[red_rose]

You have been with a guy 6 years,You helped raised his child,Been through hell and back, Went from one medical thing after another,Menal illness too. You do everything,You stuck it all out,You thought things would improve but they don't. Would you stay or go? If you got you have no family,friends to fall back on, The bad thing is you would be homeless.You are at a point you don't know what to do ,You tried working things out but nothing is happening to improve anything.You don't feel you belong in this any longer. You can't work due to a disablety and you are working on SSI. You feel that the world fell in on you. You are confused on what to do,the lies just keep on coming.Things are building inside and you just don't know what to do anymore ,You tried everything you know to save it. Now what? Any advice for this person?

[Rhapsody]

This sounds a little like my situation (20 yr marriage).... to the point that I (we) had to hit rock bottom before we finally decided to dig our own way out.... and in the process we found out that we loved each other, but that we each had issue that kept getting in the way - WE started to work on our self and not the other person.... when you fix you then you can see if you truly belong (or not).

I found that learning how the other side works (male vs. female thinking) helped me to better understand my MAN.... the book for him to understand me (the female) is coming out in May - he will read it then.... we have other books to.
LINK: http://4-womenonly.com/index_flash.aspx

((((((( HUGS )))))))) ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[red_rose]

There is more to the story but there wouldn't be any room.You got a guy who spends almost 24/7 on his computer and the only time he gets of the cough is to use thr rest room. That's his day. Nothing gets done around here unless you do it. There is no hope for this ,It is point less becouse it doesn't do any good ,You tried to resolve things but nothing is working out the way you hope.You are very unhappy and for 6 years it has been his world and not you in it. You talk to his doctor,T ,Md, so on ,You are starting to think just maybe they think you are going out of your mind, They don't listen to you on any issues. You feel like you made a big misteak in your life.You put up and shut up for 6 years and every time you say something things get wrose.It seems useless ,hopeless. I Look at it this way no one has answer for things and any adivce.It is a hopeless case.

[red_rose]

I might as well give up on this becouse no has an answer for it, Lost hope in it all of this.

[Rhapsody]

Dear Red Rose,

The only advice I could give on the issue to possibly save IT - is for you and him to get off the crazy cycle of destruction that is happening in the relationship.... by either working to save IT or work to rid your self of IT.

Some times all it takes is for one of the people on the relationship to start the change.... then in time if IT is meant to be - then all else will fall into place.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Another website and book to check out on the crazy cycle.... it HELPED me!
Link: http://loveandrespect.com/

[crazylady_21]

I think if you want to leave maybe it's best to leave. there is government housing in most areas. If you have no income at all I am not sure that you would qualify however if you do get SSI then you probably would and maybe it's best to stick things out until then. Are you married. If so you could always get alimony- if not maybe you have lived together long enough to be common law m,arried and in that case the same marital rights apply. I hope things get better for you.

[SeptemberMorn]

There's no quick fix for your situation. It's going to take some time and planning. If you still aren't receiving your disability, you can't afford to get a job. It will mess everything up. What I did was go to the County and applied for General Relief. You only qualify for total Welfare if you have kids. However, General Relief gets you housing, medical and food stamps.

Something else I learned was that if someone doesn't want to change, they won't. Sounds like he's found his life in the computer. If he cares anything for you, there's a small chance that he might change but there has to be a crises of some kind.

Have you ever tried to leave him before? If not, it MIGHT work if he sees you calmly making plans to move out and on with your own life.

Good luck and best wishes.

[red_rose]

