Furious and blaming me!

Urgh! I am so upset right now!

My boyfriend put a phone in his name for his ex when they were going out last year. Of course she didnt keep up with her word that she would pay it because the phone has been suspended with a overdue balance of 654.35....and not to mention that no payment has been made since Dec 29 2005.

She didnt have the balls to call him and tell him that the phone under HIS name has been suspended due to none payment because she couldn't afford it. Instead she lets the bill rack up and gets a phone with another phone company under her own name!!!

Now this wouldnt %#@&#! me off so much if she had the respect to call. She was suppost to make a payment last tuesday, then something came up, then she was suppost to make one last friday, and her aunt died, then she was suppost to make one yesterday, and she said she needed to wait till today, then today she said she didnt want to pay him cash she wanted to put it directly into the account....and surprise surprise!!!...SHE STILL HASNT MADE A FREAKIN PAYMENT!

Im getting sick of this, it is affecting OUR phone account through this company because we have an account their too.

And now I'm starting to get really hurt because it is now affecting our phones, and my boyfriend is still continuing to give her the benefit of the doubt. SHE HASNT MADE A PAYMENT SINCE DECEMBER, shouldnt that show you how reliable she is???

The phone company said that he can have the phone reported as stolen that she got from the phone company, that way she cant use it or sell it and someone else can use it. They even said her name didnt have to be mentioned! They would file it so it could never be used by anyone unless my boyfriend stated the phone was found. You know what he says? Well, we'll see, I'll wait a little longer for a payment.

The last thing is, we are now stuck paying 150.00 every two weeks for HER debt just so it doesnt affect our phone service.

How can he be so generous??? Unless he still has feelings for her??!? Im at my wits end. I feel so hurt and betrayed that he isnt being stricted enough and letting her loose with all this slack. Its now affecting us and our relationship because I am always so upset.

I dont know what to do, but this is deffinantly taking a toll on me and I can feel a trigger coming on. Ive been so good but I dont know how much longer I can hold back before I snap.

Any advice or comments would be GREATLY appreciated

I'd be very pissed off too and would not stay with this dude till he cuts the cord with her and I don't just mean phone cord

hugs and sorry youre so stressed

Short n swt,

By this point, I would be blowing my top at both of them. For me, excuses are a huge trigger especially after going through the trauma I went through with the RN always throwing excusses at me for doing what she did while stealing my Mothers ID ( the rest of the things she did).

I never was good at tolerating excuses....& expect others to stand up to people that pull excuses too. My husband is similar....he loves to give everybody the benifit of the doubt....thinking that the excuses are real. After what I went through last year, I just plain blow up when I get more than one excuse....even from my husband.

It sounds like you are putting together your money with your boyfriend for your own lives & she is taking away that money by making him pay that amount......If it were me (& I am very tough on this kind of situation), I would put up an ultimatum that he stops this situation right now. He has been given a way to stop the phone usage & I wouldn't wait to see if she will pay....especially now that she has a new phone in her name. I can't tollerate the wait & see anymore than I can tollerate excuses. Relationships are tough enough without an ex getting into the picture & taking away money that should be kept in the relationship you have with your BF.

The thing is that you know the workings of your relationship with your BF & know what you expect out of it. I think it is important to any relationship that both sides of a situation be brought out....& my feeling is that as long as you are part of the relationship (whether or not if you aren't bringing in any money), you are entitiled to a say in how the money is being spent.

Personally I wouldn't put up with the excuses any longer & would put down an ultimatum that either he reports the phone stolen & stops its use, stopping the need to continue paying for it.....or I would pull out of my part of the relationship....starting with my money then myself. If that has no effect on how soft he is being with the situation.....then I would feel better off being out of that kind of relationship. But what you need to realize that my opinion is based on my life experiences.....not yours.

In reality, you need to do what you feel is the right thing to do for yourself. Being tough & pulling out of a relationship isn't that easy at all...a hard decision to make.

Hope things will work out so your relationship won't be hurt, but you need to realize in the future that your BF may continue being this way in dealing with other issues....my husband is the same way......& has been the same way for 30 years. He always listens to the excuses & feels sorry for the other person. I am going through a similar situation with a contractor that billed us twice for something. My husband paid it first, then handed the paying over to me without communicating to me what he had already paid for. For 6 months, I had been letting my husband try to the contractor to refund us that money & finish up the work that has already been paid for because the contractor needed the money to help take care of him MIL. It was thanksgiving & his brother was Dx'ed with cancer, then it was christmas, then his other brother died, (then it was groundhogs day.).....then he had to have a surgery.....however by the friday after what was supposed to be his surgery, he had loaded up his truck with his lawn mower to do his yard care business & there was a new car in his garage....but he continually says if there is anything he can do for us, just ask......I lost it at that point & am putting down the ultimatum that he either sit down this week & go over the overpayment & the almost $3,000 of work that hasn't been finished, or I will go file with small claims court.....I am sick of excuses & they are a huge red flag & a major trigger.

It is hard to live with people who are so open to excuses...but tollerance is a part of any relationship. It is a personal thing as to how much we are able to put up with. I hope things will work out for you & your BF so that his ex's actions won't come between you.

Debbie

My mother got into a similar situation with a family "friend". She agreed to be the cosigner on his car loan. Then he moved off to Kansas or wherever and sent a few payments. My mom was forced to choose whether she wanted HER credit ruined or to just pay his car off. She chose to pay the car off (while documenting how much he still owes her). My brother and I want her to take some kind of legal action, but she refuses. She says she'll just be smarter next time.

However, in your situation, I would be livid. Have you told your boyfriend how upset you are that he is allowing this person to do this? Maybe if you explain, like eskie said, that she's taking money from your relationship and causing you to suffer for no reason he might understand.

Any way you slice it, you need to talk to your boyfriend and get this straightened out. She shouldn't be allowed to do this which it seems like your boyfriend is doing. Allowing her to take advantage. Believe me the bill won't go away. He should be getting some sort of payment from her. Even if it isn't equal to what you have to pay out, she should be paying you back as much as she can each week.

Good luck, I hope things work out for the best.

well thank you so much for your responses.

apparently she made a 50 payment today. and i spoke with my boyfriend. i had to cut things off, i cant do this, have someone else interfering in our relationship. in my eyes i see he is letting his ex get away with it, and coming between us. she has caused many problems between us before, including accusing me of cheating on him, which i NEVER did. im just so upset.

all he keeps saying is, 'if i cancel the phone she will get mad and not pay', 'if i report the phone lost or stolen, she will get mad and not pay', 'if you call and talk to her, she will get mad and not pay', 'if i ask her for more money, she will get mad and not pay'.

she is very immature obviously, im sure everyone can see, but honestly, how much more can i deal with watching our money and my boyfriend protect her and her mistakes?? i just cant. i cant let someone get in between me and my bf, and i wont. i had to end it.

Think you have done the right thing, for what my opinion is worth

thanks, it hurts, but im glad someone thinks i did the right thing

short n swt,

I too think you did the right thing.....if he has been letting her get into your relationship & he has so many excuses, it will continue & there is no point in putting up with it anymore....

You did good even though it hurts for awhile,
Debbie