[sweetandsour]

not easy situation at all i don't know why i'm doing whatever i'm doing. i definitely know i will neva be able to forgive my cheat husband inspite of the fact that he appologised and said he really don't know how he happened to have done that "a brief moment of weakness" but what he doesn't see is all the hurt he's caused me that brief moment why should it have existed if he was as he said happy with our couple.

so far i know i'm try my best since we are married to be up to the marriage even that i went throught several treatments to be able to give him a child only for him but in that moment i was under treatment he was cheating on me but he was accompanying me to all doctors..how cheap how deceiving.

i feel unwanted not good enough which made him take the step and today as i woke up all the messages i read going on between he and his "keep" came back to my mind and suddenly inspite of all my effort to wash them away i got really angry and wanted to hit my husband but i preferred to keep away and didnt even look at him before living for work. now i think i'll neva be able to live at peace neva will trust again i keep checking his mobile but for sure he will take great precautions now because i think he might do it again because it the second time already but first one the girl didnt play but second one the ***** got in the game.

i dont want to live with such a guy but i also want to be with him to poison his life a little bit as and when i can..

now he is expecting me to live back in our relationship as if everything is fine as he appologised but how could he expect me to. and he's back enjoying his life going out with frends and planning his future looking for better job going ahead with higher studies and me what about me. i dont' intend to stay where i am.

i think i'm frustrated i'll go mad

i can't forgive and forget.

[roads]

I am sorry to find any woman as miserable as you are, sweet and sour. I'm frightened for you especially at the moment by you apparent wish (if I'm understanding you) to stay in the relationship for a while simply in the hopes of tormenting him some before leaving him.

I understand the sentiment, believe me--& it's not its mean-spiritedness that concerns me: it seems a possibly dangerous plan to set out on.

I've read over your previous postings, and I believe your marriage was arranged as often is the tradition in your country. Because you found yourself having difficulty becoming pregnant with the child he wanted, you went through difficult medical procedures which were successful. Have you give birth?

While you were going through all this, your husband was having an affair with someone. You say this was the second time--2nd time with the same woman?

I've seen no mention in your posts of any sort of support that you're getting from those immediately around you. Do you have anyone, family or friends, who lend you encouragement or even simple hugs?

Your culture differs from mine, and that makes it difficult for me to know what is feasible for you. I strongly encourage you, however, not to try by any means to exact revenge while you are living with him. Within your society, he is stronger than you. The odds that he win emerge victorious in any contest you start with him are enormous. If he is an unkind man, you--and your child--could pay in ways you haven't imagined at this point.

Please keep posting. I'm so glad you found PsychCentral.

Roadie

[Leed]

Bless your heart~ I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know your culture differs from ours, and that makes it very difficult for you.

I'm not totally understanding of your culture but what I do understand is that women do not have the "power" that women have HERE in the United States. Here, we are free to do as we please. If we want to LEAVE, we are free to do so. I'm not sure if you can do the same.

It's very unfortunate that your marriage was arranged. I know that your heart was with another. But you were true to your committment, and went thru with the marriage -- you're a very BRAVE woman.

I know you want to get revenge on your husband but that could be VERY DANGEROUS for you!! I don't think I would take a chance by doing this. I would NOT want to hear of your being hurt in ANY WAY!! I hope you have some kind of support from your family or friends -- do you?? Do you have anyone that you can talk to or lean on?

I cannot advise you to leave. That would have to be your own decision. But whatever your decide, just know that my prayers are with you. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We'll be here for you. Take care of yourself and your child. ((((hugs)))) Lee

[shezbut]

sweetandsour,

I do agree that you need to either work out your feelings by talking about the issues with a professional, or you need to leave the relationship.

I can only imagine how hurt and angry I would be if I were in your shoes.

What concerns me about this post is your safety. I don't know much at all about the country that you're living in, so it makes it real tough for me to give you advice. I wish that I could help you work through your emotions somewhat, to help you into a healthy state of mind. From there, it's easier to make good decisions. I know that when I get real emotional, I'm certainly not thinking straight. I jump to conclusions too quickly and make very poor decisions.

In your country (or neighborhood), those moves could be very dangerous for you. It's very important to me that you and your baby are not hurt. I don't want any of you to suffer! Are there counseling services nearby to help you and/or your husband get through this pain?

Are there any women's groups in your area? Maybe that could help you work through your feelings freely, with those who can understand exactly what you're going through. I do encourage you to continue coming here, to Psych Central. I am always willing to lend an ear ~ and share my support.

Very best wishes to you!

[siriushousewife]

Based on other's reactions, I am assuming you cannot just leave your marriage, and that you must not anger your husband, for your own safety. However, I don't personally know your circumstances, so perhaps I am wrong. I will give you the advice that I have......focus on your own happiness. Whatever cultural limitations you may have, work within that framework to make yourself as happy as possible. Do what your obligations are to him, but do not focus on him or his infidelity. Focus on things you love, and that make you happy. Petty revenge will not make it better. Regaining your self esteem will. Perhaps it was just a one time thing? Maybe the marriage can be repaired, in time. The important thing is to strengthen your own soul and heart right now. I know it sounds hard, but just don't think about the affair. It wasn't your fault. It's his problem that he's too dumb to honor his marriage vows, and can't control his "urges". It is never about the wife, when the man cheats. It's because he has issues. Also, perhaps you can turn to your religious community for some sort of marital advice or support?