The thing is I guess something has to happen to me befor he wakes up. We aren't married. The thing is he can't live by himself bescouse of is menal illness. The money thing is unreal ,He has to spend everything on things we don't need. We tried a T . but nothing worked on that eather. He is so lazy it is unreal, I can't do the things I want to do it has to be him frist and thats it. I don't feel like I did in 00 , Things aren't the it should be they are from it. He doesn't even listen to me,He doen't care on what I have to say or even think. All he sees is him and thats all. I Have tried till I am blue in face on everything, NOTHING WORK ON HIM. It goes in one ear and out the other. The stress for me increases ,He just wants to do want he wants to do, What about other things in his life? I'm at a point where I should gave up.I have tried every angle to save this,now i'm frustrated to the point of no return,Everytime I told to his doctor and everything it doesn't do me any good.I wish things were back to the way they were for me, I could do want I wanted,not confine to home all the time,I realy can't do anything except get things done that he needs and come right home.He has so many medical, menal problems, which makes it harder for me.With his health he doesn't even care what the doctors are telling him on his medical .How can a person live this way?, Would you be happy in it? I could talk about this till I'm blue,It isn't changing how I feel.I wish my mother were stiil here,Loosing her last year didn't help any.Everyone is probly getting tried of this post. This might be the last post I make I this on this subject. Thanks for all the replies on this Most of the things that been said we already tried.

[Lexicon78]

It sounds like you have no alternative but to leave. I know I would. Sure it would take some time to do, but that would be the end result.

I thought with my bf that he'd never do anything to make anything better...that is until I tried to break up with him. Since then, everything has changed. IMO, it's for the better. He has done everything I ever asked him to do in just a short period of time.

Have you discussed a possible separation with this man?

[red_rose]

How am I suppose to go anywhere with nothing no one can help not even walfar, No family no nothing! When my mom died that was the only family I had, Now I'm alone in this world.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS )))))))

Some times things have a way of working out for our good, even when we cannot see the other end of the road..... the path we must now travel.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[LMo]

Rose... you sound so stressed out

I don't rely on my family for anything. Social services are available if you know what your specific needs are. Clearly list some specifics and maybe members here can point you in the right direction.

[red_rose]

I'm broke can't afford anything else nothing works in things,No is listen to me when it comes to him I wounder why that is .Do they think I crazy and out of my mine,Everyone I know thinks of him of about me IN ALL THIS MESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I might as well give it all up,Just maybe something major has to happen to me befor everyone here sees it,I'm about ready to brake becouse of everything,I can deal with any more of anything, To much is on my shoulders as it is right now and the stress and pressure is getting to much.

[LMo]

I'm listening to you regarding "him" but as he is a member of this site (right?), I'm a little hesitant to talk about him as if he wasn't here.

Now, if you wanted to try to work it out with him, then I'd be happy to talk about it all at once. However, it feels too awkward to talk "behind his back" even though he can read what we write here.

[red_rose]

Frist all I wiuld like to thank all of you for the replies on this post, I know evryone has tried to help in this.I don't see how anything will work on him ,He is already seeing T. for schizophrenia, I don't know if anything is beeing disguessed ,He doesn't tell me anything anyway, How can anyone help when he is in the computer all the time and not whats around him,I have told everyone who is working with him everything. Just don't know what do to in this mess. I know everyone here @ pc has tried to help But ( You Can't Lead A horse To water And Make Him Drink). I think this will be the last post on this subject, I feel soooo hopeless
on this.Thanks Everyone.
LOST HOPE.

[desirae]

Dear Red......I hear ya girl....I really really do.

I just discovered this post or I would have answered sooner.

Hey, I'm the last one to give advice about men.....mine ain't so great himself.....but I can tell you that a relationship is a team. There's absolutly no reason....."this girl", should go it alone. It ain't right. If the guy is staying on the internet 24/7 he may have an internet addiction. I definilty believe in that, I know of a few who suffer from it.

If she's pulled all the weight, and have tried and fought with all her might for 6 years and has not received the help she needs, then she needs to leave......finding a place will not be that difficult.

I really hope that it works out for this girl....and maybe her man will learn to appreciate her, because she deserves to be appreciated.

Desirae

[CedarS]

((((((((red rose)))))))

I know it feels hopeless right now, you may not yet see a way out, but there eventually will be.

My own advice is for you to focus on you first. Use social services, anything possible, and move out. Build your own little space and think on what things you want to learn, what you enjoy, get a daily schedule together and set some goals. Ideally you be in therapy yourself, maybe try a support group too.

You first.

[red_rose]

Thanks everyone for your in put on this subject, There won't be anymore said on this topic from me ,I'll have to play it by ear and see what comes my way,I hope it is better then this. Thanks To All !!!!!!!!!!