crisis center, walk dogs at the local shelter, etc.). Maybe if he missed having you around a little bit, he'd be more attentive.

Truth be told it is easier just to take care of yourself than to pleasure someone else. Making love takes time and effort. It's an erotic dance that can be artfully executed or a messy waste of time. If he doesn't want to put effort into giving you pleasure than that is what it is. You can't nag him into wanting to have sex. You'll need to make a list of what is important to you and go from there.

I think the porn is more important to him than you are! I think you should move on just like his ex did. Let him live with it by himself.

I think that him wanting to use porn over being with you is incredibly selfish, and he is obviously neglecting your needs, which I think is cruel unto itself. That's not even getting into the open hostility he seems to treat you with.

I don't think doing everything for him is the turn off like Aquarius suggested (Though it's a good guess. I do have to ask, do women really feel like they don't understand us? I have never gotten that vibe, and I've always felt more of the other way around. Then again, I am a guy, so...). I personally wouldn't want my someday wife to do everything for me, but that's not because I would feel babied. I would feel bad that she's busting her tail for me, so to speak. That's not her job to do that for me, and I'd be more concerned that she's overexerting herself to impress me. But that's me. In his case...I'm not too sure he cares. Try not doing these things. I'm curious to see his response.

I am very sorry you are going through this. You shouldn't be made to feel like this. If it were me in your shoes, I would try to reconcile things, but failing that, I would move on, without feeling like I'd done a thing wrong. Because you haven't. You have tried admirably for this man, but you can only do so much.

I will pray for you. I wish you the best of luck.

It's a complete lack of interest in sex which we're told can mean an affair, a porn addiction, or depression, among other things.

Any sign of either of these?