[BDPpartner]

As everyone else has said keep posting there are lots of people who are here to support you. I really hope that you can find a course of action that keeps you safe as well as being able to move forward and trust again. From reading your post it seems that you do know this isn't your fault, men tend to try and lay blame for there indiscretions with their partner; but at the end of the day they just use the hardships in the relationship as an excuse and in many cases a chat up line ''my wife doesn't understand me'' YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT AND YOUR DESERVE MORE x x

[sweetandsour]

thank you everyone for the support and good wishes.. unfortunately i don't enjoy such among my family truly speaking i haven't found anyone i can lean on to speak about all this that's why i went in search and found PC where i can talk my heart out. here i can merely say mum i don't want to be with him or mother in law your son is a crap and he hits me even if he was found guilty f cheating on me. no one would believe me. on the night i discovered all this and asked him for explanation he was denying then finally he started admitting slowly bits and pieces and when i started assembling i was discovering new things which he wouldn't give explanation about he would just say sorry and be done with it..
in fact i landed on him facebook page personal chat message between the keep and him and the time he was chatting i was at work late shift and my daughter was sitting beside him in the same room how disgusting he didnt even see our child's face which could prevented him from having such a conversation with another woman a gross conversation about their experience and all.
it pains me inside and now he says he doesnt even know what he typed so i printed the whole conversation for him to read and be fresh and give explanation but he got really angry seeing that and hit me in front of our child.
for me he didnt have time but for her he had for me we couldnt go out dinner on our wedding anniversary but he could take her to lunch
since our marriage we have always been through financial crisis and i would always help out was buying everything we need at home was living with his parents say his parents were living off my salary and in return their son ditched me. i dont want to forgive such a crap of a man now he claims he loves me telling me not to leave him.
one thing he should know is how to take care of his wife but he always overlooked that and was busy taking care of someone else. endless nights i would cry alone coz supposedely he is working late but now i wonder what kind of work that was becoz now he has the same work same post but is home very early when i work early shifts he comes pick me up to go home so what work he was doing?????
i keep tormenting my mind with all those thoughts one day i'm ok on the other i don't want him in front of me and now he sayins we should get another child and i would be better but i don't want to get in that trap as his whole family would point at me after the second pregnacy that i was blaming him for infidelity so how come i'm pregnant for him again....
if only i could i would have got away from him with my child but i don't earn that much to sustain my child's schooling and all.
but friends he has changed he helps a lot at home now and says he will take care of all our household expence haven't yet however so that i can do my things which i have concealed from doing concentrating only on my house needs and child needs. but now is see i have been doing all this for nothing as the reward i got is deceiving.
now when i see him a changed man i say it's becoz he cheated now trying to repent.not helping my mind these thoughts..
i can't rely on anyone :-(

[sweetandsour]

i don't understand what move to take now. i've tried reconciliation and i managed to act normal for one week max and then all the toment came back again. my problem i have loads that i want to tell him in his face like he's a bloody cheat that he doesnt merit my attention and care that he's not a real man as he has neva handled our house expence and baby charge and he's always been gambling around with his money i don't have any acct of what he does with his pay whereas for me he is constantly on the look out so that i won't waste too much of my earning to be able to sustain the household.
i want to tell him that he is **** for me now and that in 6yrs of marriage with him i have done all my possible to try and adjust with him even if i haven't loved him like i should but neva have gone to seek out elsewhere.
i want to remove all those unsaid about him weighing tonnes on my heart because he is close to thinking that he is the perfect man but he is far from being that..
plus we constantly have the intervention of his parents sepcially his mum in our life she tolerates all his bad habits. when i'm working late she would take charge of our daughter and he would go out with friends having a drink whereas me i don't have any distractions apart from my work and kid and home. i'm always devoated to these and i keep asking myself why he did this to me WHY ME.
to what i know i have given my maximun in this wedding even if he was not someone with whom i fell in love my marriage was arranged.
now i fear i might end up doing bad things like getting back in touch with my ex who actually still feel something for me and is still unmarried..but i don't want to go that low do same thing as he did to me. but i want to punish.
i always gather the courage to reply him whenever he would bluntly tell me that i'm the one complecating everything but i always end up speechless as if i lost my tongh. but still i have so much to tell him.
one week with my wedding ring and i am back again without it. and i can't divorce my community tooooo complicated..
please support me and show me a way someone
i'm really bad i want to be in the relationship but if he will continue ignoring and not admitting his cheat it will be difficult for me and of what i've read with the "keep" she seems to be the type of woman he likes but i'm completely the opposite and i did tell him if he wants he can move out because i know he really appreciated that B****
i constantly go on FBK to check if they still on my husband deactivated his acct but there's isnt only FBK that can help them to speak if they still in touch. recently i logged in on my daughter's acct and guess what the "keep" is still active but no trace of my husband but God knows why she blocked me from seeing her wonder why and how she came to know that i was still on her trace as from my acct i can't trace her so you guys reading you must have figured out that perhaps she in contact with my husband who informed her that i was still checking on her and she blocked me...
and recently i was making up stories that she was harrasing me via FBK sending msgs about their chat conversation my husband and her and how my husband preffered her than me and when i told these to my husband there was no reaction he even didn't beleive me which brings me to think again that they can still be in touch and she denying everything coz its truly not true as i made up the story so he's beleiving her but still he hasn't realised to what extent i'm hurt and that he should if he wants to save our marriage from breaking to shower so much love and affection upon me so that these issues seem petty to me but no he is still to his own habits and just expects me to get back to mine..
reply me please....